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Hi girls,
I’ve only been in this site for about a week, but it’s changing me already. I had the chance to let Katie out of the bag yesterday evening, so I got dressed, put on my makeup and wig and that is where I usually stop, but I had a real urge to push it a bit further today after reading so many stories on here, so decided I was going to go outside. It was 22:45 so I thought a quick 5 mins round the block and then back to safety.
As much as I’d love to have worn heels, I thought I may draw a bit of attention to myself clip clopping at that time of night so I put on a pair of flats, and a long fitted black coat that I managed to “borrow” and went outside. I was only planning to go for a 5 minute walk, but that turned into 10, then 20 and before I knew it I’d walked about 5 miles and I’d been out for an hour and a half. I kept to quiet paths at first, but then got a bit brave and turned down a path that runs by the side of the road for a good 5 minutes with nowhere to hide. A few cars went past, and nothing happened.
The next encounter I had was walking by a block of flats and there was a man and woman sitting outside smoking. They just carried on talking, but I did notice the guy looking at me as I went past, but TBH, I think he was checking out my legs😉
I went past 2 other people, but neither paid any attention at all. The last encounter I had was a group of youths about 10 of them and at that point I bottled it and turned around as I’m pretty sure I would have got some verbal even if they thought I was a GG.
So I made it back, and what an absolute thrill it was from start to finish. I’ll definitely be doing it again this week.
I’m just about to post a few pics of what I wore and a still from a short video I took on the walk.K8t
Katie my first time out was similar to yours -I just didn’t want to stop walking (and later driving) even though I had no particular place to go. So I get kept going…not sure what I was loooing for or hoping to find…but I just didn’t want to go home. So happy for you that you had such an amazing experience. Your words and story captured the thrill of it all so well. Btw welcome to CDH… so many wonderful people here to connect with. It changed my life and I’m it’s great to hear you experiencing the same.
Thanks Celeste,
As much as I didn’t want to be seen, I did at the same time sort of want to come into contact with people just to see their reactions to me, if they just ignore me, if they would notice, if they tried to communicate, just the unknown of what would happen next.
It must be about 12 years ago the last time I went out, and it was for nowhere near as long. Now I have a bit of confidence, I’m going to do it again, but go where I know it will be a bit more busy. This is sooo exciting.
Katie – yes! I wanted to not draw attention but I didn’t want to go unnoticed either. I think that is why I kept walking and driving. Maybe even just having a head turn my way would have been a validation for me? Sounds like you experienced something similar?
Yes, you worded it perfect, a bit of validation or at least a bit of recognition. It felt really good to know that the guy smoking had looked, and I’m pretty sure he hadn’t realised I wasn’t a GG.
The trouble is, it becomes a bit addictive which is probably why we just kept walking hoping for the next head turn!
You get all nervous. You summon all your courage. It takes a nhuge effort to open and step through the front door. There you are, out in the wild. The cold air against your legs. You have never been so scared yet so exited…. You start to walk. Every step a step further away from the sanctuary of home. Every step a step closer to being found out, laughed at, or having abuse thrown at you……. Nothing happens. People just get on with their lives. Even if people notice you, they don’t say anything.
Welcome to the big outdoors. It’s nowhere near as scary as you think it will be.
I used to go to parks and quiet paths late at night. These days I head into shopping areas, popular public places, shops, pubs…. No one comments.
Be proud. Hold your head high and let the world meet Katie!Cerys.
Congratulations on a big step…one of many to come, no doubt.
Few people notice, especially at night, and of the few who may, most don’t care. At most they might me tion one to the other, “is that a guy in a dress?” Other then getting into a group situation like with the youths you mention I have never felt uncomfortable, but anytime you get groups together the dynamics can change. Suddenly it becomes about them impressing each other and can use you as a focal point of trying to be tough. Best avoiding as you did.
Here is to many more outings🍻
Hi Katie
First of all, I absolutely love that name that you picked. It’s just about the most feminine and girly name that you could have chosen. I don’t know you, but from the way that you described yourself ,I think that Katie is the perfect name for you. I remember my first time going out of the security of my house and how excited and scared that I was. So I can relate to your experience. As you have already heard, each time gets easier and easier. Someday you’ll look back and see that I’m right. Hope you continue presenting yourself as a lady and enjoy all the many things that you do as a girl
From a friend who has been there
Janine
Janine
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