Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and wonder, “Why am I this way?” My journey has taken me from denial, through fear, into resolve and let me blossom into who I am at the end. Yet I can’t help wondering what life would be like if I were “normal”, whatever that means.
There are so many things that I wish were different, and some nights I lie awake pining for what so many other women take for granted – to experience the miracle of childbirth, to nurture a family and to live without my past.
It’s easier to see the tainted flowers of self rejection when we’re afraid to take the first step. Many years ago I shared a post by one of our readers and challenged you to accept yourself as you are. I urge you to take a moment to read her words. Even all these years later I’m still moved when she says:
Finally by avoiding who we are so others will believe us “normal” we start to become the character we have created for their eyes which only causes us more suffering as we see the distance to ourselves growing evermore.
I live every day as the person I am inside – she is my life and there is no other. I have accepted that I am different, but I have not yet accepted that even in overcoming my differences I will never be the same. At times I envy the women who are women and the men who are men – those who move through their day without giving gender a second thought, without having made immense sacrifices to align their gender and without struggling through the consequences of those sacrifices.
Do you accept yourself?
Where are you on the journey to self acceptance? Do you deny the woman inside, and try to suffocate her when she bravely dares to enter your world? Do you indulge her for a time, and then just as quickly purge any feminine belongings you once treasured? Or do you believe you have accepted yourself, and then discover that yet more roads branch out in front of you on the path to acceptance?
Take a moment to share a struggle you’ve had recently in accepting yourself, or perhaps a triumph that you recently had in loving who you are!
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Before signing off today I’d like to take a moment to thank Gorgeous Hair Wigs for their perennial sponsorship of Crossdresser Heaven. Though they are ending their sponsorship this month they have played an important role in keeping us up and running these last few years. (They also offer a fabulous selection of high quality wigs that I encourage you to browse). This does mean we now have an opening for a sponsor. If you would like to sponsor and be featured on Crossdresser Heaven please reach out to me at vanessalaw1@gmail.com for more details.
More Articles by Vanessa Law
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- I Want to Live Like That
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I’ve often wondered about this, but deciding that that this is the way I was born, not raised I’ve learned to accept this as another path of my life.
I regret greatly being feminine on the inside with a male exterior. I don’t even like men lest other TGs, TVs and CDs. Women that’s another story altogether so I get to deal with this lesbian thing also. But there are lessons to be learned such as how ridiculous I think it is to hear genetic women complain about their life I would gladly switch with them any time. A horrible day as genetic woman is a dream to me. maybe that is my calling to be a motivational speaker to show women it could be worse. Because for me… Read more »
Isn’t it always that way Daphne? We don’t always appreciate what we have, while there are others who would give anything to be in our high heeled shoes!
Just thankful :^)
Very true it’s the next best thing to being a genetic woman.
Honestly I can’t think or see myself being anyone else but the real me! It has been a long journey with ups and downs but now I have never been happier. I can’t begin to to justice in thanking the wonderful mentors (My Mom was my number 1!) that helped me along the way
Great for you. it always helps so much to have loved ones support and understand.
I love dressing up and slipping into a pair of high heels. I have pondered long and have asked many why I am this way. The answers are all over the place. Personally I think it’s the upbringing. somewhere in my early life, I feel that my mother wanted a girl and treated and perhaps dressed me as one. I have vague memories. As a teenager I had a strong high heel fixation, which has lasted into adulthood. I couldn’t wait to try on a pair. On my honeymoon, I slipped into my wife’s size 10 heels and never looked… Read more »
Your husband is very lucky to have a wife as supportive as you. Not all of us are so lucky. I’m 66 and have to hide everything because of the fear my wife has that I’ll be “discovered". So, at 66, I’m forced to hide and be thankful for a few minutes each week when I can sneak away and goo off by myself [changing in the car] and really be me.
There are a multitude of factors that have led to my dresses. When I was very young, (5-6) my father left. My mother moved in with her mother. I was surrounded by colorful dresses, panties and bras while I had blue jeans and nondescript shirts. Their things were soft and frilly while mine were coarse. Eventually my mother married my step farther. He got drafted into the army. Everything in the home for me was done his military way. Nothing out of line and always ready for inspection. My sister on the other hand got flowery dresses and soft everything.… Read more »
I have always wondered, Why? all I know is that I love to dress up, nothing better than slipping on a cute dress and high heels, makeup and jewelry. Girl time – I just love this side of me!
Denise
I have often asked myself the question of why I crossdress. I’ve tried to give up on a number of occasions and I keep coming back. It feels right and has a calming influence on me.
Alexandra dear, who can argue with something feeling right? Perhaps ours is not to reason why, but live our life.
im straight,but love wearing lingerie;bras,camis,panties…i just like my soft side ..lol have always been a boob man,now i can play with my own when im truck driving!..wishing society didnt look down on crossdressers so much!..also love shoping for ‘things’..im a sucker for lace n satin!