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I’m not sure if this is the right place. I’m trying to write an intro. My name is Brian, I will be 53 soon. I recently came out to my wife of 5 years that I am a cross dresser. At home, for the most part. I known since I was 7 or so. I found both my older sisters and moms lingerie. I tried it on. I was hooked from day one. Since then I have coped, poorly at times, with the fact that I knew it was for me. At times it was a sexual thing, others not so much. Fast forward, my first wife was the first person I ever admitted this to. That didn’t end well. Then a girl friend with the same results. I have now been married for 4 years and I pretty much blurted this out to my wife a week ago. I’ll be the first to admit, booze played a roll. I hated how I felt. I have been supressing this for most of my life. I was in a constant state of self loathing, guilt, and shame. I have purged multiple times in life. I just wanted to tell my wife and be accepted. I hated lying to her and keeping it hidden. I hated who I was becoming. Alcohol was a big part of my life trying to repress things. Then last week, I just blurted it out, via text. And she surprised me. She told me not to leave the house and she came home from work and hugged me. Told me I was safe. No ridicule like the first time around. She assured me she loved me. That it was going to be OK. She accepted me. The weight and burden of nearly 50 years she just made it go away. I can’t begin to tell her the peace she has given me. We are currently in search of a counselor we can both see. Somewhere we can feel safe to talk about feelings. I love my wife. She is aplowing me to express myself. I love her.
Hi Brian,
You’ve definitely come to the right place. You will find no end of support on here. It is a very safe and caring place to be. I’ve been on for a month now and had hundreds of great conversations. I feel like I’m out of the closet, but just not to anyone I know! Happy to chat any time.
Katie x
Hi Brian, Teralynn here. Welcome to CDH. My heart goes out to you. After a lifelong struggle to deal with your crossdressing, it appears that your current wife will be the one who loves you enough to support and accept you as you are. Perhaps both of you should become members of this site, because we have people here who understand what both of you are going through and can provide both of you with loving support. I am sure a lot of our members will reach out to you and offer support. Let them do just that. If I can ever be of service please feel free to contact me through this site and let me know how I can help. A post on my home profile page wall will get the fastest response. – Blessings
That’s a nice story with what seems like so far a happy ending. Good for you. When I met my wife, I had been dressing often for a couple of years and got out as often as I could. I went to a lot of fetish and theme parties. I had a lot of very nice, sexy clothes and loved wearing them even when I was not partying.
A couple of weeks after we met, she surprised me showing up at my place. When she came in and saw women’s clothes lying about, she was not happy. I decided to just tell her about Patty. She didn’t seem to believe me so she asked me to show her. I went in the bedroom and put on one of my favorite and sexiest outfits, with make up and everything. When I walked out to show here, she was stunned. She could not believe how pretty and sexy Patty was. Her and Patty became good friends and did lots of girlfriend things together. That opened up so many new, adventures and experiences as Patty.
Brian welcome..
coming out to your wife is a very difficult step as I know as for me its now going on 3 years since opening to my wife and I just started dressing around the same time which for me it was very difficult. But joining in here help me in so many ways. Meeting with, chatting, sharing stories and best of all making friends was instrumental for me to accept myself and to have the confidence to pursue further . My wife has been supportive but with caution and has help me in little ways. She was upset, hurt disgusted , and most of all angry at me me. for why ? but not telling her earlier. Boundaries were discussed and agreements were met. I now enjoy my passion and am looking forward moving ahead.
Now we’re moving forward as she now to allowing Stephanie more into our lives. All I can say is follow her lead, set guidelines and never move on anything until your both ready to do so. And most important talk, talk and more talk. The best to you both as you venture through these new paths together . Very happy meeting you.
Stephanie 🌹
Hi Brian,
Welcome to CDH. It’s great that you love your wife. Just as important is to love yourself.
I am 73 and on my own again after three marriages, the most recent one of 25 years. In each
case it was not my cross dressing per se that ended it. I was my chronic unhappiness, lurking
anger and depression over being ‘cursed’ with this mostly unmet drive to cross dress. I
disapproved of myself and this was reflected in my negative attitude to other people and
life. My first marriage ended over my alcoholism; but since then I have been completely
drug and alcohol free but continued to be grouchy. Since my most recent wife left me (four
years ago) I have given myself free reign to enjoy being cross dressed almost daily in the
privacy of my own home (what pleasure and relief) but have not ventured out.
I am now in the process of learning how to value and love myself and belong ing to CDH
is part of the process.
I wish you all the best in the future.
Nancy (John)
Hello Brian.
I’m so glad you found the courage to come out to your wife and that she’s loving and supportive.
Many go a long time with out meaningful acceptance. And surprise you’ll find plenty of that here too.
It’s good that your going through counseling together I’m sure it will be very helpful.
Hope to see you around here again soon.
Welcome to CDH, Brian. You are lucky to have a supportive and understanding wife.
Hi Brian hello and welcome to C.D .H. I am also glade things worked out for you. yes hiding it is a burden on you. my wife found out and lets me dress up when no other adult child is home, she will not help with make up or see me even tho she has seen me getting dressed up and even sat next to me just to show me something then leave. I felt great with her sitting next to me while I was dressed up and had perfume on and ear rings and make up. I under dress a lot in winter time keeps me warmer and also feminine
Hi Lucinda,
My wife has been a god send. I haven’t asked for help per se. She has seen me in lingerie/sleepwear and its been OK. I still have a fear of her seeing me but that’s all in my mind from years and years of hiding this activity. I also try to change for bedtime in private before we snuggle up in bed. Its just a stigma I must overcome. She has gone out of were way to show acceptance.
Thank you for that… I can relate on many levels.. I’m new here and having some difficulties navigating this site… 2 really long posts have just disappeared .. but I definitely feel you…
So you are married? I got married once and it was the probably the absolute woest decision I ever could have made… Not projecting on you but just saying…Annette, thank you for the reply. Married once before and it was a total failure when I came out. It wasnt fair of me to wait 5 years to do so but lets just leave it at that and that it ended badly. Same with a GF after. Fast forward to my wife, and it is incredible. She has beennboth understanding and accepting and I want to cry because she doesnt hate me, or ridicule me, and I told her about this site today and she wants to join. For the first time innmy life I feel normal. Its very emotional.
That is awesome, I’m very happy that you have a supportive partner… If she joined the page, that kind of shows that she wants to understand rather than judge.. it’s some crazy shit when you step back and think about it. People don’t understand how it works… The mental part is something you just can’t put into words. I hope everything works out for you
Wow…Maria…so much of your story resonated with me. I’m 50 myself. Been hiding this my whole life. Felt ashamed and silly. Thought it was just a fetish that would go away…but I just didn’t seem to be able to let of the joy I felt dressing up as a women. Then…as if a light bulb went off last month and now I’ve let go of my inhibitions. Started buying clothes and shoes and dressing up for the whole day. I’ve been out in public (late at night with barely any people around) but I’m working my courage to take it further. The only thing I’m finding extremely difficult is keeping this a secret from my wife. This is my second marriage. I’m 7 years in and I keep going back and forth about if I should tell her. Scared of loosing what I have, but repressed for what I don’t have. It’s a struggle and I’m so happy to hear how supportive your wife has been to you coming out. It’s inspiring and gives me hope! Thanks for sharing and welcome to the community!
All the best,
Stephanie
How wonderful you’ve acceptance now especially after so many years of anguish 💐💐
Hi Maria welcome to CDH, and welcome to your new world. I am so happy that coming out to your new wife has worked out so well for you, she is an amazing caring woman so make sure you hang on to her. Unfortunately not all partners are quite so understanding as you know so make sure you tell your new wife how much you love her and thank her from all of us for being so understanding and caring. Good luck to both of you
Gail
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