Hi Gabrielle (love the name – giggles),
I am right where you are right now! I’m in month 5 of estradiol and month 8 of spiro. I had to reduce the spiro a little because of the potassium spike. I don’t know if it’s had a significant effect since my endo also bumped up my patch from 0.05 to 0.1 mg/day. I can’t imagine having to stop estradiol for anything! I even like the sore nipples – it makes me know I’m on my way to my true self.
I understand your struggle all too well. When I first came out to my wife a year ago, I told her and my therapists my main priority was to somnehow keep our marriage together. And I thought that would happen even after I admitted I needed to transition. My wife insisted no full bottom surgery (we agreed an orchiectomy would be good to get me off the spiro) and I felt like that was a reasonable request. Now, I’m starting to be on the fence about it – maybe a zero-depth procedure so I don’t have to dialate, but then again… (LoL!).
Not because of the transitioning (totally), we just moved into separate apartments at the end of June, and my wife says she doesn’t think she will ever be attracted to Brielle. We aren’t even sure we can cohabitate as roommates. The separation is not my choice or wish. I wanted the happy-ever-after success story. Maybe it can still happen, but my wife will need to completely rethink her view of living with Brielle.
I can’t say I recommend how it happened for me – waiting 40 years to tell my wife I had secret feminine feelings that needed an outlet. Then before she could even get her head around that I took it next level and said I needed to live as a woman full-time. The resentment just can’t be overcome (yet). I’m planning for the worst, but hoping for the best.
Anyway, way more to the story – a future article or set of articles! Thanks for a thought-provoking survey.
Brielle (Gabrielle, without the “Gah”)