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Hi ladies,
As I on my journey to discover my femenine side (Hannah) and finding out how she actually will be part of my life, I came accross the following remark that quite a lot of people make regarding crossdressing:
If you are a crossdresser, then you must be gay.
I feel this remark is so outdated. Personally, I am married to my beautiful wife and I love her very much. Also I am very much attracted to her. And when I look around it is always women that get my attention. part of my crossdressing comes from my admiration of the female body.
I won’t lie I am a little bit curious, maybe to experience it once. But not because of any attraction to men, but purely lust.
I would like to know how this is with all of you.
Kisses,
Hannah
I think the phrase is partially true. Many gay men cross dress, but the vast majority don’t. Likewise, many CDs are happily married to women or are in serious relationships with women, and when dressed (if their wife/SO knows and is ok with it), then they’re lesbian in the world’s eyes. Outdated it might be, yes. Just an observation I’ve seen.
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I’ve known I was bisexual since puberty but have had very few encounters with men. I find more women are attractive to me than men but that could be because I really adore everything about a woman. Most men don’t do much for me but then I see some and its like… WOW!… so handsome!.. I would love to get to know them but its a passing thing and hardly do I ever try to talk to them. In most situations its risky to approach a man in that way because we don’t have a sign over us declaring our sexuality. When all dressed to the nines its fantastic to be admired by a man. Sadly, admirers hardly ever happens anymore and at my age may not happen again, but who knows?
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Even though I love presenting as a woman and enjoy having a door opened by a guy when dressed I am straight. Being with a man doesn’t repulse me at all it just isn’t what I am so anybody that is gay or bisexual is fine and I don’t pass any judgement on them. I am very careful when out to not flirt with men or give any indication that I want to be with them. I’m just straight and being with a woman is what I like.
The concepts and relative terminology concerning Sexual Orientation are not only out-dated, radically misinformed and tragically misleading they are based on false premises and precepts that date from over 2,500 years ago and are very harmful.
To me there are only two Sexual Orientations: sexual and asexual. Mostly sexual or humans might die out. The incredibly strong reproductive instincts that motivate us to behave in ways that might be considered irrational at times are not stimulated by the other persons sex. That concept is based on the premise that you actually know the other persons’s sex on a casual observation and since one’s sex (not gender which is observed) is wholly defined by one’s potential reproductive role and can only be determined by the consideration of several factors, including anatomy, chromosomes, genetics, etc., then one cannot be certain of the other person’s sex without some investigation. At least by asking.
Another problem is that there are numerous, ludicrous assumptions about sex and, based on such assumptions, people make conclusions that have no basis in reality.
It is not one’s sex that determines what stimulates sexual attraction but the ‘appearance’ of sex. That is, it is gender based on one’s perceived presentation that attracts potential sex partners. When young man, who is purportedly ‘heterosexual’, sees a gorgeous young lady, he becomes highly aroused. The assumption that, when he learns that the feminine person’s sex is male. the normally ‘heterosexual’ male magically or by some other miracle becomes ‘homosexual’ is so obviously flawed that I do not understand why people keep repeating it.
It is Sexual Identity that is the issue. Persons who are pretty much generally masculine are generally desirous of being the masculine partner and seek feminine partners (of either sex). The prevalence of ‘transgender’ pornography is evident of that. In the case of gay males primarily attracted to masculinity, they seek a co-operative, masculine partner. A male who is inherently and pretty much feminine and is gay (in the sense that they are attracted to masculine males) prefers taking the feminine role as their Sexual Identity because their gender influences their Sexual Identity as the receptive and feminine partner.
Some persons are gender variant in that they transition between masculinity and femininity and, therefore, between Sexual Identities. When masculine, they prefer taking a masculine Sexual Identity and when feminine a feminine Sexual Identity. Not all, but many. Postings on the site are evidence of that.
Assuming that a mostly feminine male who is gay (attracted to masculinity) is the same as a cross-dresser who is sometimes masculine and sometimes feminine is a perceptual error. Fully feminine males who present pretty much continuously as women are not ‘cross-dressers’ as they are not transitioning between genders except in the minds of those ignorant of the distinctions between gender and sex. Males who are fully feminine and transition anatomically to reflect their relatively fixed gender identities are women and generally express a feminine Sexual Identity because there are women. Not ‘transwomen’ as they only ‘transition’ once; just women.
Cross-dressers who desire a masculine male as a sexual partner when presenting as women (authentically) do so not because they are ‘gay’ (attracted to males) but because they are aroused by their own femininity and not necessarily (at least at first) by their partner’s masculinity. (‘Alice in Genderland’, is an example.)
Feminine gay males attracted to masculinity.
Feminine cross-dressers attracted to femininity.
Not the same thing.
Granted there are variations and one’s attitude towards sexuality, sex and sexual partners can vary with experiences that are reinforcing of behavioural patterns. These are matters of personality, personalities can be modified drastically and situationally and personalities consist of a variable mosaic as diverse as the number of existing humans. A male who never though they would have sex with another male can evolve into a woman who has a loving, sexual relationship with a man. You too can be seduced!
A masculine person engaging in sexuality with a feminine person is not gay. A feminine person engaging in sexual activity with a masculine person is not gay. That is a contradiction. ‘Gay’ means masculine-masculine, not masculine-feminine.
The conclusions and terminology presently held regarding sex and Sexual Orientation are also flawed as they rely on the exceptions to authenticate those conclusions and terminology as well as other aspects of human existence. Just because there are four-leaf clovers does not mean that, in general, clovers are not trefoils. Just because some persons whose anatomical, pre-natal development was anomalous (i.e., Lost Twin Syndrome) does not mean that there are more than two sexes or that the sexes are a spectrum. There are instances where there variations in sex. One lizard has five variants of sexes, 2 female and 3 male but they are male or female. Another lizard only has one sex, female. But we are not lizards.
Once again, the key, to me, is to remember that one’s sex and one’s gender (whether variant or invariant) are not equivalencies and the perceived relationships between sex and gender are cultural (subjective) and not necessarily permanent (objective reality).
And that’s without considering androgyny as a valid gender (not sex).
Araminta.
I’m married to a beautiful woman and even when dressed have never been attracted to a man. I find and have learned from counselling and talking with others that part of my desire to crossdress is from my love the the female body and what they wear and how they present themselves. I’ve read that this can be part of a man wanting to dress like a woman. In saying that to be perfectly honest I have had a few thoughts of experimenting with another cd at times as I do find them attractive.
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Great topic. My preferences are just like yours. Hetero with some curiosities. I’d be willing to bet the percentage of Herero crossdressers is probable close to that of gay crossdressers. 🤷♀️
Every time CDH takes a poll on this topic, we find the majority of CDs are NOT strictly hetero.
Despite that oft-claimed myth that 80-90% are straight! 😉
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I think generally, if you are open to crossdressing, even though you are not into the typical cis-male, you are open to lots of non-typical things. ☺️
Well, let’s see. I’m first and foremost, monogamous. I have absolutely no desire in real life, while being married, to become intimate with anyone other than my spouse. And to ‘come out’ as it were in this instance, I’ve only been intimate with my two spouses.
At the same time, I am totally heterosexual. That is, I have absolutely no interest, again in real life, to ever become intimate with someone of the same sex. In my case, of course male-male, not even to, let’s say, ‘experiment’. And that obviously includes me dressing and then becoming intimate.
As I’ve said before, I’m a failed transsexual. If I had ever decided as well as followed through on GRS and transitioned to become an appearing female, I would have either remained single, or hopefully have gotten into a long term relationship with an understanding male who would have treated me as a female. Although perhaps I might have experimented once in f-f intimacy to see if I was mistaken, though I fully doubt it.
Now in a fantasy life, I am female and I love the company of males with little to no interest in becoming intimate with another female.
But that’s me, 1 unique person among 8 billion other unique persons.
Hugs, ChloeC
When I first started dressing I rationalized the reason for me dressing was so I could learn about women. I was not attracted too men at all. I found nothing about a mans body appealing. From 29 – 36 I was in a relationship with a woman that liked my crossdressing. We did alot of roleplaying. She even orcastrated a 3 way us and another guy. There was some fondling but no actual sex between me and the other man. I’m not gay it did nothing for me. Her and I were very intimate when I was dressed. In my more recent years I have fantasized about being the submissive and pleasing my man. Even mutiple men at the same time. To be disired and lusted after by males. I could never amagine being with a, a man while I was still a man. Nothing about it is a yurn on for me. As beautiful Amber I could submit. Now my hirlfriend and I would have lesbian relations. I can also picture me as Amber wanting to be with amd augmit to my man. So I am not sure am I homosexual, Lesbiam or hetrosexual or all 3. I have not been with a man at this point, except in my fantasy
I am a masculine man with a masculine boyfriend who is not interested in my crossdressing. I have not had a girlfriend or been intimate with a woman in 35 years, but I have not lost that desire entirely, i just have not acted on it.
I dress in femmewear privately at home alone, with absolutely no interest in exploring femininity beyond the clothing. I have no interest in wigs, makeup, or shaving any part of my body. Even within my homosexual relationship, I am most comfortable feeling and acting masculine.
So, like many respondents on this thread, my answer to your question is complicated. Rather than click boxes or find a spot on a linear graph, i would prefer to state that I am a closet crossdresser in a homosexual relationship, and I experience heterosexual tendencies.Great thread Hannah and this is obviously a very thought provoking and hot button topic. In my case I considered myself straight through my teens but throughout that period I started becoming bi-curious. My dressing has always been sexual with me (romantic lingerie is 99% of my wardrobe) and by the time I hit 20 I had very strong urges to have a boyfriend, which ended up happening when my really good looking best friend revealed he was bi, I told him I was as well and also that I dressed. Perhaps it was the fact that I wore lingerie to bed every night (still do) which I think led to me feeling so feminine that I badly wanted to be the “girl” in a relationship, not to mention my worries about whether or not a woman would accept my dressing. I’ve always been attracted to women but I certainly wasn’t going to pass up the opportunity with a guy to experience everything that having a boyfriend offered. We’re still together and I love every second of it.
Interesting topic.
Throughout my life I have dabbled with crossdressing until about 2 1/2 years ago when I came out to my wife, now I embrace my feminine side and dress when I have the opportunity. As my therapy has progressed and I am discovering more about myself I am realizing I am bi. It is not something I have any plans of pursuing but acknowledging that part of myself is comforting.
Each of us have our own journey and don’t know where it will lead or what we will discover about ourselves. I know mine has been interesting and I have come to realize and accept things about myself I either didn’t recognize or suppressed. It is very freeing to be able to acknowledge and accept yourself for who you are. One doesn’t need to act on what they learn about themselves, but to be able to accept yourself for who you are makes life more enjoyable.
I think men dressed as men.
Such a delicate question for many, and thank you sisters for keeping your responses respectful and clean.
This is going to sound sickeningly sappy and nerdy, but my sexual preference would be with someone I have an emotional attraction and connection with. Apologies for sounding like a beauty pageant contestant or a virgin who is saving herself for the right person, but it’s true. The Sex button doesn’t even really get ‘turned on’ as much without the heart being there. I will admit age may have something to do with that, hormones don’t rage like they used to.
As for crossdressing and sexual preference…. I think I would be just as happy if not happier laying down with a crossdresser or transwoman I had an emotional connection to than a cis woman I didn’t…. js
Stevie
I agree, over the years I have had opportunities to go with men and it has never appealed. I am happily married but just like to try and be as female as possible occasionally. Not all the time, I think that would reduce the thrill.
I find other crossdressers attractive, even seeing them in their lingerie, when certain parts are obvious, but I think that is because they look like women. Take their panties off and for me they are men and I loose any sexual interest.
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Its funny that many men who declare they are “straight” will be attracted to a good looking CD and justify it by their attraction to a female. Many CD’s are bi-curious when presenting female but never act upon it while some do because thats what females do. Its all in how one justifies their desires and feels comfortable with it.
I think I have read some variation of “I’m totally straight…I only think about or want sex from a man when dressed” many times here. It fuels much of my worry about whether my husband is holding back when he tells me he is a dedicated lesbian. The first question as a wife is “are you gay?” and for many CDers it is offensive that we ask that but then when I talk to CDers, read this site, or look at polls, there is the curiosity and/or desire to be with a man. These sort of statements make it extra hard to understand all this for the wife.
Confused,
BettyI can only answer for myself, but I have never desired to be with a man when dressed. I am sure that it is different for everyone, and it may even be a majority, but I only know it is not “all”.
There has been much discussion about why the wife or SO asks “are you gay?” It makes a lot of sense when you look at it objectively. If your husband says he wants to dress, act, and embody a woman, it is a logical question. People (and animals) do things to attract the attention of the opposite sex, obviously, there are exceptions. So when you consider the reason behind your husband wanting to do all of these things, it seems reasonable to think he is doing it in order to attract a man. This is especially true when I consider how some crossdressers present themselves. There is a strong commonality in the choice to wear things that are more provocative, sexual, or even slutty. When a woman does this who does it typically attract? A man. There also tends to be, at least in the beginning, a strong sexual component with CDing for many CDers. I could make a good argument that getting f@cked by a man is the ultimate female experience. I combine all of these thoughts with the things I read here or talk to CDers about. The polls and comments show there is more than a small volume of CDers that fantasize about or even have sex with men while dressed. I don’t think it is so much that society or media pushes the narrative that “all crossdressers are gay” but rather the statements and/or actions of the CDers themselves. This is not true for everyone but it makes sense as to why we jump to the conclusion that our husband may be gay. Besides, who doesn’t want to get f@cked by a man? It’s goddamn wonderful!
It makes perfect sense to think that a woman’s crossdressing husband might be gay – in our society, the majority of people behave – whether because of societal influences or their own desires – in a heterosexual manner. I can understand where a woman’s first thought would be that the husband is gay – and if not, where the woman feels they are not up to standards for the man.
I believe that more CDs might be accepting bi-sexual than in society as a whole, but I don’t have any proof of that.
I try only to speak from my experiences, which obviously aren’t the same for all.
You put a lot of thought into all your posts, thanks!
Betty,
Only your husband can answer that question for himself. The two of you seem to be communicating, and that’s a good thing. Plus you are here, another good thing.
Sure, in the past, when this topic has come up on CDH, every answer has been given, but these seem to be the most common:
I don’t have a feminine side. I’m 100% heterosexual, only attracted to cis-women. I just like to wear women’s clothes.
When I’m a guy, I’m attracted to cis-women. And when I’m en femme, I’m also attracted to women. I become a “trans-lesbian”.
I’m only attracted to women, en femme or not. But when I’m en femme, I like receiving compliments and attention from women and men. It validates my feminine side.
I’m only attracted to women, BUT when I’m en femme that could be a cis-woman, or another CD, or a MTF transgender (pre or post-op).
I’m attracted to women, but when I’m en femme, I fantasize about being taken by a man. I would never take it any further, but I can’t help thinking about it. I’m bi-curious.
I’m attracted to women, when I’m in male mode. But, when I’m en femme, I become a women, and the female side of me is attracted to men. I’m “trans-hetero”.
I’m attracted to men, en femme or not. I’m gay and I love women’s clothes.
I’m attracted to cis-women, cis-men, other CDs, male or female transgender individuals, whether I’m en femme or not. I’m bisexual, or gender fluid.
Insert variations of the above. There are as many versions as there are individuals. Be with the one you love. Good luck to you and your husband .
Much love,
Raquel
Raquel,
“Be with the one you love.” Love this! Your reply really made me think about my own situation. I think I have two issues.One, this is still pretty new to me having just found all this out at the beginning of March. While I am well on my way to acceptance and support, I still am adjusting and getting used to our new normal. There are many questions and thoughts along this road.
Two, while I have every reason to believe my husband because he is an honest man that treats me well, I have had a very traumatic and painful life, so it is in my nature to feel like “there must be more.” I’ve spent my life preparing for when the next shoe will drop and it is inevitable that it always does. This isn’t a healthy mindset or way to live and I am working to correct that. When you have been fed shit sandwiches your entire life and then you finally get a delicious pizza (my husband) and you find something unexpected in it, you are prone to believe there is more in there and that you are not going to like all that you find. Maybe it is just a new topping that I love but didn’t expect….or it’s a band aid in my food and I’ll be back to eating shit sandwiches…only time will tell.
I do understand that crossdressing and sexual preference are vastly different but the initial conclusions we jump to are not without merit. Everyone is different and and that is what makes us all so beautiful.
Hugs,
Betty
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I can understand the confusion, lol. I bet most cross dressers who look in the mirror and like what they see, look at many other cross dressers and like what they see 🤣
I love dressing up and being feminine, although I’m far from passable. I also consider myself bi when it comes to what is a turn on to me and the kinky ideas that run through my head. I’m not attracted to men so I don’t consider myself gay. I’m very attracted to women, the female body and am jealous and envious of GGs, but since I do walk on the other side now and then, I don’t consider myself straight.
While I have been with men, I’ve never been dressed up with a man, although I would like to be, and if it came to that, I’d like to be treated like a lady. I don’t think my affinity for crossdressing and my sexual prefrence are related, since they haven’t intertwined yet, but I do think my affinity for being feminine and feeling like a woman does fuel my bi desires of wanting to be with a man. If that makes sense.
Hannah,
What a fantastic question. I think about it often. I love the female form and beauty and I’ve always been attracted to that. I’m such an admirer of other cds and I think that is where my main desire lies. But the more I dress the more I wonder about flirting with a man.
Crystal
This statement that if you crossdress you are gay is one of those urban myths, yes im sure some that dress in female attire may be gay but im pretty sure that a good 80-90% are heterosexual, in fact they are so heterosexual that they understand the female species so much more as they are in touch with there female feelings and therefore understand women so much better as they can relate to them and know what its like to be female. 99% of the women ive had meaningful relationships with have said wow you really get me! Personally myself i wouldn’t define myself within any sexuality group as i fall for the person and there personality, regardless of genitals location? Inside or outside of ones body. Always said you can’t help who you fall for? Its just the way ive always been x
When I’m Vicki I like everyone! I love getting the attention. Mainly interested in other crossdressers or transgender.
I feel the same way
I like girls. I mean that I REALLY like girls. So much so that I love to pretend to be one. Though I prefer female partners for sexual games, most girls like guys, so when I am pretending I do enjoy being taken by a male partner.
There are plenty of ways to rationalize the answer to the most likely question from wives and SOs, the very common “are you gay?” question.
But most of them are not a match for the mental model most of those wives/SOs understand at the time they are asking. They are mostly asking from the biological view of sexual relationships, as in “are you, my husband who is a biological male, attracted/willing to have sex with another biological male?”. All the rational of “I only like men when/if I’m dressed up like a woman” is beyond what they are wanting and needing to know.
No, I’m not an expert. I can only talk about what I have learned talking with many wives/SOs over the years.
Hi Hannah
A misconception fed by TV, film, media, for ever propagating that comment. And with so many things the more people see this implication they believe it must be true. It has seeped into society but I believe the more we ‘out’ ourselves the more society as a whole will see the lie that equates cross dressing with being gay. Why would a man who wants to present with feminine traits be attractive to men who prefer men????
I believe also that the gay community are so much more in touch with their inner femininity that this leads to the conclusion that men who reveal their feminine side must be gay. No no no, good on the gay community for being open like this. It’s just that heterosexual men are afraid to express this side of themselves for fear of being labelled a bit gay! And the brainwashed majority think we must be in denial about our true homosexuality! No no no.
Sexual orientation has nothing at all to do with cross dressing, it is a separate issue, sorry I’m ranting.
I was at a work lunch last week. Most of them know about my cross dressing as I showed up at the Christmas night in a floor length gold sequin gown LOL
But this one woman I was speaking to had left a while ago and knew nothing of my inner Bianca. Probably my fault but the subject got round to cross dressing and I showed her a photo of Bianca. She was silent for a bit then launched into a monologue about one of her friends who’s husband had ALSO came out as being gay!!!!
I bit my tongue.
B x
Do we have to be anything? Can’t we just enjoy the pleasures of crossdressing without any messy sexual hangups?
I find it offensive when someone automatically outwardly suggests or implies that my desire to cross dress is sexual. When they do, I end the conversation as I doubt a tutorial would have any impact on how they perceive me or any of my CD sisters. I am a sexual being and desire sincere, loving closeness, as rare as that has been lately. So it goes!
MP
This is a very interesting topic that I have wondered about myself. I am very attracted to women and have never really found any interest in men. I have discovered lately when dressing as Alexa I feel myself wondering and feeling a desire to experience being with a man. I usually only feel this way when wearing lingerie or sexier clothes which I believe really brings out the inner woman and that desire
Assumptions definitely are a factor here. People assume crossdressers are gay. crossdressers assume people are going to assume they’re gay, and are on the defensive. it’s tough because when you are trying to understand your gender identity, it is complicated in the first place, without anyone else making prejudgement.
My understanding of my gender and sexuality have evolved greatly over the years. I used to dress in more of a kink function; now I understand there’s a part of me that is Kate, and she’s more than one thing. I used to feel I was bi curious, or only thought about being with a man when dressed. But, I’ve come to realize that, regardless of how I’m dressed, my attractions are my attractions. All of me is pansexual. It’s all me. I’ve found a bit of peace in that. I am who I am. and yes, that’s Popeye. But that doesn’t make it untrue :).
Kate
Hi. I am not attracted to men at all; I just like experimenting, and have done so since my early teens. I have thought long and hard on the subject, but have yet to arrive at a definitive answer – and doubt I ever will. I dress privately, and haven’t any overriding desire to go full time. Besides that, I haven’t got the mental fortitude to deal with that ( even if I was seriously committed ). I greatly admire those who do, mind. I adore femininity; womankind is a blessing to the world, and without them would be a hollow existence – and a short one in terms of species continuation, of course!
Girls!
Interesting thread and answers, what a spectrum we embrace!
I spent a lot of time wondering about my own thoughts over the years. I wasn’t into fetish or wanting to attract men sexually and so for a long time was confused. A year or so ago I came across a definition for me that might fit for you: dual role crossdresser. When I am my male persona I am fully that person in thoughts, behaviour and appearance. When I am my female self I become 100% that person. I feel like I have a twin sister I adopt the role and body of, and it gives me both peace and let’s me appreciate life from both genders. I don’t feel the need to transition, equally I would miss my female side if I didn’t embrace her. Having said that, I have no attraction to men when I am in my female persona. The final piece for me was a woman friend who I asked once about the thrill of nice, classy lingerie. I worried about it being fetish and not feminine. She said as a woman she LOVES wearing classy (not slutty) lingerie, “You think we buy it only to show men?”. When she goes to the office or a meeting wearing drab office gear she loved the idea of “You don’t know what’s under this conservative outfit!” In other words it was fine to get a thrill from, and not kinky.
What I have found also is that women I have been involved with often said “You’re so different than most men, you seem to understand what it’s like being a woman, you feel like my best friend as well as my lover!”. They said they felt closer and warmer with me than other lovers. Maybe that ability / desire to be a woman at times helps to appreciate what being a woman entails, the good (compliments, nicer clothes), the bad (wolf whistles and so on) and the ugly (groping and pawing).
So…embrace that side and be a better man & woman!
S
Simone: my SO are like Your friend, she really enjoys the feel of feminine clothing as much as we crossdressers do, that is so great with her. We ordered some nice nightgowns from amazon and they are both alike just different sizes, she is the most feminine person I’ve ever known
Me and SO fill the same we go shopping she will pick out our matching sets just different size. She loves the feel of the satin and all the soft feeling against her as well
Hannah…
As soon as I realised I wanted to be a woman, I realised that therein lay the biggest difficulty of all… Heterosexuality!
I am a heterosexual male transitioning to a life as a trans woman and I still am sexually attracted to women. Funnily enough, the lesbians I know are all very sorry for me… “doubt you’ll get into bed with a lesbian partner!”
I have kissed two men (one to show him what he was missing out on!) and given one a blow job… on the face of that, no big deal though I don’t find men at all sexually attractive even if I can admire their individual physiques! I put those occasions down to an excess of wine!What is a poor girl to do? 😢 Polly
My first choice of a partner would always be a female. I love women and that includes other trans girls. Very few men interest me. The only two serious relationships I had as Barbie were with two women. Both of whom met me as Barbie.
That’s not to say I am not experienced with men by a long shot. Men want you to become theirs and being theirs means they control your life. I never had any interest in letting any man control me no matter who he was.
One thing any CD who is considering dating men must be aware of is “First Timer Syndrome”. Pretty much every male alive has experienced guilt after orgasm. If you find yourself with a man who has never before been with another male or trans girl before everything may seem to be fine. The moment he has his orgasm he has a massive attack of crushing guilt. He asks himself if he is now gay. He can’t bring himself to take responsibility for his own actions. If he is gay then it is all your fault and he may just beat the hell out of you.
Just remain calm and assure him you are a girl so of course he isn’t gay as you back out the door as fast as you can.
One observation I have on male/trans relations is that I have found that many CD’s and TS don’t want to be with any man who wants to be with them because he wants to be with them as a CD or a pre op TS. Instead CD’s and TS’s want men who want them as women meaning a totally straight guy. The problem there is straight men don’t want us. So you now have a Catch 22 situation.
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After reading the book Alice in genderland I’ve got a much better understanding of my own sexuality. I understood why I never really, except when I was much younger, are able to get good hard erection while with a woman, what I really want is to be the woman I’m with and sometimes we do some technically lesbian stuff which makes me and her very happy.
I have never been attracted to a man as a man but sometimes when dressed up I wish I could get laid by a man just to experience how it is, but I really do not find any men attractive so it’s probably never gonna happen.
If the moderators find the above offensive or to detailed for this forum, please just remove it but please do not exclude me from the site which is the worlds best site
As my masculine side, I prefer females. When I am in Bekkie-Renee’s mind set, I am divided. A relationship with a woman, but sometimes want activities with a man, to be treated as his woman. I wish I knew better words to explain my feeling. I just don’t have someone I can talk to, about being Bekke-Renee near by. This is the only place, and you are the only ones I can confide in, about Bekkie-Renee
I really believe a great many of us feel that way.
If I had to give my self a label I would say that I am probably a little bit bi. Back when I was in my 20’s I had a one night stand with a man. I did not go looking for him, I went to a gay bar in Vancouver one night because I felt safe there dressed as Trish I had been shopping early that evening and just wanted to relax and have a drink before I went back to my hotel. While I was there this guy bought me a drink and I smiled and thanked him. He later came over and started talking to me. In a bit he asked if I wanted to dance. He was a very good looking man and the idea of dancing with him did not repulse me so I said yes. As the night progressed he ran his hand up my leg and told what nice legs I had. Well, I don’t know if it was the drinks or him or both but we ended up in my hotel room making out. It was the one and only time I had sex with a man and at the end I was not ashamed nor repulsed with myself or him. I just had a man confirm my femininity and for the brief time I felt 100% female. If I had lived in Vancouver I could see a possible relationship forming. It was the only time that I made love to a man but I always look back fondly on this experience but I am happy with my SO and do love women much more than men.
Cheers,
Trish
By now, there have been many replies to this thread. I have not read all of them.
What I would really like to say is that I have been asked if I am gay many times, by my partner(!), because of my crossdressing.
The honest answer I always give her is, “I wish I was!”.
I am sure that I am not alone in thinking this way. I am certain that transvestism is “easier” for biological males like us, who need to dress in feminine clothing and occasionally present as women, if they are naturally attracted to men. It seems to make far more sense to them!
As I grew up in the 70s, British television was full of female impersonators and effeminate, flamboyant male entertainers. My father and older brothers referred to them as poofs/puffs and I, prouldly but privatley, labelled myself as this. I once heard the term “homosexual” as a child; after asking my brother the meaning of this word, he explained that “…it means blokes who like wearing women’s hats and stuff!”. So I immediately drifted into thoughts of a beautiful wide brimmed hat decorated with a large navy-blue satin bow. Me attending a family wedding in a matching shiny dress, possibly as a bridesmaid, with my stiletto heels sinking a little into the green lawns around a church. Me, a “homosexual” dressed as I, oh so much, desired.
However, when I got older, my pure innocence diminished because of wordly wisdom, I realised that poof, gay and homosexual were not the nouns/adjectives that fit me. I also realised that life would have been easier if they were. However, my sexual attraction was always towards females.
Quentin Crisp thrived in bravely expressing his inner woman. He never had to feel that he was compromising his sexuality or sexual orientation. It took immense courage in showing the world what he was but there was never any actual doubt nor confusion. He wore blouses, makeup and nail varnish to satisfy his natural femininity AND his homosexuality. I did, and still do, envy his courage aswell as his womanly freedom.
I see effeminate, “obviously” gay men now, on TV and in everyday real life. Wishing that I had the ability, aswell as the liberty, to express myself with their mannerisms and gestures. People tolerate, even smile at, a guy who pouts his lips, limply holds his wrist and can minse like an elegant lady. I would happily trade my heterosexuality for those qualities. To be able to wear full makeup in public, to be able to feel the airy swish of a skirt as I walk outside in broad daylight.
Great discussion topic! As expected the answers from the collective are a broad spectrum.
I genuinely sense that most CD’s aren’t gay, but have a tendency to embrace their whole femininity while dressed. There is obviously a difference between fantasy of being with another person and the reality and emotion of it all.
I would consider my sexual preference as bisexual, gender diverse or pansexual. Though I’ve only had relations with women. This in part due to not fully understanding myself before getting married.
Ultimately I am attracted to a body type and personality over “gender features”. I recently told my wife I am carnally attracted to Transgender females and CD’s. She wasn’t terribly surprised. Whether or not I’d act on my fantasies if the opportunity presented it’s self is more of a moral question, and is something that swirls in the back of my mind.
That all said, I love my wife and am sexually attracted to her. Intimacy between us has had ups and downs, but that’s to be expected since we’ve been together as a couple for nearly 20 years. Sex is good when it happens, and even better when she’s dressed in sexy lingerie!
-Natalie
“Aye, there’s the Rub!” That actually might be one reason for so-called ‘homosexuality’. One study that needs to be followed up on came to the conclusion that where females had many children males who were androphilic (attracted to masculinity) tended to be more prevalent. That is, where there was greater fecundity resulting in a rapidly increasing population same-sex sexuality seems to be more common. Do mothers with many sons tend to have more androphilic sons or even cross-dressers.
Like the wolves and rabbits. Example. Wolves eat the rabbits until there are not enough rabbits so the wolves starve diminishing the wolf population but with less predators the rabbits increased in population. And the cycle repeats.
This may be connected to the observation that when parents have too many children to care for adequately then uncles and aunts who are non-reproductive become essential to the welfare of the genetic family.
Neither idea has been fully examined or evaluated as far as I know, but it does suggest that same-sex sexuality may be essential to our survival and should be condoned as natural and acceptable.
Araminta.
I would not go so far as to ban it. It is repetitive, even dreary, because it reflects a shared experience that many persons have. They do not understand it and need to express their thoughts. It is important to them.
The repetitiveness of the refrain is most interesting as, at some, point, you begin to suspect that the shared perceptions are accurate. It’s that our language and conventions can sometimes be insufficient to fully express something that can be very strange,
But conversations regarding sexual activity can get out of bounds. I’m glad that I am not the one to decide where that border is.
Your point-of-view is one not often available at cross-dressing sites and hope you will have time to expand upon them to some degree.
Araminta.
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