Hello dear souls, this week I ask the question, who is your true friend?

Many of us, myself included, have called people our friends, but are they really?

In the sentences to follow, in place of any gender-related words, we can also insert anything you feel most ashamed of deep under your skin; perhaps its feeling like you are overweight, or what you call unattractive, maybe you think you are too tall/short, not very smart, and so on. It’s the thing that brings about the feelings of not being good enough, whatever the reason.

There are as many ways to be self-deprecating
as there are grains of sand on a beach.

Some folks we call a friend do not treat us as friends but rather, they keep us locked in our shame cyclones simply by how they speak to us when we expose our deepest fears and secrets.

When I first began presenting gender different, I would call on those I called friend for their support. One of the ways we can grow our confidence, self-esteem and self-love are by finding one or two people who accept us completely just as we are; not despite who we are, but rather because of who we are.

A true friend loves you because of your human imperfections

There are those who “say” they are your friend, yet their actions and words are not congruent. For example, one person I called friend said to me, I am totally fine seeing you dressed up, just tell me if you are going to be dressed in girl clothes when I come to visit; give me a heads up so I can mentally prepare myself. This is a person who has judgments and needs to prepare to be in your company, yet we call them friend?

Another person called friend says, oh I am completely good with how you look now, then, crickets. You hear nothing from them unless you make contact first and you must almost beg for their company. This is not a friend.

Do your friends respect and support your choices?

I know a lady who changed her name, yet after only a few months she returned to using the previous name because not one of her so-called friends, would use the name she said she preferred, but instead said; I met you as ‘so ‘n so’ and that is how I will refer to you because that is what I am used to. These people had total disregard for what this lady requested. They are Not friends.

Crossdresser Superstore

A true friend will support you in becoming the grandest version of the person you choose to become. They will help you navigate the challenges and obstacles to becoming the vision you hold for yourself.

A true friend will not ‘should’ on you; oh, you should do this, be like that, act like so ‘n so, etc. A true friend will not tell you what they think would be best for you, but rather they will help you get clear about what you really want for yourself.

During my own journey I have discovered that if we can find one or two people who authentically support us in becoming the person that ‘we’ choose to be, we are very blessed. If we can find more than a couple of these wonderful souls, we have won the friendship lottery.

Do you have any true friends? People you share your deepest fears and shame spots with; who simply stand by you and help you work through it until you find clarity, release the shame, and grow your self-love?

If you want a friend, first you have to be one

This week, ask yourself, am I a true friend who supports others on their journey of becoming the grandest version of the greatest vision they hold for themselves? Do I support them in discovering their own clarity or do I give them advice on how I think they should be?

Learning the life skill of being a true friend will improve your own life in amazing ways and, will support others in witnessing what a truly, authentic friendship looks like.

Exceptional Voice

So who do you call friend?

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Dropping out of high school I began touring in the Canadian country music scene at age 17; clubs and soft seat venues, drummer/vocalist for 22 years. After 4 suicide attempts and heavy cocaine etc addiction issues, i decided to learn Self-Acceptance as apposed to self-hatred. I became a student of the Universe and an Instructor of Life Skills at a local College while operating a Private Coaching Practice. Currently, I am rebuilding the Life Coaching practice after a couple years of more personal work well under way. I am also creating online opportunities that will serve our world community…and our world in understanding how the learned life skills of Intentionally and Consciously Creating an Amazing Life have filled my life with Passion, Purpose and Prosperity and they can for you as well... Namaste'

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Lea
Active Member
5 months ago

“Be a true friend first” … really good advice. Looking back at life, rarely was I an unconditional friend. I was a good friend, a good listener, but not always a strong unconditional supporter. Most of my friends put in less effort, less focus, at least it seemed. Would I recognize a true friend if I wasn’t a true friend in that situation. Now, years of friendships, and also this COVID shelter, I realize I only have a few friends, and most are far from true friends. I seem to be fine… I’m close to mid-life, I’m fine with short-term… Read more »

Last edited 5 months ago by Lea
Lea
Active Member
5 months ago
Reply to  Char

I used to think of what the result would be of telling anyone about my dressing. I’ve sort of let fear tell me that there’s no point of sharing my dressing most days, but there are those days I feel it might make a difference.

Teralynn Loving
5 months ago

By the way, I consider you a true friend and hope you consider me one as well. – Blessings from Teralynn

Stephanie
5 months ago

These last few years of my life, and especially today, I question whether I really know what a true friend is? I do know I can be a true friend, I have heard that from many of “my friends”. I have also noticed as those friendships progress, they do start to develop stipulations, conditions, and that is healthy. What is not healthy are the conditions that require me to depart from who I really am, behave in a manner inconsistent with my values or goals or where I want to go. I do know I have vey own set of… Read more »

Stephanie
4 months ago
Reply to  Char

Thank you Char for the wonderful encouragement, i am deeply touched by your words…they moved my heart in a way I can’t explain…and I am inspired strongly to consider penning another article…but in all honesty, I am scared to…every day I am finding myself challenged by what I will call “an unexpected series of events” in my life…the more people I share this with…lets just say certain events have happened that I didn’t expect and I am gun shy at the moment…I can say it has caused me to go deeper into my own heart and search it…truth is I… Read more »

Teralynn Loving
5 months ago

Char’s question is not an easy one to definitively answer and – true friend – may have a different meaning for different people. I will give you mine which might give you some parameters to determine who your true friends really are. True friends – accept that we are all human and even friends make mistakes, accept who you are even if they find out about something you have not told them previously, don’t try to take your significant other away from you, will try to uplift you when they find out you are depressed or sick, will offer to… Read more »

Effie Jayne
Duchess
5 months ago

Thank you Char for this wonderful article!

Effie Jayne
Duchess
4 months ago
Reply to  Char

Oh thank you Char!

Krista
Duchess
Active Member
5 months ago

Hi Char, my only true friend was my dog. And sadly, she passed away six weeks ago. I’d love for my SO to be a true friend but she has all kinds of conditions on our relationship stemming from baggage she’s carried all her life (according to a couples therapist we had a session with). I’ve tried to be a true friend to others especially in the last few years after my heart attack. Being in the mid-sixties, many of my “friends” have retired and moved elsewhere (I live in a community in northern Alberta that is made up of… Read more »

Jane Don
Member
4 months ago

Friendship—that’s an interesting dilemma–I thought I had lots of friends Male & female(ones who were fine with Female me) even couples where the woman would mainly visit with my wife & the guy with me -the same when we went to their places–Singles who seemed interested in both of us- & That is–Until my wife unexpectedly died — All of a sudden they’ve scattered like Dandy Lion seeds–If I contact them–they are more than civil–even Friendly –but not Real friends–The folks I work with / act like friends BUT– being Too different will cause job lose-I’ve seen it–I Want friends… Read more »

Jane Don
Member
4 months ago
Reply to  Jane Don

Online is fine BUT–to me online is just Pretend-

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