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My wife doesn’t mind me wearing clothes but she has said she doesn’t want me to wear makeup or carry a purse. This hurts and makes me feel more like a freak. Today .I still put on makeup then when I went to put on lipstick she was aggrieved. Since warm wasgwas g to grab purse and she gave me back lash. Makes me feel I can’t be happy and don’t know the best way to deal with this.
Jessica
Jessica, I know it’s hard because I’m going through the same kind of thing but one thing I’ve learned is it take what she gives and no more, at least just yet. She knows those things are important to you and is probably thinking about it all the time. Give her some time and she will probably come around. She needs to feel like she’s in control and she probably feels your taking that away.
With me and my wife the newest thing is wearing a bra. She doesn’t like it, or at least she didn’t till last week. About a month ago she finally was ok with me wearing one when I was by myself so that’s what I did and I stopped asking her for more. I also tried my hardest not to talkta about it with her and tries thinking of her first. Last week when I was up doing my early morning routine in a bra and panties she couldn’t sleep and came up to hang out with me. I let her know that I was wearing a bra and she told me it was ok. This happened quite a few more times and she even gave me a hug while I was wearing one which was a big step for her.
I think the same might happen for you. Take what she ok with right now and later down the road when she gets more use to the idea she’ll probably let you do whatever you feel you need to
Hi hun as a SO i would say time and patience are the way to go. Too much too soon is worrying to a SO. Make sure she still gets to see the man she loves. A bit if romance and set aside a night for just you two no third person.
Eleanor thank you. She had told me she wanted to see me as a man some times so guess that is what your telling me too.
Yes hun it frightens SO’s they are losing the man they love. Its like having an affair your bringing another woman into the relationship.
hi Jessica. I for one fully understand your pain it causes you. like many on here, I too am in a similar situation. I have already overcome the first and biggest hurdle, which was telling my wife but this was replaced by more hurdles! to cut a very long story short, my wife wants me to be a man for most of the time and weekends is ‘my time’. unfortunately its not the best compromise as my wife struggles to get involved, for instance using my femme name ‘fiona’ or referring to me as a girl. however on the other side of the coin, she has bought me items of clothing and even make-up (I kid you not). the signals all of this sends out is very confusing because on the one hand she is trying to help but on the other hand she doesn’t want to get involved much. I think the key word here is ‘time’. if we perservere enough and give it a bit more time, maybe things might just improve although there is certainly no guarantees in this. I think looking at it from our wives or girlfriends point of view, to be fair, it is understandable that they struggle to accept or understand us even though many of us have been like this since our childhood days. unfortunately for us its hardly an after dinner topic or something any of us would find easy to discuss with anyone as its a sensitive subject to broach. for many there is a lot at stake too such as your marriage, reputation etc.
I think myself that the biggest obstacle for us in our cross dressing, is our partner because we want so much more but have awful difficulty getting it, leading to frustration, upset and even in some cases complete emotional breakdown. I am just taking it slowly and seeing how it goes. I mean, it could be far worse! I hope things improve for you Jessica.
fiona xx
Hi Fiona paitence is the key hun. Although your wife is buying you things she will find it hard to except your female personna. She married the man and everytime she sees Fiona the man she married is slipping away. You need to make time ti be with your wife as the nan sge married old fashioned romance
Hi Fiona, just as Eleanor stated they feel they are losing us. I asked my wife this question after it was presented to me. My wife said yes sometimes she feels she is losing me. I ask why and she was not sure she just keeps saying going to fast. So I think Eleanor, Nikki, and Michelle taking time so they can adjust seems to be the answer. My wife has known I was Bi are 33 years of marriage and so I asked her if she was afraid I was turning completely gay. She said no she knew me to good to think that. Even though I told her I thought rhitwas something we could do together she still feels too fast. So by the advice I have received here I can see this is a major adjustment that cannot just change.
It is good to have girls who have delt with problems and can give such good advise. I am sure still be some struggles but I feel much better about it all now.
🤗😘
Jessica
I want to thank all you ladies for sharing your experiences – it is wonderful to be among people in the same life situation and be inspired in progessing to the next level.
Hurdles is a great way of looking at it – and I feel that I have jumped one of the hardest – actually telling my wife, the first time I told anyone, about my closely guarded secret.
There are many more to jump, as she made it plain that she was unaccepting.
However, I was unaccepting of the way I felt when I discovered how strong it was, aged 13 – so I fully understand.
There is a curiosity, which she has succumbed to more than once, which allowed me some leverage.
Although I state clearly that I am going to dress to do the housework while she is working, and she says she’ll keep her back to me (which hurts!), she will invariably turn round and look at me (which makes my heart leap!), and carry on talking to me as if nothing is wrong – not a flicker on her face. In fact, I can see a lovely turnup to the edges of her mouth and a dilation of her pupils as if she is enjoying what she sees – or at least finds it amusing. Which is better than abject hatred!
In turn, I carry on talking normally, look her lovingly in the eyes and smile softly – not broadly.
These tiny hints are my leverage.
I hope that further exposure will breed familiarity and further comfort – and that a full introduction can be made, and a friendship established, with the conviction that nothing will be lost, on the contrary, much will be gained!
In the meantime, I am encouraging my man (it helps me to think like this) to treat her and the children as best he can, putting them first at all times (as he should, but you know what men are like -intimately!).
I hope this brain download helps someone as well as me.
Love
Laura.
[quote quote=131866]I want to thank all you ladies for sharing your experiences – it is wonderful to be among people in the same life situation and be inspired in progessing to the next level.
Hurdles is a great way of looking at it – and I feel that I have jumped one of the hardest – actually telling my wife, the first time I told anyone, about my closely guarded secret.
There are many more to jump, as she made it plain that she was unaccepting.
However, I was unaccepting of the way I felt when I discovered how strong it was, aged 13 – so I fully understand.
There is a curiosity, which she has succumbed to more than once, which allowed me some leverage.
Although I state clearly that I am going to dress to do the housework while she is working, and she says she’ll keep her back to me (which hurts!), she will invariably turn round and look at me (which makes my heart leap!), and carry on talking to me as if nothing is wrong – not a flicker on her face. In fact, I can see a lovely turnup to the edges of her mouth and a dilation of her pupils as if she is enjoying what she sees – or at least finds it amusing. Which is better than abject hatred!
In turn, I carry on talking normally, look her lovingly in the eyes and smile softly – not broadly.
These tiny hints are my leverage.
I hope that further exposure will breed familiarity and further comfort – and that a full introduction can be made, and a friendship established, with the conviction that nothing will be lost, on the contrary, much will be gained!
In the meantime, I am encouraging my man (it helps me to think like this) to treat her and the children as best he can, putting them first at all times (as he should, but you know what men are like -intimately!).
I hope this brain download helps someone as well as me.
Love
Laura.
[/quote]
Hi Laura,Im glad you were able to tell your wife. I hope she comes around and gives you support. I’m finding with my wife, as time goes by she is more accepting though she doesn’t want to lose her husband. I am open with her how I feel about myself now that I’m being a woman and how much I appreciate it when she helps me.
Since I posted this subject I have also came out at work being a woman at work for a week and three days. To this point, things are going much better than I expected. At least in the open.
Now I am a woman every day. I will dress as a man for our 33 year anniversary but I know I’m a woman inside.
So as it was suggested to me work with her so she has a chance to swallow the change and hopefully she will come to being your Allie.
🤗😘
Jessica
Jessica
How lovely!
I’m so glad things are progessing well for you.
Thank you particularly for starting this thread and keeping us updated with your progress.
This is very inspirational for me.
Love
Laura
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