Many of us, or perhaps even most of us, here on CDH have been crossdressers for most of our lives. And many of us have probably struggled throughout our lives with feelings of shame, guilt, anger, confusion, denial, and more.

That’s because we are “CROSSDRESSERS!” Men who want to dress like, act like, and be seen and treated as woman.

GASP!!

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For shame… What kind of sick, perverted person are you anyway?

At least, that’s how it has seemed to most of us at times, I’m sure.

And truthfully, why would a real man want to dress like a woman? Why would a real man want to shave all his body hair off and feminize himself to the point where he looks like a woman? Why would a real man want to modify his body shape so that he appears to have a woman’s figure? Why would a real man want to wear lingerie and put on makeup and perfume? Paint his fingernails and toenails pretty colors? Wear pretty dresses and high heels, pierce his ears so that he can wear pierced earrings, wear a wig, and carry a purse?

And even more confusing, why would a real man want to go out in public, no need to go out in public, to be seen, treated and accepted as a woman?

The answer is, he wouldn’t.

At least a real man wouldn’t. A cisgender male would never do those things because he doesn’t have those thoughts and feelings. He doesn’t understand the conflict and confusion that those of us who crossdress as women feel every single day.

So then the question becomes for those of us who crossdress, What’s wrong with us???

And the answer is, well…, nothing. Absolutely nothing.

There’s nothing wrong with us.

And here’s why.

If you think about it, we’ve actually been blessed. We’ve been given a gift that only a very small percentage of the world’s population has ever received. We’ve been given the gift of empathy, understanding, and the desire to experience life from both sides of the gender divide.

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Think about it!

Let’s first admit that we’re not “real men”, or at least not in the sense of being the macho, beer guzzling, loud, obnoxious, opinionated, driven, motivated by power alpha males that society regards as an example of what a real man is. And truthfully, we don’t want to be men like that, do we?

No!

As MTF crossdressers, we’re typically much more in tune with other people and our surroundings. We’re sensitive to other people’s feelings and try not to do things to hurt them. We’re emotional and we may cry easily (which is definitely NOT considered to be a real man’s trait!). We probably like art, literature, music, poetry and maybe the “finer things” in life. We like to have long talks with others. We enjoy sharing our feelings. We like cuddling and quiet times together. We’ve probably had more women friends than male over the course of our lives.

And on and on and on…

In today’s society, those are often considered to be “female characteristics” or “feminine traits”, and in a man, a real man that is, they are looked down upon. But that’s okay, we don’t mind having those characteristics because we’re not real men. Which is why we have the desires and feelings that we have, that we want to experience life as a woman.

That’s why we want to feminize ourselves, dress like women, and go out in public. Because deep inside of us, there is a real woman who wants to be able to express herself in the world, just like the rest of the cisgender females. And because she is a part of us, we have those feelings and traits that are typically associated with women, but instead of denying them, we want to embrace and accept them! And not only that, we want to make them real. We want to become women, or at least as much of a woman as possible, so that we can give life to those feelings and truly express our femininity.

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Think about it. Most men, most real men that is, are very ignorant about what women have to deal with on a daily basis. They don’t understand why women are the way they are. And sadly, the reality is that they don’t want to understand women.

But we do!

Not only because we have a similar component as part of our personality, but also because we know that by understanding women better, we can relate to them better and we can emulate them better and more realistically. In effect, we can become better women ourselves, even if it’s only on a part-time basis.

Because we’re crossdressers and want to emulate women, that means that we have an opportunity to experience part of our life from a woman’s perspective. We can experience both the good and bad parts of what it means to be a woman, at least to some degree.

As crossdressers, we tend to focus on and celebrate the many “fun” parts of being a woman, such as pulling on a pair of stockings on our newly shaved legs; feeling the breeze blow across our smooth legs and up our dress (as long as the breeze isn’t too strong and blows our dress up too high); choosing what lingerie and outfit we’re going to wear for the day; coordinating our makeup, jewelry, shoes and purse with that outfit; shopping as a woman; trying on shoes and dresses; walking through the lingerie department without feeling awkward and being able to pick up and try on bras; being able to try on makeup in the makeup departments; being able to share close moments with our girlfriends without being embarrassed; and more.

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If we’re lucky though, we may also be able to experience some of the less than ideal things as well that real women have to deal with, such as being talked down to by men we may deal with while we’re in our female persona; being ignored by men when we’re shopping in a typically “male” department (like at a hardware store); hearing sexist language or catcalls as we walk around; being looked at as sex objects by men; being yelled at for being a “woman driver” by a man if he doesn’t like how we drive; being discriminated against if we apply for jobs as a woman; and more.

However, if we do experience those aspects of life, we should actually be glad, because they help us to understand, at least to a small degree, what it really means to be a woman.

But since we don’t live fulltime as women (or at least most of us don’t), we can’t truly know and experience everything that real women do. We’ll try to come as close as possible to that reality though. We’ll never know what it feels like to have a monthly menstrual flow. We’ll never know the pain in our back that large breasts cause (unless we get implants) or how wonderful it feels to have our own real breasts filling out our bras (again, unless we get implants). But with a good quality set of breast forms, we might come close to being able to experience some of those sensations. And of course, we’ll never experience the joy and pain of child birth. But with some of the lactation drugs that are now available (under a doctor’s care, of course), we might be able to at least help breast feed an infant.

So we have the opportunity to not only experience life as men, but also as women, and because of that, we are truly blessed. Not many people have the opportunity to experience life from both sides of the gender divide. And since we do, we should learn from our experiences as women and carry them into our lives as men.

Being a woman should help make us a better man, a better person. As crossdressers, we have the ability to experience a wider range of emotions, feelings, and situations than men or even women do, since we do see and experience life as both male and female. Sure, modern women can effectively crossdress and wear men’s clothing and styles without anyone around them batting an eye, but unless they’re a FTM crossdresser, they don’t experience life as a man, so they’re still limited to only their female perspective.

Only crossdressers have that unique perspective of living and experiencing life, or at least a portion of it, as both a man and a woman. And as such, I consider us to be extremely fortunate and extremely blessed!

And real men? Well, they don’t know what they’re missing! Can you imagine going through life without the opportunity to be a woman? To never be smooth and soft all over? Or wear pretty lingerie? To never put on dresses, makeup, jewelry, high heels and a wig and go out as a woman?

I certainly can’t.

I’m a crossdresser. I love to dress and experience life as a woman, which not only makes me a better person, it makes me a better man!

Koala Swim

 

 

 

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Xeri Emma Zahn
Duchess
Member
1 month ago

I am so glad I found the time to read this essay. Holly, you voiced many of my sentiments, especially those that pertain to what has come to be known as “toxic masculinity.” I have never been viewed by my peers as macho. Being Xeri, in part, is a way for me to reject the pseudo-macho culture and be the woman I can only dream of being.

Liara Wolfe
Duchess
Member
1 month ago

Loved your essay. I am not a “real man” either. I love being a woman when I can. Pretty clothes and makeup are wonderful but it also the female feelings that make me happy.

Diva Me
Member
1 month ago
Reply to  Liara Wolfe

I 100%agree with you..it’s the female feeling that makes all the difference to me
It’s wonderful to dress up.. but that female feeling for me that’s where the real happiness

Hope Roberts
Member
1 month ago

Oh Holly,

You are so spot on girl! What a well thought out article and I related to it all! I tell my wife all the time this is a blessing and a curse but it is beautiful and truly is a blessing. God bless you for sharing such heartfelt story.
You encouraged me and affirm that I am NOT normal because I am ME both male and female

Clarissa Cross
Member
1 month ago

Dear holly. Ive never read any better description of being a crossdresser and I think what you wrote is applying to most of us here on crossdresser heaven. Sorry to hear that you are unable to dress at the moment and I sincerely hope everything will change for you so you will be able to dress again as much as you want too.

best wishes from Clarissa

Ginny Gee
Trusted Member
1 month ago

I don’t agree with your definition of a “real man” Holly. Judging from the comments posted here I appreciate there are obviously plenty that do agree but I’m clearly different. I don’t delibratly hurt people, cry easily, like cuddles, art, literature or poetry particularly. I do like music (who doesn’t) fast cars, football and a beer with the guys now and again and the vast majority of my friends are male. I don’t talk down to women either because I happen to like them and respect them but I don’t want to be one. On occasions though I do like… Read more »

Ginny Gee
Trusted Member
1 month ago
Reply to  Holly Morris

Hi Holly. I’m glad to know I didn’t cause any offence, I just needed to voice my opinion.

Sandra Lasco
Member
1 month ago

Thank you so much for your beautiful and empowering article, Holly. As crossdressers we should not shy away realizing and expressing that some of us carry profound emotions about being women at heart simply put, some feeling strongly about it and others more occasionally. As much as you I can easily identify myself with not being a ‘real man’, and I am actually comfortable picturing me as a woman slightly different compared to those born female.

Celeste Starre
Active Member
1 month ago

Very nice but you didn’t mention one main reason that we dress up especially when we are young. It’s a big sexual turn on. I think for some it’s the only reason they dress but for most of us it’s just one of the reasons and a really nice one at that.

Ginny Gee
Trusted Member
1 month ago
Reply to  Celeste Starre

You are so right, it’s the thrill of it all. It’s become less so for me as I’ve got older but still there to a degree.

Celeste Starre
Active Member
1 month ago
Reply to  Holly Morris

Yes indeed. That is a typical pattern for CD’s. I remember when young the sexual component was very exciting but upon “release” I couldn’t get the clothes off fast enough. Sadly that was the typical guilt trip on all things sexual which usually results from religious nonsense. Thankfully I got over the guilt stuff.

Felicity Arden
Member
1 month ago

Very interesting. Your lifestyle change intrigues me as well. Thank you for sharing.

Barbara Heller
Duchess
Member
1 month ago

Touché Holly!! What a beautiful piece . I feel like a woman every day .Pink Fog forever and Femme Bumps all over my body. The power of women. Hugs and kisses Barbara

CLARENCE KATES
Duchess
Member
1 month ago

Hi! am i on?

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