Why am I transgender?

Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and wonder, “Why am I this way?” My journey has taken me from denial, through fear, into resolve and let me blossom into who I am at the end. Yet I can’t help wondering what life would be like if I were “normal”, whatever that means.

There are so many things that I wish were different, and some nights I lie awake pining for what so many other women take for granted – to experience the miracle of childbirth, to nurture a family and to live without my past.

It’s easier to see the tainted flowers of self rejection when we’re afraid to take the first step. Many years ago I shared a post by one of our readers and challenged you to accept yourself as you are. I urge you to take a moment to read her words. Even all these years later I’m still moved when she says:

Exceptional Voice

Finally by avoiding who we are so others will believe us “normal” we start to become the character we have created for their eyes which only causes us more suffering as we see the distance to ourselves growing evermore.

I live every day as the person I am inside – she is my life and there is no other. I have accepted that I am different, but I have not yet accepted that even in overcoming my differences I will never be the same. At times I envy the women who are women and the men who are men – those who move through their day without giving gender a second thought, without having made immense sacrifices to align their gender and without struggling through the consequences of those sacrifices.

Do you accept yourself?

Where are you on the journey to self acceptance? Do you deny the woman inside, and try to suffocate her when she bravely dares to enter your world? Do you indulge her for a time, and then just as quickly purge any feminine belongings you once treasured? Or do you believe you have accepted yourself, and then discover that yet more roads branch out in front of you on the path to acceptance?

Take a moment to share a struggle you’ve had recently in accepting yourself, or perhaps a triumph that you recently had in loving who you are!

Before signing off today I’d like to take a moment to thank Gorgeous Hair Wigs for their perennial sponsorship of Crossdresser Heaven. Though they are ending their sponsorship this month they have played an important role in keeping us up and running these last few years. (They also offer a fabulous selection of high quality wigs that I encourage you to browse). This does mean we now have an opening for a sponsor. If you would like to sponsor and be featured on Crossdresser Heaven please reach out to me at vanessalaw1@gmail.com for more details.



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5 years ago

I am this way because I always felt that I was a female when I was young I always did girl things I always wanted breast since I was 10 y/o now I have them I am 56 y/o I dress female all the time now I was suppose to be born a woman not a man I love men more then women and there nothing I can do to change I tried a couple I would give all my stuff always but I would go out and buy more and start over

mayan driver
5 years ago
Reply to  Alicia

more power to you girlfriend,I,m52 @dress all the time too.Nice to know there are others .

5 years ago

So many of us share the same experiences. I hope you don’t mind but i put a link to this post in my own blog as well as my won story (in brief).

5 years ago
Reply to  Vanessa Law

Thanks Vanessa and i hope you will feel free to do the same with any of my posts that appeal.

Andrea Cicoli
5 years ago

I don´t know, why i´m crossdresser, but I liked from I was a (girl); ever feelme so. I´m from Mexico City. My English is too bad, I´m sorry if is bad write.

5 years ago

im straight I’m onley into womin but like feeling like a womin ples if Thers anyone that wants to make friends and talk kind of like a support group here’s my number # 518 727 6855 I just want to meet people that are going through the same thing as me

Jasmine Brown
5 years ago

I have been as a female since I was 15 I had to take a break from ’94-’98 when I was in the Marine Corps and then again from 2000 to 2005 when I was married but ever since then I have been dressing like a female and I don’t care what people think about me I am comfortable in female clothes

Vanessa Law
5 years ago
Reply to  Jasmine Brown

Hi hon,

First thank you for your service!
And for your inspiration to everyone that shows you can live as who you are every day!


5 years ago

I just feel like a completely different person when I slip on a pair of boy short panties and a nightie. I just feel like I am complete when I do that. If it wasn’t for what I had between my legs I would feel really complete. I wish that I was born a female but wishing and wishing can’t change it and at 41 years old I am not sure if I will ever get to that point of making a complete transition or even getting close. I haven’t even seen a gender therapist yet but it is on… Read more »

Karyn Lobelia
5 years ago

Luckily my wife wanted me to be femme and I found out that I actually preferred being a lady . Since I joined cross dresser heaven , it seems to me if you have a wife who supports and loves you , you must not create stress in your marriage for her by not absolutely knowing and feeling that you are a perfect child of God , and just let her know without any GUILT ( OMG how I hate that word ) that this is the real you . The two of you have to decide where you feel… Read more »

Lana Ann
5 years ago

Vanessa I love you girl for this place. I am 64 and I enjoy crossdressing so much, but I haven’t even done it in 38 years with the exception of a few scattered times when I enjoy my sweet panties and nighties when I sleep. When I was younger I absolutely adored dressing and the joyous feeling of metamorphosis into a woman. In all my life I never felt more natural and whole as I did when dressed and feeling so very much like a woman! It was electric, a rousing, sensual, sexy and naturally right for me to look… Read more »

Casey Prescott
5 years ago

I am a 22 year old crossdresser/transsexual. become I have struggled with this ever since I was a young kid. I grew up in a very rough life style (A country boy life style) that has lead me to this young man that those around me have grown to know and love, but I still ponder the question if I am really a man. Anatomy wise yes, and majority of my features express very manly ways of life, but I have always loved dressing as a woman and always thought of how amazing it would be to have the female… Read more »

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