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I moved to my present location two months ago, I love the atmosphere and friendliness I have found. I often attended the church in the village where I used to live. The small but close knit community accepted me,not from the start but once they realised I had a gift for DIY and fund raising they came to accept that the ‘Tall Lady’, as the vicars daughter called me was an asset to the church community
After I retired I no longer needed to live close to the city so I sold my large house and bought a cottage in my present village. I have no close neighbours, but the post lady and village postmistress both know of me,so no doubt I am now known by most of the village.
Last Friday I dropped a letter through the letterbox of the vicarage telling a little about Myself and to offer my services to the church. I also asked if I could attend morning service the coming Sunday(today).
I received no reply, not even the courtesy of a polite rejection of my services or attendance,so this morning I took my ‘church outfit’ from its hanger, a smart but plain navy skirt suit with white piping to the collar, cuffs and hem of the jacket and matching pleated skirt, white top ,nude tights and navy low heeled shoes.
I had no wish to cause a fuss and less so in church, so I parked away from the church square and walked to the church. I was the recipient of several “ Good Morning “ and equally as many warm smiles.
I had no intention of now entering the church but something pulled at me to walk up the gravel path to the church door. The large woman standing within the doorway was clearly ‘somebody’ in the village as around her hovered several of her acolytes. I walked on and became the focus of their attention but just before the entrance I took a pathway towards the graveyard.
I sensed their eyes on me until I turned the corner and out of view I sat on a bench and thought to myself “ what makes them so special, the church or their own self righteous feelings of piety “
I returned home feeling I have made a mistake moving here. I am in no doubt that the coven around the entrance accepted that I was a woman , but their unsmiling welcome or lack of it was in no way a Christian one or at least not one I am aware off.
i do hope they come knocking on my door when they next need volunteers or have a collection for charity as I will invite them in and show them true Christian charity and acceptance of others.
i apologise now if I have offended anyone,it was not my intention. I wished just to vent my annoyance being tried in my abscense. I hope the vicar likes my next letter of introduction, the one I intend writing to the parish news.
Hi Faye! Sweetie…..as a World Traveler, I have lived in many small towns. First of all….most of the people were born raised and live there. A stranger in town is something different and gossip will fly. Also….there is a “pecking order” in these areas. and you will find this no matter where you go. Thanks to the media…..being suspicious of you has become natural. Yes…times have changed a lot of things..not for the better. I have been in this town for 3 years….people still won’t acknowlege me on the street but when I am buying stuff from them….best buddies till I leave the premises. Don’t be afraid of them just walk on by and give them more to talk about in their coffee clubs. My town is 11,000. My apt. building is full of seniors and I am referred to as “The General”…….I wear my old uniform jacket from Vietnam…really I was a Leutenant….not a general. I also belong to the Confederate Air Force as a Colonel…….honorary position. They restore and fly old WW2 aircraft from Dallas.
Be patient and don’t shun the town folk…that will make it worse. Just do what you do, they will come around in time.
Dame Veronica
Faye, How do you know that you were not accepted? Did someone say something to you or not say something ? Not receiving a response from the church ? I don’t go to church. I did when my children were younger. But when I first told my wife of my crossdressing the church pastor helped me. We were married 10 yrs when my wife found out. I saw the pastor and he said ” It was not a sin and it was something between my wife and myself. This helped my wife greatly. She is a very strong catholic. we are married 47 years and have 5 children and 5 grandchildren. She will never accept my femme side, but I am able to express it outside the home. That pastor passed away recently. I went to his wake and was overwhelmed seeing him. I go to church functions with my wife. I often think,What would theses people think of me if they knew of my femme side ? Church is what you get out of it. I talk to God everyday. He has helped me.
TerriI have gone dressed as a girl when I was younger, and again as an adult. I felt the stares, but this is my opportunity to be with the lord. I ignored all the negativity, and even had a lady hold my hand as we said the our father, which nearly made me cry. I even went forward to get the Eucharist, I hate how people feel they have the right to judge, everyone who believes in God should be allowed to experience God without judgement of those who wish to experience it themselves. I was dressed totally appropriately, unlike some of the girls I saw wearing clothes for a date, or the club.
Hi Faye, I feel it’s important to keep up the fight against hypocrisy, especially in the church, which fundamentally has no place for it.
One of my ambitions is to go to a church service fully femme, in Sunday best (definitely not club wear!), just as I wanted to as a child.
My parents maintained the deep church ties that my grandparents on both sides had.
My brother, sister and I were all recruited to the choir, I was confirmed (against my will) when I was 12, and only got out when I was 18 and my parents no longer had any say.
They might have been heartbroken, but by then I was furious that I had been force subjected to what I came to see as a few morality tales wrapped up in mind control for so long.
Especially when I saw people who were regular church goers give little or no consideration to the teachings in their daily lives.
Nice as pie in church, nasty pieces of work outside of it. With a very few exceptions, who I quickly came to see as brainwashed, but later realised were the few genuinely nice people who I should have spent more time with.
I fully intend to go to mass at the church which inflicted so many years of torture on me, in order that I may fully forgive, and move on from hangovers I don’t need.
The last time I was there, for a carol service, I recognised a surprising number of people who attended back then, well over 40 years ago. Much older, of course, but still recognisable. I would like them to meet me!
Although the experience had the wrong effect, in that it converted me to absolute atheism, based entirely on what the bible and clergy had to say, I have no problems with the fundamental notions of a wholesome and socially charitable way of life.
Only Deuteronomy seems to have issues with cross dressing, and he encourages true believers to kill the infidels as they are inferior.
Cross dressing isn’t a sin, treating people badly because of the way they look is.
Love Laura.
I’m sorry to hear of the response you received. I too struggled for a long yime with reconciling my faith and my crossdressing. I too thought Deuteronomy condemned me. A quick Google search should dispel that notion rather easily. I have been told by two seperate Catholic priests that the mere fact of crossdressing is a moral neutral. It becomes problematic only if it leads to things that are intrinsically wrong, infidelity, selfishness, etc. By itself, however, it’s morally neutral. I personally would not attend public worship as Jennifer unless I was able to pass perfectly. (not too likely) I say this NOT because I feel I’d be doing anything wrong but rather because I believe church is a time for people to focus on God, not the other people in the pews. In my thinking it would be the same effect as if a ballet dancer or a cowboy or a circus clown sat down beside me. Nothing wrong with any of them but they certainly would attract attention (not necessarily negative attention either) and distract others from the matter at hand, meaning worship.
I too have had experience with Christians who behave in un-Christian ways out of church. At times, in fact, that has been me! Most of us, if we’re honest, struggle against hypocrisy. I try not to look for perfection in folks. Like Pope Francis has reminded us, the Church is not meant to be seen as a museum for saints, but a field hospital for sinners. Me included. Just my two cents. I hope you’ve been accepted a bit more since you’ve posted this. Please feel free to message me if you like.
-Jen
Since I have heard the scriptures over and over, I do get and admire the central messages, and value religion for moral teachings (none of us are that strong, it’s true, but most people need some kind of role model, and Christ is a good foundation – so is Mohammed in the newer scriptures – I cannot help but see similarities between the Christian and Muslim faiths, and can’t bear it that most seem to think the two should be so separate – defeats many central points, I feel).
While I get the clown analogy, I think people also get distracted by severely disabled people, fat people, inappropriately dressed people and so on.
This is a kind of self-absorption that folks should try to eradicate. We need to embrace different people, not stare at them in disbelief.
That’s my reason for not going for perfect passability, which I will no more achieve than a devout church goer will become a perfect Christian – perfection is something to strive for, so I applaud your efforts, and would love to look convincing one day. That day is not now, but I need to be myself now, as perfect as I can be – and hope to be accepted, so that I can improve, and give more back than I ask for.
Cross dressing can be a very selfish, self-conscious absorbed thing if you allow it to, and 40 odd years of hiding it has made me way more selfish than I realised.
“Coming out” has made me look at myself very honestly. With several layers of hidden need attended to, I see a lot of “want”, which is ugly, and I find that trying to “fix” this aspect carries a time penalty, as I’m busy on CDH, shopping sites, or my own thoughts, thinking about the trips ahead, what I want to wear – all distractions from my family.
Recognition is the first step, and it’s not too hard to action, it’s keeping the momentum that’s hard!
Enough of my self-analysis – I really hope it’s of some use to others, sharing this. I do take hints…
Love Laura
Thank you all for so many debatable opinions. I am not one to debate the rights or wrongs of politics and more importantly this is not the place to do so.
’Going to church’ was not a criticism of the Christian church or any other church etc, it was a criticism on the pious and general tunnel vision of the (dwindling) congregation of my local church, which I no longer attend.
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