The lies started long before the wife entered the picture, lies to parents, siblings, friends and ultimately to ones self. They lie to them selves when they purge everything and swear they will never do it again. The secret takes a life of its own, I have friends that their grown kids know but the ex-wife and other family members do not. If somebody starts at 8-9 yrs. old and meets their wife at 25 that have 15-17 years of secret keeping.
I see all the “progressive” thinking in schools and allowing children to express themselves, sometimes it seems to go too far, but may be the pendulum swings too far, hopefully we can get to a place where those 8-9 year-olds can admit their desires when asked and the hiding and lying can stop.