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THERE MUST BE SO MANY OF US THAT HAVE TRIED TO SET THE BOUNDARIES WITH OUR SPOUSES. I could really use some advice in how to do that. How can you navigate through that? What are the questions we should discuss together?
First in foremost no secrets. Secrets lead to lies and lies cause fights. Second find a comfort zone. My wife doesn’t like to see me in makeup and a wig. But doesn’t mind me wearing panties and a bra or clothes. But she asked me to wear jeans instead of a dress. Every once in a while she is ok with me in a dress. This does limit my style but I am still able to express myself. I do dress more girly when I dress alone. And as long as I tell her I am dressing she is normally ok with it. She does ask me not to dress sometimes. And I honor her request. This has led to the biggest improvement in our communication and relationship as a whole. Limits dont have to be a negative. Treat your dressing like any other hobby. It’s no different than hunting or fishing. Just prettier. That is the mind set why wife has taken.
Thank you so much for your great advice and your quick response as after talking with my therapist today my wife and I will be talking this evening. At this point I do feel fortunate that is listening and trying to understand.
Sincerely, Ellen
Hi Ellen,
I know some may disagree but most marriages with a C/D involved will require some boundaries.
all marriages involve compromise at some point to stay healthy.
My wife was supportive and allowed me to dress pretty freely.
However when I started using feminine mannerisms it effected her.
Also one night we had some spontaneous romance and I had panties on and that totally turned her off.
she started out afterward not wanting me to dress in front of her after that incident.
My wife is coming around, now she ha allowed me to dress in the living room but she doesn’t want to be included in girl questions and such.
You definitely need to talk to her and respect and love her and her views as well.
Its hard on them.
Keep the communication open and things will evolve hopefully as you grow.
I hope this helps but just don’t get too carried away all at once.
You will naturally find out what she can handle and that will be your boundaries.
I wish the best for you hon
Patty
Thank you so much Patty for the great advice and your experiences. I also have had very similar experience, My wife has been as understanding as I could ask for but also doesn’t want me in bed with the panties or nightwear It is just so hard that we have to play that male role while internally you have such strong feminine desire. Thanks, Ellen
This is one of the most difficult areas to navigate in life for everyone. For me when I got married my wife knew about my love of panties and lingerie. She saw me in panties and knew I loved lingerie. There were boundaries in my own life I would never cross. Wearing a bra would mean something else. Wearing a dress would mean something else. What I had was simply a fetish right. As life goes on I let myself cross boundaries and found I liked that part of me. My wife on the other hand said it cannot be unseen. She was not attracted to women or my feminine side. So we need to make decisions. We all need to do what is right for ourselves. I have grown a lot and like my feminine side. My wife does not see me as her lover anymore but also could not see a life without me in it. We are best friends. Where are we headed is anybody’s guess. Life is not mapped out. So we take it one day a time and just enjoy each other’s company. I try to dress to make myself happy. I am who I am in jeans or my nightie. I set boundaries and only let certain people see the different sides
As much as many of us woudl dress daily or a majority of the time, there needs to be balance. I told my wife 4 months into our dating to make sure she could handle it and be a part of it. She does participate with me dressed up, does my nails and make at time, will buy me lingerie and makeup. While she does not want my feminine side all the time, as she says, she still wants her man. Which I fully understand, even though it may not be what I really woudl like.
You have to find out what works best for the 2 of you. It does not matter what works for others or what they do or how often they do.
When I first started dressing I wanted to go everywhere dressed. I’ve come to realize that I only really enjoy dressing with other cds or in very cd friendly places. I always wear skirts and tops at home. This coming week we have 4 cd events, my SO will be with me at 3 of them. My SO loves talking to other cds and is even writing a humorous cd novel. So our boundaries evolved naturally.
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