I feel you. I will too was looking for someone who was a reflection of my inner self. I can to CDH to find that and like you I didn’t find it. I realized although we have this commonality in dressing in our feminine self we are definitely a wide spectrum of CDs. I found support and love here via the small things of interest that we all seem to share. That led to tackling bigger issues. I’m still very much a male in my day to day but I know longer think of it as being in the closet. The truth is even when I’m in male mood I know in my mind I’m a girl. Getting dressed only lets the world see me. Hang in there you are not alone.