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I saw a twitter post by an mtf cinephile recently where she talked about not having seen “girl” movies before transition out of fear of being outed. That resonated a whole lot! I’m not sure when “girl” movies (or other girl things like books, tv shows, music, etc.) became a problem for me but it was very young.
I even distinctly remember loving the Little Mermaid when I was very young. This is on my mind a lot now because though my daughter has yet to see the movie, she is very into mermaids at the moment. All of the sudden I wouldn’t watch it anymore. The narrative has always been that out of nowhere I because afraid of Ursula, but that’s hard to believe. I watched it SO MANY TIMES before that. I still have never seen Beauty and the Beast and I even remember refusing to watch Fern Gully as the video store staff would tell me how much it wasn’t a girl movie, just because there’s a fairy on the box.
Around the same time I went to a birthday party and won a pencil. I chose one with a dalmation on it and then had a panic attack when I realised it had pink on it. I remember being picked up and the birthday boy’s mom reminding me of it and I flipped she even mentioned it. In other words, while I can’t recall my first gender dysphoria, I remember kindergarten being full of trans denial. It was at the very end when that pink hippie skirt ended up in my costume barrel, taunting me for months until I tried it on and sent me here…
Interesting topic Aoife. I don’t think I have watched an animated feature since way back when I last watched “Finding Nemo” on VHS, lol.
In high school I had to be careful with some of the things I enjoyed, so not to be ‘labeled’ by the other kids. I was very deep into finding Paula at the time, found my first crush/bf, and searching for more than was available about Christine Jorgenson and Renee Richards. But because of my environment, all of that had to be done away from everyone so I would not be ‘found out’.
Once I was out of school and on my own, it took a bit to open myself to most of the world and quit worrying if I did, said, or wore something that someone else my consider girly/ too feminine/or something else to cause people to question me. It all passes with time. And you realize that most other people really don’t care or just don’t even see beyond their own little horizon. I enjoy going to the movies for a good Rom-Com and just plain love story, now that our theatre is open again on weekends. My TV goes through periods of not moving from the 2 Hallmark Channels sometimes.
PaulaF
That resonates with me somewhat as well. I’ve never so much been into “girl movies” but female characters in movies almost always get more attention from me, even in “guy movies”. I could probably spend lots of time listing movies whose female characters just seem so much more interesting to me, and the male characters really forgettable. Video games too. I remember once I was at a friend’s house playing video games and he picked a female character because the game was 3rd person and he said it was because he didn’t want to look at a guy’s butt the whole time. (Sound male adolescent reasoning actually) Anyway I remember being happy because it gave me a great excuse to pick a female character as well. It made me realize I was always looking for such an excuse in any game when you get a choice of characters. It could be why I’ve been sticking with single player games recently. Nobody else can see who I’m playing as.
Funny how much that’s seen as a sign you’re trans when it’s like « yeah, why WOULD I want to look at a guy’s butt? » Is preferring the gender you’re attracted to that much really not typical?? What a human race we’ve created!
No kidding! On a similar note, I can remember when I was in middle school, one of the things the “cool kids” were into was pro wrestling. So of course products with images of pro wrestlers were also really popular. Which was something I only ever vaguely understood. I mostly just remember being confused why so many of my male classmates seemed to be so into pictures of really muscular men in speedos! Like this is what shows how manly you are? really weird.
Ashley, this is something I have thought about a lot! I had no interest in pro wrestling and I think a lot of that was classist-based, but yeah, no interest in looking at dude. However, I did wrestle which was sort of a nightmare. I was attracted to violence at the time (but I guess it had to be real) and was definitely at my peak overcompensation at that age. Awful though, especially when I tried to leave it in high school. I even was sent to wrestling camp and that was definitely an eye-opener. Hated every single thing about it…
I do wish I could have gotten into pro wrestling though. There are a lot of aspects of it as a form of performance art I really love, but it’s too late.
Have you ever listened to Hüsker Dü and/or Bob Mould? I read his autiobio about a year ago. He’s gay, and the drummer/co-lead singer/songwriter in Dü was bi with a clear preference for men. Both were very manly looking and acting. People assumed the bassist who had a goofy moustache was the gay one. He also went onto working for WCW in the late 90s. It was a pretty cool book to read as it really alters your perception of male homosexuality and the idea of what gay men are like, culturally. It’s all such a masculinity overload! There’s nothing feminine about him and there’s nothing feminine about the people he is attracted to. It doesn’t get explicit, but it’s very detailed, locker room fantasies, military porn, barbershop fetishism, the bear subculture… All of these things that as a trans lesbian are incomprehensible.
It’s funny, as I’ve gotten away from overcompensation in my life, I look at a band that’s all guys and think “that’s pretty gay.” Well, Mould agrees and talks about how bands with women in them never made any sense to him. I would recommend this book even more than his music probably, despite being a big fan of the former for over two decades!
That seems like a book well worth checking out, if no other reason than to see what thoughts it creates in me. A lot of things I still do make me question at times whether they are overcompensation. Thing is, even though a lot of my interests are male-dominated, there always seem to be a number of women too. Breaking gender associations with things/activities might help me sort out my own thoughts… or add to my mixed feelings. We’ll see I guess.
Anyway, I am always looking to expand my music library, so thanks for the recommendations!
I didn’t know I liked girlie movies until I just googled to find some. I’ve always like romcoms and love stories. Apparently I like girlie movies and chick flicks! Sleepless in Seattle. Mean girls. Pretty woman. Coyote ugly. Clueless. Bridesmaid. Titanic. Breakfast at Tiffany’s. Enchanted. The big sick. 13 going on 30. Jennifer Garner is so cute! The list goes on! Who knew?!
You have to watch Beauty and the Beast. The first animated Disney version. It’s so good.Hmm, very interesting topic!
i guess I would call myself a cinephile since I’m willing to give most genres a chance.
that being said, one of my early childhood favorite films was The Journey of Natty Gann. It didn’t seem to bother me that the main character was a girl until I obliviously showed it to my guy friends and they all have a “WTF is this” reaction. And I guess you could say that about other films like thelma & Louise, steel magnolias, under the Tuscan sun, and so on and so on.
I wonder why I was so drawn to Natty Gann when I was younger…. It’s been a very long time since I’ve seen it – maybe I should give it a test drive again.
I first remember Peter Pan and adored tinkerbell not realizing her gender. I also grew up loving the costumes women wore over the past centuries and finally ended up being hooked to romantic girls films which allmost always having me tear up or cry. I love all the movies you girls have suggested too.
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