First off – deviant you are NOT!! Try and wash that from your thoughts, I know thats tough to do.
I can speak from a very similar experience with my ex-wife.
Whoever the person your committed to, in your case your wife, starts taking your vulnerabilities like cross dressing and turns them into a weapon to stab and hurt you…mmmm…its not a good sign to say the least.
My EX-wife did it to me. At that moment, our relationship was over because by weaponizing my dressing, she intentionally hurt me. Also by doing that, she betrayed my trust. Once trust is broken like that, its very hard to come back from.
Good luck to you, stand tall and strong
xo – Robyn