Why am I transgender?

Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and wonder, “Why am I this way?” My journey has taken me from denial, through fear, into resolve and let me blossom into who I am at the end. Yet I can’t help wondering what life would be like if I were “normal”, whatever that means.

There are so many things that I wish were different, and some nights I lie awake pining for what so many other women take for granted – to experience the miracle of childbirth, to nurture a family and to live without my past.

It’s easier to see the tainted flowers of self rejection when we’re afraid to take the first step. Many years ago I shared a post by one of our readers and challenged you to accept yourself as you are. I urge you to take a moment to read her words. Even all these years later I’m still moved when she says:

Finally by avoiding who we are so others will believe us “normal” we start to become the character we have created for their eyes which only causes us more suffering as we see the distance to ourselves growing evermore.

I live every day as the person I am inside – she is my life and there is no other. I have accepted that I am different, but I have not yet accepted that even in overcoming my differences I will never be the same. At times I envy the women who are women and the men who are men – those who move through their day without giving gender a second thought, without having made immense sacrifices to align their gender and without struggling through the consequences of those sacrifices.

Do you accept yourself?

Where are you on the journey to self acceptance? Do you deny the woman inside, and try to suffocate her when she bravely dares to enter your world? Do you indulge her for a time, and then just as quickly purge any feminine belongings you once treasured? Or do you believe you have accepted yourself, and then discover that yet more roads branch out in front of you on the path to acceptance?

Take a moment to share a struggle you’ve had recently in accepting yourself, or perhaps a triumph that you recently had in loving who you are!

Before signing off today I’d like to take a moment to thank Gorgeous Hair Wigs for their perennial sponsorship of Crossdresser Heaven. Though they are ending their sponsorship this month they have played an important role in keeping us up and running these last few years. (They also offer a fabulous selection of high quality wigs that I encourage you to browse). This does mean we now have an opening for a sponsor. If you would like to sponsor and be featured on Crossdresser Heaven please reach out to me at vanessalaw1@gmail.com for more details.



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I’m passionate about creating a safe space for everyone in the transgender community to find laughter and friendship on their journey. I completed my physical transition in 2011 and through it I lost everything, and gained everything. I am blessed that I was forced to gaze inward and embark on the journey to discover and live my authentic self. My deepest wish is that all who wander here may find peace, happiness and freedom.
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5 years ago

I’ve asked myself a million times, I have a part of me that has a need to feel feminine and soft, almost a wanting desire to be wanted by someone else.

5 years ago

When i was 8 my older brother forced me to dress as a girl when my parents left us alone. Having 2 older sisters it was easy to come up with clothes. I have since been facinated by womens clothing but never went any further than always buying my wife sexy things. My wife died 10 years ago and since then I cannot stop wanting to and dressing as a woman. I have just about as many women clothes as I do mens. During the day I dress masculine ( except for panties ) but as soon as I am… Read more »

5 years ago
Reply to  Gerry

There is nothing wrong with you Gerry Its fun and no harm to you or anyone else

jennifer lynn roberts
jennifer lynn roberts
5 years ago

yes I often ask my d\shelf this same question but since I have been dressing as awoman in my apt I have begian to fell like a woman and I sleep in a baby doll and have dreams that I meet a man we fall in love and sleep together and get married and have a family but when I dress as a woman I feel relaxed and when to have the world see me as a woman is this really wrong?

5 years ago

As a young boy my mother use use me as a dress makers dummy and I use to love being dressed up even my friends who came around and seen me ( I was extremely embarrassed ) said I looked good so I use to go dressed to the other side of the city dressed as a girl for fun did for years till i got to old now just at home

5 years ago

I have been dressing since age five. I am 67 now. Of course, I was “in the closet” for most of my life and pretty much still am to everyone in the world but for my loving wife and an excellent therapist who gave me wings and helped my wife to understand and accept me for who I am. I owe the Dr and my wife so much. I tried for years to deny my urges, but for the last decade I have come to accept that I am who I am and there is nothing that can, nor will… Read more »

5 years ago

I,vealways felt different ,took me to 50yrs old to have the courage to step out.I know I,ll alwaysbe 2 people mike when I ,m working,Mayan all the rest of the time. I,s too late in my life to trasition I,m 52yrs old..I,think of mike as a mask that I have to wear.I,m realy mayan and if I could go back in time,Iwould have started in my late teens (transition).

5 years ago

Never in a million years would I have thought I’d CD on a regular basis. But, I do enjoy it so. I have always loved women and everything about them. I think about why I like to CD, and it seems that most of all, I want to live my life with a little more flair than I have been for the bulk of my life. It feels just so natural to me now to go grocery shopping for instance, wearing a skirt, blouse, wedges, and at least some lipstick. I just don’t buy the propaganda, or want to fit… Read more »

5 years ago
Reply to  Krissy

good for you I wish there were more women like u.ps I too like the feel of a wearing a skirt,blouse,make up.

Shirley Durham
5 years ago

why am I like this, why do I cross , dress, Mmm, I can not give a definitive answer, I had been dressing in secret for as long as I can remember, but used a christmas fancy dress party 12 years ago to “come out” I suppose with working in a testosterone fueled environment I find dressing a release and a way to be myself. over the years and with a little help from my wife i have explored and developed my alter ego Shirley and in deed the people of the town where we live have come to know… Read more »

5 years ago

I am the wife of a very wonderful person who also happens to be a CD. My life has been interesting to say the least, but I want people to know, there are some of us who are doing more than ‘putting up with’ our CD mates, we are embracing all the facets that make up the ones we love. Society is getting better, but it has a long way to go. Love is love and embracing those whom we love with our whole beings is rewarding. XOXO to all you brave souls who find yourselves, and embrace yourselves. And… Read more »

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