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Hello my name is April a fifty something male to female crossdresser who is married. I am a heterosexual male who enjoys dressing as a woman to emulate and show my appreciation of feminine traits, as it is a part of me that makes me who I am and honestly gives me balance. Having struggled for most of of my life wondering and wanting to know why I have the desire to dress as a woman thinking what is wrong with me is there a chromosome issue or a hormone wash while in the womb. While speaking with a therapist I had been seeing for anger, frustration with work and life challenges including relationships that had failed and lastly crossdressing the WHY??????? I do it, why the desire wanting the understanding of why I am the way I am.
I was challenged by my therapist to look at things differently, instead of the why (I am the way I am, a transvestite or crossdresser and hating myself for it, ridden with guilt and shame and most definitely an overwhelming overcompensating with frustration,anger, and not backing down ever always wanting to win verbal discussion at work in a type A atmosphere and field and having to be right in all things to fight every battle in life and relationships too. Why not take a different approach why not try self acceptance that this is a part of who you are a good part. Accept that this is not only a part of who I am but it is an essential part of who I am. Why not try to allow some of those qualities of women that I do admire and respect that are positive things to come forward. All people are dealt different challenges obstacles or (demons)in life, some may say vices bad qualities or even sins. It doesn’t have to bad.
Even though I am attracted to the physical attributes of beautiful feminine sexuality there are many other great qualities that I knew when asked to identify non physical traits. Traits in women in my life such as my mother, girlfriends, women at work and others in society or history, what about them do I admire or respect and wish that i could emulate in my life? Not the bad qualities.
2-which llows to be a good communicator
4-sacrifice always giving doing for others
10-Not afraid to experience new things
12-Inner strength and having to fight to get a fair shake in many things.
I have had unexplained desires in some way ever since being at a get together of about 5 or 6 families there were about 15 to 20 kids from about 3 to 13 and a boy went into a sliding door closet and opened the door he was wearing a red frilly dress with white lace to accentuate the dress. One boy tried it on then another tried on the dress I was 5 to 7 at the time I do not remember. In some manner crossdressing has been prevalent in some manner of my life since age 6 or 7 that I can remember trying on my mothers shoes a few times when no one was around. My male self insecurities became more prevalent as I reached Junior High age and my physical attraction to girls and women became stronger seeing female impersonators on Entertainment Tonight and seeing how men looked like women definitely created a strong desire to look that way in my mind. Although for me there was a strong sexual attraction to crossdressing and stories of forces feminization. Maybe a way in my mind for it to be ok I never ever eliminated the thoughts or desire to someday dress from my mind or inner self for long periods of time. I have other events I can share with others at a later time as we all of unique stories or events in each of out lives.
On my road to self acceptance after having dressed to the best of my ability at home after numerous times completely purging all belongings. In early October in 2017 I called Amy from Be You Just You for a complete Woman makeover as I wanted to step out of the darkness and pit of self hatred and shame. In short I called her back and canceled the appointment and asked if she knew of any events in Las Vegas where her shop is located. She said she was having a Halloween get together for a couple of days. She asked if I would like to come to the event;scared to death I took the step to attend in Las Vegas at the Artisan Hotel. Amy was booked for the party my first night out in public so I called a makeup company that did weddings and paid a $125 for an artist to come to my hotel room and give me my first true transformation it went well she left. Then It was surreal I was scared to death being in public about 30!of us met in the lobby and got on a bus to a karaoke bar the first night out. A gangster party murder mystery the next night Amy did my makeup for the party I met so many nice people I met others similar or like me. I WAS NOT ALONE IN THE WORLD. I was not a freak a pervert or some nut job. It felt great to not feel ashamed isolated or alone. I had a wonderful time memorable time.
I will share more later I am here to meet others and find friends for my wife and I to be able to share a part of me. Thanks April Sinclair
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