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Over the last few months I’ve really started to wonder where my dressing came from. Like most of us it has evolved over the years. I can recall wanting to try things on as a small child and when I got older a kind fetish period of dressing(Focused on one item or two). Now I realize I like to be fully dressed but why? I’ve read about people’s recollections of dressing with a Freind while in adolescence or early memories of a family member dressing them as a trigger for future crossdressing. Delving deep into childhood memories I recalled something from when I was about 3 years old. I was watching my mom and aunt putting on nail polish and I wanted some too. I Asked and they did it for me. I remember really liking it and it wasn’t the only time only ended when my siblings poked fun. At that age I didn’t understand gender norms but I knew I liked feeling pretty. Like lady ga ga says “baby you were born this way“ How bout you?
I voted no because I have what I think of as a confounding variable. I’ve written about this more detail in response to other queries here, so this is the Reader’s digest version. At a young age, I engaged in “playing doctor” with a girl who lived a couple of houses away. We both enjoyed and kept at it for a few years. Once or twice we swapped underwear (I definitely got the best of that trade). A random thought that just occurred to me — she was often referred to as a “tomboy” so perhaps the trade was more even.
When we stopped, I often felt lonely from not having the excitement I experienced when we were naked and exploring. It was during this time that I started trying on my mother’s clothes, began feeling similar feelings. The rest is history.
Women’s clothes aren’t natural, therefore it’s nurture, not nature.
Go back a mere couple of thousand years in human history, and the differences weren’t so great – robes for everyone.
Look at some of the very few remaining indigenous peoples who still live in tribes, and again, the differences in clothing tend not to be pronounced in those cultures where clothes are needed.
Modern clothing is the product of the fashion industry. We have style marketed to us, and we lap it up, and accept someone else’s vision of what we should look like, male and female – and it’s still heavily promoted that way.
My first recollection of wanting to wear girls clothing was aged 4. I saw a girl, about my own age, wearing a lovely pink skirted swimsuit. I have no idea why, but I was so smitten, that the desire holds strong to this day.
There are other lingering memories of certain garments or outfits that just seemed to call me – in a completely different way to those items that tickle the fancy of a young man… and that’s where confusion can really set it – is this just a wierd fetish, etc.
It can take a long time to realise that no, this isn’t a fetish – especially when certain garments retain that attraction.
The simple reason is that those garments are specifically designed to be attractive to men.
When I am out as Laura, the excitement is totally different – it’s a feeling of aspects of myself that the male shell finds incredibly difficult to be, of being relaxed and at ease with who I am, and feeling a place in the world that is “me-shaped”, rather than feeling a total misfit.
I love how other people get excited about my appearance too – the validation is priceless. People treat me so differently en femme to drab.
So the costume helps me to bring out parts of my nature.
The image has been sold to me, even though I create my own vision of what that image should look like.
It’s in my nature to want to be creative – I see that in generations of my family. Women’s clothes offer far more scope to be creative with looks.
Well, that’s how I see it – as a naturist, I don’t see wearing clothes as natural, but as a practical and creative solution to moving out of Africa.
Love Laura.
I totally agree with that. Personally I have have no qualms about having a male body. And if it wasn’t that a lot of the things that I’m interested in having been labeled as girls only stuff by all the companies and media and society in general. I wouldn’t be here or feeling weird about my self. and I’ve battled with myself a lot over why do i want to be a girl, especially since life events have been pushing me strongly to present as a normal boy. And I’ve came to the conclusion that for me it’s really more down to no one would think it odd for a girl to like x, y and z, but they do think a boy liking those things is crazy. And I want to be able to openly like x,y and z and not be considered crazy, and so for me being a girls is more of a means to an end than the end it self. Or putting it another way I don’t want that stuff because it makes me more a girl; rather I want to be a girl because I want that stuff.
Although the Pink Fog didn’t envelop me until well into my Senior years, I can look back with 20/20 hindsight and see that I was born with strong femme traits. I grew up with a mostly absentee dad who didn’t push any “guy” activities on me, and with no mom or any female relatives except one grandmother, (with whom I didn’t get along). I had no push toward the femme side of life. With one exception, I avoided any “guy” sports, my playmates were mostly girls, and my very limited social life as a teen (non-dating) was with girls. I didn’t recognize it then, but socially, I was a girl, even though I was also attracted to them. Talk about conflicted.
I eventually married a lovely girl, had 4 children with her, and lived a “normal” guy life; but only since I discovered Bettytlou a few short years ago have I really been happy with my existence. Being able to express my femme side has made me complete. I’m a girl and I was born this way.
Im 72. My earliest memory is putting on my mothers slip when I was I think 12. I struggled with my urges to dress until I was 29 when I went to my first CD party and realized I was not alone. I saw a psychologist in my late 30s who gave me some insight in who I am. It didn’t give me the answer to why. At that point I stopped asking myself why and embraced the concept of balance. It saved my life.
I replied Yes , I can remember dreaming about being a Girl since early on. hoping someone would transform me. Like most I snuck into my mothers clothing when ever i could. Even as a child I wore things under my clothes. When I got a little older my body changed to mostly aathletic man built so I got away for awhile . I soon realized I missed dressing and return to it I have been doing it steadily for 20 plus years now.
Thoughtful question! I’ve had feminine feelings all my life. My Mother would tell me she wanted me to be a girl and when I was born the nurse brought me to her in a pink blanket because they didn’t have any blue blankets. So at first sight my Mother thought “her Debbie” arrived. I so vividly loved pulling on my Mother’s stockings she would have drying in the bathroom. I was a young child and it was so exciting. Still is exciting today when I slide a sheer pair of nylons on my freshly shaved legs. It’s all girl! Hugs, Debbie Lynn
I voted yes, I believe I was born with the propensity to want to be a girl. I remember fairly young wishing I was a girl, and by age 10 sneaking my older sisters stuff on. I don’t recall any “event” happening early that caused me to want to dress as a girl and behave like a girl, it was just something that was already inside me…
💖
Voted yes due to fact remember when was born father had pink wrapped cigars for his buddies lol. Also remember started playing with girls things more then boy things then when got the age wonder into my mothers bedroom found her panties and bras and tried them on then next step rummage through her clothes and picked out a dress so here was dressed with panties and bra and over size heels at the time.
Mother caught me and I said hey mom I knew you wanted a girl so I am dressing the part for you.
I voted yes because no one dressed me; instead, i chose to put heels and pantyhose/stockings on at around 4 yrs old; My mom let me play with it. When I was older my younger sisters said that I wasn’t suppose to play with that and they should, ie my mom’s high heels.
Like you I was a pantyhose and high heels person for a very long time. Eventually though I made to full dressing and love it.
Jennifer
I voted ‘no’.
Without getting too philosophical about man-made social constructs… my interest came later, probably around puberty. I had older sisters growing up, and they could be little brats. I never thought about their clothes, or sought my mother’s things. I don’t know why i developed an adoration for things feminine, and desire to emulate that nature.
Hi Melanie, I’m in the not sure camp. I think it is a bit of both. My physical traits certainly lean towards androgyny (no Adam’s apple, very little body or facial hair, lots of hair on top of my head, a slightly smaller than average frame, small wrists) but that alone doesn’t mean I was born a CD; but sure makes passing a lot easier. My mental traits have been influenced a great deal by my mother. She encouraged me to have interests in feminine things while my father, try as he might, actively encouraged manly pursuits. So there were times growing up where I did try those manly activities and I still do some of them (but now I might be dressed en femme doing them). Good question. Stay healthy, Hugs, Krista.
Melanie, darling…
I was born a boy, was brought up without a male role model by two wonderful women, had a super ‘famous five’ childhood, was certainly different from the ‘lump’ boys and didn’t really like doing those NZ boys things, felt much more comfortable with girls but did the guy thing for the most part… Did that make me into the woman I am? No, probably not…
A crippling series of physically damaging accidents have removed nearly all of what was masculine about my drab self and I thank the Lord for the feminine anima that had always been lurking in the background for stepping into the void… to give my life back some meaning. I have never identified as transgender but my new female self is a revelation… made not born!
I have spent the last three years saying ‘goodbye’ to many of my former self’s traits, unconsciously or not. Many of the things that I know I cannot keep doing or succeeding at. Polly has given me an Everest to climb but with the certainty that I can succeed at this!Love Polly
I think the question “Do you think you were born a cross dresser?” is not how I perceive myself.
Stephanie Plumb has a better description above of the process that I believe applies to myself.
I was born with male genitalia and female wiring between my ears so yes, I was born the way I am.
How I become a crossdresser was probably when I sister put me in her clothes and that awakened that part of me. It could have been anything else and at any other point in time but my femme side was always there from the outset.
Crossdressing is a means to express my inner femininity. I was wearing drab when my maternal instinct kicked in and I picked up the crying infant and comforted it and got it to sleep long before I became a parent myself.
In other words it has always been in my nature and all that the nurturing influence has done is to provide a means of expression my inner self.
Warm hugs
Rowena 👩🏻🦳
Definitely nature for me. I grew up in a very conservative household and to this day my parents are highly homo/trans-phobic. I internalized a lot of that and while I have definitely always been more feminine and sensitive I attempted to suppress all of those thoughts and feelings most of my life, but I can remember even when I was very young fantasizing about what life would be like if I was a woman, and feeling attracted to both men and women.
Interestingly my closest friends when I was in middle/high school pretty much all ended up realizing they were gay, though I only discovered this after reconnecting as adults. Although I do remember playing “strip poker” with one of those friends … although it never progressed pass being naked together.
I consider myself bi/genderfluid and I am married to a very understanding GG who fully supports me. What’s really crazy to me that despite my orientation and being a very active crossdresser (only privately and around my wife) I still have these internalized homo/trans-phobic thoughts that sometimes pop into my head from all those years of conditioning, which absolutely disgusts me. But I have a lot of self-hatred/self-esteem issues I guess and that’s part of that.
I didn’t actively start cross dressing until I was in my late 40s, and after divorcing my first wife.
I definitely feel I was born this way. I come from a very male dominated family and household. I have a sister who is very tom-boyish because of this. If you look at my interests, most of them sway to the more masculine side. Yet despite all of this, from a very young age I wanted to dress as a girl. I had no influences in this regard, but I always had those feelings, which grew stronger and stronger over the years.
Holly
I voted “yes” I was born a CDer. I also think nurture had an influence as well. What if my Grand Aunt had not permitted me access to her clothes when I was 8 or 9? She didn’t discourage my exploration and allowed the “seed” in me to grow. After she passed away, I was forced to hide my feminine notions; as I experienced other people who were not as accepting as she was.
Since late 2015 I’ve fully accepted and embraced that I’m a CDer. In 2019 I realized why I like to crossdress, I’m gender fluid; a male body with a female spirit. I’m not transgender and I don’t have gender dysphoria, but dressing as a woman and presenting as “Brittney” is who I truly am.
Hi Melanie.
Basically, we were born to be anything. (Resisting the temptation of saying “born to be wild”!)
Talking exclusively about crossdressing, no, not really. Because crossdressing involves a non-biological aspect of life. Being attracted to wearing a dress can’t be in the genetic code, so wouldn’t be something you can be born with.
Now, before Ms. Plumb comes here to slap me silly, I accept that there is a predisposition for an affinity with the feminine behavior, which may indeed have at least partially a developmental (in the womb) origin. But if the attraction to heels, dresses, makeup was indeed imprinted in our biological structure, it should be even more prevalent on those who were born and raise females, I’d think. And it is not always the case, of course.
I wonder how prevalent crossdressing was in societies where it is the males who are expected to wear the brightest colors and more evident flamboyant items, like in the pre-Revolutionary France. Would a “born crossdresser” boy be wanting to wear the maybe more plain clothes worn by females? or the more extravagant men’s outfits with wigs and high heels?
In any case, at the end of the day… does it really, really matter? Personally I don’t believe so. You may have been “born with it”, or pick it up along the way, for whatever reason. What is important is how you are able to incorporate it in your life in a way that it fits into your life. IMHO.Gabriela
As with nearly any issue of nature vs. nurture, the conclusion is not nearly as cut and dried as you present it. There is a continuum in each of us and the desire/need to crossdress is almost certainly a mixture. For some, nurture or experience is a more dominant influence. For others, the genetic predisposition to be more feminine is the driver.
I agree that it doesn’t matter on a global scale, but I think it is an interesting question and topic and I find the various answers fascinating.
You are absolutely right. There are no 100% answers. Mostly. 🙂 There are some facts here and some facts there. It is a fact that there is no association of the actual clothes with a biological source. No skirt gene or polo shirt gene. (or pink gene, so to speak).
And the desire to imitate or identify with the opposite gender which many time is manifested by the desire of wearing the garments specific to that gender also depends on the type of society where the human being grows up into.
It would be interesting to know how prevalent crossdressing is among isolated civilizations. Even more so in cultures where the males wear more colorful and decorated items of clothing than the females.
And I totally agree that it is an interesting question and topic of discussion. To which I just happen to have a mostly dissenting opinion than many other people. But I’m not trying to convert anybody, just sharing my point of view, as I thank you for sharing yours.
Gabriela
I was about to respond but then I started thinking about it a little more deeply. First I cant believe there has been that much serious scientifically rigorous and reproducible research for anyone to give anything more than opinion. So my opinion is that each of us is different from the other. Maybe some nurture, maybe some nature but how much of which I would guess impossible to say today.
I only know that at age 4 or 5 I asked my mother to make me a dress which she did – out of kraft paper and which I wore outside until it tore. Now I have no memory of whether that was a first time or a 100th time -(with her previously refusing) or if I ever asked again. I also know over the years I learned not to ask nor bring it up and learned to keep it all hidden. So how much of the?above can anyone specifically ascribe to all or part of either.
I personally think it starts as nature but it’s based on anecdotes. I just have a fear that if it is found to be genetic in some way during early pregnancy, that mothers/fathers …or worse , society, will try to consider the embryo defective and allow it to be destroyed, among lots of other diagnoses. That would be far worse for the human race .
Chloe, the only smidgeon of “research” that I have come across to date was a reference to a survey claiming that 83% of crossdressers had their initial experience prior to puberty. I have tried and failed to find the original study so it appears that you are correct about the absence of scientific research.
Apparently we are not sufficiently interesting for scientists to want to do any research but I for one would welcome having some more factual data as opposed to the current limbo that is our small corner of the proverbial closet.
Warm hugs
Rowena 👩🏻🦳
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I was raised by a wonderful mother. She was such a sharp dresser. I can vividly remember see her come out of her room dressed in such beautiful clothes. Quite a few times when I was very young she would come out before putting on her dress to get something or do something so not to ruin her dress. She would have on her bra, garter belt with stockings and a full slip. I looked at her in awe of how wonderful it must be to wear such smooth silky things. Around 7 or 8 I started putting on her things and it felt “normal” to me. I was never into sports but gravitated towards girls and enjoying being around them more than my boy friends. Looking back I didn’t have a gender preference for male things but did for the lovely soft things in life. Can I wear male clothes, sure but they are just clothes with no joy or excitement…my women’s items are “fashion” and I love fashion.
Sandy
I found the poll questionnaire frustrating. Yes. No. Not sure. 2 opposing statements. Which statement are you saying yes to? Or no to. Or not sure too?
My mother wanted a girl. Was convinced I was a girl. Until I was born. Did she have an affect on my psych in the womb? If so was i really born this way, or life experience shaped me?
I do not think the two are mutually exclusive. I believe that many people have a genetically activated predisposition to being feminine regardless of whether they are male or female, Also that, with the right circumstances and opportunity one can over-ride artificial societal prohibitions and actualize that predisposition.
Araminta.
I used to think my dressing up was due to growing up in my sisters room from age 3 – 6 or so. I remember trying on those pink satin panties of hers and loved the look and feeling. I figured I should dress like that as I was in he girls room and not the boys room with my brothers. As I got older, i would sneak her panties and try on pantyhose. What was pushing that desire then? I had always been attracted to lingerie, I remember looking at the sear catalog lingerie section enjoying the pictures. Fast forward to my teens, I was still only trying panties and looking at my sisters bras. I found my first 34c bra (too big at the time) and loved the look and feel.
My first wife knew of my dressing and we did some dressing up for bedtime, but nothing much else. with my current wife, along with her support, My lingerie drawers, clothing drawers have been filled up with many things. I has been a fun journey to be able to explore my dressing. I do not know at what point will it be enough in time or length of being dressed up. In no way to I want to transition, but I certainly enjoy the look an feel of lingerie and ladies clothing
All this does make me wonder if there is some validity to being born this way in addition to our environmental factors.
Personally I think I would be where I am today regardless of how I was raised. I may have gotten here earlier or later but my being a cd is inevitable in my opinion. My role model was my eldest brother growing up(he is hyper masculine guy) I wanted to be just like him but somehow I still felt the urge to experience this female side of myself from a young age. I really think my path was determined(at least somewhat) before I entered this world.
I do believe born this way. Ever since I can remember when I was around 3 years old I was always wanted to have feminine things. One day I didn’t have any shorts my sister quickly handed me a yellow skirt. That’s when I realized this feel right. I started to find myself with a skirt on more and more until one day my mom came to me a said you shouldn’t be wearing this it’s for girls. So I was out and back in the closet. Now day I only dress at home when no one is home or if it’s just me any my wife I’ll let her know that I’m dressed and don’t look.
Hi Melanie I Agree with Stephanie plumb I was born this way. My mother tried to discourage me anytime she noticed any feminine behavior. I was caught wearing my sisters PJs, she caught me wearing her mascara. my sister complained to my mother about me stealing her clothes.This was all before puberty. I was simply attracted to the feminine gender and I wanted to emulate what I was attracted to. My mother was a nice gentle person but came down hard on me by trying to shame me when she saw or herd any form of femininity coming from her boy. Guess what, the only thing that shame did for me was send me into hiding. You can not stop who you are, the only options as young child is to hide and pretend it does not exist. So we begin a young life hiding. We come out when we do not even realize it. School plays, cub scout Halloween celebrations . HALLOWEEN is a great one. We take every opportunity available to us to present ourselves in the fem. without making others uncomfortable . My gentle opinion is it is defiantly NATURE
Luv Stephanie
In 1959, some doctor slapped my butt and pronounced me male. All outward appearances said I was, but no one asked me. Could I have made a choice then? Of course not. That is something we are NEVER given a choice in, like what country I would be born in, or would I have all my fingers and toes. It is all up to chance. So I was pretty much treated as a boy would be, but some things were different too. As I grew, being the only boy in the household, mom didn’t treat me much different than she treated my sister because there wasn’t a whole lot of difference between us. I emulated my sister, because she was the biggest influence on my learning of the mundane things that children pick up on. We shared a bedroom, so seeing her naked or me being naked was really no big deal for a while. I was sort of her shadow and didn’t like being separated from her for any length of time.
Then came ‘that day’. The group of girls that we played Barbies with got a couple of new girls joined in with us at the apartment complex we all lived at. They were from other places, and convinced the other girls that boys shouldn’t play with dolls, it wasn’t right, they didn’t do that where they came from. My sister worked out a deal with the other girls, then her and a friend took me back to our apartment and changed my clothes. Sandals, panties, a sundress and a barrette to hold my hair back on one side. They pronounced me as Paula, and turned me to look in the mirror. I do think that is THE moment when things clicked for me. I was mesmerized by the girl looking back at me. “That’s me…” was all I remember saying and sort of hearing in my head at the same time. I finished the day with our group and sis got me changed back into my boy clothes before mom got home, and swore me to secrecy.
Why did I not fight being dressed as a girl, as I imagine almost all boys would have at 5 years old? The realization that the girl in the mirror was ‘me’ was accepted at face value, more or less, and my sister and all the other girls calling me Paula the rest of that day, and from then on when we would meet, seemed more normal to me over time than my boy name.
Haircuts were another thing all together. I used to cry and argue with my mom that I didn’t want a haircut, ever, because my sister didn’t get hers cut, why should I? She finally relented not long before I became Paula, and my hair was allowed to grow out. I did have to go to the beauty salon with mom and my sis and get it touched up when they did, and the ladies who trimmed my hair would also let me sit under the dryers like everyone else did. It was hot, to be sure, but it was what the other women and girls did too, so it was what I wanted, and needed, to do also.
The rest of my self discovery was slow and hard to figure out. From rooming with my sister until she was 13, my mission was to find out why, if we were as close as we were, why was my body so different, if I thought along the same lines she did, and I liked it more and more all the time when I could ‘borrow’ her clothes and be myself whenever I had the chance. Other than that first day, no one ever had to force me to do it, and I felt much better when I could. Of course I was too young to understand the angst and anxiety I felt when I couldn’t change, and how much better I felt when I could.
By the time Ii had turned 14 or so, I had accepted things as they were and how I felt about myself. A lot of times it pissed me off that nature had tricked me before I had a chance. I was sometimes very angry about my feelings and desires, and others I was almost elated when I could have a day as Paula, and explore my own self.
I finally fully accepted how I was once I read about Renee Richards and Christine Jorgensen, and it made me feel good that they could become the woman they always felt inside of them, and that one day, I might be able to do the same.
It has been a very long journey for me, with lots of ups and downs, some of my own creation, and some from letting others dictate my life to me. I am now nearing the final steps I have been needing for so long. 8 more months to go and I will have my doctors and oncologists blessing to begin with the end of it. The doubters and naysayers will still be out there, and I will handle them how I have learned to over time. They will not stop me, and I have someplace special to get to, and it is all so near now.
So, to answer the original question: YES!! I believe that nature is imperfect and uneven in it’s application of what determines who we are and who we will become, and things get mixed up in the wash. We are born to be who we are, even if it takes a lot of our life to find that, and correct what was wrong from the start. I was born to be Paula, and be the little sister, the youngest daughter, and the coolest aunt.
PaulaF
I have read all of your responses. They are all very thoughtful and enlightening. I voted yes. There was no such thing as crossdressing in my sheltered upbringing. My sisters did not have a easy time do to lack of resources and not such a loving atmosphere. I loved everything about being a boy. I just wanted to be a boy in a girls body. Wanted the long pretty hair and the dresses. These feeling were already present when I was about four. So given that I had no other influences and no role models. I think I was just born to be a crossdresser. The thought of being a girl has never left. I still want to be a pretty woman running the largest piece of equipment I can get my hands on. I just would like to do it as the girl I see in my photos. Only a little prettier.
Hi girls, I answered yes because, in my case, since I can reason I have always felt attracted by feminine appearance and clothing, since I was very young I used to stand in front of the mirror and wonder how I would look if I had been a girl, since then this It has done nothing but grow, develop and mature together with me, it is part of the being that I am since I began to exist and will continue to be forever and I could not be happier with it,
Greetings with love SofiaFor me I’m pretty sure it’s nature rather than nurture. There is possibly a predisposition, but I can remember many events among early memories that definitely led to it.
Because of the length of my answer and the similar nature of the question (and this is third time in a few months), I’ll simply point you to my previous post.
https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/forums/topic/why-do-you-dress-2/#post-594598
I was raised every bit in a masculine manner, I still fell in love with feminine things, its just the way I was made.
Thank you, Stephanie, I was not aware of any of that research. After a brief scan of what I found about SRY if my initial speculation is correct that might explain my own strong maternal feelings and lack of aggression even though everything is otherwise functional. Like most things it is probably more of a spectrum rather than a binary switch. Good to know this is being explored. I owe you a drink. 🍹
Warm hugs
Rowena 👩🏻🦳
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