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  • #458648
    Stephanie Scott
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    Registered On: February 8, 2021
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    Those of us who have been at this CDing thing for awhile — struggling, dealing with, embracing — have certainly encountered many situations and circumstances in our lives when we thought to ourselves, how unfair the double standards can be in terms of similar conduct by our friends of the opposite sex.

    This came to mind today when my wife asked if we wanted to watch the movie Mulan while she was wearing a pair of my boxer shorts. 😂 😆 😝Because she is no longer accepting and now hostile toward CDing (and doesn’t want to discuss it unless it is in pejorative/negative terms), I’m sure the irony was lost on her.

    She and I were both on active duty together for a time after we were married (Air Force and Army), and many days we wore the exact some thing — “slimming” 😝  camouflage BDUs, combat boots, camouflage cover.

    For example, I noticed recently all the hubbub and celebration of the female kicker on Vanderbilt’s football team (publicity stunt though it was), and her helmet message, “Play like a girl.”

    I also note, as a Christian, that my kindred spirits of the faith seem to love to apply Old Testament ceremonial law passages to cross dressing conduct while some of them sport tattoos themselves…

    So my question is: what double standards have you encountered and how do you handle it? Confrontation? Silence? Write it in a notebook? Letter to the editor? Lol. I’m curious.

    God bless,

    Steph

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    • #459019
      Stephanie Scott
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      Registered On: February 8, 2021
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      Hi Stephanie,

      Well lets start out by saying this replies sounds like I’m upset but I’m not really but I feel I have to reply.

      The question was double standards, Yes, I see it first hand in the military as I already explained (just some things). Then the reply went onto talk about distractions and to win wars and what not. I can perform my duties just the same with or without nail polish, with or without my hair tied up in a bun. As far as the distraction, there are so many secret CD, Trans, Gay, Lesbian, people already in the military so I don’t think my nail polish would be a distraction. I understand exactly what you are saying but thats the problem with society almost everyone say “yes we accept it” but still bury their head in the sand when ask to actually support us. I’m going to work right now with full female mode under my uniform.

      Stephanie I’m not mad or arguing with you. I respect your point of view, I respect your honest reply, I respect you. I’m truly not upset but you did hit a nerve with me. I could go on with this but I’m rushing as it is to go to work and yes I have my bra and panties on along with painted toe nails (pink).

      Donna and Bridgette thank you.

      Stephanie thank you for the post. Hugs – Katey

      Katey,

      Im not upset and I don’t take your post in the wrong way. I understand completely. Of course there is hypocrisy/double standards in the military but we also need to remember that the point of a military — that we join voluntarily knowing the rules, btw — is to fight and win wars, not to provide a forum in which we get to validate every aspect of our personalities. As military members, we have to sacrifice all sorts of things to accomplish the mission, and this may very well be one more of those things. Again, just food for thought.

      And btw, I’m SO grateful for your willingness to sacrifice and serve us.

      God bless and have a great day in those panties! 😊

      Steph

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    • #458910
      Rochelle Mills
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      Registered On: March 16, 2019
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      Taking a philosophical angle on the issue of double standards.  Just about everyone considers themselves objective, rationale, and that they are good persons overall.  Just like we are all above-average drivers in our own view…So we start out being blind to the myriad of inconsistencies/hypocrisies within ourselves.  Adding to this, we are also hard-wired with a primal need to belong to social groups or “tribes.”

      Our need to belong to groups for our own physical and psychological safety is so much stronger than any mountain of objective evidence that goes against the core values (core biases?) of the group.  Our frontal cortex/rational part of our brains allows us to connect ideas in amazing ways.  But it also does a fantastic job of giving us the best possible reason for why we feel as we do about any given issue.   If I feel strongly about something, it is real and true to me.  Any “evidence” to the contrary must be screwed up somehow or the other person must have disingenuous motives.

      Though it is good to be honest with ourselves and others, and bring attention to what is evident to us as being double standards, the other person will likely feel they are good and objective, especially when it fits the norm of a key tribe they belong to.

      So we move forward, communicate with love and intention, and leave the doors open for the breeze of broader acceptance to blow through ourselves and others.  We need each other’s “better angels” more than ever!  And those angels can dress really well, too!

      And thank you for your service!

      Rochelle

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      • #458924
        Stephanie Scott
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        Registered On: February 8, 2021
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        Rochelle,

        Great thoughts. I was looking for a way to say this, and your post gives me the opportunity.

        First, “double standards” are not necessarily intrinsically bad. Sometimes there are good reasons for double standards — although those distinctions may mean that we we think of as a double standard is in fact, NOT a double standard at all. We equate similar categories as being the same when the context may dictate otherwise.

        Defining terms is important, for example. I think maybe Samantha alluded to this in one of her posts. What IS cross dressing really? Simply wearing the clothes typically associated with the opposite sex? If I’m out of clean underwear and need some, am I cross dressing if I slip on a pair of my wife’s panties to get through the day until my own clothes are clean?

        Most of us here attach MUCH more meaning to the wearing of certain clothes (which is probably what brings it closer to having some kind of moral content — good or bad). In wearing my boxers, my wife is not trying to communicate that she feels like a dude and wants to do guy stuff. For some women, wearing an article of clothing belonging to their husbands/boyfriends communicates a “belonging” to that person (think letter jackets and jerseys in high school, for example). Or it may be just a comfort thing. But rarely for them is it an attempt to masculinize themselves.

        So then IS IT actually a double standard? Even if it “appears” unfair to us?

        Food for thought. Thanks for yours!

        God bless,

        Steph

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    • #458875
      Katey Doe
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      Registered On: February 3, 2021
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      Hi Stephanie,

      Thank you for your service.

      I’m still in the USAF and I find the military has a few double standards. One thing I find is the grooming standards for male and female. The females can grow their hair out but a male cannot. Others makeup, jewelry, wigs, nail colors, and a few more I’m sure. The military is stereotyping females and males. They are not allowing males to do the above mention things. The females have the option they can have long or short hair, they can wear or not wear makeup. If the military is so accepting to my lifestyle they sure are not showing it. Seriously what harm would it do if I wore nail polish while in uniform. I’m sure I’m not the only one who would love to show our feminine side while in uniform. uuuggghhh…..

      Hugs Katey

      • #458944
        Stephanie Bass
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        Registered On: November 30, 2019
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        Hi Katey First of all thankyou for your continued service to our country  i know you hear it a lot but you deserve the praise you get thankyou .. As for the double standards the only ones i adhear to is the two parts of a loving husband to my wonderful wife and the girl that lives in my heart as Stephanie that my wife supports and cares for as my wife  says is the better half of the two he he .. She it totally ok with Stephanie being in our home at any time as we have discussed it many times as her thoughts on the whole Crossdressing situation is what does it hurt in the home going out as where we live is not going to happen .. So me as her husband and girlfriend Stephanie are the same person but with different life styles and core values so we can all live in piece and wear what we want ..

        Stephanie Bass

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      • #458903
        Bridgette VonSmirff
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        Registered On: October 18, 2020
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        Oh, Katy! You woke that memory in me….! I always hated the double standards the military pulled with all that stuff, from grooming standards, uniform standards, physical standards… separate but equal my Aunt Fanny! I’ve also known two service members who transitioned in service, and both got tons of grief for it. In both cases the Command would officially put out that you’re not allowed to do or say anything derogatory to them, but it was always said in a manner that reflected apathy as to whether that was obeyed. Both of those were after I retired, and had no influence anymore. They say the military is a mirror of the society it serves… if that’s true we haven’t come anywhere near to far enough.

        Bridgette

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        • #458929
          Stephanie Scott
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          Bridgette (and Katey),

          I hear what you’re saying and I sympathize, but I think we need to be careful here. The military exists for one reason only (ultimately) — and that is to fight and win wars. Anything that distracts from that purpose endangers the mission. The military is not and should not be a place where we engage in social experimentation. There are standards and reasons for uniformity that contribute to keeping everyone’s eyes on the ball, so to speak.

          Unlike racial differences, there are meaningful and real differences between men and women. (If there weren’t, then cross dressing and TGism wouldn’t be a “thing!” Lol). Those differences have no moral content in terms of greater or lesser value, but we ARE different. So I think there is a basis for different treatment in that context. My 2 cents.

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          • #459012
            Katey Doe
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            Hi Stephanie,

            Well lets start out by saying this replies sounds like I’m upset but I’m not really but I feel I have to reply.

            The question was double standards, Yes, I see it first hand in the military as I already explained (just some things). Then the reply went onto talk about distractions and to win wars and what not. I can perform my duties just the same with or without nail polish, with or without my hair tied up in a bun. As far as the distraction, there are so many secret CD, Trans, Gay, Lesbian, people already in the military so I don’t think my nail polish would be a distraction. I understand exactly what you are saying but thats the problem with society almost everyone say “yes we accept it” but still bury their head in the sand when ask to actually support us. I’m going to work right now with full female mode under my uniform.

            Stephanie I’m not mad or arguing with you. I respect your point of view, I respect your honest reply, I respect you. I’m truly not upset but you did hit a nerve with me. I could go on with this but I’m rushing as it is to go to work and yes I have my bra and panties on along with painted toe nails (pink).

            Donna and Bridgette thank you.

            Stephanie thank you for the post. Hugs – Katey

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          • #458936
            Bridgette VonSmirff
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            I both agree and disagree, which we may agree to do. I completely agree that the purpose is not a studied experiment, and that there are in fact physical differences. Where i had the problem was when they said they’re the same with one side of their mouth, and different with the other. Since I got out, the differences in uniforms in my branch have greatly lessened. Used to be very different. Now the females wear most of the male uniforms, if enlisted. The new camouflage uniforms are just bags anyways, no real difference there. Females wear the white “sailor suit” dress whites, not sure about the blues. But there’s still different standards. If there’s no relevant military reason to have short hair, why can women have it and men not? If there’s no military reason to not wear earrings, why can women wear them and men not?

            I still think that’s a double standard, with little to no justification. Someone says “sailors don’t have long hair and earrings, it isn’t traditional…. but it is. You go back to when the dress blue uniform was created from, the flap on the back was designed to protect the uniform from the tar in sailor’s  long hair, and many of not most had earrings back then too. Perhaps I’m too salty…

            Bridgette… still looking for the rum

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          • #458942
            Stephanie Scott
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            Bridgette,

            Actually, we totally agree! I would prefer that someone merely articulate the reason why the standards are different instead of pretending they aren’t different. I think it’s disingenuous, but I also think some of that is foisted on them by the external pressures of society that demand that even the military acquiesce to that dominant narrative of “sameness.” We aren’t the same.

            Great post! Thank you!

            Steph

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    • #458812
      Sandy Honey
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      Registered On: February 24, 2021
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      Is it double standards or what is acceptable society standards? I was married 15 years and it ended in divorce. My wife did wear my shirts and boxers and in the eyes of society she looked sexy and hot. But had I walked in the living room with panties and bra she would have instantly initiated a divorce because she was raised to believe society said something was mentally wrong with me. But she saw me in a kilt many times and she had zero issue with that clothing. When I see fashion shows that have men in dresses and feminine attire, the clothing is so outlandish that it makes a mockery of us and continues to enforce something is wrong with us. I know norms are slowly changing because I grew up in the 60’s so I have seen the bigotry, hatred and intolerance of anyone different. During my life I would dress up as a woman at Halloween at work and it was acceptable because it was Halloween. As far as religion I will not attend a church that openly preaches hatred towards others. I have no reason to believe when entering the pearly gates Jesus would be in flowing robes not flowing pants.

      When I slip on my girly things my mind is clear, I’m happy and the world is not as ugly!

      Sandy

      • #458933
        Stephanie Scott
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        Sandy,

        Thanks so much for your great wisdom here. I’ll refer you back to another post I just made about double standards, context, and whether something really IS a double standard (even if it seems to be the same category), if the context is different.

        As for churches, I’ve always been a member of what one would probably call “conservative churches.” I’ve never heard hate preached from any one of them, so again, I think we need to define our terms.

        The LGBT “movement” has a narrative that says if you oppose our narrative in any way and do not embrace it as true and moral and equally legitimate, you are “preaching hate.” I personally think that is absurd and destructive. And it’s simply untrue. Now of course I’m sure there are churches and organizations out there that cross the line, but earnest principled opposition to a narrative with which one disagrees is not “hate.” It’s a disagreement.

        On the flip side, I think there is a lot more nuance in these issues than many churches have recognized (and part of that is due to the dominant narrative that all of this LGBT stuff is in the same category and should be treated monolithically — I disagree strongly with that notion). So churches could do a much better job of examining individual situations before applying Scripture with a broad brush to this entire category (which really isn’t a category at all). I think too many churches are reflexively dismissive of arguments coming from someone in that category — especially if we are really taking the view that ALL of us are sinners in need of grace.

        There is much that both “sides” could learn from the other if we could get past the shouting. And for someone like me — a misfit among misfits — this is important and a source of much of my CDing angst.

        Thanks again so much for your thoughts! They were wonderful! 😊

        God bless,

        Steph

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        • #458983
          Jamie Peridot
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          Registered On: February 19, 2021
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          Great post Stephanie! Unfortunately the world (well, also the church) are much more comfortable with black and white than shades of gray.

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          • #458986
            Stephanie Scott
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            Jamie,

            I know, right? It’s so much simpler and so much easier to have clear lines of demarcation.

            Of course, being human is messy, so unless there is certain clarity about something, many many things reside in the gray and demand grace and charity.

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    • #458808
      Polly Stewart
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      Registered On: January 2, 2021
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      Always call it out! Call it you see it!

      I got a brain injury for calling stuff out and I’d do it again, gladly if it make some little difference in how us humans treat each other. There are always institutions that encourage hypocrisy in order to ‘control’ certain sectors of humanity and that BS is anathema to me and so should be to all like minded individuals.
      If we have SOs who are hypocrites then we should call them out as well! If they continue then they are not worth your effort! Sad to say but almost no one wants to admit that their SO might very well being hyper judgemental!
      I read of so many members having to live their precious lives in some sort of denial due to their SOs… so sad and so unnecessary!

      Call it out sisters!

      Polly xxx

    • #458802
      Laura Lovett
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      Registered On: March 26, 2020
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      As far as I know, there’s only one biblical passage which mentions cross dressing, and there’s no punishment for it.

      Adultery is covered widely, and the common punishment is death by stoning.

      There are certain attitudes we no longer hold.

      Cross dressing is becoming normalised.

      If your wife can wear your boxers, you can and should wander around in her panties.

      If she wants to lay down the law, it’s not one rule for the goose – that attitude died with feminism a century ago.

      Woman up!

      (I know, it’s difficult – when I tease my wife like that, I always do it with a sense of humour – it’s good fun to have her try to grab them off you… bad Laura, back to the naughty corner!)

      Love Laura

      • #458949
        Stephanie Scott
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        Laura,

        Excellent points! Your anecdote reminded me of the time when I went to bed with the panties my wife gave me on under my pajama pants. She reached down and felt that I had them on, and I said, “I’m sorry; I’ll take them off.” She said, “don’t be sorry; I’LL take them off you when I’m ready.” And i’ll Leave it at that. Perhaps Paul Harvey will tell the rest of the story! 😂

        The Biblical passage you mentioned is Deuteronomy 22:5 — the sticking point for many a Christian crossdresser. It does say that it is “an abomination” — a category that does indeed imply punishment. But like with any passage of Scripture, it must be interpreted in context — historical context, societal context and intent within the interpretation of Scripture as a whole. We tend to a la carte passages we like or dislike, which is a mistake.

        There is much more to this, but I think the proper big picture interpretation of Old Testament passages that were meant to be applied to Israel as a ceremonial law that set them apart from their neighbors looks like this:

        That law no longer applies to believers (but the principle behind the law should still be considered important). A Christian would say that we are released from these requirements because of Jesus Christ, who completely and perfectly fulfilled the law in our place, but then took on our sin at the cross and died a substitutionary death and punishment for our sins so we could be reconciled to a perfectly holy and just God who also loves us so much that He died in our place so we could be reconciled. This is the stuff of grace and at least for those of us who are Christians, it is a great comfort. We are forgiven.

        I’m here because of this struggle that I’ve had my whole life. Because even though I believe I am forgiven, the process of sanctification means I engage in a lifelong struggle to conform myself to God’s will for His glory. I’m so enlightened, fascinated, and informed by y’all’s thoughts and beliefs and it is a great help to me. I can ONLY struggle through this in the context of my faith — eliminating that from the equation is of no use to me.

        Ultimately, I’d like to believe that I can glorify God by tapping into the femininity that lurks closer to the surface of my life than it does for most men, for whatever reason that is. And, Laura, y’all have helped me tremendously already to work through that, so I have appreciated the indulgence of allowing me to discuss my faith as the backdrop to my CDing “dual natured” heart! I know mentions of religion make some people feel “hinky” and I’m not trying to foist anything on anyone, but I can’t process this in a helpful way otherwise, which is why I frequently mention it and discuss it as my context.

        God bless,

        Steph

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        • #459171
          Polly Stewart
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          Registered On: January 2, 2021
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          Stephanie, I love your intellect! ❤️

          My response is short… God must be of both sexes or none at all! It makes no sense that a God, any God would trouble themselves with gender. Simply put… the gender of God is a construct by insecure men who could not abide a woman being their equal!
          We Catholics venerate the Virgin Mary in all her goodness! The other Mary was chosen by Christ to lead his church! Denied by all she vanished from the histories. How convenient?

          I am both male and female! Feminine power is becoming a larger part of who I am and I celebrate this fact! But… the idiots who think to interpret the bibles to their own benefit are full of delusion and hubris! Papa Francisco has been in Iraq and has even condemned some of the Muslim atrocities against all faiths! He has met with his opposite number even to reach some sort of dialogue! But he is a man… and as a man he has admitted to his belief in the duality of God!

          Thought this was supposed to be short… duh!

          The Romans addressed their gods as having gender duality or of none at all… they were gods above human interference and interpretation unlike the Greeks who put their gods into human form… a heavy burden I think!

          Ok… shut up Polly 💋💋💋

        • #459059
          Laura Lovett
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          Hi Stephanie, I’m glad you found my post helpful, as it was intended to be.

          That passage in Deuteronomy comes up so many times it’s not funny – and you are right on the money, it’s all about the context.

          Next time someone cites Deuteronomy as the reason we shouldn’t cross dress, offer them a sausage or pork chop (Chapter 14).

          Love Laura

           

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          • #459062
            Stephanie Scott
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            Often, it’s someone with a tattoo who is offering it up! Lol.

            Leviticus 19:28

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        • #458987
          Jamie Peridot
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          Thanks Stephanie! Was just having this conversation (privately) with a sister on here a couple of days ago.

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    • #458749
      Caty Ryan
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      I too am in a “DADT” (“dont ask dont tell”) relationship and even after 20 years we are still very nuch a pair of “lovebirds”.

      BUT!!!! She will take a man’s shirt given to her by her daughter to alter for her work uniform and not bat one of her pretty eyelashes…

      But if I was to become Caty in her presence, the “deep arctic frost” would descend  in nano seconds.

      Tho it has been denied, I also strongly suspect my CD’ing has had a very bad effect on our “bedroom exercise”. As in it’s ceased altogether. Against that we are both in our 70’s and such happenings are quite common in our age group..

      Happy dressing

      Caty

       

       

    • #458748
      Sa•man•tha
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      Double standards only exist as long as you tolerate them.  I see myself as a woman so men can just be men, I dont regard myself as one of those.  We really can’t get too deep into religion in general here, but imo God would have to be both male & female otherwise neither would exist.  But there is a world of difference between crossdressing and your wife wearing your clothes, unless maybe if you wanna present as a man in a dress.

      • #458778
        Stephanie Scott
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        Samantha,

        Oh I agree there is a difference, BUT, I think that gets to the heart of the issue. If dressing in the clothing of the opposite sex equates to cross dressing (technically, it seems like it does), and it is perfectly acceptable in some ways but not others, why is that? Is it a matter of degree and not kind? Is it a matter of motive/intention/nature of enjoyment? Maybe there is a good reason for the “double standard” or if you’d rather, “inconsistent treatment” of something that seems the same on many levels. Is it categorically different? Maybe it is. And maybe that’s how it’s dealt with. But the world is filled with double standards because we are imperfect humans. I have benefited from some double standards and have suffered the detriment of others. That’s life.

        • #458794
          Sa•man•tha
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          “Crossdressing” covers a very wide range of things so what exactly are we talking about here, and in what situation?
          What’s acceptable is up to you to decide.

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    • #458693
      Bridgette VonSmirff
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      I’ve actually not been at this for very long, and am very much learning my way. What I have found is that now I see so much of what I never noticed before about the conduct of my guy friends at work. They’re a bunch of pigs! Since last summer when Bridgette happened to Wil, as it were, my eyes have opened to a while lot of what was obviously there before, and I’m learning how to fight against that crap, and my friends are slowly learning that suddenly there’s a line in the sand where there wasn’t before. No gay or trans bashing is tolerated anywhere near me at work. As to the other great source of double standards, the church, I’ve changed to a different church also, and am much happier with less sanctimonious Old Testament law and more New Testament grace and forgiveness. My Faith hasn’t changed, just the building.

      Bridgette

    • #458689
      James Brine
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      This doubles standard is a unique place to be in. My wife and I have a don’t tell policy pretty much. But it’s awkward when they are wearing your clothes because they are “more comfortable.” I’m left thinking let me where yours and we can both win. I don’t know what my solution is yet. I’ve tried arguing with her and trying to point out the inconsistencies. That didn’t help much. Having great gals on this site helps a lot but still a struggle.

      I know you mention your faith a lot and it’s place in your CD experience. My wife is also on the more evangelical side of thought when it comes to CD. It would be interesting to see/understand how are partners faith impacts their view/experience of the double standard.

      Sivvi

      • #458694
        Stephanie Scott
        Lady
        Registered On: February 8, 2021
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        Great response, James. It can me a bit maddening. I think it comes down to intent and motive — it’s our intent that so disturbs them, not the act itself. The same people who don’t blink or laugh at a man dressed as a woman for the purpose of performance lose their minds if they find out that we actually like doing it — and WHY we like doing it. That has always suggested to me that the act of CDing itself has no moral content in and of itself but rather that HOW and WHY we do it is the thing that matters — and that could either be for moral or immoral reasons.

        Maybe this will mean something to your wife within the context of her faith. I have taken a lot of comfort and significance in Scriptural reference to God as a “mother hen” and other feminine references. While it is clear that He positionally our Father, He still exhibits in perfection all the best feminine traits. After all, He made us both — male and female — in His image. Check out the following: Genesis 1:27, Hosea 11: 3-4, Hosea 13:8, Deuteronomy 32: 11-12, Isaiah 66:13, Isaiah 49:15, Isaiah 42:14, Psalm 131:2, Psalm 123: 2-3, Matthew 23:7, Luke 13:34, Luke 15: 8-10 .

        God bless,

        Steph

         

        • #458806
          Laura Lovett
          Lady
          Registered On: March 26, 2020
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          1 Samuel 16:7

          Love Laura

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          • #458951
            Stephanie Scott
            Lady
            Registered On: February 8, 2021
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            Yes Laura! Beautiful passage and a great source of comfort. It IS here where I currently rest. God knows my heart in these matters. Thank you!

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        • #458753
          James Brine
          Lady
          Registered On: October 13, 2020
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          Thank you for your response. I do feel I missed an important question. How was Mulan?  I heard meh reviews and can’t bring myself to watch it. Not really sure why.

          Sivvi

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          • #458777
            Stephanie Scott
            Lady
            Registered On: February 8, 2021
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            We didn’t watch it! Lol.

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          • #458776
            LisaT
            Lady
            Registered On: January 31, 2021
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            Mulan is totally fun. A morality tale of a pretty young girl.stifled by a patriarchal society. Breaking the shackles of convention to become a national heroin and feminist icon.

            • This reply was modified 1 month ago by LisaT.
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    • #458676
      Effie Fulk
      Duchess
      Registered On: February 7, 2021
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      This may be silly but back in the 80’s, every “hair band” the band members wore makeup, long frizzy hair, and clothes that were questionable as to being male clothes… but none of us, at least non that I ever heard, called then crossdressers, and all the guys loved these bands and rocked out to them and posters on the wall… but let me wear makeup, wig,’put on something feminine and I’m called out for it and ridiculed? I guess it’s because they are performers and I am not….🤷🏼‍♀️

      🎀🌺

      • #458918
        Alana Teal
        Lady
        Registered On: June 9, 2020
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        Yeah, I was watching some old Journey videos on YouTube the other day, some of the outfits they wore. I remember shopping in the 80’s and trying to find shirts that actually had sleeves was a real challenge. I should’ve embraced the opportunity to wear feminine styled tops. https://societyofrock.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/steve-perry-journey-birthday.jpg

         

        Alana

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      • #458811
        Laura Lovett
        Lady
        Registered On: March 26, 2020
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        The “hair band” look originated with Freddie Mercury’s early looks – he would wear women’s clothing, leotards, leather, all sorts of things.

        The band look originated with Sweet, who modelled their early original sound and look on Queen, after they broke away from bubblegum pop.

        There’s a documentary which follows Sweet on tour, where they confess to raiding their sister’s wardrobes for the look – platform boots, lycra, leather, big hair, make-up – everything that the likes of Quiet Riot picked up on, followed by Motley Crue, Poison et al.

        Even Judas Priest, Iron Maiden and Metallica wore no strangers to the long hair and lycra look of Sweet.

        https://youtu.be/IA-jVMMmkg0.

        Love Laura

         

        • #458868
          Effie Fulk
          Duchess
          Registered On: February 7, 2021
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          Wow thanks Laura!! 🌸

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          • #459052
            Laura Lovett
            Lady
            Registered On: March 26, 2020
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            I have been a big fan of rock and metal music since seeing Sweet on Top of the Pops at a friend’s house, back in 1973.

            It was not allowed in my house – my Christian parents hated rock music.

            Naturally, I love it!

            Love Laura

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      • #458696
        Stephanie Scott
        Lady
        Registered On: February 8, 2021
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        It always seems to me that cross dressing for performance reasons is perfectly acceptable to everyone for some reason, but if you actually like it and want to do it because you LIKE to feel femme, everyone loses their minds and thinks it’s sinful. I can’t really resolve why that is.

        For me, it always comes back to this. I give it its moral content based on what I do with it. It could be bad to crossdress for sure. But I think it could be good also. Kinda like playing golf! 😆

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        • #458791
          LisaT
          Lady
          Registered On: January 31, 2021
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          Stephanie.  You have hit a nail on it’s head for me and revealed the ultimate double standard. It’s not the crossdressing. As you say performers have been adopting feminised styles of dress for years but often with the designer/ artistic input that means they actually dress androgenously. Marc Bolan was incredibly pretty but never presented as a woman. David Bowie played with both style and sexuality but never crossed the boundary of actually being or presenting as a woman. Freddie Mercury dressed as a woman for one performance and it was so obviously drag that it was accepted. Crossdressing is so much more it involves both gender and sexuality which of course takes it directly into the realms of morality and ethics.
          For the extremely transgendered the answer is both simple and difficult. Wrong body , GRS surgery and full womanhood. I don’t for one moment suggest that such a path isn’t hard but in the end apart from a few extreme feminists there is full endorsement as a woman. Whilst some of the rest of us may be so transgendered as to be transsexual in all but the final transition there is undoubtedly a group who like me are drawn to feminine style clothing and presentation and have many female traits. Our choice is either to be strong and standout as different, neither male or female, in some way sundered from the major clans or to mimic closely either , male or female or often both dependant on the situation. Surely if I present as fully female and then complain that I am not free to be recognised as my true self that is a double standard of epic proportions. And if I stand in front of my wife of 46 years and insist I’m a woman and expect her to accept that when I’m patently not it’s not only a double standard but morally bankrupt.

          Here on CDS I’m one of the girls and I need that connection. At home I’m a husband and lover and I need that connection. It is only by being true to myself, complex and difficult as that may be, do I believe I can find real happiness.

           

    • #458663
      Bobbi
      Lady
      Registered On: September 13, 2018
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      I don’t tolerate double standards of any kind, & I’m quick to point that out to anybody who tries it with me. I’ve been called a bitch for this, but I truly believe it’s the only way.
      I’ve tried being subtle, but many times, subtlety gets you nowhere, & people push the boundaries further & further, until you’ve backed down to where THEY feel comfortable.
      I don’t budge. “If I make you uncomfortable by living my life on my terms, there’s the f*cking door, USE IT!”. (& don’t let the door hit you where the good lord split you!).
      This girl’s never been in the closet, & I’m not about to go in there after enjoying my life out in the sunshine all these years.

    • #458659
      Stephanie Bass
      Princess - Annual
      Registered On: November 30, 2019
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      Hi Stephanie first of all thanks for yours and your wifes service to our country .. As not trying to brag but a lot of sisters here know my story and when i got married to my wife and came out to her very shortly after with a few conversations later she was ok and supportive and accepting of the new girl in the house as long as she did her third of the chores he he .. So this ment that i had to do two thirds of the chors didnt see that one coming lol.. but a fair trade to acceptence of Stephanie in our home so not much as double standards a few conflicks  and some little rules to live by which was a fair trade .. Hope you can work things out in your near future and come to an agreement as wifes are a wonderful thing especially when they support the Stephanies in our lives ..

      💋💖🌹🌹 Stephanie

      • #458702
        Stephanie Scott
        Lady
        Registered On: February 8, 2021
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        Thanks Steph! The law of unintended consequences! Lol. 2/3 of the chores! 😂 😆 😝 Love it. Most of us would happily volunteer for that if it meant acceptance of that additional girl. Lol.

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        • #458707
          Stephanie Bass
          Princess - Annual
          Registered On: November 30, 2019
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          Agreed sweet friend dont mind at all lol..

          Stephanie

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    • #458984
      Stephanie Scott
      Lady
      Registered On: February 8, 2021
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      Yep, and that means they may need to sacrifice that part themselves while in that context in order to not distract from the mission. It cuts both ways I think.

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    • #458943
      Bridgette VonSmirff
      Lady
      Registered On: October 18, 2020
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      You probably have a point there, but I can only speak from where I am now. Part of me has always thought of myself as a lesbian…so…

      Your thread here is good, thoughtful, and provokes deeper thinking. Well done.

      B

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    • #458940
      Stephanie Scott
      Lady
      Registered On: February 8, 2021
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      Laura,

      So true that people change and hopefully we change together with our spouses as times go by and for those areas that we don’t, we apply grace and charity. I have no doubt — based on your kind, sensitive, and feminine heart — that you have applied that grace to her.

      Im guessing, however that your wife isn’t trying to present as a man but really that she has merely dialed back the girliness. I think many women probably do that. My wife certainly has. But she hasn’t stopped shaving her body hair, wearing bras and panties, wearing female clothes (albeit less “feminine” than we would like to see), and she hasn’t given herself a buzz haircut and drawn a beard on her face. So it IS different, I think. Which, referring to another post I just made, maybe means it’s  not a double standard at all because the context is different?

      Just musing here… 😊

      God bless,

      Steph

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    • #458937
      Stephanie Scott
      Lady
      Registered On: February 8, 2021
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      Bridgette,

      Yes, women ARE awesome, aren’t they? Lol.

      Interestingly, though, you are applying your brain and personal experience in your life as a man as currently/historically constructed to a hypothetical situation that might actually me different if you were really a woman. I keep reading about folks who undergo HRT and SRS and their sexual orientation flips. I also read a lot of posts here about CDers who consider themselves heterosexual men who start imagining or experiencing positive sexual experiences with men as their femme selves. In a way, that makes sense, because one of the best affirmations of femininity is the admiration and attention and approval from masculinity and vice versa.

      So I guess what I’m saying is that if you really WERE a woman, you might think differently about masculine charms — and contrary to the foolish nonsense about men that many feminists peddle, there is much to be admired about masculinity also.

      Just my knee jerk reaction. I always love your input! 😊

      God bless,

      Steph

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #458923
      Stephanie Bass
      Princess - Annual
      Registered On: November 30, 2019
      Topics: 12
      Replies: 1482
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      Agreed Bridgette 100% I feel like a woman at heart but want to be with a woman as my wife of 38 years he he ..

      Stephanie

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #458897
      Bridgette VonSmirff
      Lady
      Registered On: October 18, 2020
      Topics: 26
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      And if I were a woman, I’d still be married to another woman. Not sure if there’s a double standard lurking there or not, but I’ve no interest or time for men.

      B

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #458817
      Laura Lovett
      Lady
      Registered On: March 26, 2020
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      I want an ultra girly girl who wears short skirts and tight tops for a wife.

      I married such a girl, but I don’t have that now.

      People change and they are 100% entitled to.

      Love Laura.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #458700
      Stephanie Scott
      Lady
      Registered On: February 8, 2021
      Topics: 18
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      Thanks Donna! 😊

      I want to be clear that I’m not dumping on my wife here, and I’m not looking for anyone to defend me and/or criticize her. I was just using that as an ironic example of a double standard that exists everywhere out there.

      Ironically, since it is easy to put myself in her shoes, I get it. Having a spouse who wants to act like they are the opposite sex ain’t exactly easy to deal with. If I were actually a woman, I’d want a strong masculine man as my husband, and CDiing threatens that image. Maybe using my spouse is a bad example as being representative of everyone else, because it’s not.

      Your input is wonderful as always, supportive, and thought-provoking. And I thank you for that so much! 😊

      5 users thanked author for this post.
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