Why am I transgender?

Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and wonder, “Why am I this way?” My journey has taken me from denial, through fear, into resolve and let me blossom into who I am at the end. Yet I can’t help wondering what life would be like if I were “normal”, whatever that means.

There are so many things that I wish were different, and some nights I lie awake pining for what so many other women take for granted – to experience the miracle of childbirth, to nurture a family and to live without my past.

It’s easier to see the tainted flowers of self rejection when we’re afraid to take the first step. Many years ago I shared a post by one of our readers and challenged you to accept yourself as you are. I urge you to take a moment to read her words. Even all these years later I’m still moved when she says:

Finally by avoiding who we are so others will believe us “normal” we start to become the character we have created for their eyes which only causes us more suffering as we see the distance to ourselves growing evermore.

I live every day as the person I am inside – she is my life and there is no other. I have accepted that I am different, but I have not yet accepted that even in overcoming my differences I will never be the same. At times I envy the women who are women and the men who are men – those who move through their day without giving gender a second thought, without having made immense sacrifices to align their gender and without struggling through the consequences of those sacrifices.

Do you accept yourself?

Where are you on the journey to self acceptance? Do you deny the woman inside, and try to suffocate her when she bravely dares to enter your world? Do you indulge her for a time, and then just as quickly purge any feminine belongings you once treasured? Or do you believe you have accepted yourself, and then discover that yet more roads branch out in front of you on the path to acceptance?

Take a moment to share a struggle you’ve had recently in accepting yourself, or perhaps a triumph that you recently had in loving who you are!

Before signing off today I’d like to take a moment to thank Gorgeous Hair Wigs for their perennial sponsorship of Crossdresser Heaven. Though they are ending their sponsorship this month they have played an important role in keeping us up and running these last few years. (They also offer a fabulous selection of high quality wigs that I encourage you to browse). This does mean we now have an opening for a sponsor. If you would like to sponsor and be featured on Crossdresser Heaven please reach out to me at vanessalaw1@gmail.com for more details.




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I’m passionate about creating a safe space for everyone in the transgender community to find laughter and friendship on their journey. I completed my physical transition in 2011 and through it I lost everything, and gained everything. I am blessed that I was forced to gaze inward and embark on the journey to discover and live my authentic self. My deepest wish is that all who wander here may find peace, happiness and freedom.

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Britney Rene
Britney Rene
8 years ago

I am not sure how to begin, but here goes. Looking back now I guess all the signs were there, but back then I wasn’t sure what “it" was. I remember a time, I must have been about 3, I got caught wearing a pair of my moms panties, by my parents. Being that young, I guess maybe I didn’t know any better, or did I ? So if I wasn’t already confused about myself already, what happened a couple of years later really didn’t help. Here’s where my story turns to the dark side. When I was between the… Read more »

8 years ago
Reply to  Britney Rene

Sorry about your best friend, I’m going to lose my church group if I come out that’s gonna be tuff to do

Emma Mystique
Emma Mystique
7 years ago

Why am I this way? I have asked myself this question more times than I can remember, asking myself am I gay, do I want to be a woman?? to be honest I am not sure any more. I find myself admiring what women are wearing more and more in the past few months, thinking what I would look like as them. But at the moment I still dont have the confidence to do most of the things my fellow sisters on this site are doing and have done. but given time I will get myslef sorted and whatever comes… Read more »

7 years ago

Why I think i was taken from the females in my life My grandmother and then when i moved in with my mom she gad 2 more children and they got the attention I started with hi heels then pantyhose Then nail polish Dresses panties bras Then i associated it with pornography And masturbation Then i was hooked Then it became stress relief Then I started asking questions Got confused But i think i ve figured it out I love women and love emulating them I m heterosexual Married Out to wife Underdress and womens jeans sweaters I m comfortable… Read more »

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