My wife and I own a small farm. She works for a government department, and I work part time locally.

Because of the nature of her work, there is much she cannot share with me. Likewise, when I have counseled others in the past, I can’t share with her what the details were about.

We both like guns. We can spend hours together shooting tin cans. But when it comes to hunting, my wife doesn’t share the same passion I do for hunting and we’ll just leave it at that.

My wife knows I cross dress. We often go for pedicures together. She agrees with me that painted nails are much better looking than natural fungal yellow. Time to time I will wear some makeup, and or fingernail polish. I often dye my hair. She has often done it for me. Recently, from her suggestion, I have been going to a hairdresser to do it. It’s a much better quality, than a DIY shop bought package. And my hair hasn’t dried out as much.

En Femme Style

In cooler months I’ll wear tights, and pantyhose. Often under jeans. I have a collection of women’s skinny jeans, which she doesn’t mind my wearing.

That is the extent of my crossdressing with her. She knows I dress. She has washed and laundered some of my clothes. And put them away.

I’m ok with my wife’s limited involvement in my hobby…  To be sure, there are times I fantasize about us shopping together for outfits. Dressing up and going out together. And dressing in front of her.

The reality is, I realize that is more of an unrealistic fantasy, than it is a reality. (At least for now.)

I don’t get involved in my wife’s work. She has hobbies, which bore me to tears. I don’t do them with her. But time to time we discuss what she is doing.

I’m ok with my wife turning her back, and going inside, when its time pull the trigger on kill day. I’m ok for her not to be involved when I go hunting. Its ok for her not to empty our compost toilet bucket for that matter. (Yes, we are hillbilly off gridders.) Its ok for that to be my job.

Can you see where I’m headed with this? I believe it’s important for any couple to have honest discussions. Its ok for us to have realistic expectations of each other. For us, flirting with others is a no no. We both fully trust, and have each other’s back in this regard. Its ok for us to have confidentiality issues, that we cannot share with each other. Most professions have the same ethic. Doctors. Police. Judges. Accountants. Lawyers. Bankers. To name a few.

My wife is ok with me not being drawn to her hobbies and interests. And I’m ok with her not wanting to go with me to a gun show.

Anyways. I ramble. I had a gob smack revelation tonight while talking to someone else. I’m ok with my wife not being into the things I do. And I’m ok that time to time ethics prevent me from sharing detailed conversations with her. And of course, she with me. Why is it, I shouldn’t be ok with her not being involved more deeply, or being ok with my dressing?

For me, that mind shift has been freeing.

What’s your thoughts and reactions about what I have shared tonight?

Is there something I have shared that you can run with?

Exceptional Voice



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    Peta Mari

    Middleaged straight and happily married country boy. I changed my name from Mary Jane to Peta Mari. Mary Jane was a name my mother would call me in fits of anger. And frequent times of abusive punishment and treatment. My crossdressing came about as an alta ego to escape punishment for being a bad boy. Peta means rock. Which is similar to the meaning of my boys name. Mari means Star of the Sea. I decided if I can't escape the embrace of crossdressing, I can change my name to one I choose. Crossdressing has so many layers and depths to it. We sink or swim. Often drowning, choking and spluttering. With a mix of frolicking, and laying on our backs enjoying the floating sensation.. A star is but a giant burning rock. And therefore by choosing the name Peta Mari, I rock the sea. It no longer threatens me.

    Latest posts by Peta Mari (see all)

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    June (Rei) Durden
    Active Member
    2 years ago

    As much as my wife and I are similar (and I suppose being together for nearly 30 years might have something to do with that?) in many ways we are polar opposites.
    We celebrate our differences, her strengths and my weaknesses and vice versa make us better together. Having interests in areas of our lives that do not overlap often leads to new conversations and personal growth. In my opinion a relationship were both parties are nearly identical sounds tedious and exhausting.
    As an aside, your redneck off-grid lifestyle sounds magical, even if it means hauling buckets of human compost!

    Kendra Beauford
    Kendra Beauford
    2 years ago
    Reply to  Rei Durden

    Rei, I find your thoughts on “tedious and exhausting” to be enlightening. I think that is the challenge that my wife and are going through, right now. Thanks, MUCH!!

    Eda Friendly
    1 year ago
    Reply to  Rei Durden

    That is one of the best insights. Your wife does not go to gun shows and she knows that you go. Your wife does not dress up with you, but she knows that you dress en femme. She is not opposed to gun shows or the femme, she just does not participate. This sound very healthy to me. I am glad you two found a comfortable place.

    Noble Member
    2 years ago

    Really great article Mary Jane and I totally agree that maintaining some boundaries, even within the intimacy of a marriage, is OK and can even be healthy. The important thing is honest communication, where both parties are able to reach agreement on what/where those boundaries should be. This is one reason I find it a bit annoying when I hear people say that they “married their best friend.” To me, a best friend is someone we are very close to outside of the marriage. While my wife and I have loads of friends in common, we both also have our… Read more »

    Kathy LaDonna
    Trusted Member
    2 years ago

    What a lovely couple.

    Trusted Member
    2 years ago

    Really well done Mary Jane. It’s ok that our wives don’t share our interest in dressing. So many of us would love to be out in public dressed, hand in hand with our wives but the reality is many wives dont want to do that and that’s fine. But their acceptance of this side of us is far more important. Thanks

    Jamie Taal
    Active Member
    2 years ago

    This is such an eye opening perspective that I never though of. I don’t plan on transitioning so i guess it could be seen as a hobby versus a life and relationship altering situation. Like you my wife does not like guns, camping, sports…most “guy” things. Coincidentally she also does not like very girly-girl stuff (fashion, makeup etc) that I do. I guess i have enough interests for two people.   Likewise I am not drawn to many of her hobbies though i join in on them on occasion just to spend time together and be able to relate… Read more »

    Elizabeth Mead
    2 years ago

    Thank you for the insight Mary Jane. My wife and I share many commonalities with your family. I’m not into all of her hobbies, why should she be into all of mine? As long as I have a clear understanding of what my dressing means to me, I can have clear expectations for how my wife fits into it.

    Active Member
    2 years ago

    You folks seem to be a wonderful couple, respectful of each other’s boundaries and also, not giving up on each other interests and hobbies. You are also lucky that CDing has not dented your relationship. Respect for your SO. Although, I don’t think I am old enough to comment, I feel that there should not only be mutual respect, but also that thread of mutual attraction and admiration, that continues to foster as the years go by. Even if one’s counterpart is professional and respectful, it helps being more open, intimate and sharing of each other’s interests. Not interfering, although… Read more »

    Last edited 2 years ago by PrincessByDawn
    Raymond Swarmer
    2 years ago

    My wife and I are professional crafters, and we often collaborate on projects. She works with material and yarn and paint, and I in wood. She helps me with design, as I cannot draw a strait line without tools. Once I start to see an idea on paper, then I see how to make it. I, onthe other hand, could never do the work that she does. She can crochet a baby blanket, making the pattern as she goes. We work off of each others strengths. She loves my cross-dressing, helping to pick out outfits and make-up that suits me,… Read more »

    Mia Mor'e
    2 years ago

    It’s important to have boundaries. My wife knows and supports my crossdressing. We have rules when we go out. I can never be prettier than her, not a problem because she is beautiful. And I am not allowed to flirt. Again, not a problem because I am hers completely, forever.

    Debbie Smith
    2 years ago

    A lovely and loving article, Mary Jane! I hope all CD and SOs read this. From a SO perspective, I admire the respect that you give your wife. The honest discussions and no flirting agreement are particularly important. Like many SOs, I have been struggling more with lies, flirting, and sexually explict photos and messages than the actual dressing. We had been married for over 20 years before he made his CDing a more overt part of our life. Since he dresses around me and never asked if I minded or if I was okay with it, I believe that… Read more »

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