Reply To: If things were different.

[MelanieElizabeth]

Omg Ashley this is such a Pandora’s box I don’t even want to think about it. Although I have many times over the years as I’m sure we all have. I wouldn’t want to change my life much but I do wish I had a better understanding of myself at an earlier age. I could have have expressed my feelings to my wife before marriage and children but like many of us I didn’t know what I truly was so it wasn’t  possible. I have been in my current relationship since high school and back then I had no idea I was a cd, I knew I was different than most. I knew I enjoyed femme clothing since early childhood but what did that really mean? I knew I wasn’t gay but something was always amiss, I tried to ignore the urges, tried to deny myself and pretend it didn’t exist but this only led to more difficulties later in life. Growing up in the late 80s and early 90s the only glimpse into this lifestyle was from the day time talk shows like sally Jesse or Donahue, so that’s not exactly a world I wanted to explore. So things were driven into hiding, spent many years denying even to myself that I was a cd. Putting it into a nutshell if I could go back I wish I had admitted I had a femme side first to myself and then to the one person I chose to share my life with. If I’d done these things earlier I’d have spent far less time feeling guilty about this benign activity and maybe my wife would have had an easier time accepting me and maybe just maybe carved out a little time for the two of us to enjoy a girls night out together once in a while.  A girl can dream can’t she?