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I am struggling with what to label myself, am I a crossdresser or am I transgender. The typical answer is that if you asking this question you are transgender. Do I feel I was born in the wrong body, absolutely not. I do think something went awry during my fetal development so when it came to the fork in the road where XY’s develop this way and XX’s to develop this way, I took a different developmental path and ended up outside normal sexuality bell curve. I would rather have nice breasts and well toned body than a six pack than guns for biceps. My sexual preference is for women over men. I love everything about women.
Hi Rami,
I consider myself to be transgender. I wish I were in a woman’s body. I wish, as an individual, I had my “vagina and breasts pass” that gives me membership into that beautiful physical and emotional world of women.
As for yourself, why are you struggling in search of a label? It sounds as if you have a very good feel for who you are as a person. Accept who you are, love yourself and others, let happiness into your life. Labels are for scientists and census takers. You don’t need a label, Rami. I realize that it’s difficult for those of us who are CD or TG…decisions made earlier in life burden us with concerns of rejection….but try to be true to yourself as best you can. Forget the label.
I’m no expert, but I’ve come to understand gender and sexuality as something that isn’t either or. It’s a very long and varied spectrum of being. I love being and dressing feminine but not 24/7. I love beautiful women and beautiful men. I could make love to either with equal passion, pleasure and enjoyment. I get a little irritated when people always want to find a category to put other people in. I embrace ambiguity.
Please have an open mind. Everybody is different and how I feel about my sexual identity, though similar is different than how you feel about yours. Human sexuality covers the entire spectrum, my spot on the the spectrum it is where I am right now and it just is.
My struggle is with maintaining my relationship with my SO. I know myself and am comfortable in my skin. My first priority is and will always be my family. What do they say “If mama is not happy, nobody is happy”. Mama has been less than happy since mama went on my phone and found picture of me dressed as a woman. Since then there has been much discussion as to my identity, am I a cross dresser or am I a transgender, if I am transgender, I am, what does that mean, am I going to undergo HRT and then SRS. What does that mean as far as our relationship, growing old together . The question comes up “well when are you going to decide and let me know if you are going transition into being a woman. My thought is I am who I am and have always been, what is this thing call transition? Transition implies change. No I am not changing, still the same old Rami existing on the spectrum in the space between being man and woman. It i what is right for me.
I’ve learned lables are useful only to explain ourselves to others. For myself I am both CD and TG. Maybe according to Roxanne an elephant as well. Lol! It doesn’t really matter to me. However to your SO it does because they need a reference point something to help them understand. You need to be happy and open with her. I hold nothing back with my SO. Is it a risk, could I lose her? Yes if tomorrow i woke up and decided to fully transition I would lose my SO but she would remain my beloved friend. I know deep down my SO is happy when I am happy and guess what I am. Of coarse this is a never ending process. Help your SO by being patient and honest.
Dana 💋❤️
Hi Rami the only label you should wear is the label that says my name is Rami, people should not be labelled and just be themselves, at this time in my life I’m just a cross-dresser, I’m not sure what the future holds for me, you just have to do what suits you best x hugs Rozalyne x
Hi Tami
I have been male, I have been a crossdresser, I flirted with the term transgender but I settled on the label, if I must have one, of being gender fluid. Suddenly feelings throughout my life made sense. I was an infantry soldier who would cry, I showed empathy at inopportune moments, I was too good at choosing clothes for girlfriends and wives. In short, I was happy being in a macho, male environment, and at the same time to feel soft and caring and feminine. There was never a ‘right’ body for how my feelings worked.
I hope that makes some sense to you. It finally did to me. Sian xxx
Personally, I hate either label for a multitude of reasons. One implies truths which are not valid, while implies a wrongness.
I am a man. To this I have no doubt. It is who I am physically, mentally, and emotionally. Yes, I prefer to wear womenswear over menswear in most situations. They are only clothes. Whatever I may be wearing, I am the same me. The clothes do not maketh the man or the woman – the man or woman maketh the clothes.
That being said, I am not without my struggles. Though confident in my identity and sexuality, I have deep feelings of having my own breasts. I warred with these feelings and how they impact my sense of identity as a man. I have not achieved a complete understanding or resolution, but I do believe my desire for breasts is about wanting to be a woman. It is rather about being the truest me that I can be.
MacKenzie Alexandra
I underdressed and crossdressed for a number of years. However, as I did some investigation as to the characteristics of crossdressers, I realized that it did’t fit. Also, about this time, I read about having gender dysphoria is not necessary in order to be considered transgender. Eventually what felt appropriate for me was to think of myself as transgender and non-binary. While I have never thought myself to be in the wrong body, my persona is not completely male nor completely female. It is an amalgam of the two. In other words, the traditional binary gender model does not fit my situation.
I present as male 10% to 20% of the time when I go out. Usually that is just a matter of convenience. Why spend an hour and a half getting dressed for a 30 minute errand?
We must remember that labels or definitions are just shorthand. If I say: “I identify as transgender and non-binary.”, that is 6 words. To describe myself without using those terms requires 49 words. As I said, shorthand.
I’d suggest you go and look into non binary as a possibility. I struggled for a long time to work out where I fit into all of this and originally gave myself my own term but when non binary became a more mainstream proposal it worked better than what I had put together. I’m the type that is 2 in one. Like feminine attributes but not really male ones so I sit somewhere in the androgynous zone.
As some have mentioned here, trying to pin a specific label on yourself is difficult, not just because you might not feel that you fit it exactly, but that over time these labels themselves tend to change their definitions. And then we talk about ‘spectrum’ , like there’s this imaginary line that goes infinitely in both directions and we’re somewhere on it. It’s said that we live in a 3 dimensional space (maybe time is a 4th dimension, ?), you know, length, width, height, but if you think about it, with over 6 or 7 billion people roaming the earth, it’s really an awful lot more. Imagine another dimension of hair color, or eye color, freckles, skin color, likes, dislikes, gender or sexual orientation, and on and on. It’s almost an infinite number of possible spectra lines. Now try to find an affinity group for your unique position on all (or even any!!!) of these lines. Well, there are 6-7 billion dots on an almost infinite number of spectra lines. So maybe we should just stop thinking about that, and do what we’re doing here, finding others that, although in many ways, we’re different – in some ways we’re close enough to share, our concerns, our worries, our fears, and more so , our hopes and dreams that we can even in some small way help each other make true. It’s not the label that defines us, it’s who we are and what we do to better ourselves, and help others. If someone here, reading this or any of the other posts, comes to a decision and acts upon it, however small, or someone lurking reads this or other posts, and takes that first step to open up, well, something has been accomplished. And the more accomplishments, the better this world will be, and the better we will all be.
I was asked what’s the difference between a CD and TG? The answer was, about 5 years. I don’t know how true that might be as it was said in what I perceived to be kidding.
I’m definitely a CD. I’ve been wearing pantyhose and heels with a shirt that looked like a short dress since I was 4. At 17, I began going out in pantyhose, short girl’s shorts and platform wedges. I took on an androgynous look. At 18, I got my own place and began buying my all fem wardrobe. I had wonderful sexy shoes, short dresses and skirts, Many bras and panties and wonderful pretty hair wigs. I dressed at home everyday and went out often just for fun and to parties whenever I had the chance.
I loved it. I loved creating Patty and loved her adventures. I still love being Patty. I’m Patty pretty much all the time except when I can’t or shouldn’t be. I’m not full time but I’m lots of time. In all the years I’ve been dressing and as much as I love being Patty, I never even for a moment considered myself anything more than a transvestite or crossdresser. I love dressing. I love looking fem and sexy but I have no desire to change what I am.
This is a great question and one which I pondered for much of my life.
It was not until joining CDH that I have been able to have any confidence in my answer.
If I have to pick a label I guess it would be crossdresser. By my understanding, CD is really just a shade on the trans spectrum, but I use the term CD to distinguish myself from trans people who feel their chromosome sex does not match their gender. I am comfortable being a man, dressing as a man and interacting in society as a man. However, that said, I love to dress as a woman, do my hair and makeup and all that. I’d love to go out as a female and interact as such. Bothy male and female sides are very real and intrinsic parts of me.
I once heard the term bi-gendered, and I think if that were an accepted term I’d go with the label bi-gendered an I feel I am a bit of both.I hope this helps the members here. Just so you know the World Health Organization has stated that crossdressing is not synonymous with being transgender. In the late 80’s the WHO changed crossdressing from a mental health issue to a fetish. As a matter of fact, in 2019 – the WHO has passed legislation that will no longer categorize being transgender as a mental health condition. The term “gender identity disorder” has been dropped in the medical field. Transgenderism has been recently replaced by gender dysphoria.
This is the medical stand on the following.
If a person crossdress for what ever reason and has no need or want to be the opposite gender then they are classified as a crossdresser.
If a person needs or wants to be the opposite gender wether they dress as that gender or not, is Transgender.
Sexual preference is another category and is not to be confused with crossdressing or gender dysphoria.
That is the medical stand point at least for now. I am a crossdresser plain and simple but don’t let words just describe you. If you think about it you will have your answer. With that I say good luck and be who you want to be.
I have recently begun counseling again after several years of not bothering about it. Questions have arisen in my thoughts since my fight with cancer, and I have been asking myself if I want to go for the final lap in this awesome journey and have the final surgeries to become the woman I know I am.
My new counselor has opened my eyes to a new way of seeing myself in all of this. She had me retake the COGIATI gender test ( http://transsexual.org/cogiati/index.php?lang=en ). Go ahead and go look at it, it’s free. I took it many years ago, but it has been changed a little and streamlined. The results were what I expected to hear, that I am transgender, though not necessarily transsexual.
That result has made me look a little different about myself. This gave us both a very interesting place to start, as I know I am happy as I am now, and the big question is would I be as happy if I went through “the change”.
I hate putting labels on people, especially on myself, I am as I am, this is me, right here, right now. So now I am at a very important Nexus in my life, and I know I am on the back nine in this life. So, we will need to see what I can discover from this awesome woman that I haven’t already found.
PaulaF
- I always thought I was a crossdresser after doing the test I have posted the results for funThe
COMBINED GENDER IDENTITY AND TRANSSEXUALITY INVENTORY
(COGIATI)Your COGIATI result value is: 205 Which means that you fall within the following category:COGIATI classification FOUR, PROBABLE TRANSSEXUALWhat this means is that the Combined Gender Identity And Transsexuality Inventory has classified your internal gender identity to be essentially feminine, but with some masculine or androgynous traits. It is very possible that you are a candidate for a diagnosis of transsexualism. You show a strong degree of gender dysphoria. At the very least, further investigation should be undertaken. Your COGIATI score places you among the majority of those diagnosed as transsexuals, the ‘late onset’ tanssexual.SUGGESTIONS FOR ACTION:Your situation is potentially serious and indicative of a probable inborn gender conflict. It is definitely recommended that you pursue further action.The suggestions for your circumstance are several.- It is recommended that you seek help from a sympathetic counselor or professional about your gender issues. It is very possible that over time they will become increasingly difficult to cope with. Early determination of what you really need and want is vital. You need to determine if you truly are transsexual. Keep in mind, thought, that many alternatives exist other than complete sexual transformation. Partial transformation and many other way of existing are available. While you are very possibly a transsexual, COGIATI has determined that this is not absolutely certain. While time is an issue, being certain is more important. Proceed with investigation of your possible transsexuality or transgenderism, but with caution.
- Some actions may help you to define your needs more clearly. Experimenting with living full time as a woman, taking hormones for a short time under supervision, or taking testosterone suppressers to observe how you feel are all viable options. Keep in mind that while it is very likely that you might be a transsexual, it is not certain. Do not take severe or permanent actions without long thought and the help of counselors and professionals.
- Your gender issues are real, and should not be ignored. Neither should you rush into acting on them, however powerful they may feel. You do not fit the full criterion for the rarest classification, classic transsexuality, and so should be cautious, and open to possibilities. You may yet end up undergoing transition, and the path of the transsexual may well be your salvation. Be very careful, but do not ignore your issues.
- If you have not already, consider joining any of the thousands of groups devoted to gender expression of various kinds. There is literally a world of friends to discover who share your interests. There are also publications, vacations, and activities that would expand your gender expression.
That was interesting; my results said I was Androgyne, or about an equal mix….which appears an accurate description, since I stopped suppressing Bettylou about 3 1/2 years ago.
Same here, Rami. My score was a zero, Class 3 androgynous. If I wasn’t married, I’d probably be living a different lifestyle, frankly.
good question and lots of good answers here and a lot of different ones to. I would consider my self a cross dresser, closet to be exact. no one knows of my x dressing except my wife and my 2nd oldest son and my niece, and my daughter that all that’s knows. I do feel trapped in a mans body at times. I dress up pretty to be the real person I should of been when born, but I am male and have to play the male roll at times. when time I have alone its all female and free and happy. I don’t dress up for a date with a man, I dress up to be happy and free.
Rami, in the crossdresser / transgendered world labels are difficult because (in my humble opinion) we are attempting to label us based on that which is subjective rather than objective. With that as our foundation, “to each his / her own” seems to be the appropriate mantra.
Deep within my heart I identifying as female. I enjoying crossdressing as it presents me outwardly as the woman I sense myself to be. But how does it do so? By covering up and disguising the male me. And that is why (for me at least) I am left happy but unfulfilled when I dress. Dressing does not make me a woman. Like dressing in drab, when dressed an femme I am still only masquerading. Sigh.
Yet, take the COGIATI test and I score 65 Type 3 Androgyne, both male and female at the same time or perhaps neither.
So the test says I am both or neither, my body objectively tells both my brain and the world around me that I am male, my heart shouts, I AM NOT BOTH OR NEITHER! I AM A WOMAN!
However, I am me, a woman, whom the world would label as trans should I come out and transition. Also currently the world labels me cis male.
So right from the beginning others label us. The doctor looks and declares, “It’s a boy”. And so the labeling process starts.
I guess what is most important is how does Rami label Rami?
In the UK we use the term ‘Transgender’ as an umbrellas to encompass all those in the non-specific gender spectrum. ” I am Trans, I am Transitioning, I am non-binary, I am a Transvestite, I am a Crossdresser, I am M2F, I am Gender Queer …’’ there are 48 terms that are used at the last count I made and its often hard to keep up!
It’s a minefield when you start diving into the sub-devisions and trying to put yourself in a box. – I used clarify myself as ‘non-op TS’ when I lived full time – but now I am no longer full-time, the TS bit is still there and part of me but has yet to be fulfilled. – its an attitude to your own self make up.
So now – ‘I am Me’, a simple unique statement and reflects I am a simple unique individual.
The only time it becomes a need to use a label is when you are transitioning, and that is to let your company know that you will be presenting as the new you, changing your name and appearance etc.. other than that its not needed.
Hugs
Dawn x
The COGIATI test (Combined Gender Identity And Transsexuality Inventory) is an objective test developed by webcomic author Jennifer Diane Reitz, a transsexual woman who designed it. The test, according to Reitz, should not be taken seriously. The COGIATI test should never be considered as a ‘self-diagnosis’ tool for transsexuality – it works on a number of stereotyped behaviours, cultural and social conditions, and does not employ the depth of detail required to make a fully reliable assessment of such issues. A specialist psychiatrist should always be considered to assist in assessing gender dysphoria conditions. There is no signal test that will cover everybody. It you are in serious doubt about who you are, you need to speak with the pros. You can start with a therapist and go from there.
- Me: Your COGIATI ( http://transsexual.org/cogiati/ ) result value is: -110 Which means that you fall within the following category:COGIATI classification THREE, ANDROGYNEWhat this means is that the Combined Gender Identity And Transsexuality Inventory has classified your internal gender identity to be essentially androgynous, both male and female at the same time, or possibly neither. In some cultures in history, you would be considered to be a third sex, independent of the polarities of masculine or feminine. Your gender issues are intrinsic to your construction, and you will most likely find your happiness playing with expressing both genders as you feel like it.SUGGESTIONS FOR ACTION:Your situation is a little tricky in our current society, but not tremendously so, depending on your geographic location.The suggestions for your circumstance are not overly complicated.
- If you have any comfortability about your gender expression, some slight degree of counseling might well prove helpful. The primary goal would be to make it possible for you to enjoy your gender expressions free from any shame or embarrassment, and to resolve any remaining questions you might have.
- As an androgynous being, both genders, and both sexes are natural to your expression. Permanent polarization in either direction might bring significant unhappiness. It is not recommended that you go through a complete transsexual transformation. You might find a partial transformation of value, if you find yourself more attracted overall to the feminine. You are more likely a transgenderist, than a transsexual. It is recommended that you recognize that your gender issues are real, but that extreme action regarding them should be viewed with great caution.
- If you have not already, consider joining any of the thousands of groups devoted to gender play of various varieties. There is literally a world of friends to discover who share your interests. There are also publications, vacations, and activities that would expand your gender play.
Wow!! I took the test and came under the transexual category.It did surprise me.Although I have desired to be female from an early age I don’t believe that I was born in the wrong body.However,it isn’t beyond the bounds of possibility that I am a late onset transexual.Maybe this is lying in my sub concious and not come to the surface.In away I am actually pleased with the results as I have been identified as having more feminine traits. than maleI find that pleasing.Thete st said that .Immediate action is required.However,for the time being I am not going to consider transitioning.My wife wouldn’t mind as she knows all about my femme side.The rest of my family wouldn’t be able to handle it.My gut feeling is to carry on being a crossdresser.
I took the test and my score was 50 which was level 3 Androgyne. I am a little surprised, pleasantly though. I felt I would have ended up as masculine since I enjoy my Male self too. I guess Rebecca is a larger part of me than I realized! 🙂 Good thing I have been able and encouraged by my SO to give her more opportunity to be expressed!
Oh wow, I just took that COGIATI test. And very, very surprised by my score, 140 which puts me into level 4 Probable Transsexual. OK maybe even SHOCKED that it would be that high. I’ve always assumed I’m at an androgynous level. I don’t usually put much faith into these type of tests even though I tried to answer as honestly as possible. Many times more than one answer fits or sometimes no answer fits so scoring would definitely be off. But notwithstanding, it does indicate a trend. Thanks for the topic. Hugs, Krista.
I just took the test. I scored 300, COGIATI classification FOUR, PROBABLE TRANSSEXUAL. Yes it’s a label or a category and we are people with feelings and emotions. I am a female, but I was dealt a Y chromosome. And I’ll play the cards that I was dealt. Hormones and surgery are not in the picture right now. I want to do my best at being the true me.
Kay
I got a 115 which means COGIATI classification THREE, ANDROGYNE. Aww, I was hoping it would tell me something different. Tests like this are just for fun in my opinion, and it’s no fun when they tell you what you’ve known for 20 years.
I do take serious objection to suggestion 3: that I engage in gender play. I’m not sure they’ve ever met an androgyne before. Heck, even I’ve only known one other androgyne and they (if memory serves neither of us was overly concerned with our pronouns) felt the same way I do: I’m not a woman so why would I pretend to be one? For a stage play or a musical, sure. But to pretend to be a woman for a lark? No thank you.
I realize that’s not why they do that. They get something out of doing that and I’m glad they have those opportunities.
And I know they aren’t trying to say that everybody who is a classification 3 is literally an androgyne. But dam it, I used to put up with enough crap on other sites because I was “too out there” for a lot of people. They really need to change that classification to something else. Transgenderist maybe, or genderqueer. Androgyne is more of a specific identity not a general classification. I seriously don’t need to start clearing up confusion about what an androgyne is because some well intentioned person doesn’t realize what they’re actually doing, which is devaluing me.
we share a lot of similarities hon. I am totally jealous of the female form and find myself longing for that. I always daydream of being a woman and doing regular feminine activities without weird looks. I hate having facial hair and body hair sometimes and just love the feeling of dressing up. Am I transgender? I honestly don’t know. I never felt like I was in the wrong body as a kid but since last year these feelings are wild. I love them. It’s best to see a gender therapist to get a clear answer.
That’s a great question, and one that I have had to answer a few times. These tests are fun for me to take but the only real value is to provide an easy way to describe to describe myself to others. This cogiati test, however, nailed my gender identity right on the mark; whic took me 20 twenty years of self reflection to discover.
Your COGIATI result value is: -170 Which means that you fall within the following category:COGIATI classification TWO, FEMININE MALEWhat this means is that the Combined Gender Identity And Transsexuality Inventory has classified your internal gender identity to be mostly masculine, and that your gender issues are primarily matters of personal expression rather than a medical problem. Any struggles you have are most likely caused by internal shame over your needs and desires, or because of curiosity over what those needs represent. There is, however, some indication of a strong feminine side to your being, and this is intrinsic to your constitution.That is me in a nutshell.JillI totally agree… nice breasts and a toned body over guns and a six pack any day!!!
As of identification, I am not sure either. I fantasize about being a genetic female, and love to present as a girl…but, I don’t feel like I am in the totally wrong body…
I have yet to take the test… obviously it would be for fun…
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