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Hi ladies!
For those of us in the US, Thanksgiving will occur in two days. For many of us, this means a feast of turkey, sweet potatoes, green beans, mashed potatoes, stuffing, cranberries, rolls, and many other wonderful foods (and yes, a strict diet follows beginning next week!). But Thanksgiving is also a time of reflection and a time to really consider what we’re thankful for.
And one of those things that I’m thankful for is the fact that I’m a crossdresser.
Yes. Really. I am. But it’s taken many years, decades actually, to realize that.
I can truthfully say that today, yes, I am very thankful to be a crossdresser. Being a crossdresser has made me a better man, a better person. Yet for literally decades I fought the feminine side of me and cussed and screamed and yelled at God and asked Him why He hadn’t given me something easier, or more socially acceptable to deal with in my life instead of this (like being a drug addict). Being a man who wants to dress like a woman? What’s wrong with him? But He never answered, at least not directly, but He did let me know that Holly is and always has been part of me, and He made me that way for a reason. It took me many years to realize it, but yes, now I am truly thankful to be a crossdresser. I won’t go into all the various reasons why (you can read some of my articles and understand), but I am thankful that she is part of me and that I can celebrate her with my sisters here on CDH, as well as my wife.
So of course, that got me to wondering…
Are you thankful to be a crossdresser?
Hugs,
Holly
Holly,
Once again, I had my choice picked. I probably will stay with that. But your explanation has me thinking. I’ve pondered much the same. Why God??? Why this? Why not a bank robber? A serial killer? No, I’ve got to deal with this! Of course, if I were anything else, I would ponder the same why.
But I’m going to start with this: I can’t say I’m thankful, in all honesty. Maybe I just need a couple more decades. Of course, I’m most “NOT” thankful for everything that has brought me to this point.
If there is a future edit, I’ve reconsidered all this. I am VERY thankful for everyone on this forum. Especially all the great girlfriends I’ve made. If that’s the only reason, I’m thankful I’m here.
Gwyn
I’m very thankful for a life that’s blessed in so many ways, including being able to be as feminine in my appearance as I choose.
“To everything there is a season and a time for every purpose under Heaven.”
I haven’t had this freedom in every season of my life but I believe there was a purpose I was fulfilling in all of my seasons.
Maybe I’m being led up the Garden of Eden but I don’t think so.
Dicky Fox: Hey, I don’t have all the answers. In life, to be honest, I failed as much as I have succeeded. But I love my wife. I love my life. And I wish you my kind of success. — “Jerry Maguire”
It’s been more of a CURSE forced on me by my father at a very early age. I’m in my mi 70s and still suffer from trauma and ptsd flashback when I was 14 years old she I was humiliated by my mother and sister coming up behind me and thrust my costume wig on my head while eating supper and dropped my secret bag of stuff at my feet
i was mortified and I a cold winter night while raining I gathered all the female stuff I owned and s jar of gasoline and walked 10 miles in th dark to some woods and set them all on fire, fell down in the snow and cried, I was gone for hours and when I returned my father had been call Ed from work and met me at the door . We had a long talk,
To this day I honestly wish I could go back to that night with a long rope and hang myself- I think about it every day and wish to gods heaven I never tried on that first dress at 9 just goofing around.
that’s my sad tale No, No, No!!!!!!
I’m so sorry that happened to you. My own experience includes being caught by my mom and being told if it was anything more than just being curious then I had an illness. She never told my stepfather or my sister. I would have as been devastated as were you.
I’m thankful that you didn’t end your life then and are here with us now.
You’re smart and don’t need me to suggest counseling to work on the trauma you experienced.
You look lovely and I wish you every happiness this holiday season and always.
Hugs & kisses,
W.My heart goes out to you, Meghan! I can feel your pain. Thanks for sharing. I think it is important for everyone to understand, especially those of us in the community, that not all are able to deal with the way we are. It is good to know we have no choice so must benefit from the positives and learn to accept that it is a two-sided coin… not all what we might prefer. But reality can be harsh, more so for some than others. I never advise anyone to come out. While it is generally freeing and works out for the best, there are always risks that are hard to assess, with potential downsides that can be devastating. As a sisterhood we need to support each other. Sometimes this entails personal risk and a measure of empathy that is perhaps easier to muster when we are able to experience both sides.
Hi Holly,
I know now that I was born this way, and that I am a woman, a trans woman, I wouldn’t have it any other way! It is what has made me into the person I am. I’ve been told that I am one of the most gentle and caring people that many know, that I have a gift of healing words. That the joyful smile and greeting they receive each morning makes their day much brighter. They say my smile and the sparkle in my eyes is such a change from what I was like before that it’s like a miracle happened.
None of this would have happened if I hadn’t been born this way, so yes, I am very thankful!Big hugs,
Ms. Lauren M
Not so many years ago I would’ve said “are you out of your effing mind Holly”? Why on Earth would I be thankful for this curse?
But I digress….
Some of us may be familiar with the Serenity Prayer from 12-Step:
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”
It took decades to accept who I am. Yes I’m different and that won’t change. And no, there’s nothing wrong with me. Thank you very much.
So yeah, acceptance created an opportunity. An opportunity to be happy. I’m making the most of that opportunity. Every day.
And yes, I’m thankful for the girl I am.
You know what? Being a girl is pretty cool!
/EA
IMMENSLY THANKFUL.
A chance to be who I really am inside for what time I have left. To express myself the way I want to express myself, both in physical appearance and how I act, and interact with others.
Doing others no harm. Realising how much our behaviour is controlled by social, cultural and religious stereotypes and traditions. Yes some of these are good but many severely restrict us from being our true selves, instead becoming a product of influences which shape us and make us into who we are supposed to be.
I have been humbled by the love and understanding of young work colleagues and friends who seem to think I am some kind of role model to be yourself in this world, not who you are meant to be.
This metaphorical‘fitting a square peg into a round hole’
I believe leads to many being bent out of shape contributing to depression and mental illness for many.
Sorry I don’t mean to offend anybody, just my opinion on the subject.
Love you all.
B x
Hmmm, that’s a tough question and has a range of interpretation for each individual.
For myself it is part of me and been so all my life riding with me as I grew up. It didn’t affect my work choices, friendships or bonds before or after coming out as friends/family can fall out or get stronger no matter what. I haven’t changed the person, my personal attributes, personality or psychology as they remain the same.
I am thankful to those that supported me, thankful that society is so accepting. The main thing I am thankful for is that I can be myself.
sorry for going against the grain but for me the compulsion to wear women’s clothes
is a curse. Sometimes i wish i was never born.
I agree , wish it would have never started. I only go interested as a teen because I was a very ugly boy but passes as a very pretty girl. I’ve seen too many disastrous after effects with divorces of multiple wives, family and friend disowning you and making you feel like a freak so you might selfishly enjoy our little vanity hobby unaware or caring about the ones around you that are hurt or affected
I say most times. I feel more fulfilled and thankful to know both sides of me. It has opened many happy, fulfilling doors. I am more at ease when able to accept who I am and be unshackled from being just who others want me to be or insist I truly am. When expressing my femme side, I am more able to explore new things I could not otherwise do or feel. I can help others preserve relationships I could not, because I can understand what I could not previously comprehend. I can educate and help others accept and better respond to the needs of the minority. The downside, for me, has been that it destroyed my marriage. I now face the holidays without my extended family, my ex-wife, 4 children and 10 grands, who are only 2 miles away but unwilling to allow me to be present, as I am an outcast and, at least to some, perverted, at least unworthy of being accepted by the woman I have loved and lived with for decades. That is not entirely true, as some are far more accepting than others. My children would accept being with me and will visit me, but they bow to the wishes of my ex not to be in the same place at the same time, even when attending special events such as weddings. So the downsides, while few, are significant. Life was easier before I knew my whole self. I generally consider it a blessing to know and accept myself better, to more fully pursue and know the person I truly am, knowing that person is worth knowing, but sometimes ignorance can be bliss.
This is differnt for me. Cause other then dressing up as a old lady as a kid and teenager with wearing my Moms wedding dress as a teenager. My days as a young person was mainly wearing boys clothes. Then as a young adult in my 20’s I wore a bra, a tucking gaff and a very specific red mini bodycon dress multiple times with some girly catsuits and bodysuits in general sweetie to be a woman. This was temporary. Then I still wore bra’s for female cosplays then added in my 30’s I wore all sorts of female clothes for new female cosplays honey. Then come my current age. I wear woman’s clothes and dress as a woman like all the time outside of cosplaying. This time I’m wearing woman’s clothes because they are the clothes I want to wear hun and this time I’m dressing up as a woman because that is the gender that I want to dress as sweetie. So even though I have not been in the shadows all my life nor got caught doing it as a kid or teenager. I’d still say because wearing woman’s clothes and dressing up as a woman is who I want to be now a days it is therefore who I am now sweetie. This way I’m out of the shadows completely if you counted me as in the shadows since a few years ago. So therefore minus specific scenarios I can express the new me my female self the female me Julie both privately and publicly while being happy. I haven’t mastered her yet but if I wanna be a woman then I have to master the female persona sweetie. I owe all this to crossdressing girlfriend. So therefore I’m thankful to be a crossdresser with possibly being more in the future hun.
Hi Holly,
Yes! I feel that being a crossdresser is more of a blessing, and helps create a perfect balance, getting in touch with our femininity. Before I became a CD, I was tense, and my life felt out of balance. Now I’m happier, and I feel much better, even if I transform part-time. Revel keeps my head level. ⚖️❤️
Have a Happy Thanksgiving, sisters!
XOXO Rev
I am thankful that I am a crossdresser. It has taken me a long time to come to accepting this part of myself and now that I have it is a wonderful feeling. Like most I grew up hiding my dressing and being ashamed of myself. It has only been in the last few years that I have come to accept Suzanne as part of me and in so doing have been able to experience things I denied myself in the past. I am very much still a work in progress but I am moving forward in learning about myself.
Thank you t all the ladies here for your aceptance, support and advice over the years. It is much appreciated as is the friendship I have found here. It is so uplifting to know I am not alone, something I felt when I was younger.
May you all have a blessed holiday.
XOXO
Suzanne-
Yes, after finally accepting myself I’m thankful NOW for being a crossdresser but all those purges over the decades were desperate attempts to NOT be my true self. It never worked and only when I accepted my truth did things began to change.
This is really tricky: but then thinking about difficult things is how I’m learning about this, so thank you Holly!
I am realising I am transfem and while there has been huge difficulty for me and (ongoing) pain for my wife ( I find my self feeling feminine and looking out through this male body now): accepting that has given me some peace and joy: and perhaps will give me more. I only discovered that through wearing women’s clothes- though my wife is telling me she knew years ago through my behaviour, without ever seeing me dressed. I had a career in health care as a guy, but had a reputation for being empathetic and thoughtful with both staff and patients: I’m sure that was Thea’s influence even when, Louise Lane like, I couldn’t see the woman I really was. So dressing has helped me find out who I am…. Though it’s proving a very painful journey for my wife, and we are far from safe yet.
Hugs, Thea
Hmm. I voted most of the time because I’ve learned to accept myself as I am, but it took my whole life to get there. When I think about all of my struggles with depression and anxiety due to this inner turmoil, it’s really hard to say I’m grateful for it, even if I’m in a good place with it all now. I like all of me, and I am enjoying the freedom I have to really explore all of those parts of my I fought so hard to bury. I’m even sometimes proud of myself, but grateful? Maybe someday, and I’m ok with that.
No question about this for me – I am absolutely thankful that I am, or perhaps thankful that I can acknowledge, that I am a crossdresser. It took many years, feeling the inclination to dress as a woman but fighting back the urge. After finally giving in, it apparently filled a gaping gulf in my psychology as I felt a sense of euphoric fulfillment as my female persona emerged almost immediately.
I think the good news of being such a late bloomer is that I have not been plagued with with guilt/ shame syndrome that seems to haunt so many of us. Nor do I regret all the time lost – in fact CDing helps me deal with past regrets, as I now look to the future, finally freed of negative social/sexual memories. The fact that my wife is accepting and understanding of all this adds greatly to my overall positive outlook, something I never had before.
One caveat: When around the Thanksgiving table and the question comes up “What are you thankful for this year?” I won’t be able to say this answer without shocking everyone – except my wife of course, who would no doubt be shocked if I were to so that! Perhaps next year.
Thanks Kris
You hit the nail on the head for I feel the same way as you do about being a late bloomer and now being able to acknowledge too that I am and will be a cross dresser. I love the feel and the look of my women’s clothes now and only want to enhance my collection with more. I never go anywhere now without my panties and bra and if I know I will be in a public setting I will wear a loose fitting sweatshirt and that seems to work just fine.
I was scared and nervous to start and wondered if there was something mentally wrong with me for wanting to be this way but this site has relieved me of those inhibitions. I am single and have my own home so I can be Sara in the privacy of my home although I almost got caught a few days ago as some hunters came in to ask permission to hunt but I did have time to cover up before they came to the door.
The only people that know I am who I am are my friends and sisters here on this wonderful site with everything so positive in this life style.
Thank you Kris and all the sisters here which makes living this way so much easier and comfortable.
Sara
I am definitely thankful for being a CD, dressing has made me really feel like the feminine person I want to be and allowed me to express myself as such as Jess. I’m thankful for what it has given me with a boyfriend who I probably wouldn’t have if not for dressing. There is nothing like wearing beautiful lingerie to bed, a feeling of beauty and luxury that I can’t describe. Without dressing none of the things I’ve mentioned would be the case in my life.
Like you Holly, I had many similar issues on why am I a crossdresser. I struggled too for the same reasons. I tried to stop many times but that urge is quite powerful. I too feel that it makes me a better man. I see life from two different perspectives and see both sides. Being Rosiebeth has become a blessing and I now enjoy the life of a crossdresser and thankful of how it shapes me as a person. ❤️
Holly:
At first, I was not sure why you asked the question. Upon reflection, I went back to your post and said “yes” I am extremely happy to cross dress for the simple reason that it reinforce my feminine persona in a very visual, tactile way. My only regret is that I don’t get a chance to dress and, if possible go to some friendly public place as often as I would like. My commitment to cross dressing is infinite.
Thanks for your always provocative questions.
Mary Priscilla
Yes, cos Caty has been and will be a part of me til the day I fall off this mortal coil. As previously posted on this great site, Caty has been a part of me for a good fifty years. Yes I went through all the earlier “guilt/ get discovered trips”, but as the years have rolled by I have come to happily accept her as an integral part of me and if and when she can, she will “emerge” in all her finery and thoroughly enjoy the experience. EG shopping en femme…. especially personalised bra fittings.
Winter or summer, nights are always spent in lingerie.sleepwear,bra/ breast form. Thus at least for part of her day she can be “herself” . Tho if most of it happens when she is asleep… OH well Cest La (CD) life
When that cant happen. OK back to “male me”. (See separate post) and that’s just fine.
Male me is happy at content with his lot..
Caty/MM
Hi Holly, hope you are having a nice Thanksgiving.
I have been a CD for a long time and have never regretted the gift I was given. Yes, for me, it was a gift and one that I have cherished. Sure it has caused me and my family some grief while I was coming to terms with it but at the end of the day it was worth it to be where I’m at now in my journey. Another great post Holly, thanks.
Trish
I didn’t always feel this way but now that I’m alone I can be Kerri whenever the mood strikes me. It is such a thrill to walk into a department store wearing a skirt and heels and being ignored by the other women shoppers. This I am thankful for.
Holly, thank you for this question and thank all of you for your incredible, wonderful and very personal responses.
I am thankful to be a crossdresser. I am thankful that I can am finally acknowledge it to all of you and finally to my spouse.
I regret that it took me so long to come out. So many years that I could have enjoyed it more. Now at age 75, I can enjoy some limited cross dressing, although most of it in private. Better late than never and better some than none, at least for me.Because cross dressing is part of my recovery program from alcoholism, I am very thankful to be a cross dresser.
Although I have been sober via the AA program for 31 years, I never made the connection between recovery and cross dressing, until I recently met a girl in our weekly support group who is employed at a local treatment facility as a drug & alcohol counselor. She explained to me in non medical terminology how letting the girl out completed my full personality.
Whereas, during my military service years, I suppressed a part of my personality for 22 years, and constantly lived in fear of discovery. My alcoholic drinking never started, until I joined the Navy. Taking leave and traveling to some distant city a couple of times a year for the purpose of becoming my female self were not enough to let the girl out! Other opportunities came and went, depending on many factors, but I always had to be very cautious, since I maintained a very high-level security clearance. It was questioned one time when someone reported my Japanese girlfriend was dressing me up in Japanese woman-style kimono several times, and we would go out. That was a close call, which I explained off as a “cultural experience,” which was not true, since my GF knew I enjoyed cross dressing, and she was supportive. Too bad for me, we had to curtail the “cultural experiences” or drive to a more remote part of the country.
Today, I have the opportunity to dress when I want to. I feel complete! Thus, I am thankful to be a cross dresser! I don’t go to bars or clubs. My goal is to present a lady-like image of our CD community to the public, which is why you see so many photos of me in the CDH photo section at various festivals and holiday events and other public places. I always try to speak with as many members of the public as I can, when I am out cross dressed for the day.
Hugs…Peggy Sue
Thankful or not. Well, I guess for me, as I age gracefully into the future (ahem), it’s neither. I just am what I am, nothing more or less. I guess I’m on T. S. Eliot’s vision of exploration. I shall never cease from exploring who and what I am and hopefully before the end, I’ll return to where I started and know myself for the first time…which is what I’ve always been.
Hugs, ChloëC
Hi Holly and thank you for starting this.
I am grateful now and for that reason voted yes but when I was younger, I wanted it to go away, and it certainly disappeared for me between the ages of about 20 and 40. Now I know if never went away but I did a fairly good job of supressing it.
I like your answer. I think it typical of many, including me. I think it would be useful for wives who discover this side of us late in life to appreciate that we did not hide a secret from them that was not also a secret to us. For many, it was merely something we thought was a temporary aberration we went through during puberty and teen years, not realizing that it was permanent and could not be forever suppressed. Also, those in my generation did not have internet and other avenues at convenient disposal so were unaware of others like us. The mere existence of other crossdressers was unknown to many. I am confident that now the curtain has been lifted more will be aware of this segment of the population as time moves on, which will lead to more acceptance and understanding, fewer late-life revelations… and more self-professed crossdressers.
Thankful that I have finally admitted to myself that I have a very powerful feminine side that I suppressed for most of my life except a few adventures where in my head I was a girl. My regret is that I did not really embrace dressing when I was much younger. I think I would have been a very pretty girl. If I had who knows where I would be today. Now retired with a fairly supporting wife, which I am very thankful, I am having a challenge moving up to the next level. But that is part of the fun, pushing the envelope.
Hi Holly, hi Ladies
I thank my classmate every day, if she hadn’t been there I probably wouldn’t have had a complete life. And my female gender would have been corrupted and hidden for too long.
I am separated now and my daughters know about my gender dysphoria. They accepted me and when we are alone in the house, without guests, they call me “mopy” (mom+papy).
So I am thankful for being who I am.XOXOX from Italy🇮🇹
Greta ❤️I love crossdressing. The way it makes me feel and relaxes me. The feeling of soft fabric on my smooth skin is like nothing else…and of course it helps me express myself as the woman I should be. I have a good life with a very supportive wife which makes things easier and more enjoyable, but other than her, I would not give up crossdressing for anything.
I think yours is a different question. Yes, I am thankful that I accept my feminine side. Self-acceptance is paramount. But being thankful that I am a crossdresser is more difficult, in view of the division, separation and ostracism it has created in my family. Life was far easier when we blended and were unified as a family. It would be an understatement to say that loss of that love and support has been difficult to accept. My holidays now consist of a brief visit from my 4 kids and 10 grands at a Krispy Kreme; my ex-wife houses everyone or has managed to persuade them to stay close by and spend their time with her exclusively; she has not spoken to me in 11 years.
It may be a curse for you Meghan, and I don’t seek to diminish your pain, but you can’t speak for all of us. Many of us have experienced difficulties with friends and family relationships, but for me and others on here, the reality of finally becoming who I truly am and have known since childhood has made it all worthwhile. You certainly do find out who your true friends are!
Big warm squeezy hug for you Meghan,
Ms. Lauren M
I would not have chosen it. It has negatively impacted my marriage and family relationships, so if I had had a choice I would not have chosen to be a crossdresser. That said, it is not a choice, and were it not for the impact on family caused by false beliefs, I definitely would have been thankful for it. The upsides of enjoying my femme side are hugely satisfying, and I am very comfortable with enjpoying both my feminine and masculine sides, believing it is, aside from the impact it has had on others in my particular situation, far more a blessing than a curse. I am just a remnant of a disappearing generation in which many cannot tolerate crossdressing, believing (incorrectly) that it is immoral and unacceptable. I clearly don’t believe that is correct, but I cannot change the beliefs and attitudes of my ex-wife and family members and friends she has influenced. I have devoted much of my life energies to helping educate others, trying to save marriages where I can, from my fate, and hoping that by spreading truth I can help alleviate the pain others have or may experience. If society were enlightened, being a crossdresser would be a very delightful experience that could enhance the happiness of the CD as well as their wives/SOs and family. Society has indeed, become more enlightened, to the point where this is less of a problem for many than it used to be. I don’t think it hard nowadays for someone to find an understanding, accepting partner. I was just born ahead of my time.
A kind reply to you Lauren, that you may have misunderstood. I and only I feel it’s a Curse and was not and do not speak for you or Rhonda or any others [Enjoy it – YES! -Thankful for it? NO!] I do enjoy dressing up, going out in public and passing as a woman but only when the urge comes on to look pretty, role play, impersonate a woman for a few hours -(acting background)then I get bored and go home, had enough for the day or evening and am satiated. I’ve never been rejected shunned aliened by my 5-6 closest friends who’ve known me for 50 years and been out with me, as has my wife hundreds of times, happily married for 52 years, So No, I do not have a feminine side- never had, just a man who enjoys being a CD at my call, and YES I do know who my friends are because I’ve never had an issue in not having them anymore due to my CDing
Hugs Back, hope that makes my point clearer dear,
Meghan Brandice
Statistically speaking, it is not surprising that most of us are thankful to be a crossdresser. What is the downside?… primarily non-acceptance by a spouse or SO. Surveys I have seen or conducted generally show that 25% of partners are supportive and another 50% tolerant. In those cases I would expect nearly everyone to be thankful, as the benefits generally greatly outweigh the downsides. It is, I believe, the fact that 25% of partners are non-accepting that creates the most friction. I fell into that group, and even then I have to say that the benefits outweigh the negatives in most situations. But the negatives are HUGE for those of us having to deal with this level of rejection. So if someone has a decision about whether to come out to their partner or not it is not a question as to whether that is likely to succeed… that question can be easily answered in the affirmative. What has to be considered is whether one is prepared to accept the potentially disastrous results of non-acceptance. It is perhaps like a skydiver trying to decide whether to jump. Let’s say the chances are 99% chance of a safe landing but 1% chance of death. How many would risk the odds?
I love hearing the success stories and encourage efforts to test the waters so as not to miss out on life’s most thrilling experiences, to be all you can be. If it were up to me I’d include in school curriculums a requirement that all young men spend some time dressing as a young lady… if it were required it would enable exploration without risk. We might have more CDs as a result, with realizations earlier in life, leaving more time to enjoy discoveries that elude so many for a lifetime, and avoidance of relationships that might implode after years of secrecy or ignorance. (In my situation I would have spoken my truth early in life; I was just unaware that I had an incurable condition or that others so inclined even existed. At worst, I thought it was just a passing phase, part of puberty and nothing requiring discussion more than a woman wanting to discuss her menstrual cycle, masturbation, or other topics most would consider taboo. ) A little education early in life would have made all the difference to me. Undoubtedly I would have discovered I was a crossdresser and would have revealed this to a potential life partner before marriage. She would have either decided to accept it, or we could have parted ways before any significant damage was done to either of us.
The scout motto comes to mind for any risking the venture without adequate support. Pack a reliable parachute and “Be prepared.”
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