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I don’t think so but by birth order, I was #2, after a son so my parents frequently said that I “should have been a girl”. That might be an influence on my CD activity.
i enjoy dressing and looking for a playmate as i want to explore my fem side. i do not have any desire to become a female.
I don’t, although there’s a definite femme part of me that is now pushing hard to come out.
God does not make mistakes. So, I am what I was meant to be. If it were left up to me, and there was a button that I could push and be a girl, I would probably break that button from pushing so hard.
Well-said, Janice. There was a time when I was younger, I would have been banging on that same button; but with 20/20 hindsight, I can tell that would not have worked out as well for me. Every choice we make means that we have to give up something else.
Hugs,
Bettylou
I chose yes and no. I can’t honestly say I feel like I was meant to be a woman. I’m perfectly fine being a guy. I just enjoy the experience of being “female” on occasion.
Now, that said, I think I would be much the same if I was a woman, and there are aspects of the female persona – in general, not necessarily me – that I think are fun. So, had a been a woman, I’d be okay with that, just as much as I’m okay with being a guy.
If any of that makes sense.
The asterisk I want to be sure to include is that two years ago, I’d have never thought I’d deep dive into crossdressing in any way. So, is it possible my mindset could change in the future? Yes. Very. But, that’s where I am right now.
I have many attributes that might be deemed feminine. I am sensitive, nurturing, and loving. I would much rather dress in delicate clothing than the heavy boring clothing men wear. If Ibwere born a girl I am positive I would have been a girly girl. Ribbons, frills and lace for me. Would I change if Life wouldn’t be totally disrupted? I honestly can’t say. For now, I will enjoy the feminine experience, absorb all I can from the feminine roles I am able to adopt and be the best girl I can be. Huggs to All. Annie
No. I am happy being who I am.
I’m comfortable floating in the middle of the spectrum , however my parents were told that they were having a daughter , perhaps in the late 60’s this was not uncommon , does give a pause for thought occasionally 😏
No. As a teenager, I used to ask myself that question, because I was so out-of-place with other guys. Eventually, I discovered it had nothing to do with gender; I just had a different perspective of the world, and a different way of thinking than did most others. In hindsight, this has made me more open to accepting folks who were “different”, since I was one of them. Also in hindsight, I believe this is connected to Asperger’s.
No, I don’t think I was meant to be a girl…but I DO have a strong “feminine side”, which takes control whenever I dress, or even dwell on the thought of dressing.
One of my earliest memories from about 7 years of age is asking God to let me wake up as a complete girl in my evening prayers. So yes, l think I was not only meant to be a girl, but actually always have been one, if not to the full extent. I have many female traits, both physically and mentally. I always went better with girls than boys and during puberty, i was jealous of the other girls evolving their secondary characteristics, breasts, body curves etc. I’ve been dressing in secret from the age of 12 and finally started going out as my real self in 2012. Today, dressing femme is my normal and as soon as I am out I tend not to think about it in particular but go on doing my regular business. To the world, it is a statement saying this is who I am. I see Marianne as my real self and the guy as an image I have to project out of convenience, since people in my daily life anticipate it because of my physical sex.
No is my answer. I have had to many good times as him for it to be anything else. There again I grew up in a time and place where we were at the very least frowned upon to put it mildly and you could not show a weaker side (poor choice of words but you know what I mean).
Some part of my brain says I am female and another male suppose its that spectrum thing.
And then there is that Nature or Nurture question.
Anyway I enjoy the choice of being whoever I want.
x
when Im dressed or not I feel very fem and want to dress as one but cannot
No, I wouldn’t go back and change anything, If I could. I’d never transition. I’m as happy with my male side as I am with my female side, both are part of who I am. I don’t think it would have made my life significantly better. The only thing is women can fully embrace their masculine side in public, and no one will bat an eye, it happens all the time, though it was at least frowned upon in the past at one time or another. But they can also be as feminine as they wish too.
But men being feminine? If we’re even slightly fem in public we’re assumed to be gay. As a crossdresser we need to at least fully blend in as female in public. to get away with it.
i always knew i was different and believed my mother wanted a girl, i functioned well as a boy and was reasonably good at sports and fighting.
i was a high strung kid who walked on my tip toes and my mother often said i should have been born a girl i fought that on the outside but on the inside i knew she was right.i have lived a lie all my adult life and have a great wife and two great son’s but have never been truthful to them or myself
i love nothing more than dressing up as a women.when i walk down the street i always look at what other women are wearing ,always shoes first , i love shoes ,seeing a girl in a pretty dress i just feel jealous . every morning i walk my dog and at a house round the corner a little girls party dress is hung in the window im sure its her pride and joy and wish id had the chance to own something like that when i was small , but should i be a women ??? no i dont think i should. i love being who iam most of the time just wish i could be who i want to be when i want to be , i love me as a man and a woman and should be able to choose which one i want to be on a daily if not hourly basis xxxx
Defiantly Yes,
When I dress,my feminine side takes over, I get this amazing euphoria all over.
I sometimes wish I could be a full time tranny.
Sorry if not PC.
If my circumstances where different I think I would like to present as a women full time.
every time I put female cloths on its harder to take them off.
Patty
Patty,
Interesting choice of words you used. I also get that euphoria every time I try on femme clothing. I bought a pair of capris and a denim skirt today, and couldn’t wait to try them on at home. And I think I would dress full-time if I could do so. BUT I wouldn’t give up my wife and family for the privilege, or my relationship with them. And I must admit that life has been good to me as a guy, both military and civilian. It almost certainly wouldn’t have gone as well for me as a woman. Ahhh! If only I (all of us) could have it both ways……..
Hugs,
Bettylou
I have always felt as if I was meant to be a girl. In 1947 my mother took very heavy doses of a drug (DES) which helped prevent having spontaneous abortion during her pregnancy with me. The drug interfered with sexual organ development of the fetus. Many female children exposed to DES suffer from vaginal and uterine cancers. As it turns out, I was born with a tumor on one testicle, which was removed before my 1st birthday. The drug she took during the whole pregnancy was heavy with female hormones. I truly believe that my dna was altered during critical points in my development in the uterus. As a result, I believe there is enough feminine-stamped brain matter that makes me the person I am today.
I also believe that I was blessed by the accident of birth, to be male. I have had a good life. Married, with children, (now grand kids), military during Vietnam, law enforcement in a large SoCal city for 30 years. My whole family lives within a few blocks of each other. Life has been good. Not so sure it would have turned out anywhere near as satisfying living as a woman during all that time. We guys all know the journey that women of our generation have had to travel. God bless em’ all!
Anyway, sorry for the long missive. Yes, I do think there was enough chemical intervention to have allowed me to be born more girl than boy, and I would have enjoyed that role. I do, very much, enjoy, and relish my time dressed as Kathy. I appreciate my bride’s acceptance that allows Kathy to have time to express herself. I am fully dressed as I write this, feeling all girly, but, I know Bob will be hard at it in about an hour, doing his man thing. Life is good, Gotta roll with the cards you were dealt.
I would definitely dress full time if it were a possibility, so my answer was a resounding YES! I am so much more comfortable dressed as Emily. It’s the only time I actually enjoy looking in a mirror.
If I were younger, I would absolutely consider fully transitioning, but alas, it is not to be so for me. I commend those with the courage to do so. Thanks for the question!
Ever since I was 4 yrs old, I wanted to have loooong hair & wear a dress, but 50 yrs ago I never dreamed that would be possible> Now I want to also have breasts. The only thing i like about being a man is the ability to pee standing up. esther
Ah yes! The “accident of birth” allowing us to pee, whenever, and wherever we choose .Gotta admit, that is a male bonus. However, that said, I nowadays choose to sit when I have the opportunity. Seems much more feminine and as a bonus, the toilet bowl suffers less splash effect. Just sayin’.
Yes, definitely! I know I was born in the wrong body. I hated puberty with all that hair growing everywhere!!! I’ve always loved the clothes and shoes girls wore and wear now plus I love long hair and loved mine before the military. I love dressing up but I love my wife more than transitioning so I will dress up and be happy with my choice of love first.
Danielle💋👠👗
I am somewhere in the middle. I do find that my mind dwells on dressing and presenting as a woman a lot. When I see clothing that I want to purchase or wear in magazines, on line, or someone wearing it I get this yearning inside. It’s very hard to describe, but it’s very strong. I have read that some people get a dysphoria which physically hurts I haven’t had that.
I would also like to say that I don’t hate myself at all. I like who I am, but I also find that I like dressing and wish I could do that almost all of the time.
What if there were no definitions? Lets take the meaning and the word away from man and woman.
What then?
When I play this thought game I feel better because I am who I am and I love all of the things I’ve done to this point and most I will continue even if I go further with this. I also have to say that in this thought game I find myself dressing 24/7 because I like how I feel when I am dressed. There is also less self judgement.
Hey Jessica, I love your outlook! I also know the yearning to buy what you see advertised or worn by another woman! For me there are times when I want some piece of clothing, some hose, bra or a pair of shoes (mostly shoes) where I feel this physical pang of regret that I can’t purchase or have it for whatever reason. I will even brood or long, if you wish, for whatever has caught my eye. So yes I understand the dysphoria invoked by wanting something so much it hurts. Not just to be a woman but to own items which a woman would own. How about doing things a woman would normally do? Slumber parties? Going out with the girls? Chatting/Gossiping with your closest female friends? These are also things I get a real desire and need to experience. I’m not sure these fit into dysphoria but it is really high on my list of to do items as a woman!!!
Danielle💋👠👗🦋
jessica….After my drive as Jemma the other day I have decided that I don’t really care what anyone thinks about how i look or whether i fully pass or not. I am who I am. That is not going to change, clearly. Just today I treated myself to some shopping therapy after a trying morning. I only found one dress I could use but when I put the bright yellow dress on and the straw hat I bought to go with it…well! I suddenly felt the need to add my boobs, some lipstick, and sunglasses. From a distance I am sure I passed ok, but up close, nobody was going to be fooled since i hadn’t shaved this morning and did not wear my wig. I got out of the car with none of the usual anxiety and strode confidently into my favorite local adult store, where the gals know and accept me as I am. Normally, if there are men inside, I cannot breathe and try to avoid them at all costs. Today I had no desire to do so and in fact felt irritation that they might expect me to avoid them! One guy kept looking sideways at me and frowning. I heard the words come out of my mouth and could not believe it. “take a picture…it’ll last longer silly boy.” The girls grinned and high fived me after he left. At that moment I decided I am who I am and have no desire or intention to try and change or hide it anymore. I have spent too many years locked in the tiny little safe, on the floor in the back of the tiny little closet, of my life to ever go back. If being so out there brings me grief-which I am certain it will-so be it. I have faced bombs, machine guns, idiots with knives, and a whole host of other life and death situations. This will be a piece of cake as long as I stay focused and true to my inner Jemma.
Jessica,
I feel much the same as you. It’s not that I think I was born with the wrong body (it has served me well for many, many years), but it doesn’t quite fit in with my present wants and needs.
I would really like to paint my face and my nails, dress in a pretty top and skirt, and be accepted as a girl. BUT: no butt, no hips, too much nose and feet, not enough boobs. These can all be camouflaged, but only part-time – and any permanent alterations are just impractical.If only my change in attitude could have a similar effect on my body….
Bettylou,
You have a wonderful perspective and verbalized how I really feel towards my feelings of feminity. Thank you for sharing.
LeonaraLeonara,
It’s you and the others who keep CDH running who deserve the thanks. My interactions here have helped me to connect with my feminine side, understand myself and this compulsion which drives me, and then helps me to deal with it properly. I’m blessed to have found this site when I did.
Hugs,
Betylou
Oh, how I wish I had been/could be a cis female. This has been ongoing since 11 yo. I look at the mirror and emotions can run from sad acceptance to outright disgust. Had I been born at a much later year (more recent times) with the same body, I cannot help but feel that I would have made different choices that would have focused on full transition with surgery included. But society/times were much different and much less accepting when one is growing up in the 60’s and benefiting from the vibrancy of youth in the 70’s and 80’s. Doing what “was expected” by society has led me down the path I have trod. I now have three beautiful grandchildren. I’d like to still transition but cannot risk alienation of relationships that could potentially cut me off from my grandchildren.
Hi Anne I had to double check your words are mine everything you wrote including the amount grandchildren . I am ready now to change my body and life into the life i should had. I just donnot want to lose my family that would be too much. I am pappa to them. I am really not sure what happened to us or when it happened My hope for the younget generation is to read how we have suffered while hiding our true identity for a life time. It was not necessary I should of transitioned back when i was in my teens and not led a life of a male because society has its rules.So I guess we just continue. to hide for the sake of the grandchildren. I do not want to take their pappa away Love and much empathy Stephanie
Yes the minute I’m dressed I am a Girl and want male company
No. I am very comfortable being who I am. A man who loves wearing soft feminine clothes. I always feel so calm and relaxed when en femme, but there has never been a desire to be anything more.
Happy and content,
DavinaHope people don’t get upset by this reply but God does not make mistakes. We are all the way we are for gods own reason and no matter that we don’t currently understand why, it is for our benefit and an opportunity for personal growth.
For me, if I had the choice, I would be female – no question about it. I actually suspect that I have Klinefelters Syndrome due to some physical feminine characteristics and my mind is slightly female dominant – i.e. I think in a mostly female typical way.
I identify as transsexual which seems like a total contradiction to my opening statement. Despite the femme aspects of my anatomy, I look male and feel it would be almost impossible for me to pass as female which is really hard for me to bear as I would love to go 24/7 en- femme.
C’est la Vie!
So in answer to the question, No, I am who I was meant to be physically. Psychologically, my life choices predicate who I will become.
Take good care girls.
Anne-Marie.
A great question but hard to answer. I’ve always enjoy dressing and my feminine side comes out for sure. I’ve always been with women my whole life but as of late I find myself having fantasies about men. So it’s a bit confusing if I should have been born a woman or not. I love everything about my feminine side from shaving my legs, to wearing panties and heels etc. it just makes me feel so alive and girlie. But I’m also the head coach of the boys baseball team at the local school. Like I said I’m now have fantasies about men and they are intense. So I am confused to what I should be or think I should have been. All I know the more I dress the more I love it. It’s so……..beautiful.
hugs girlsRosiebeth.
Hi
No need to feel confused, and I can tell you why. When you dress and feel feminine the girly side of( everyone has ) comes out and then you also have fem feelings then. Thinking about guys is really more natural then you think. You will find out that you enjoy the feelings you get dressing up so enjoy the feelings your mind is sending you too. If you are dressed and you have the feelings of wanting a man, follow through with them, enjoy your life finally. I had the same feelings and tried to surpress them for so long, it was hard. So I tried another cross dresser just playing around and it was so much fun. Just being a girl playing with his man toy was special, hope you will try it.
Angela
thanks for the support. Yes. The more I dress the more I think about men and I’ve been letting it happen. It just over comes me and I just feel even more like a woman envisioning a man being sweet to me. (Wink). I stopped fighting it and at some point we’ll try it for real. Thanks for helping and showing me I’m not alone in that fantasy.
Hugs & KissesRosiebeth
As I told my therapist, if I knew when I was 20 what I know now, I would have transitioned to a female, I have a very sensitive side, cry often at movies or any sad story & really enjoy dressing enfemme when I get the chance. At 64 years old I feel I am pretty much stuck with this male body until I die, which I hope is for a very long time.
BTW, I am married to a wonderful woman & have very little interest in men or cheating on her.
This is a tough question. I love many things about being a guy or a girl but I probably have more things I like about being a girl. I feel much happier and alive when dressed. I love being a friend to women. I just went out to lunch dressed with a woman that worked for me for 10 years. We had a wonderful conversation. Women are so much more interesting than men.
There are at least 2 distinct questions here.
My vote was based on the first – I am not meant to be a girl, I am my own sort of man. Very girly, but not an actual girl.
The second question concerns the femme feelings when dressed.
Yes, the outer expression encourages the inner expression, and sometimes I overcook it, in a bit of a parody of my girly side.
It’s fun, and it’s what Shakespeare was talking about in the famous soliloquy by Jacques, in the play “As You Like It” (Great, great play title!).
The soliloquy that begins “All the world’s a stage…” (never truer words) goes on to discuss the 7 ages of man.
If we take these as metaphor, as I’m sure they’re intended, and the number 7 as arbitrary – poetic licence – then the speech is essentially live your life the way you see fit, remembering that much of it is a performance. That said, you are not only allowed, but expected to wear different character traits, even personalities in the different phases of your life. Adapt and survive.
It’s not right to hide the inner girl – that’s a part of you that you need to express in order to live your life. Not someone else’s, or someone’s idea of what you should be, but you.
The real, beautiful, powerful you.
Well, that’s my take on it!
Love Laura
Yes I definetly think I am destined to be a girl
When I was still a young boy I always tried to proof my masculinity by doing arm wrestle and always lost
it was until I graduated from high school when I began to live full days dressed up and only went as a boy in university
thats when I realized I was meant to be a girl and I eventually found a boyfriend but we unfortunately broke up
I then decided to start my transition by start to grow my hair
right now I’m just a boy in a dress but I’m saving money for a voice surgery and bottom surgery
I know I was meant to be a girl, even as far back as 4 or 5 I approached things in life as girl would, I wanted to be with my sister and her friends and do the things they were doing. When my sis and one of her friends slipped that first dress and pair of panties on me so I would blend in, the world was finally ‘right’ to me.
PaulaF
I voted yes…I wish I could wake up and be a girl. Was I miserable as a guy growing up, No. I have had wonderful times being a guy but there was always something that just never felt right and will never feel right about my body. I love the female form and so wish I had the curves, hair and everything that makes a girl a girl. But at least I do get to enjoy wearing the wonderful clothes and doing my best to look like a woman. It is interesting how much better I feel when I slip on my panties in the morning…things just seem brighter and right.
Carla
I was born a male and I’m ok with that. However, I believe I would have had an easier time growing up had I been a girl. Since the start of 2019 I realize I’m gender fluid; a male body with a female spirit. Since age 8 or 9, I’ve liked wearing women’s clothes. I feel more at ease, comfortable, and natural with myself when I wear my female clothes.
No, I have one persona and it is independent of how I present. What I eventually came to understand is that I am non-binary. I am neither completely male nor completely female in the way that I think and function. I am an amalgam of the two. Fortunately I don’t have gender dysphoria to any noticeable degree, so there is no urge for me to physically transition. However, I have essentially socially transitioned…
I was just meant to be me. Everyone has two sides, call them male/female, yin/yang or whatever. As I am a Gemini, that means there are 4 of in here! I like to be a different model each day.
And yes, when I am dressed as a girl, I do feel very girly. It just seems right.
If we were all bent the same direction, this world would be too boring to bear.
No, 80% of me is a happy “mature”, (aka over 70) male. The other 20% is full on Catherine Louise Ryan… when she can be so.
I’d be Caty more if I could, but the home situation wont allow that. Being “underdressed” almost 24/7, (except in very hot weather) helps.
So here in “Oz” in December, i just bide my time til the cooler weather and then if the home situation allows, Caty comes out with a vengance.
There are photos and stories on this site that prove the above.
Happy dressing (and Christmas)
Caty
I think, if I were born a girl, I may have had a harder time. The bullying of my appearance may have been worse, than it is for boys. Though I find myself wanting to be totally female from time to time, I accept the sex I was born for some reason (science, religion, etc…). I am not ready to emotionally give that up in multiple ways.
I didn’t actually say yes or no as I’m not sure about the answer, all I know is when I’m dressed as Rozalyne my whole demeanour changes I feel at peace with the world and all my tensions seem to disappear x I was born in the 50s and grew up in the 60s and 70s it was a different place then x it was still a crime to be gay in 60s UK x and if you tried crossdressing well you were called all sorts of disgusting names x like a lot of people on here i got married and now I have grandchildren and it’s hard to give them up x although it wouldn’t bother me if I woke up in the morning and found myself with a woman’s body i would just embrace being a girl xxxxx
Hi Everyone,
Obviously, I answered Yes since I am on HRT and working towards transition. I knew I wanted to be a girl at a very young age and carried that feeling with me for many years. Eventually, I felt I could never transition and tried to do away with my feminine feelings thru alcohol and heroin abuse. But the feelings never really went away and here I am, clean from the substances and finally transitioning. WoW!Oh yes, I remember from a very young age (4-5?) my grandmother saying that I would have been such a cute girl. I’ve always had feminine mannerisms, and found myself kinda small , in height……… and other places🙄 But tried fending them off by doing boy activities ( which I hated, but wanted to make my parents happy), even did the marriage thing for a few years. But as hard as I tried, I couldn’t keep my fem side subdued and finally just gave in to her🤷♀️ I still have to do the guy thing for work, but other than that I go fem. I’m happy with crossdressing, the medications and surgeries to do a complete change is so expensive and I don’t like being cut on, LoL.
I am three of four boys…………..and believe mom wanted me to be a girl. She grew up with sisters and one brother……….and I think all women want a girl in there somewhere. So………three of four……..like strike three you out?? She managed to name me Kim……….a girly sounding name for a boy………it’s on the birth certificate…………..got blowback in school over that…………so I used my middle name. My dad never called me Kim……………and when asked about it …….he would become agitated and angry…………………relatives avoided the question. When I was around eight, I found a box of dresses………from an aunt and maybe my dad’s customers as” hand down” well wishes gifts. One fit me nicely………..and it felt wonderful!!! Pleasured myself and fell asleep to awaken with a blanket over me!!! Could not have been from dad………he would gone insane. Could not have been from brothers……they would have teased me. Mom!! We never talked about it. Her mental state deteriorated over a number of things…………….wish we could have talked………..but she did get a glimpse of her girl sleeping!!! I can only hope that sight gave her some joy………………….karley
I chose YES. I was the youngest of 3 boys. My mother wanted a girl. I was emotionally sensitive, nurturing and in touch with my mother’s emotions. When I was a young child, I wanted to be a girl. I was expected to follow the footsteps of my older brothers and dad. Not show your emotions and be a tough guy. I tried so hard to live that lie my whole life. I have now accepted my real self. My mom passed away years ago. I hope she is looking down on her daughter that she always wanted. She lived in a house full of male chauvinistic pigs. The poor woman just wanted someone to talk to.
Kay
Well, yes, probably. My mother and father had a boy first, named after our father, and I came along a couple of years later and I’m sure my mother was hoping for a girl. A few years later she had another boy. And then a very terrible event happened which changed everything. I was about 4 and needing lots of love, and our mother needed someone to love back, and I grew up shy and sensitive, and all that.
But…upon looking into it, and reading a lot, I’ve come to the conclusion that it wasn’t nurture that made me this way, but it greatly influenced where things were headed. Some slight chemical (or whatever) imbalance, genes matching up in certain ways, who knows what today anyway, exactly why ( tho, I have no doubt in 20-40 years things will have been a little more figured out, and then look out, Zager and Evans will have been pretty good future predicters, just a lot sooner than 2525).
Growing up, I quickly learned what I was on the outside, and what I knew I was on the inside, and it made life a challenge, for sure. And since then, I’ve lived this duo life, wondering what would have happened if I had pushed myself the other way.
Just an aside, by the 1970’s/I had read Conundrum by Jan Morris, Canary by Canary Conn and Mirror Images by Nancy Hunt, and I knew that given enough desire, going tg was a much more viable option than I had thought. However, I was into a 2nd marriage and several children (and now grandkids) all of whom I love dearly and I can’t imagine giving all that up.
Yes I know I’m a girl in my thinking and feelings unfortunately my girl parts weren’t fully developed I’ve always had a very micro penis thats not a real man. I’m the youngest of five boys and two girls but in reality it should be four boys and three girls. Growing up I wasn’t interested in fast cars, action movies or girls. I liked fashion, beauty. So of course I grew up pretending to be a boy and a man. It’s hard trying to be something that don’t match how you think and feel. Now I’m realizing in my soul, heart and my thinking has always been a girl and now a woman. It sucks trying to be someone that your not just to please everyone. Unfortunately I’m still in the closet listening to Carly crying for me to let her out.
Over the years it has been just the wearing of women’s clothing that I have enjoyed ,but in the last 2 or 3 years where I have been able to underdress and buy more bras and panties etc and wear them nearly every day ,I wish I had been born a girl ,can’t do anything now and wouldn’t want to as I have a loving wife and three lovely daughters ,but what I can do is ‘dress and dream’ Michelle xx
Hi Angela Thats a great question I have to answer both yes and no. If you asked my parents and the DR when i first was born they would defiantly so no they looked at me and said” ITS A BOY’ Then I was celebrated and treated like a boy. I was taught and dressed as any boy would be. Around the age 5 or 6 I began to to be attracted to my sisters clothes and i was a little jealous how she was dressed and treated. If how i thought was in charge the answer is defiantly yes I should of been born a girl. It would of made life so much easier for me. So begins a life of yes no yes no yes no yes no . Just love and accept who you are as a person and go from there. Luv Stephanie
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