Fear is our biggest problem. Fear causes us to limit our potential and hide our issues under a blanket of false happiness. The real problem with coming out isn’t the people we will upset, or the privileges we might lose. It is our fear of the unknown. Because we don’t know what is going to happen, we shy away from changes that can make us so much stronger and happier. We retreat into our shells and pretend our lives are safe, while underneath we are going insane and losing hope.
This is an attitude of “Why me?” It is how we all start out, if we are honest. We question our existence, blame others for our problems, and don’t trust anyone. And we only continue to feed our problems and feel even more sad and alone. And this is all because of the fear of being outed. I developed this fear, and a “Why me?” attitude to go along with it. I was so scared that my life was going to change forever, that I would lose my family, friends, job, and everything. I wanted to be able to express my femininity freely. But I blamed my problems on my situation, and I buried my true self in a safety net of sadness and skepticism. I was afraid of everything, and trusted nobody.
But, what if we could overcome this fear, this shame, this limitation? The truth is that all of us can overcome any fear. Every single person in this world can move beyond fear and into confidence. And the best news is that there is only one step!
Simply turn your “Why me?” attitude into a “Why not?” attitude.
A “Why not?” attitude says, “I am awesome the way I am, so there is no reason for me to question myself. I am doing what I love, what I know is right for me. So, why not?”
By shifting our attitude and focus from defending ourselves to improving ourselves, we can see past the risks, hurdles, and bullies, to a much better tomorrow. Instead of blaming others for hurting us, and being scared to take on the bullies, we can be bigger than them. We can use their insults as fuel for our own personal fire. We can grow through the experience. We can see the worst possible outcome and smile because it is at least better than where we started.
Don’t ask “What might happen?” Ask, “What do I need to change?” Instead of saying, “I could lose everything.” Remember, “I have nothing important to lose.” And trade your, “I can’t do this” for a proud and confident, “What can stop me?”
I have chosen to take a “Why not?” attitude, and it has made me happier and more confident in my own self. Is it scary? Risky? Am I afraid? Yes, I am very afraid. But there is incredible power in facing our fears – that power is freedom. The freedom of removing those things in my life that hold me back, and conquering those things that try to stop me. So what if I get hurt along the way? Pain is only as permanent as our focus on it. Loss is balanced by gain. Our scars make us unique, and share our story. So, what do I really have to lose? Not enough to ever make me stop. And even though I’m not where I ultimately want to be, I’m going to move forward and improve my life, step by step, and celebrate every little victory I can.
So I encourage you, when it comes to the change you want in your life, and the fears you face, ask yourself, “Why not!”
Spoken from your heart.
Thanks for sharing that wonderful story of personal growth and your ongoing quest for your true nature.
Love,
Tessa J.
Beautiful Emily! The “why not" attitude is one more people should adopt. Most people will either not care or be supportive, and those that are negative – are they really the type of people you want in your life? I had a similar epiphany about 4-1/2 months ago, and I haven’t looked back since. I haven’t come out to many people, I just don’t have many close friends; but I no longer fear them finding out. I finally started going out en femme a few months ago and what do you know – nobody cared, if anything they treated me… Read more »
Great article Emily.
A wonderful article, Emily, full of hope & positive energy. A really great first effort. Hopefully there are more coming.
I love your outlook and I’m sure that many of the girls here will have something they can take with them from it.
Hugs, always,
Aussie Mom.
Emily you touched upon what I found was a turning point in my own life. Once I stopped asking “why" – why me, why am I like this, why am I different – life got so much easier.
You have expressed, with true insight, a path to happiness and self acceptance I hope many follow,
Thank you for your story.
Great article Emily thank you for sharing
Emily ,
FABTASTIC article and great message! I am working toward getting to the WTH stage that you are speaking of. Soon I hope!
After reading your article I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about how your outlook on cross dressing is the best answer I’ve ever read.
It made me think that I should do the same as you and not try hiding what makes me feel the happiest.
Thank you for showing me a different way to look at myself and not worry about hiding the way that I like to look.
I’m going to use your :Why not me: approach and see what happens.
Again thanks for putting a different spin on it
As always
Janine
A very thought provoking article. Thanks for sharing Emily and hoping many positives will come from it.
Much love, Tanya ⚘⚘
Great article I am where you were I went to an event last night unable to dress because of my fears and insecurity . After meeting another sister there I became aware the everyone was having fun and it would have not mattered if I had been dressed or not . I need the confidence to be able to go out in fem for the first time and stories like yours lead the way for me
Ricki