Many of us, or perhaps even most of us, here on CDH have been crossdressers for most of our lives. And many of us have probably struggled throughout our lives with feelings of shame, guilt, anger, confusion, denial, and more.

That’s because we are “CROSSDRESSERS!” Men who want to dress like, act like, and be seen and treated as woman.

GASP!!

Koala Swim

For shame… What kind of sick, perverted person are you anyway?

At least, that’s how it has seemed to most of us at times, I’m sure.

And truthfully, why would a real man want to dress like a woman? Why would a real man want to shave all his body hair off and feminize himself to the point where he looks like a woman? Why would a real man want to modify his body shape so that he appears to have a woman’s figure? Why would a real man want to wear lingerie and put on makeup and perfume? Paint his fingernails and toenails pretty colors? Wear pretty dresses and high heels, pierce his ears so that he can wear pierced earrings, wear a wig, and carry a purse?

And even more confusing, why would a real man want to go out in public, no need to go out in public, to be seen, treated and accepted as a woman?

The answer is, he wouldn’t.

At least a real man wouldn’t. A cisgender male would never do those things because he doesn’t have those thoughts and feelings. He doesn’t understand the conflict and confusion that those of us who crossdress as women feel every single day.

So then the question becomes for those of us who crossdress, What’s wrong with us???

And the answer is, well…, nothing. Absolutely nothing.

There’s nothing wrong with us.

And here’s why.

If you think about it, we’ve actually been blessed. We’ve been given a gift that only a very small percentage of the world’s population has ever received. We’ve been given the gift of empathy, understanding, and the desire to experience life from both sides of the gender divide.

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Think about it!

Let’s first admit that we’re not “real men”, or at least not in the sense of being the macho, beer guzzling, loud, obnoxious, opinionated, driven, motivated by power alpha males that society regards as an example of what a real man is. And truthfully, we don’t want to be men like that, do we?

No!

As MTF crossdressers, we’re typically much more in tune with other people and our surroundings. We’re sensitive to other people’s feelings and try not to do things to hurt them. We’re emotional and we may cry easily (which is definitely NOT considered to be a real man’s trait!). We probably like art, literature, music, poetry and maybe the “finer things” in life. We like to have long talks with others. We enjoy sharing our feelings. We like cuddling and quiet times together. We’ve probably had more women friends than male over the course of our lives.

And on and on and on…

In today’s society, those are often considered to be “female characteristics” or “feminine traits”, and in a man, a real man that is, they are looked down upon. But that’s okay, we don’t mind having those characteristics because we’re not real men. Which is why we have the desires and feelings that we have, that we want to experience life as a woman.

That’s why we want to feminize ourselves, dress like women, and go out in public. Because deep inside of us, there is a real woman who wants to be able to express herself in the world, just like the rest of the cisgender females. And because she is a part of us, we have those feelings and traits that are typically associated with women, but instead of denying them, we want to embrace and accept them! And not only that, we want to make them real. We want to become women, or at least as much of a woman as possible, so that we can give life to those feelings and truly express our femininity.

Koala Swim

Think about it. Most men, most real men that is, are very ignorant about what women have to deal with on a daily basis. They don’t understand why women are the way they are. And sadly, the reality is that they don’t want to understand women.

But we do!

Not only because we have a similar component as part of our personality, but also because we know that by understanding women better, we can relate to them better and we can emulate them better and more realistically. In effect, we can become better women ourselves, even if it’s only on a part-time basis.

Because we’re crossdressers and want to emulate women, that means that we have an opportunity to experience part of our life from a woman’s perspective. We can experience both the good and bad parts of what it means to be a woman, at least to some degree.

As crossdressers, we tend to focus on and celebrate the many “fun” parts of being a woman, such as pulling on a pair of stockings on our newly shaved legs; feeling the breeze blow across our smooth legs and up our dress (as long as the breeze isn’t too strong and blows our dress up too high); choosing what lingerie and outfit we’re going to wear for the day; coordinating our makeup, jewelry, shoes and purse with that outfit; shopping as a woman; trying on shoes and dresses; walking through the lingerie department without feeling awkward and being able to pick up and try on bras; being able to try on makeup in the makeup departments; being able to share close moments with our girlfriends without being embarrassed; and more.

Koala Swim

If we’re lucky though, we may also be able to experience some of the less than ideal things as well that real women have to deal with, such as being talked down to by men we may deal with while we’re in our female persona; being ignored by men when we’re shopping in a typically “male” department (like at a hardware store); hearing sexist language or catcalls as we walk around; being looked at as sex objects by men; being yelled at for being a “woman driver” by a man if he doesn’t like how we drive; being discriminated against if we apply for jobs as a woman; and more.

However, if we do experience those aspects of life, we should actually be glad, because they help us to understand, at least to a small degree, what it really means to be a woman.

But since we don’t live fulltime as women (or at least most of us don’t), we can’t truly know and experience everything that real women do. We’ll try to come as close as possible to that reality though. We’ll never know what it feels like to have a monthly menstrual flow. We’ll never know the pain in our back that large breasts cause (unless we get implants) or how wonderful it feels to have our own real breasts filling out our bras (again, unless we get implants). But with a good quality set of breast forms, we might come close to being able to experience some of those sensations. And of course, we’ll never experience the joy and pain of child birth. But with some of the lactation drugs that are now available (under a doctor’s care, of course), we might be able to at least help breast feed an infant.

En Femme Style

So we have the opportunity to not only experience life as men, but also as women, and because of that, we are truly blessed. Not many people have the opportunity to experience life from both sides of the gender divide. And since we do, we should learn from our experiences as women and carry them into our lives as men.

Being a woman should help make us a better man, a better person. As crossdressers, we have the ability to experience a wider range of emotions, feelings, and situations than men or even women do, since we do see and experience life as both male and female. Sure, modern women can effectively crossdress and wear men’s clothing and styles without anyone around them batting an eye, but unless they’re a FTM crossdresser, they don’t experience life as a man, so they’re still limited to only their female perspective.

Only crossdressers have that unique perspective of living and experiencing life, or at least a portion of it, as both a man and a woman. And as such, I consider us to be extremely fortunate and extremely blessed!

And real men? Well, they don’t know what they’re missing! Can you imagine going through life without the opportunity to be a woman? To never be smooth and soft all over? Or wear pretty lingerie? To never put on dresses, makeup, jewelry, high heels and a wig and go out as a woman?

I certainly can’t.

I’m a crossdresser. I love to dress and experience life as a woman, which not only makes me a better person, it makes me a better man!

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Sarah Kanter
Active Member
1 month ago

Thank you for this article Holly. There are so many different and conflicting feelings with this, and you did a beautiful job of expressing and capturing that. I can’t say I understand this experience of cross dressing. Whenever I think I do, some other emotion comes along to through a wrench in. I do feel it is a blessing though, whatever it may mean “in the end” so to speak, I am better for it and for the effort of trying to understand.

Stephanie Aston
Baroness
Trusted Member
1 month ago

Wow! That’s a great article Holly, pretty much every word I mirrors my own thoughts and feelings about my crossdressing, of course it haven’t always been like that because like you mentioned we spend to much of our lives denying or feminine side! I now definitely see my crossdressing as a blessing and not a curse. You certainly know how to put thoughts and feelings into your writing.
Your Article is fabulous and hits so many nails on their heads
Thank you so much for writing this great Article.
love Stephanie ❤️

Lauren Mugnaia
Active Member
1 month ago

Hi Holly, what a beautiful article, love it! And all so true! I identify with everything you said and, now, I have the privilege to be one of those who have crossed over as a transgender woman to experience that life fulltime. I can now say what a joy it is to truly experience the freedom to be your authentic self!

Love,

Lauren M

Gabriela Romani
Managing Ambassador
Trusted Member
1 month ago

Holly, While I agree with several of your statements, there are others I just can’t accept, let me explain why. I agree crossdressing is not a curse. But I plainly disagree about crossdressing being a blessing. Do you have any sons? Knowing everything you know about what most crossdressers have to go through in life, and if you were not a crossdresser yourself, would you really wish for your son (or nephew, etc. ) to have the “blessing” of being a crossdresser? I know I wouldn’t. You wrote “ Let’s first admit that we’re not “real men”, or at least… Read more »

Gabriela Romani
Managing Ambassador
Trusted Member
1 month ago
Reply to  Holly Morris

I guess it depends a lot on your definition of what a real man is. In my view a real man can be loving and caring and compassionate and nurturing, etc. Now, I do agree to a point that most of us are not stereotypical men. And believe me, I don’t really feel offended if told I’m not “a real man” in that context. True, we all have different backgrounds and life histories. Many can’t imagine life without separating “masculine” from “feminine”. Personally I feel blessed to have found a balance and I’m just me. A combination of what society… Read more »

Geraldine Mac
Baroness
Member
1 month ago

Thanks for that wonderful article Holly.
While crossdressing may still feel like a curse to many, my experience (having only come out of my shell in 2021), is that while it does add some stress with a non-accepting wife, it has cured me of a decades long general depression (including persistent suicidal thoughts). While I’m not on cloud nine all the time, crossdressing has really given me something to live for. I now look forward to alternating between the old me and the new me, a person I really like.
Geraldine

Deborah Sullivan
Trusted Member
1 month ago

As most of us in the beginning were very concerned and guilt ridden about it but must say I now have seen it as a blessing for quite sometime now. I would still want to be a cd if I had my life to live over again. It really expands on our view of life and the world and so glad to experience both genders and especially my female side. I like experiencing romantic movies and crying and other emotions never felt before. Prefer clothes shopping than hardware and sporting good stores. Yes it is a blessing

Angela Booth
Active Member
1 month ago

Well written Holly. Even ‘real’ men cry, and that’s a fact.

ChloeC
Duchess
Member
1 month ago

Interesting article, Holly, and a lot of interesting viewpoints. It’s been years since I considered myself blessed or cursed. Starting around age 4 or 5, I would barely have known what those words even meant. I just knew that it wasn’t something easily accepted by either my family or the public at large. I’d get the urge, do something to try to satisfy it, way too soon, I’d have to stop. And I’d be more disappointed and upset about having to stop. If anything, that was the curse, to not be able to continue. Around age 30 was when I… Read more »

Betty Rockwell
Member
Member
1 month ago

Wonderful article! I’m learning that there are real benefits to having a CDing husband. Your article made me think more about how my husband is not a “manly man.” When I think of men I know that are consistent with your description of the “macho man,” I cringe and I am so grateful my husband is nothing like that. Many of the things I love the most about my husband come from his feminine side. I have only known about “Michayla” for a short time but I understand that she has always been there. I’ll take my husband in a… Read more »

Paula1
Active Member
1 month ago

WOW what an amazing article I truly enjoyed reading this it has raised so many feelings within
I agree that we are all blessed to be who we are
thank you for writing this
hugs Paula

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