It occurred to me as I viewed the contest photos for this year’s contest that we all tend to be drawn to… something. Whether it is what we view and decide is appealing to what we desire in our mannerisms and dressing. Some of us have had the same sports team our entire life while others swap their current favorite for another when certain situations arise. As a kid, I played little league baseball for the Pirates; the team I rooted for until the Cubs snuck in around my edges and converted me. Pro football used to be the Dolphins, and I stayed true to them throughout Dan Marino’s career… now I root for the team that isn’t the (#$%!) and generally, they need to have an Iowa Hawkeye football player on their team.
I think we do the same rituals when it comes to (Who) we dress for instead of the nagging question of (Why) we dress. I once commented in a past article that I believe we dress to become the ideal version of the woman that we desire. If I could transform myself into that version, she would be the one that I’d want to be with. She is the one that would catch my eye and raise my blood pressure. It is also who I similarly look towards when scouting out the photos of other CDs, women, and transgendered. That classy, sassy, provocative mature lady. She shows just enough but is more likely the tease than treat. When a woman walks by me in a skirt, blouse, heels, hair, and nails done nicely, her makeup and accessories perfect and not garish, the scent of her perfume lassos me in as easily as the sway of her hips, I’m not only hooked; I’m also envious…
I want her as much as I want to be her. That is the duplicity of this life. I think we all would have searched for that mock-up (had we known way back when) of that vision to call our partner. If we had found them, would we have still navigated to this point on our crossdressing path? Would we have been more satisfied and content? Or… would it have driven us even more crazy? The more I dress, the more I refine some of those expectations. I am also in a constant study of all females (some feminine men) in the manner of how they present themselves, how they wear their clothes, hide their imperfections, walk in their heels, apply their makeup, use their hands to talk, and all manners of body language. I take it all in, process it, and then try to become it. This was so true throughout most of my journey. I realize that I am more than just a CD; I am a person moving along the transgender scale but stuck between the complexities and rewards of both genders. I can only pretend to be that version of desire. I could attempt to become closer to it by undergoing all the surgeries and such, but I still will never be able to be the “Ideal†rendering of that desire.
As a younger man, I could have lived a happy life as a stripper. Those shoes… the sexuality and promiscuity, the “look all you want but don’t touch†persona they had. Then it was the Hot Mama, the yoga guru, tennis star, toned, tan, and on a pedestal too high for me to climb. I’m still (even as I near my mid-sixties) enthralled by the mature executive or society lass who is in complete control of the room when she walks in. She shows her legs and cleavage, smiling when she sees you noticing. Wears clothes to accentuate what is best and hides the rest. Spends as much time perfecting the details as she does maintaining her body. She eats right, exercises, and knows that her makeup and accessories need to match her mood and her agenda. She is clever, sophisticated, put-together, and formidable. She is in control of herself and the subjects she rules. She comes from all walks of life. She might be our neighbor, a doctor, a church secretary, or even the single mother who still dresses for the occasion (and she does it extremely well) that is to be her stage. It matters not if it’s at the grocery store, shopping, eating out, mingling with friends, or sunning poolside.
But; back to the original insights. Who do you dress for? This is the complexity that I’m endeavoring to present. I admit that it hinges on the Why as well, but from a different angle. Are we prone to dress for what we miss or desire? Is it our way to symbolize and show appreciation for a particular person? I’m not delving into the fantasy or fetish arena; just the rationale for why we pick the certain style of clothes, jewelry, hairstyle, and mannerisms. An easy answer is to say it satisfies the male wanting within us. Who doesn’t love the hot chick country, gothic, punk, anime, etc. look? Am I dressing as the mature executive because I want to be her or is it deeper than that? Some of us dress to what we miss or felt was the best part of our lives; it could be our mothers, sisters, best friends, neighbors, classmates, celebrities, etc. Something draws us to that vision. It isn’t because it necessarily looks good on us, but it does assuage us, it is part of the pink fog that helps to remove the stress of being who we wish we were instead of who we are. Maybe, it’s much deeper than that!
When I’m in full glamour and I look good, I can’t help but wonder if an alternate version of me, fully woman, isn’t who I should be, who I want to find to be with, or someone I’m trying to impress with my dressing. Why else would I wear the shapewear, spend exorbitant amounts of money on my presentation (clothing, accessories, wigs, makeup, etc.), take endless pictures, endure sore feet, fear getting caught, and all the other incidentals rather than throwing on a pair of leggings and a sweatshirt, comfy fluffy slippers, a dab of lip-gloss, and call it all good? That’s what the typical woman would do on a Friday night after an exhausting week at work. Not us, and no way. We dress to impress… whether it is for ourselves or someone else.
More than enough for us to ponder this time… Have a great dressing experience, smile at yourself in the mirror, take the pictures, and enjoy the moment!
Until next time…
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@Sabrina (Brina) MacTavish Intensely thought provoking. Coincidentally I was asked this question just a few days ago and I didn’t quite have the answer. My best effort after a little reflection, still doesn’t directly answer the question. I think I dress to be me, with the emphasis on be. When I’m dressed I have a feeling of completeness that is otherwise absent, it feels natural like no other state and when I look at my own photos I feel that way too. All of this makes my heart leap. It’s also true that I strive to make myself attractive to… Read more »
At the heart of the question. Thanks for the comments! I agree with all that you said. Is it dressing or becoming? I think it may be time to split Crossdresser into another term besides transgender. I know there are some others out there, but they don’t fit how I feel. Something that says, “I feel more me in female attire and mannerisms."
@Melanie Sue @Sabrina (Brina) MacTavish I absolutely agree with this. Even when I’m Fiona in boymode (which is still not the same as my old male self) I feel like I’m being who I am now. It’s lovely to really feel myself in my feminine clothes though. I similarly like to look attractive to me, and I guess we all hope that by extension, that works on others, don’t we?
Thanks for the comments! When I gave up the notion of being a manly man and accepted that I am some level of female, it eased my stress levels and put me on a learning path to becoming something more. 🙂
I generally dress for myself each day; however there is always in the back of my mind how would I look or impress others. I imagine how both prospective partners or other ladies would respond to how I appear. Since I rarely venture out, the other validation I seek is from the ladies here when I post photos. I really do greatly appreciate when I get positive comments from the girls here.
Jenna
Good points! Are the pictures and the comments our validation? I take pictures to see how well I’m presenting the inside to the outside. I share them to state, “Here I am!" and to get some positive feedback. Thanks for the comments 🙂
Love the Article Brina I know I am a selfish being. I dress for myself. But, as I have had some time while mending from an injury I have spent a little time reading about the Stonewall Riots. I was 6 years old and had no idea of what was happening. I will borrow the words of the senator from my home state of Wisconsin. “There will not be a magic day when we wake up and it’s now okay to express ourselves publicly. We make that day by doing things publicly until it’s simply the way things are.†–… Read more »
Nice! I agree that we will continue to build on those who laid the foundation before us. Where our building stands is up for debate, but hopefully, our efforts and endeavors will progress it further along. Thanks for the comments!
@Sabrina (Brina) MacTavish You ask an important and crucial question here Brina. To be honest, I am not quite sure of the answer. I think for me, when I dress seriously, I want to be the sort of woman that I would desire (but maybe actually become?). So I guess I am dressing for me.
However, will have to think some more about this and get back to you.
Hugs
Wendy xx
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Ah… you read into the depth of my question! The obvious answer is, “I dress for myselt" which is undeniably true. However, I am trying to point out that it runs slightly deeper than that for many of us. Why do we choose the styles that we do, and go to all the lengths to achieve them? Thanks for the comments and reflection 🙂
Brina, I dress for myself but do it with two main goals in mind. First, I want to dress as a classy, stylish middle aged woman. Doing so takes 10 – 15 years off my look enabling me to wear a variety of very nice things. But secondly, I do it in a way that blends well with what other stylish, middle aged women are wearing. I dress to look like what my version of what an attractive, older woman looks like. I too have studied women all my life and have incorporated a lot of what I learned into… Read more »
I feel as if I’m moving more in that direction all the time. I prefer the female me over the male we, but not yet by a wide margin. It shows in the bursts I have where I go one way or the other for extended periods of time. If stuck in the male world, I long for the other. It isn’t the other way around. Great insight and commentary! Thanks 🙂
Very thoughtfully written, Brina. I just dress for myself as I don’t go out dressed. Cute outfit, by the way. I love the way I feel when I dress but I’m just not passable so it’s an intimate thing I do for myself.
I love to doll up and put on makeup to complete the transformation, but I’m just as content doing it all minus the mascara and settling for some nice pink lip gloss (my favorite). If I’m not taking pictures or incessantly looking in the mirror, it’s more about my personal feelings rather than the manly face in the mirror. So… I dress to be me. If I had that female face, I wouldn’t wear as heavy of makeup; and be more blended and similar to others’ looks in my version of who I’d be. Thanks for the comments.
@Sabrina (Brina) MacTavish Gosh Sabrina, this is quite the question! It all seems so simple at first, however… 🙂 I suppose the obvious answer is ‘myself’, which is as it has always been, since first discovering the pleasure of wearing sheer nylon tights at a very young age. As I developed my dressing-up developed with me and I wanted to dress like the women I saw and found attractive, who were for the most part the ones that wore clothes that I wished I could wear. I have always – at least since I have had the ability and opportunity… Read more »
Thank you for getting deeper into the question I was posing. I love your answer. It’s great that you have such a supportive SO. I’m sure there might be one out there for me, but if yours has an older sister… let me know 😉 I think there is a difference in our perception when we dress in secrecy, whether we venture into public or not, and when we share the experience with people close to us. Those instances also foster different feelings for the who and even the why we dress. Thanks for your comments!
I think we do the same rituals when it comes to (Who) we dress for instead of the nagging question of (Why) we dress. I once commented in a past article that I believe we dress to become the ideal version of the woman that we desire. If I could transform myself into that version, she would be the one that I’d want to be with. It is a bit too early for me, in the CD environment, to know a lot about the psychology behind why we dress up, but, based on what I have read on CDH, there… Read more »
I believe that many of us have started with those same assumptions. It isn’t until we cross the line into wondering if we aren’t, perhaps, more transgendered than we think or wish to be. Crossdressing early in my life was about self (in all ways) the excitement of wearing the nylon and heels, then the dress and lingerie. Later it was the need to be more realistic in my appearance, hence the need for breast forms and shapewear, better clothing choices, taking pictures to share and to mark my progress, to whether I am more woman than man, and if… Read more »
@Sabrina (Brina) MacTavish , “I’ll be more woman than a man like you can stand" Hedwig 😍Â
I dress for me, because I love it.
In Anna mode, I don’t dress down, I dress up so will always be trying to look my best, even if I don’t have much time and just put a light makeup on.
I love the clothes, the shoes, I love looking in the mirror and seeing Anna appear as I put makeup on.
Hugs,
Anna xx
I’m with you. If I’m heading out, I will always look to be at the top of my game. I may stand out, but for the good reasons and not because I’ve tried to be something that isn’t similar to others my (dressed age). Thanks for the comments.
@Sabrina (Brina) MacTavish My response is quite simple, I dress for both. I wear things that I find attractive to my own eye. I like to look as authentic as I can be. I like to look at myself in the mirror and feel attractive. I like to be totally selfish and immerse my self in my own beauty. But, I also dress for you. Why else would I be here? I love to take pictures of myself and upload them to CDH. I crave the enthusiastic, positive feedback that I sometimes receive. I like to be totally selfish and… Read more »
Good response! Acceptance and self. I think two of the most common reasons for the why we dress. It also satisfies the Who we dress for. I think there are many who love and need to share that image with others, whether it is just the “Here I am" or for positive reinforcement. Which one comes first? For me, I dress to be me (in multiple ways–glamour or femininity) and then share it occasionally to get positive comments. Thanks for the comments 🙂