I’ve always found it interesting that cross dressing can be tolerated as a sexual kink, but not as anything more fundamental. I know, the objection is usually that “I married a man”, but one might think that a cross dressing sexual partner could seem decidedly less manly, and might logically raise deeper questions about that person’s gender identity.
I will use my own life as an example, I told my ex before we married about my cross dressing, which was limited to panties and nylons at the time. To be honest, I fudged a bit when she asked if I wanted to dress completely as a woman and whether I wanted to be a woman. While the real answer in both cases was yes, I considered both outside the range of possibility, and responded with a no. After a few minutes of reflection, she remarked that “its only clothes.” Looking back, I am pretty sure she rationalized my cross dressing away as a harmless kink.
A decade later, I was increasingly feeling the desire to present as a woman and had experimented enough to one day realize that it was possible. I handled the reveal rather clumsily but she soldiered on for a couple years before the stress got the better of her and w/o 5 years she asked for a separation.
Had I changed? Yes, of course. At least I changed what I was able to admit to myself and to her. I suppose that in the process I confirmed her worst doubts.
Perhaps some of these observations will apply to your situation, but please remember that your mileage may vary.
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