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A lot has been said of wives being upset with the crossdressing spouse when they come out or worse are caught. It stems from the idea that the crossdresser has been withholding, concealing, lying, etc. about this aspect of their lives. A willful and intentional deceit. It often is willful and intentional – it certainly is within my relationship.
You see, when I met my wife a little over 10 years ago crossdressing wasn’t in my mind. It was something that had popped up occasionally since I was prepubescent, but I hadn’t engaged in it nor thought about in a very long time so there didn’t seem to be a reason to bring it up while we were dating. I had no idea the desire was just in a deep hibernation. Then around two years ago the stress of our new covid world came to weigh on me and crossdressing emerged as a welcome escape. However, this time it came with much stronger desired than ever before. And the desire/need demanded more than a pair of panties or some stockings. No it wanted the full head to toe outfit!
This was was a powerful force and the relief it brought to my stressful world was bliss. But it didn’t fit too well in the life and family I had built since the last time it presented itself. In fact it hasn’t fit at all except in secret from the person I love and care for the most.
So my realization isn’t that I keep all of this secret entirely from shame or embarrassment (that does play a part though). No I conceal and hide out of what I feel is a duty to protect my wife from the pain I feel this would inflict on her if I were to come out. It is kept in the dark because of love. That may be misguided as I don’t know what her true reaction would be, though I have a strong sense that it would be crushing for her.
I crossdress to love myself and honor my needs, and I conceal to maintain the love I have for my wife.
I wish there were a better way to reconcile the two…
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