Hi Holly, I was going to vote ‘I think I do’ and then I read your post fully and I easily voted ‘Yes’. Ever since I began accepting that I would be married, I always wanted children, although I would usually yield to my spouse’s current desires. I did wind up with three whom I love dearly, and of course, went through, with vigor, all the motions that dads are supposed to have. A good example is base/softball. I’d ask my son if he wanted to play catch and he never said no, but I asked, and he played rec ball but switched to other sports where I couldn’t help. My daughters on the other hand stuck through softball onto varsity and while with one I’d ask and she would always say yes, the other was constantly asking me and I always said yes. So there’s the ‘fatherly’ instinct.
However, my ex abandoned me and our 1 year old son and I had absolutely no desire to ever give him up, playing with him, feeding him (and coming up with some variety!!!) teaching him to walk alone (he hadn’t yet), taking him to doctor visits, almost going into tears when he’d hurt himself ( he once had a temp of 102 or 3 and I took him to the emergency room and they had me give him an ice bath – talk about the tears!!!), and of course changing diapers, doing the washing and cleaning, all those things. I didn’t love doing them, but I didn’t hate doing them, they were things that had to be done and it was my responsibility. When my daughters came along, I was right there again doing what I could to help my spouse. And with our youngest grandson, well, his mother had gone back to college, his father and my spouse both worked, and I was just retired, so for about the 6 or so months, during the day, I fed him, changed diapers, played with him, put him down for naps, like 4 or so days per week…and I loved it.
I’m still expected to perform ‘manly’ tasks, although I have never cared for them, you know like plumbing, electrical. I’ll do them when needed, but things like reading stories to my grandkids, playing with my younger granddaughter who is a live wire, well I look forward to those times.
We just finished renting a rug cleaning unit to clean an area rug in one of our rooms. We both were involved, and I just finished (by myself) putting the room back together, vacuuming the furniture, arranging the pillows on the sofa, getting the room nice and neat which I didn’t mind at all…and now I’ll have to (ugh) go out and do some grass trimming. That! is not my idea of a nice time.
Hugs, ChloëC
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