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A little over a year ago, I told my wife that I wanted to wear panties and as a result of that wonderful conversation and my amazing wife, I came to the realization that I’m a cross dresser. Since then, I’ve been trying to come to terms and accept this feminine aspect of myself, and to understand her. I’m not sure I will ever understand any of this, but I’ve learned to accept and surprisingly, love this part of me. No more guilt. As a friend once said, there’s no shame in my game.
Initially, I just wanted to wear panties and maybe a bra from time to time. But after reading so many of your stories about dressing fully and going out in public, I quickly realized that I wanted to do those things too. I can only guess that my Jill persona is growing more and more. But with so many of my friends and some family members being very conservative, I’ve been too afraid to do so. I’m mostly worried about alienating my son whom I love very much. And like a lot of you girls (you wonderful, inspiring women!) I began to chafe at being forced by my fear to stay in my home where no one could see me or harm me. I longed to go outside and let the sun shine down on my face, on Jill’s face.
Last month I bought some breast forms (my God they feel so good) and my wife wanted me to get a wig, although a cheap Halloween wig, it looks fairly good and I love the color, a rich brunette. Then, just last week, my wife (she’s a real keeper) asked me to go with her so she could buy some makeup she needed, but really, she wanted to get me some makeup at last. I did watch a couple of videos explaining how to do it, most were too confusing, but I did find one that made sense and was easy to comprehend. So, I tried my hand at applying makeup. One word: Disaster.
Then yesterday, a makeup miracle! I tried applying makeup for the second time and the result while surely amateurish, looked amazing to me! It looked so good that I had to put on my wig. And that looked so good that I had to get dressed. I put on a brand-new pair of hot pink butt lifting pants (sadly, I don’t have enough butt to lift, LOL) and a black, short sleeved blouse along with my bra and forms, and pearl necklace and some hot pink heels. I loved how I looked so much, and I wanted so very much to walk outside, that I threw caution to the wind and walked out to my car in broad daylight at 10:00 in the morning! It was a short walk to be honest, but it was progress. I was so excited, but not in a sexual capacity, more like a liberated feeling I guess, that I felt like I had to go further. Gathering my courage again, I walked out the door again and walked to the communal mailbox which is out of sight of my house. Still not a long walk, and as far as I know, not one of my neighbors saw me, just some guy driving by, but it was much further.
I don’t know if I’m bummed out that no one apparently saw me or not. But before I went out, I decided that if a neighbor saw me and asked me why I was wearing women’s clothes, I would just come clean with them. Coming out to my friends and family may take time or it may never happen, but I did it! I walked out and the morning sun saw me…….and it was good.
Thanks for reading this and for your friendship, support, and sisterhood.
Love to my sisters, Jill
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