Hi Christina, your daughter sounds amazing! She is so brave and in tune with what she needs – it’s so heartwarming to hear.
Sorry that your wife is not as affirming to you. But I guess there are a couple of things in play. The mother in her wants to nurture and support her child no matter what (just as you have – good on you!). As a wife, she has a long peroid of knowing you and being intimate with a male she married (I assume you came out to her sometime after you married). Just like many of us aren’t attracted to genetic men, she is not attracted to women, so that leads her to distance herself.
Christine is an additional person now in the relationship. Your wife will be naturally resentful and suspicious of her until she knows Christine is not a threat to your relationship. She also is probably concerned with the embarrassment she imagines may come if anyone she knows finds out and makes fun of you (and HER!). If you are fully closeted, then that may seem like an irrational fear, but it IS valid for her.
The marriage covenant has been altered, and she deserves to feel safe and feel that you are going to protect her. If you are not in couple’s therapy I highly recommend it. It has helped my wife and I navigate my reveal and subsequent announcement that I need to transition (at least hormonally and socially) to be true to myself.
It just boils down to trust. You’ll have to reestablish it for her to move closer to acceptance. Good luck and let us know how your daughter gets on!
Hugs,
Brie
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