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I don’t rember how old i was, maybe 10 or 11. I asked my mom if i can dress up as a girl, and she let me, so sometimes she let me dress as a girl while she was at home. So i got older few years later, and there was pause from crosdressing.Then the teenager years came, and i started again crossdress only when i was home alone.Finished highschool, started work in one place then another place, wen’t to university droped out, and so on for 5 years, i had depression because since 9 grade,my parents are pretty conservative and we dont talk how was the day or how do you feel.
All this time i always think how i used to crossdress , that excitement when i put on pantyhose, bra ,blouse , skirt , make up. It always makes me so happy when i remmber it, and i see in shops or women on street i imagen how it would be i had her dress or that lingeria on me, sometimes i even dream about being a women and wear all that silky soft lingeria and clothes.
I met my second girlfriend ,now we been together for 2 years. After while i told her about this crossdressing stuff, she was in shocked that was really hard time for few months. I told that i have urge to dress up sometimes. And i don’t understand why i have it. We talked a lot, about it.
For few months i had no urge to dress,and times goes and again i start to think about dressing up, and now she says if you wan’t to wear women panties do it,because if its forbidden it could make bigger urge to me to do it. But its just a fetish. I don’t know if its fetish or what, the urge to dress up as a women always comes back again and again, stronger and stronger all those thoughts comes back ,i think about crossdressing almost everyday. The urge to dress up in those sexy silky soft clothes is so big, that makes me crazy, can’t think or work my hands even start to shake. I don’t know if urge ever will go away,because when it comes it comes so strong, for few days i feel good, but then again boom i wan’t to check women lingeria or clothes again again, and think about it. Sometimes i think why i can’t just die, because these thoughts are strong and so intense . And nobody understands me, and i won’t talk to anybody about this, because they will call me sick or gay. I don’t like men beards or muscles not attracted to that, no i like women clothes women stuff soft silky cute things, and i like to be a men too be manly, but this urge sometimes to be a women is also strong.I dream how good i would feel in lingeria in silky dress, in high heels and make up,with nice hairstyle and dress like this sometimes even every day,when i think like this i feel wierd feeling inside me and i kinda like it.
I really don’t understand whats happening to me,i’m sick or its just ho i am? This urge to crossdress and what to do with my life make me unstable, my hand shaking my heart goes faster faster what to do whats happening, why the urge to crossdress doesn’t go away, why i wan’t to do it. Is there help or way to discover whats wrong with me what should i do and ho i am?
Sorry for bad grammar, this was quick story about short version.
hello Tracey nice to meet you , have read your story about dressing up, it sounds all to familiar, you are just human beings that are male but want to show our feminine side or should i say how pretty we can be as woman. yes woman get to wear all that pretty color stuff and satin and silk clothing. but in the other hand woman wear pants and shirt and socks and sneakers. then they go out shopping or just go out that way. what is so wrong with men wearing a dress, nylons,heels and make up and perfume if they want to wear make up and perfume or just wear nylons and a dress and heels. then we can see for our self;s what real woman go though to look pretty and walk in heels. it not right for men to wear the opposite clothing, its not right for woman to wear mens clothing then. to me its just clothing. people do not under stand the world of x dressing. we would be called names in which i wont go there. i don’t like to be called names, i am just a x dresser who wants to show her feminine side, but for going out doors and shop or drive around, NO. just for that reason people do not under stand. we are not sick the rest of the world is. rossan has a show about her grandson or what ever the boy is on the show, he dresses up in female clothing and just likes the color of the clothing and wants to show it off, but society is not ready for our x dressing, that is a good thing for every one to watch, learn what the boy is saying and why he dresses up in a skirt, dress, colorful clothing. then society might under stand the world of x dressing. i am 55 years old and started when i had to wear a pair of tights in a school play, i was hooked. on and off with my x dressing, then more and more it got stronger, where i cant go a day with out wearing a dress or skirt and make up. i under dress allot more, its were you wear female cloths first then male cloths over them . no one sees you wearing a bra, dress, nylons, no make up or perfume and heels. just the feel of the dress or skirt and nylons on is enough to make me happy. yes dressing up as a female makes me happy and more human. why we do it? its the colorful things woman can wear and we cants, its the feeling of the satin or silk on us, its being happy and free or being depressed. my wife knows of my x dressing, she tells me i can dress up for 2 adult kids are not home, but she tells me i make her sick, make up her mind she lets me dress up then i make her sick. i think its i look prettier then her, sure she has the boobs and other part, we have to make our boobs bigger by using a sock or buy boob enhancers. . the thing is woman don’t understand us when we dress up. seeing us in a dress is like a man in a dress look, but allot of x dressers really look and pass as females. some x dress for a living and make good money at it. woman should try to understand us and what we go though when we dress up. we know what it takes to look and pass as a female not to mention the cost of clothing,make up,and all that to look and pass as a female. what its like to walk in heels and time it takes to dress up. we are not weird, if we try to talk to our gf or s.o on dressing up they don’t want to hear it . feel free to read my profile and look around on this site and join a group, meet new friends. i just added you to mine. have a great day
Its like i started crossdressing at age 10 or so, it just happened i was curious how it is to be women or atleast how does it feel to be dressed up. I have to be honest the urge doesn’t goes anywhere sometimes i wanna do it so much, sometimes not.
Im not going to spread around world that i like to do it. I feel bad for crossdressing because world tells me i’m sicko. I’m not. I’m not drug addict ,killer or somethingelse. I feel,it would be lot easier for me if Gf would accept me more. But i afraid to talk about this with her again,because she will think its back again . Yes i like wear girl panties,because they are much comfortable much more to choose and they are sexy. I don’t feel like gay, i still feel like men even if i wear them. It just gives you great feeling freedom. I can’t deny myself, but its struggle to calm down your thoughts and don’t talk to anybody about this, more i keep this inside in me i think i’m going crazy and start to be sad. Thanks for your help!
Tracy….hi. Sweetie…..lot of males like to wear female attire……..you are not alone here. Cross dressers come from all walks of life as well as all ages. We all (humans) are pretty much built the same way….feminine/male. It is just reproductive glands that set us apart. A lot can be said for cross dressing. Look at Oscar night….all the men are indistinguishable from each other but the girls….are all very distinctive. I find that the panties are cooler and much more of a better fit than mens underwear and so soft. Really, mens clothing is sooo boring. It sounds like cross dressing is part of your destiny and I hope your girl friend goes along with it. It is always better to be yourself first and please others later. I could go on and on about this subject, as I have spent much time studying female minds and behaviors, but that is very involved. If you wish to know more….let me know and I will fill you in.
All the best………
Lady Veronica
Tracey, Welcome to CDH. I think your story is very similar to many of us. Some waited to later in life for the urge to over whelm us but most are asking the same questions and many of use are not gay. Sex and Gender are two different things. There are many many stories here and forums and tips to help you out. I hope you stay around and read some and talk with others or myself if you like. I think you will find you are not that strange or different others here. Many of us live a life very similar to yours. You will find a spectrum of Crossdresser and Transgenders, some at the beginning just finding themselves and some that have decided to transition all the way to being a woman. You will find you position in that spectrum and hopefully find peace with yourself as who you are and who you want to be. Talk with the ladies here and drop a line to me if you like. Good luck and again welcome to CDH.
Sara
don’t be that way we all wear panties, better fit and feels comfortable to wear, better then boxers or male undies, i find wearing female panties more comfortable to wear, better fit. i also hope you stay here at C.D.H and find us very understanding and welcoming you. there is allot of articles to read, groups to join, even meet new friends to chat with
Hi Tracy and welcome to CDH. All of us have had the same problems your facing. We are not all homosexuals. Remember, we change our sex in our mothers womb at a certain time while were in there. So we’re all girls at one time in our development. It’s only natural to want to wear woman’s clothes and act girly. Men all have a male and female side. Some of them never have an urge to dress and other like us have the urge and just can’t stop. Your not sick, so do what makes you feel right sweetie. Hope you love this site as we all do. This is probably the only place you can be honest with your friends about how you feel inside.
wow i never thought of that part being in moms womb while being born we are female and male until almost birth, so that is the reason why i love to dress up , her i thought it was because i had to wear tights in a school play, put i think it started my x dressing to start up and be more feminine then i am. now 55 and buy my own female attire and dress almost daily with male cloths over them. thanks for letting me know that. i feel better now. but i know i am not alone in this world of x dressing, its society that has to except us. we are not the bad words they call us either.
Thank you girls for help and your thoughts made me little comfortable about myself. Only these kinda forums and places can help us and help each other.
Some of people maybe think that we are sissies or gays, that can’t defend ourselves. But you have to be very brave and strong to live like you want to live, to wear dress and be happy,to think different ,to be truly yourself.
I will check more info about how to deal with Gf ,about my feelings and searching how I feel about this. Thanks for supporting, it really means a lot for me.
Hello Tracey.
Here is a link that helped me a lot and I will post the content here too.
https://www.livestrong.com/article/231357-when-does-a-baby-develop-gender/
Gender Assigned
Gender is determined immediately upon fertilization. The 23rd pair of chromosomes establishes the sex of the baby. The mother’s egg contains an X chromosome, while the father’s sperm carries either another X or a Y chromosome. An XX combination means your baby is female and an XY combination means your baby is male. This means that the baby’s gender is determined before it is even considered a fetus.
Development
Though during the first few weeks of fetal development your baby’s internal and external genital structures are the same, the organs will eventually change. Your baby’s gonads will either become ovaries or testicles. The phallus will become either a clitoris or a penis, and the genital folds will become either labia or scrotum. This all depends whether or not testosterone is present. Testosterone will be present in embryos with a Y chromosome, and male sex organs will begin to form. If testosterone is not present, female organs will develop, making female the “default sex” for human beings.
Sex Organs Are Visible
Although your baby’s gender is determined immediately upon fertilization, you will not be able to know the sex until about the 16th to 18th week of pregnancy. At around the sixth week your baby will develop a small bud called the genital tuber at the site of the genitals. This will look the same for boys and girls until around the 9th week when the sex organs begin to form. By the end of the 20th week, the external sex organs should be fully formed for both male and female babies.
Intersex Babies
According to the Intersex Society of North America (ISNA), “intersex” is a term used to describe a variety of conditions in which a person is born with a sexual anatomy that doesn’t fit typical definitions of male or female. For instance, a person may be born with genitals that are in between usual male and female parts or may be born with both XX and XY chromosomes. The ISNA says to understand intersex, think of gender like the color spectrum. Sex organs vary in shape and size and sex chromosomes can vary as well. While most cultures divide people into male and female categories, this is not the way of nature. This condition is very rare but it does exist.
Gender as a Controversial Issue
The word “gender” has become quite controversial. Some say gender is biological while others say gender is purely a product of the child’s environment. In other words, if you put a child in a pink room and teach him or her to play with dolls, that baby will identify as a girl. If you put a child in a blue room and teach him or her to play with trucks, he or she will identify as boy. The truth probably lies somewhere in between. Whether it is biology or the environment, KidsHealth says that by age 2 or 3, your baby will begin to develop an awareness of being either male or female and begin to act accordingly.
by JAMIE MASTRANGELO.
Tracey, here are some of my thoughts too.
There have been lots of reasons suggested why we cross dress. I know I looked into a bunch. I had my hormones tested ( I have perfectly average testosterone levels ). I talked to a sexologist counselor, and she said she should start a club for all of us ‘girls’ because she has had so may cross dressers coming to her these days, and most are heterosexual. She confirmed to me that I was way more normal than society is letting on. She said she estimates that 15 to 20% of men at one time or another are interested in wearing woman’s clothes, whether they admit it or not. I did grow up with a few male role models, yet I was a bit of a momma’s boy. I was given boy toys, had male friends, and was never put into girl clothes. My wife is a holistic counselor and she talks about past life bleeds, that in a past life I was a woman and some of those feelings are coming trough. I’m not sure if I believe that to be true or not, I’m just passing along what I has been suggested to me. Take away whatever feels right to you.
Yet at the age of 7 I saw a dress and put it on. It felt good. Why? I don’t know, it just did.
Now that I’m in my 40’s the urge became so strong that I told my wife, and she is getting used to the idea. I under dress every day ( bra and panties ), and when I get home from work I change into silky pink PJ’s, soft onesies, or girl jeans and tight tops ( I’m still surprised how femme I feel in nice tight skinny girl jeans ). I wear a one piece woman’s bathing suit in the hot tub. This is all within my wifes comfort zone, or almost at least. I go out in public in girl jeans and tops, that don’t stand out too much, but I know I’m in girl clothes and that is what matters to me. I just feel more like me these days in femme clothes.
Don’t despair Tracey, you are not sick, you are just you. Be the best you can be under the circumstances that life has handed you, while hoping for better. I still question myself as to why, but in the end, I am me and I love girl clothes, and that’s that.
I hope this helps, reach out anytime, you are among friends.
Hugs,
Katie.
<b>How did she accepted that, because I feel terrible that I used to crossdress because my girl won’t accept it.</b>
Hiw did, your wife accepted it?
Because my girl says, that I have to get rid of it and it’s not right, she sometimes says something and thats not very nice because it hurts ,because I crossdressed , you talked a lot about it?
I wish I could slip into silky satin robe and panties and relax after hard day at work.
Hi, Trace
I know how you feel because your story is very familiar to me. It is how my life has been. I, too, use o fight the urge. Even went for 1 year without crossdressing, but the urge always returns and wins. Now that I’m older, I no longer fight the urge. Instead, I learned enjoy my feminine side. The only problem was the loneliness, which is why I sought a place like Crossdresser Heaven.
Edie
Yes the feeling being alone , is so terrible at least for me. I have thought about being myself, but the hard part is that I love my Gf so much, but she doesn’t want to accept it. I feel bad about myself that I ruin our both life’s.
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