Girl friends and wives want to know.
Why do men cross dress?
Why does my husband cross dress?
How can I make him stop cross dressing?
The unfortunate truth, is that there is no simple, one line answer to these questions. If there were, you probably wouldn’t be reading this article, and the debates on this topic would be silent.
In my personal experience, the fascination with woman’s clothes started when I was very young. I must have been about four years old, and I remember going to great lengths to procure and then wear my mom’s nightie. My most vivid memory is as a teenager, nervously buying a pair of pantyhose from a local supermarket and then wearing them home under my pants.
I felt (and still feel) a need to wear woman’s clothes, and I can’t quite explain where it comes from. The media like to think of cross dressing as a sexual perversion, and so naturally they see the desire to cross dress and purely for sexual gratification. The problem with this theory is that when I (and many others) first felt the desire to cross dress I didn’t know what sex was.
Many cross dressers I’ve asked describe the need as ‘feeling more comfortable wearing woman’s clothes’. This is sometimes (but not always) coupled with the desire to be seen as a woman. To not just dress like a woman, but behave like one as well, to wear make-up and otherwise pass as a woman. There are others who cross dress for sexual excitement. The need to cross dress is indeed a spectrum.
That still doesn’t answer the question why do men cross dress?
Marcy proposes a few interesting answers to this questions.
One argument is that transvestism of cross-dressing is a way of offering a challenge to society’s preconceptions about gender. Some men cross-dress because they are unhappy at being men. Others didn’t mind the male state, but also like to put on women’s clothes occasionally. Some men cross-dress simply to make a passing social or fashion statement, and some because they have emotional needs that can only be met by the comfort that wearing women’s clothes gives them.
Yet the true reason why men cross dress remains somewhat of a mystery. It is intensely personal, often confusing and sometimes guilt ridden. I’m hopeful that as society grows more tolerant of diverse gender expression we will see more cross dressers and transgendered stepping forward to share their stories. Without the need to justify their behavior, and no longer shamed by society perhaps we will be better able to answer this baffling question.
Comment and let me know, I would love to hear- why do you cross dress?
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Why? Short answer: It’s what feels natural. The longer answer is harder. To get a hint, it may be an idea to ask non-crossdressers why they don’t crossdress. In answering this, they have a problem: They can’t just say it’s because they’re men, because so are crossdressers. So, why don’t they, then? I haven’t heard a good answer to that… Alternatively, we could accept the plain answer, that it’s because they’re men. But, that would mean that we’re not men, but some other gender – a mix between men and women, in varying degree. But if that’s the case, and… Read more »
I don’t have to do it all the time, but if I go a long time without dressing up, I get very cranky. I really can’t think why this is.
All I can say is that dressing up makes me feel ‘connected’. I feel as if some internal balance has been restored somehow. It does – as Monica points out – feel natural.
The thought of dressing up and going out is, yes, exciting – but sexually exciting? Not really!
I love to crossdress but having difficulty communicating my desires to others. advice?
I may have stumbled on something about male crossdressering. I have been a crossdresser since I was at least 4. I am sure my dad was also. But he clincher for me was when my son revealed to me that he was also. To put this in perspective,because of divorce,my son DID not growup with me. His mother is/was mentally unstable and since she made sure my crossdressing was brought to the fore, neither of us were deemed suitable to raise him. At 2 yrs old, he went to adoptive home. Not wanting to disrupt his life,I made no effort… Read more »
Wow, I must be in a writing mood this weekend. First of all, thank a veteran this weekend, no matter what your thoughts and opinions are. Do a small volunteer project in their honor….Now, I know it is a big “shopping weekend", so I’m off to Victoria’s Secret – I saw a panty and garter set with matching bra that I must have, so girls, I’m on my way….actually, I also want to get a gift card for a gg friend….she helped me tremendously the other night with my makeup and assisted me with the right outfit. I had a… Read more »
Hey Patrice, great to hear from you. Thanks for sharing a bit about yourself. I think some of your experiences would make for a great Crossdressing Success Story. Take a look here: https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/do-you-have-a-crossdressing-succes-story/ and let me know, I’d love to hear from you.
Hugs,
Vanessa
I have been practising crossdressing more than 40years in secret. Please link me with a friend who can help me secure a breast and something to make my shape look like a woman. I live in Nigeria where there are no facilities for crossdressing.
Hi Rose,
I recommend trying to find a local support group. You can find a listing of support groups here: https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/about/crossdresser-support-groups/
Blessing and good luck,
Vanessa
Interesting – I hadn’t considered the cross dressing may be hereditary.
Come on Vanessa, Really? He will never stop hon and if you try to make him quit, it won’t work. The best thing to do is dress with him hon. Trust me I know.
Hugs Cheryl Ann
maybe not heradidty but not having male role model
When I was a baby my Mother used to dress me in girls baby clothes and I had long curly blond hair, finger curls. She has told me that people used to say " Oh what a beautiful little girl". I’ve seen pictures she took when I was about 2 years old in a crocheted dress.Very cute. The first time I recall wearing womens clothes was at about 8. I playing dress up with my little sister and the girl that lived next door.I was wearing my Mother’s dress,heels and a Marge Simpson necklace. Of course my Mother has pictures… Read more »
(Unapologetically stolen from a chain email I recieved) Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law. I have learned a great deal from your site, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend crossdressing, for example, I simply remind them that Deuteronomy 22:5 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them: – When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I… Read more »
this is a wife of a crossdresser,finding out my husband crosssdress i could not understand after 18yr in the army a partrooper and s/f way in the world would he want to be one,i see geting dress in the morning i love him but doing the job chambermaid,i try talking to him is it the unform he like,he told me its the only job he could get as a woman, he looks like a 50yr old woman,i cant belive it looking at him pulling upmy girdile hooking hie hose to it,then my bra 38DDD full slip & white unform black… Read more »
I feel your pain. I found out accidently that my husband was a cross dresser. I cant even begin to tell you how I would like to just end my life. I dont understand this at all. I am so hurt. I feel so betrayed. I tried to listen to him talk but nothing he says makes sense to me. Why did he have to wait till we were married for 4 years to accidently let me find out. Whats wrong with me as a woman? I do anything sexual he wants. I feel horrible, like I obviously am not… Read more »
Truely hurt it really sounds like his crossdressing is about you. That is a very common mistake. It is about him. Don’t ask why because even the best pschycologist don’t have that answer. Crossdressing can be a very shameful thing. That is why he didn’t tell you. The man is no less a man and your place in the house has not changed at all. That is all in your own mind. And as far as being innocent? That implies that someone is guilty. The only guilt is that guilt inside your husband that kept him from telling you. Believe… Read more »
spot on with that comment!
thank yu for your piece written on may 6th it was very helpful to this confused wife
most r scared to tell wife or spouse or mate cause they dont accept and they will still get there feelings only get deprived i have to try to hide it even thought hey all know
i wonder were do they put them
I found out about my boy(girl)friends cding on accident. Its so funny how when you find womens under garments you automaticly think their messing around but once you find the size 12 heel your pretty sure theres alot more going on! I was shocked and felt very betrayed. But after alot of talking and alil crying I understood that it wasn’t my fault(we can b so selfish sometimes)I said I loved him no matter what. Since then I have been involded with everything and our sex life has never been better! I think if we could stop being so closed… Read more »
Lani, thank you so much for your note. It always warms my heart when I hear about girl friends and wives who display such love and courage. I know it is not easy to accept in your man – it truly does take a special person to be willing to listen, and cry, and love.