Hi Birdie and welcome to CDH. I sincerely hope you find the answers you’re looking for for both you and your husband. I have been married for 47 years, my wife is tolerating my crossdressing at best but does not want to meet Trish or have anything to do with her. She is also very conservative and also a very black and white type, no gray areas.
I told my wife about my cross dressing before we got married. I couldn’t go into a relationship like that with a major secret. I also wanted to give her the opportunity to cut and run if that’s what she wanted to do. We have talked about it but cannot get through to her that it is not a competition between us. That I’m not trying to look better than her as a female (as if I could). But it just doesn’t register with her. We are still together in a somewhat strained relation ship which could be so much better for both of us if she was able to at least accept Trish. I think the strain between us would disappear and we both would be a lot closer than we are now. I asked her one time why she married me if she couldn’t accept the female part of me. Her reply was I thought I could change you.
So I guess from all I’ve written maybe if you take away that you cannot change him. The female part of him has been there since birth. You do not need to be a part of his cross dressing but being tolerant and non judge mental of his desires would reap benefits for both of you. And save you both from life of unnecessary stress and grief. I wish both of you success in dealing with the crossdressing and hope you can find each other in it. My best wishes to both of you.
Love,
Trish
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