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When I walk into a utility store/woman shop and try to shop lingerie, earrings, or a makeup kit, I feel a bit tensed. Buying them online is easy, but it can be expensive and time taking. It is also a waste of logistics that is the environment unfriendly.
I know that beginners of crossdressing feel embarrassed, girls, what are your stories? Do you have any bag of tips for a new crossdresser?
Like most things Apparna I have found the more U do it the easier it gets.
I realised nothing bad happens, and find I just get treated the same as I would imagine a woman would be treated. If the subject comes up I resolved to just tell the truth.
Most stories I have read on this site have also been ones of, just relax and be honest, and you will be treated with respect. The shop wants a sale.
Most of the fears we have are barriers that are in our heads, and if we can overcome them, life is so much more fun.
Sorry can’t really speak for how you would be treated in your country, perhaps with different social, religious or cultural barriers to overcome.
Good luck
love
B
It took me a long time. I use to find it hard to walk in to woman’s stores or woman’s department. We get strange looks from people and its made to make us uncomfortable. I take the idea that if woman can shop in the men’s department then I can shop in the woman’s. Yes I feel tensed every time I go to pay but most cashiers don’t care what you buy they have their own issues to worry about. I think because we have hid who we are for so long that we fell uncomfortable for doing nothing wrong. At the end of the day they are clothes and under garments. Be free and buy what you want. You may even find a lady at the store who will understand and help. Keep building the courage when it happens you will see it was as easy as buying men’s clothes
I don’t care about them! I go in like I own the place, and make jokes, like yeah, it IS hard to find 11 in shoes!
I’m similar Samantha , I’ll go in with confidence & I’ll say the items are for me , it’s never been an issue in fact it’s become either a conversation starter or the assistant ( usually male) can’t escape quick enough. Most of the assistants have taken in interest that I’m a crossdresser X Tiff
Ah yes, in terms of “stories”…..one of the first, maybe THE first outfit i ever purchased was about 15 years ago. it was a “sexy cheerleader” halloween costume. i thought for sure, “it’s a costume shop, i can do this, easy. I CAN DO THIS!” afterall, it was simply a unisex constume shop, not even a woman’s section or store! easy….right?
By the time i walked in and headed over to the cheerleader costume hanging on the rack, my heart was beating a mile a minute. i felt certain every eye was on me and they all knew…exactly…what…i….was…up….to!
heart racing, i went to checkout and three college kids, not one, but three checked me out. i must have looked everywhere, but their faces LOL. i could not get out of there fast enough. surely my secret must be out now – i thought, i feared!
well, i ended up having a bit of fun as “sexy cheerleader” and loved how i looked as her. from there, i was soon shopping at the mall victoria’s secrets. by that point, i had calmed quite a bit and made it seem like i was buying for a girlfriend.
presently, i don’t shop often (lots of reasons). but when i do, it’s easy. past week i was shopping for makeup at kohl’s and didn’t give it a second thought. i’m not quite at “owning the place,” but i am much much much more comfortable than when i was going for the sexy cheerleader. 🙂
<p style=”text-align: left;”>I had been buying a certain type of expensive pantyhose/tights from a large department store in the city for sometime. I lived the colour (mocha) which I liked to wear with my blue suit skirts. One day I was in there looking and couldn’t find them and a young sales assistant asked if she could help. She told me that they were out of stock and brought over a card with various similar samples of panty hose which she asked me to look at. She told me to put my hand in each sample to see the colour properly. I was shaking so badly at this point that she noticed, laughed and mentioned it! I made some excuse about not knowing what was what and eventually choose one which she then fetched a couple of packets of the actual tights. I queued up with her and bought them with my heart beating like mad. It was scarey at the time but also so exciting to be talking to this woman about buying my tights 😁</p>
The first time I went shopping I took in a list and when I was asked if I needed any help I just said I was picking up some presents for my wife. I did that for the first few time and then after that, I just said I was looking, don’t even say who I am looking for.
I am sure the first time I went up to pay I was at least the shade of a firetruck and did not want to make any eye contact with the sales associate but no one said a darn word to me other than have a nice day. Since then I have no issues heading in to buy clothes, lingerie, and makeup.
Cynthia.
I began buying my own pantyhose at 13. I was never nervous back then when doing that. I twas more like excitement. At 17 I wore pantyhose out openly and began shopping for more pantyhose dressed like that. It was a strange emotion. If someone noticed I was wearing pantyhose and buying pantyhose they would have no doubt I was buying them for myself. I was nervous and excited at the same time.
As I began feminizing my look, adding short girl’s shorts and platform wedges to my attire, I was often treated like a lady. I was complimented on having nice legs. When buying pantyhose, I was asked if the pantyhose I was buying was what I was wearing and how I liked them. A few times I was politely told I had a run.
The first time I got asked about my pantyhose, I totally panicked and ran off. The next time I was just as scared but didn’t run off and got a date out of it.
After that I was always hoping to get noticed and have pantyhose conversations. It was weird. I was often quite nervous but very excited too. It was hard to tell at time if I was nervous or excited. Either way I enjoyed the thrill and rush.
I was exceedingly nervous when I first plucked up the courage to buy pantyhose/tights for the first few years.I used to buy a lot in department stores.One of my favourite places was the clothing department of my local Cooperative store.It was something of an Alladin’s cave for a hosiery lover like me.They had all the best brands such as Pretty Polly and Aristoc.I was nervous enough making my choices but when I took my purchases to the counter my nerves were shot to pieces.The girls behind the counter were sullen and unfriendly.I was certain that they knew they were for me.As a cover up I once said'”It’s okay,they are not for me” which probably made them even more suspicious.It did get better as the years progressed.Last couple of times I shopped in stofe for skirts or dresses the staff didn’t turn a hair.I think in this day and age the Sales Assistants are glad to see customers come instore whatever the gender in this internet age.A lot of them take it for granted that we could be buying for a wife girlfriend.And even if they do suspect otherwise in these more enlightened times what the heck.And of course they are trained to be trans aware.
I did have a slightly unsettling experience a few years back.I went into Peacocks the budget UK clothes chain.Went there one Saturday afternoon to buy a few pairs of tights.Girl behind the counter couldn’t be nicer.Chatted about the weather.No problem.Went there the following Monday and took several more pairs of tights and a blouse tonthe till..Same girl behind the checkout.This time she was not as friendly.I am thinking that she recognised me and suspected that the tights were for me.She made me so uncomfortabe I knocked down a stand in front of me at the checkout.She came over to my side to pick it up and her expression was not a pleasant one.
Sorry about your unpleasant experience Roberta.
Now I have a new protocol…. If they aren’t nice to me, knock shit over 😉
Hugs
I shopped at Victoria’s Secret for quite some time. I would get so nervous. I would go out of town. At one point I went to the local mall and wanted to buy panties. I picked out a pair and stood in line trying to convince myself I looked like I was shopping for a girlfriend. The salesgirl asked me at checkout if I wanted the buy two get one free. She sold me on it being cheaper. So, she walked me over to the panties table and asked, “What do you like?”
I was taken aback and then just eased into shopping with her. She talked about what she liked. She even lifted her shirt a bit and showed me the top of her panties. She helped me find 6 pair. She then asked anything more. I said I would like to see a cami set. She laughed a bit. I went to the lacy lingerie type. She said, “No, no, you want to be comfortable.” She showed me a super soft cami set that in XL without asking for size. “You’ll love this. It’s so comfy and sexy too!”
It was never overtly stated she knew it was all for me. Yet, I realized when I thought about it later. We never talked about me shopping for anyone. I had also lost track of it being for someone else. When she showed me the top of her underwear I felt like I was shopping with a girlfriend. It was the best shopping experience ever.
Do I know that feeling? Oh, yes. In the beginning, just browsing in the women’s section of Walmart made me nervous, and I used the self-checkout line to pay. Similar feelings trying on shoes at Payless when they were liquidating – but I had to pay in person, and soon got used to it. In time, you will see that nobody cares and you can relax. You will accept the idea that you are a CD, and that it’s OK to be one; the burden will vanish.
Hugs,
BettylouIt’s almost always very awkward when your first start shopping for your own clothing. You feel like the entirety of the store is watching you, and you are waiting for them to page overhead that there’s A MAN IN THE LINGERIE DEPT!
Then it gets easier.
Then you realize the cashier is probably bored ringing you up with your selection of panties or dresses. They are only asking if you found everything ok, because it’s rote for them.
Then you realize that, in all honesty, no one really cares that you’re shopping for women’s clothing. At all.
Then you realize that casual conversation with the cashier or salespeople about your purchases isn’t so bad. You may even enjoy securing a dressing room to make sure your selections fit properly, so you’re not out the hard earned money.
Then, and perhaps for the first time- you finally find out that it’s quite ok that you are doing you. Those brick-and-mortar stores LOVE having your business instead of taking it online.
Be you. Comfort levels will come eventually.
I was terrified the first few times I shopped in person, and my blood pressure certainly still goes up.
I recently opened up to a store manager at a women’s wear local store, when I’ve looked and bought things a couple of times.
I kind of thought that she had figured me out, but after she had asked a couple of times if she could help me, I finally said that I was shopping for myself. To that she, no problem, I’m just here to help, and told me the quietest times to come in and shop, and showed me a less obvious change room I could use to try things on, and their return policy in case I just wanted to buy things, and try them on at home.
Today, I went in and bought a couple of satin camisoles. We were at the back of the store, and she was holding them up to me, and talking about the fit, and such. Just like me Mom might of done!
Of course, it is only good business sense, and esp if you can get a customer to come in during the less busy times. She even said that all of her staff are very accepting, but if I have any problems, let her know!
Altogether a good experience.
Amy
Yes it is a little different shopping for myself. I have shopped alone for both of my wives and my daughter with no problems. In fact my daughter loves going shopping with me, I always spot things she would like. We haven’t gone shopping together for me yet though. Even bought things at Fredrick’s of Hollywood for the first wife by myself, she had said that she had always wanted a red, lace bra, but her mother had forbidden it. So I tried at several with stores at the mall with no luck and they were the only shop in the mall left and had luck there. But then I had grown up being taken shopping with my mother, my aunt, my grandmother and cousin so very little bothers me. I wonder if that explains something’s about me?? Hehe
Hugs❤️Leslie
I don’t have a tip because I also feel very tense, even if I’m just accompanying my wife.
A couple of times, as sort of a dare to myself, I’ve bought pantyhose at a drug store. I can’t imagine having the nerve to go into a brick and mortar store and shop for lingerie. There is a corset shop near the city in which I live that caters to cross dressers and will do fittings. I’m holding out my trip there for a moment when I feel I deserve a special treat.
Never I love being there I’m totally comfortable
Hi Aparna,
I wasn’t tense going into a women’s shop to shop for myself. It was more exciting than being nervous. Maybe a few butterflies. It was fun thinking about what I wanted. Some stores are more product oriented than service focused. Other smaller shops only had one associate. In the smaller shop I found a pretty bra I liked. I asked the associate if I could try on the Bra and she told me where changing room was. It fit well and I decided to buy it.
In other shops most items were in drawers behind the counters so I’d wait for an associate and tell her what I wanted. She’d return with several items for me to try on. Then she’d walk me to the changing room for me to try on and make my selections.
Alice
This is a great topic. It’s so fascinating to here everyone’s take on shopping.
I’ve never shopped fully en-femme (wig, makeup etc) but have shopped whilst in partial girl mode and also in full man mode. To be honest, in man mode I’ve actually felt more nervous! Thoughts such as “If anyone notices me will they think I’m buying for my SO or will they see right through me and recognise me for the “tranny” I am?” go through my head. This was particularly the case in my younger years. Now, not so much. Maybe it’s the general confidence that comes with age or maybe it’s being more comfortable with who and what I am?
In girl mode, I have more of a “I don’t care what you think” mindset…although, admittedly, I do still aim for the quieter times…and never Mondays. Roberta, there’s a reason why the Boomtown Rats wrote the song!!! 😉
Sometimes I’ll try things on, other times I’ll take them home to try…so long as I can get a refund for returns. It really depends on the shop and the comfort vibe I get. If anyone is snooty, rude or makes me feel uncomfortable, I’ll simply take my money elsewhere. Thankfully, that has hardly ever happened…probably (as several girls have said) because that’s just bad business sense. It may be that the person is generally having a bad day and isn’t specifically “picking on me” but, hey, I don’t put up with bad service in man mode so I’ll be damned if this girl will!!! haha 🙂
Back in the UK I did a lot of buying from charity shops. They were always really nice as I think they were just happy to be getting money for whatever charity it was. Also, people who give up their time for free tend to be the nice sort. 🙂 They’re great for building your confidence (and for getting bargains). Someone earlier said about going in with a list. This is also fantastic advice. If a shop has a website, I’ve gone in with the pages from the site on my phone and shown the person what I’m looking for. It really puts you in control of the situation.
Finally, I think a lot of shop workers are bored out of their mind’s most of the day anyway so having an “interesting” customer can certainly make their day less mundane. If they talk about me once I’ve left the shop (which I’m sure they do) or tell their friends/family…fine, that’s human nature. They’re complete strangers anyway so I don’t care 🙂 xxx
Apparna,
I mustered the courage to go to the local Torrid store by me. I walked in shaking like a leaf. I looked around looked at a few dresses. There were a few GGs in the store and a few more coming and going. I would swear they all saw me as a creep. It was so nerve racking. I looked a little more and left. I was thinking I MADE IT PHEW! It was exhilarating. Im going to keep going and one day I’ll try on some dresses…maybe… lol.
Angela
Angela l love torrid I buy so many clothes there the sales girls said you should apply for a credit card I did and I got approved hooray the girls all know that I am a cross-dresser named Jasmine they all call me Jasmine and I try on clothes all the time and model for them to get their opinion I was nervous as hell The first time I don’t know why I said the clothes are for me they don’t care they are so sweet and supportive 💋
Angela l love torrid I buy so many clothes there the sales girls said you should apply for a credit card I did and I got approved hooray the girls all know that I am a cross-dresser named Jasmine they all call me Jasmine and I try on clothes all the time and model for them to get their opinion I was nervous as hell The first time I don’t know why I said the clothes are for me they don’t care they are so sweet and supportive 💋
Last week I was at a value village (chain store) I was walking around nevous and finally said screw it and walked over to the womens clothes and started looking around, I was looking at a beautiful sweater top and held it up to me and I thought I love this and a woman looked at me and just kept shopping. She watched me and I made a comment there were no really colourful skirts or dresses… she said ya some times ya have to hit it at the right time. I said guys clothes are boring no colour and not fancy…… I said I am going to look for a nice floural dress and skirt she said good choice!! I said thank you and kept shopping. Now I get excited thinking about going shopping for womens clothes in drab…
Always a bit nervous when I go to a store the first time looking to buy feminine items. Mostly I can determine in a short period of time if I’m welcome. If I don’t I leave, if they are nice I stay. Once I walked into a woman’s resale shop that specialized in clothing for plus size and tall ladies. I must have had a worried look on my face because the first thing she said is “Your secret is safe with me”. She later told me a good part of her business was from CD’s. I found a beautiful cobalt blue dress in my size. When I walked out of the dressing room and asked what she thought. She said “I would drive all the men crazy. I purchased the dress!
Yes, i feel very nervous shopping in lady stores, in the 70s i worked away regularly, and would shop in towns where no one knew me, i would look for small stores with one or two assistants, i had to pluck up courage to walk in but it felt so exciting but also very scary, i remember the first items i bought 50 years ago was a pale blue bra and panties ,i wrote the sizes on a piece of paper and pretended they were a present for my girlfriend
Only thing I can say is just do it. If you need to, say your shopping for A SO and that she’s about the same size. Another thing I like to do is “window shop” online, find what I like, then go in store and get it (though I only do it with Torrid).
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Years ago, the patrons and salespeople would make it very uncomfortable even being in the store without a SO with you. Trying on was not an option. You had to accept the fit of whatever you bought.
I found that now patrons still make it uncomfortable to shop without a SO in the store with you. Who cares what they think. I will probably never see them again and don’t value their opinion in any way.
Most of the salespeople are very helpful especially if you tell them you are shopping for yourself. They are friendly and make the shopping experience pleasurable. The younger salespeople are more accepting that you are shopping for yourself. Trying clothes on is an option now. Try to go when the store is not busy. During supper hour or at opening or closing time. Avoid weekends. I tend to shop on Monday or Tuesday on my way home from work.
Like some others have said, it gets easier the more you do it. I used to be terrified to walk in to the womens section, and suspected everyone was staring at me and silently judging me. Or that the employees were calling the police on the creepy guy in ladies wear. Of course, nothing like that ever really happened to me.
I used to pretend I was shopping for my SO. But, now I just go in and shop for myself, and I don’t really care what other shoppers think. My only exception to that rule, is that I’m terrified of running into someone I know, because I’m not “out”.
Yesterday, I went in to Torrid to shop their sale for footwear. I talked to a sales assistant a couple of times, and tried on multiple pair of sandals, with my bright pink toenails out for anyone to see. Then I went to another clothing store and twice, carried an armful of womens clothes up and asked if I could try them on. The cashiers in that store didn’t say much to me, but showed me to the dressing rooms and checked me out with the items that I talked myself into. I just took the attitude that, if they don’t like me buying myself feminine clothing, so what. I care what I think of the outfits, not what they think anyway. The people working in Torrid were really nice, and helpful though, very pleasant shopping experience there.
Birel
A couple of weeks ago I went into the underwear department at M&S to buy some new every day panties and an unpadded bra. Yes I was in male mode but really enjoyed my stroll around. After choosing what I wanted I went to the pay for them, stood in line with the other ladies buying their underwear, called to the till the young girl asked did I find everything I was looking for folded everything nicely for me then handed them to me. Very pleasant experience however every everyone was wearing masks so I couldn’t see it she was smiling or not but she didn’t have a frown on her face either.
Samantha x
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