How my writings help

[Stephanie]

I keep a diary (somewhat). I don’t think I have the words to convey to you how much this has helped me over the years.  It is kept in many forms for me from a book to just scraps of paper.  It isn’t so much that I keep this or whether someone else discovers it, it is what I learn from it, it is how I learn from it.  My journal is a place where I have discovered about myself.  In many ways it has become the voice of God (or as I call him father)  My journal is a place where I can let the voices go, (you know them, They talk to you too) those voices that say “you’re not beautiful”, when the girls on CDH just said I was stunning. My journal (or my writing) has helped me learn to commit murder legally, (because just this last week I killed that voice, that has told me I am not beautiful.

My writings are the place I can go where I can go to express that moment in the mall last week where I have experienced indescribable freedom and exhilaration with Viv. (I know you would find that story inspiring, it changed me🥰)

My journal is a place where I can go and not have to  worry about being spiritually politically correct, I can say anything I want, I don’t have to worry about whether I have offended someone, or hurt others feelings or any one of the thousand things that swirl around in this cesspool of emotions and feelings and uncertainty and hopelessness and all the other feelings that I can’t describe

My journal is the place where I go to wrestle with life as a cross dresser, and my faith in Jesus.  My journal is the one place where I can go where there are no filters or restraints  to stop me from saying any thing I want  or anyway I want I don’t have to explain anything,, I don’t have to understand anything.  I don’t have to explain the meaning of a certain word usage context. My journal is my place where I write with  my heart,  from my heart, through my heart, in the tears and laughter that moment creates
My journal is the place I can be absolutely raw, transparent, vulnerable, unhinged, manic, angry, confused but clear,  lonely but not alone,  empty but so full, absolutely terrified yet so confidently secure that what I write is absolutely safe with my father.  Because I know with him there are no woulda, coulda, shoulda’s.  I know that when, I write I write my feelings and emotions, there is no right or wrong to them.  I know I am safe here with my father, in the midst of the uncertainty of what to do, the confusion of all the thoughts that are bombarding my mind with options laid bare before me, in my heart knowing I have to choose one and soon,  the numbness I feel from the pain of wrestling with it all.

It is this place where I am wrestling with my place at CDH, do I stay or do I go.  (My next article will explain this statement).
I honestly don’t know how or what to finish this article, so I will make it simple.

Thank you for reading this and I am sorry if it makes no sense to you. It does to me. I love you all, I am inspired by your courage being here, you are all beautiful, stay that way

 

 

[ChloeC]

I’ve tried keeping a diary, several times (my one grandfather did, for 30 years!, interesting to go back through that and see his references to my, my siblings, and my mother’s life!) but I’ve never been that faithful in keeping it up.

But what I have done is write my life story, including a section on my transgender-ness, but rather than just one multi, multi, multi page story, I’ve broken it into sections, or separate files, such as my 4 years in the military, the colleges I attended with classes, the jobs I’ve had, organizations I’ve belonged to, my hiking experiences. That sort of thing.  Maybe someday one of my descendants may want to know a little more about one of his or her ancestors, and hopefully someone can produce these…stories, and they can read just what interests them, without getting bogged down with what they would consider useless aspects.

Or maybe not, but at least it keeps my mind busy, and that’s important for as we live our lives, it seems that strange things happen to how we remember things. Right now, at least one of my brothers recites an incident where I know that he was at best an onlooker and I was one of the two central people, but he has put himself into that central position. (our grandfather was there, but he didn’t put it into the diary, too bad. Eh)

[Anonymous]

I have started my book, after 74 yrs. The problem that has me stinied…CDing.

Daughters don’t know, their husband’s don’t know. Son knows but doesn’t want to see me dressed. His wife goes out with me and my girlfriends. My wife cretiques me before leaving the house, out many times with her sisters and their kids.  My only living brother knows & says ,” I love you no matter. Many of our friends know, many don’t.

After 46 yrs in government as a surgeon,& University faculties, they never knew. My therapists knew. My doctor knows.

If I publish a book…everyone will know.

Not sure what the blowback would be.

I might have 4-5 yrs left to dress. Not sure I would want the attention. I can’t see writing the book, without that information being included.

I have 2 huge scrapbooks from the mid 1950’s to the present. This span includes my childhood as a performing musician.

It has been a big part of my long life being dressed out in public since the 1960’s, in my 20’s.

Guess it will stay with only those who know.

DT.T.J.

 

 

[Emily Alt]

I voted no.  I don’t have the patience to keep a journal.  But I often compose and save my forum responses on a text editor before posting.  I’ve found that writing about my journey gives me insight into the person I’m becoming.  And it’s validating.

[Anonymous]

I don’t keep a diary , my wife however is writing our story , part therapy for her & part as we’ve not found a lot of support for wives/ SO , our therapist has asked for a copy when it’s ready . 📚📚📚 📚

[Dawn Wyvern]

I have a blog that is on line and accessible to all (see the link on my home page)

This is a place I put my thoughts and adventures, my reviews of all things TG and life experiences. Its lovely to be able to write things that interest me with out the need to meet anyone else’s expectations, letting me explore my inner feelings while allowing others to comment back.

I have written several medical papers and reviews that have been published in an attempt to help educate members of the medical profession on how to support TG in the work place, but these are very formal and have to meet academic criteria – so a bit stuffy!

I think that writing diary for no one to see it a little like making a lovely cake but not eating it !

”Share the words so as others may be comforted ‘’ (not sure who said that but it fits !)

hugs

Dawn

[Kassie]

You know, I’ve never actually thought about writing my thoughts about my dressing down in a journal before. I have tried and failed to keep regular everyday diaries in the past, but I never was invested enough in them to keep going. I think perhaps a topic so dear to my heart such as this may be something I’m likely to keep at. Thank you for your thoughtful post and also for the inspiration for me to try something that may help me with my own feminine struggles and victories. 😊

 

ps… Glad you killed off that wayward voice, because you are beautiful, girl! x

[Krista]

Hi Stephanie, I voted no because I no longer write in a journal.  BUT I used to.  I kept a daily journal from 1985 to 2017.  I had a stressful career at times and am now in my third marriage.  Now that I’m retired, I don’t have as many internal struggles as I once had and I’m at peace with where I am as a CD.  My spouse knows (though she isn’t supportive).  When I did write in my daily journal I found that it helped.  I also used to go solo on an annual week long retreat in the Rocky Mountains.  A great way to clear my head.  Also wonderful to be en femme almost 24/7  during that week.  I have found that some of the topics in these forums have been wonderful for thinking about and coming to terms with being a CD. Writing in response to the forum topics has also been a great way to open up, get personal clarity and even perhaps share some thoughts that may help someone else.   Thanks for raising this topic.  Stay safe, stay healthy, All the very Best, Hugs, Krista.

[Patty Phose]

Although I had been out many times dressed since I was 17, my Patty experiences and adventures have been like a secret life I was living. Become Patty, go out, enjoy the excitement, thrill and rush, then come home put that adventure behind me.

[Anonymous]

No, this is the only place where I right anything down. I don’t want to leave a paper trail as it may fall into the wrong hands and cause my family embarrassment.

[Emily]

I voted no, but I think it’s a brilliant idea. Well done you for being faithful to doing this.

[Alicen Thairms]

Since I started dressing again regularly about five years ago I started keeping a diary/journal and a photo record.

In my journal I write about what I do and what I wear during my crossdressing sessions.  Also how I feel about where I am and how I am coping with the feminine aspect of my self; along with notes and ideas about my comprehension of the need to dress.

I’ve found it helpful, it reminds me I am more than just everyday ‘man me’ 🙂

[Lucinda Hawkns]

i said yes for i write down 2 diary’s.  1st with loosening my parents  and 2nd one is called my cross dressing.   so when i feel depressed i write on both of them to write them down and get them out of my head.

[Anonymous]

I have kept a journal on and off most of my adult life. I find it helps to have it with me when I see my therapist. I don’t write in it everyday, just when something good or bad crosses my mind.

[Author]

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