Teetering On The Edge

[Marika Jaye]

My fiancée and I have been together for over 9 years now. Early on, I confessed that I had crossdressed in the past, but believed that it was a phase I had grown out of. Well, I didn’t grow out of it and now it has progressed to the point that I want to fully explore and enjoy this part of myself by going out in public in skirts & dresses, etc. I’ve purchased wigs, makeup and jewelry to help complete the feminine illusion, and I have a few very supportive female friends who enjoy my company regardless of my attire. My entire family is also supportive to varying degrees. The only reason I’m still not “out there” basking in my girliness is my unsupportive fiancée.

Last night we visited a bar we both like. At the bar was a friend who didn’t know about Marika. I knew she would be thrilled to find out, so, with the help of alcohol, I worked up the courage to tell her about my feminine ways and even showed her a photo from my last “all the way” outing. As I suspected, she was ecstatic. Despite my admonitions to keep it hush hush, alcohol amplified her voice enough that the bartender caught the gist of what we were discussing. Not knowing it was supposed to be kept to a whisper, the bartender started telling my fiancée about breast plates, etc. This sent my fiancée over the edge. She interrogated me all the way home and I felt the familiar shame and depression I’ve become so used to creeping back into my soul.

I’m convinced this relationship is doomed. I can’t stay with her just for the sake of familiarity. Though she’s a wonderful person in every other conceivable way, she’s far too judgmental when it comes to this topic, and I feel like I’m being burned alive from the inside out. I can’t forsake myself to keep her. I can’t make her see how deeply her judgment hurts me. The only relief I can see lies in letting her go, but I feel so strongly for her that I can’t envision my world without her in it. I’m at a crossroads, and either direction I take is going to cause me serious pain.

The pain of losing this amazing person will wane with time. The pain of restricting myself to appease her will be with me forever. I know what I have to do.

[Anonymous]

Marika,

nobody should ever be in a situation where they have to decide between who they are and who they love. It is like having to decide which healty leg you wan amputated.

Saldly, that is how it is for many. Can you supress expresing who you are? Likely yes. But for how long?

Whatever you decide will be really hard to do, but at the end it will be ok…

love

Gaby

[Dame Veronica Graunwolf]

Marika……..hello sweetie. OMG what a disaster for you. I feel bad about the whole scene.

If it is any consolation……it was better to have happened now than after marriage. Honey….in life….you must be good and honest with yourself before you can be same with others, otherwise….a miserable life ensues. That must not happen. I am sure you will read about this at CDH and TGH more times than not.

I am here for you to talk with, obtain advice and just chat about anything. This scenario will take getting over and in time you will find another, I am certain.

Take care…..bonne chance…mon amie!

Dame Veronica

[Fiona-Ann Moss]

hi marika. this is an incredibly hard question to answer without offending either person. its one of those questions where you have to view it from both persons perspective.

I know myself with personal experience that cross dressing just does not go away, if anything, the feelings and emotions build stronger over time. with time becomes a need for venturing forward and exploring new avenues as it were.

women tend to come in two main types, the open-minded sort and the closed minded sort. with the open-minded type, you stand an above average chance of being accepted, with the closed minded type, there is a much lower chance. (I know i’m going to get a backlash over this!).

your big problem here, the way I see it is your fiancée either doesn’t understand or simply does not want to understand. many women want a man and they simply cant accept a man trying to become the same as her gender. I know its wrong and you know its wrong but it is the way it goes. trying to force her to accept almost certainly will result in a break up. I cant answer really what to do but the only ways out are either end the relationship or much better, try to have a compromise where she could accept you wearing clothes in the house, for instance, like me, at weekends only. I really dont want you to finish with your fiancée as really, its not her fault, she simply doesn’t agree or understand it. maybe talking with her on your own, with her in the right frame of mind might help? just go easy and if she relents a little, just take it slow to begin with, dont rush!

I really wish I could be much more help with this one, but its a really tough one to answer without me looking the bad one here! I wish you well! and good luck!

fiona xx

[Sera Surprise]

Marika Jaye, I love your bravery sharing. There is no easy answer. Remember this all of this no matter how it plays out will make you, MARIKA JAYE stronger. 💪💪💪

I think about situations like what your going through. That hardest part for me would be my mother, dad, and then brother. Although my bro would only sting me in his beginning response but would expect me.

At the end of the day we should all strive for someone who understands and or accepts us.

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