Falling out and Falling in. –

[Anonymous]

The title is a bit intriguing isn’t it? And yet I imagine it sums up our worst and our best qualities.

For whatever reason we sometimes “get the wrong end of the stick”, ” lose our rag”, ” have a senior moment” ( me ! ) or just dig in when we don’t see eye to eye.

The truth is we all fall for the protective way out – through vanity, selfishness or  (claiming) ignorance.

“Where it that letter?” “Well don’t look at me, I don’t know”. Firstly the question lacked respect and didn’t ASK a question, but demanded a response. The reply claimed immunity from the problem and a ” don’t bother me. I’m already busy” attitude.

So if you look and observe the replies that members give as support in CDH, all usually beginning with a compassionate and ” reaching out” comment.

” That must be painful for you “. ” Please let me share that hurt” etc.

Where do we, the ” mini ambassadors for CDH”  learn these supportive skills? Are we a collection of  ” goddesses” who were first in the queue, when we were created, to get the empathy blankets?

I think you might be ahead of me here. Yes, we learn it from each other.  Hopefully we learn it at home ( well maybe for some?) We are prepared to be that necessary leaning post in order that the concerns, worries and frights  of others can be expressed to a true listener. In turn we become a unit of discovery,  finding support, understanding and, maybe, a solution. We fall into each other and progress is possible.

We “fall out” when we have lost the desire to be bonded in the task of healing or friendship. We “fall back in” when we let go of our own selfish, dominating opinions and look into the eyes of the person and say ” Please let me help” or that tear jerking moment ” Please help me”.

Falling out is often regarded as a normality. But what is normal about causing hurt? How can falling out be more pleasure than falling in?.( Sorry, I’m getting bored with the  inverted commas.)

I have read thousands of replies between fellow members.  I expect you have been there too, before me. It is good to share. It is so good to embrace each other in friendship and , probably the real issue, we have a role to play in showing others ” how it works for good”, and even  to those outside our membership.

See Sussex University research project – subject “KINDNESS” !! A research into kindness – why is hat required? Hmm. Is CDH responding to that? I hope they do.

I don’t think I am imagining anything unusual. It is that we create such a bond of respect that we cant help but become that perfect leaning post, a listener who can empathise and , with careful skill and expertise we point people towards some kind of recovery.

To all new members we ” teach by example”. How corny but how relevant it is that we do. Not enforced, but in genuine desire.  I could cite many examples, but I do not need to. You know it works.

Falling out is painful. So allow your self to fall in first and be that person who lends a hand.

As my friends here politely say to me – yes Anya you are right – but can you shorten that by 50%?

Ok, I will.

“Oh it takes TWO to tango !!!! ” Imagine the venom ?

No it doesn’t. It actually takes ONE pair, who work hard together to prove their worth, Without a pair it isn’t a tango – its a ” shame (bles)” ( Shambles).

If you ever fall out – turn round and fall in – QUICK.

Inspired by a learned friend. Im just “passing it on.” ( History Boys – film.)

Read Corinthians 1: 13 for yourself ( or go to a wedding – it is used there more than anywhere else. And it is paraphrased in many secular weddings. ) I simply say to you all – thanks for being there to help all our members. You do it well. Thank you for reading this. Greet , meet, listen, learn, repeat. May it ever be so.

 

[Anonymous]

As many of you know, I’m coming from a very dark place, and sometimes it colors my perspective. But I’m learning, and you girls are not only very good teachers, your kindness has really helped me let go of some of the pain. Even being able to truly express my feelings is new to me.
And I do appreciate it greatly!

[Anonymous]

The truth that cannot be denied. We have the capacity. All we need is the will. I have known of some “misadventures” – quite rare- but they were quickly resolved when experts entered the arena. Yes we need compromise but not at the expense of wisdom. Truth be known, we are a good bunch of folk😊😊😊.

Thank you for your follow up. Always good to hear another complimentary view. CDH holds its credibility very highly-  and all due to the minions care eh?

☺️☺️☺️

 

Anya x

[Author]

Posts