Good evening from the Bluegrass!
My name around here is Ashley, but I don’t necessarily identify as a woman, even when I am en femme. The boundary lines are so hazy anyway, but I’m exploring all the different dimensions of how my gears turn. I’m 33, married to a supportive-from-a-distance wife, which is more than I could ever ask. I have two sons, 5 and 2, who are my world, but do not know and I suspect will never know.
I’ve been interested and involved in crossdressing in one form or another for as long as I can remember. In my youth that involved stealing my older sister’s clothes. My parents found some of her stuff in my room a few times and I poorly explained it away. Their responses created my first shame-based memories of my crossdressing, which of course didn’t make it stop.
In college and after I spent a good amount of money purchasing women’s shoes off eBay, then purging and regretting then blah blah blah. I know now that’s common. I thought for the longest time that I wanted to be a woman, except that I really enjoy being a man, just a man who loves dressing femininely. My closest model would probably be Eddie Izzard. I love that man.
Through reading Mark Yarhouse I came to the realization that I’m not actually interested in being a woman; I just love crossdressing. What that means and what value it has, that I’m still investigating. Over the last few months, my wife and I had some incredibly conversations where her heart and ears were truly open to hear about my experience, my desires, my confusions, and she gave me no shame, just room to explore what this means for me. Some days I want it to go away. Other days I daydream about going to restaurants and baseball games completely dressed up.
My wife works evenings a couple nights a week so after the boys are in bed and my bedroom is locked I have a few hours to dress up. From the neck up I’m all dude but I have ambitions of sporting styles that will make switching modes much easier. Though I really will miss my fantastic beard. I have a life where pierced ears and long hair won’t be a problem at all. I’m lucky in that regard.
I’m thankful to have found this community as I have many more questions than answers, but that also seems par for the course. I would love to answer any questions y’all might have for me, as you are likely further down the road than I am. Thanks for reading!
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