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I am sitting here enjoying some much appreciated Michelle time while my wife sleeps in this morning. I am relaxing in my long nylon tricot and lace black gown with 4 inch clear mules with bedroom slipper black fuzz and a black t shirt bra with forms that completes the outfit. .
I was fitted for the bra and forms and wearing them feels and looks so natural and so right. I’m sitting here wishing I could wear my forms all the time and that is very confusing for me. I have no desire to transition and see myself as a crossdresser and enjoy the male part of my life. So why do I want to have breasts? Am I lying to myself about not wanting to transition?
I have had similar questions myself. It can be confusing. I got to a point – perhaps short term (?) – where I stopped questioning and decided to just embrace the wonderful feeling. Not sure if this is the right answer for anyone (me included) but trying to figure it out wasn’t working either. Time will tell how it all plays out for me.
I like your take on it. I don’t think I will figure it out so best not to worry too much about the future and just enjoy the moment.
Hi Michelle.
Dressing when we have the opportunity is like taking a vacation from our drab selves but like all vacations we have to go home at some point. Then we begin immediately planning our next vacation knowing we can’t live in paradise full time but we can visit often.
Also bras and breast feel amazing anytime we can wear them.
The way I understand this is that a Transwoman feels like a woman all the time, no matter what she is wearing. A CD needs to dress feminine in order to feel like a woman. Much too simplistic an explanation to address every situation of course.
Most CDs, given unlimited time to dress pretty, eventually have enough femme time and revert to male mode.
It’s nice that Michelle has the time to relax in her subtle morning beauty. Most women enjoy quite times in flannel PJ’s and worn slippers.
Michelle, wishing to have natural breasts may not be the same as wanting to transition to female. There are many who live full time female with only top augmentation, no hair removal or hormones. That’s not fully trans, is it?
Thanks Eileen for your interesting and thoughtful take on it. I have wondered if I was able to dress however I wanted would I be en femme all the time or would would it be like ice cream and I would revert to a once in a while mode? I know it would be once in a while in public but alone in my home I really don’t know.
Well then, you’re not trans. That’ll be $300 for the half-a**ed therapy session. I read that you’re a full-time caregiver for your wife? A very special partner she has in you.
CD’s seem to have quite a fixation on breasts. Some women might be insulted, I find it amusing.
God would I love to have breasts! Not big, a good b cup would be great, but just to have some would be wonderful!
I don’t think I want to transition but these days it’s hard to know. I enjoy my male parts (and want others too as well :), but i’m sure we’ve all had that “best of both worlds” thought more than once!
I’m a crossdresser for sure, do I want to be a woman? Depends on when you ask, but for now will continue on the path I’m on.
Hi Becka,
I often have the wanted the best of both worlds thoughts. Wanting the best of both worlds makes me feel greedy and selfish sometimes but I do try to think of my condition as a gift that is just hard for others to understand. When I view it from that angle, I’m just being who I am meant to be.
Hugs,
Michelle
I agree with Sally, it’s not the clothes it’s an attitude. It’s that attitude that makes me feel wonderful both inside and out. So if wearing your bra and forms makes you feel good, do so and embrace that time, there’s nothing wrong with feeling good!
Hi ladies, I haven’t even read the rest of the threads on this post, so this is my immediate reply to the question. YES, it was always much more than the clothes! As many of you have seen me write before, I knew I was supposed to be a girl when I was only 3 or 4 years old, and that knowledge and feeling never went away.
I’ll read through the post and comment more later today, I’m on my way to church and brunch. Talk to you all soon. 🙂Hugs,
Ms. Lauren M
Michelle –
Glad you had the opportunity to be able to dress for awhile. I also take advantage of the time I get when my wife sleeps by dressing in some way.
As others have said I think a good part of how we feel is attitude. The clothes have a lot to do with how we fell but I think it is also a feeling we have as to who we are. Would I like to have breasts – at times I have had that thought but realistically, at least for me that is not possible. My wife asked me once if I thought about hormone therapy. I told her I hadn’t and wouldn’t, however, no one has a crystal ball so who knows. For those that have, I am very happy for you and support your decision.
I enjoy the time I am able to dress and wish I had more. I’d love to go out in public but that is not an option for me as of now. What I do know is that I am happy to be able to express my femininity at home instead of having to keep it hidden, not only from others but from myself.
Sorry for being a bit long winded.
In answer to your question “Is it more than clothes?”, in my opinion I would say that it is.
I am sorry to hear of your wife’s health issue. She is lucky to have you to be able to take care of her. Having been there I know it is not easy. I wish you the best during this time.
XOXO
SuzanneHi Suzanne and thanks for the good wishes. I would not consider hormone therapy myself especially at my age yet nothing makes me feel better and more feminine then wearing breast forms. Go figure.
Hugs,
Michelle
Michelle,
I am a hetero cross dresser who has no desire to transition or use HRT and am not a woman trapped in a man’s body. But putting on a bra and my forms is the thing that makes me feel most feminine too. And yes, for me it is more than just the clothes. Being Fiona in public allows me to feel somewhat feminine, a feeling I thoroughly enjoy.
Having read your profile and seen your pictures it is clear that there is a woman there and your history suggests dysphoria so, for you it is more than clothes. Having to suppress those urges and enter the male world you made a life and in that there were some male things that you may have enjoyed doing that are hard to leave, so should you fulfill the dream of walking out as a woman would you deny yourself those pleasures if you had to revert to male mode. I understand your confusions but I wouldn’t worry about whether you are trans or a crossdresser you take pleasure from dressing so keep it at that. Clearly you have bigger things in caring for your wife and I am full of admiration for you. Just enjoy those treasured moments for what they are and mean to you.
Hugs
Obviously, answers are going to be highly variable since people dress for a variety of reasons not all of which have anything to do with gender identity. I feel strongly however that we’re careful not to conflate transgender with transition. Transgender simply means that you do not identify with the gender you were assigned at birth. Transitioning is a choice to make or not, whether were talking social transition or medical transition, and that choice doesn’t determine whether you are transgender or not. The extent of one’s transition is largely a function of one’s gender dysphoria, which is what transitioning is intended to address. Trans folk who do not suffer from acute gender dysphoria might find that social transition is enough given the not inconsiderable risks of medical transition. I think the risk of conflating transition with transgender is that we invalidate the gender identities of those transgender individuals who choose not to fully transition or even transition at all. It’s a kind of gatekeeping that cuts trans folk off from the wider community as well as cutting ourselves off from others with whom we have common cause.
Sorry to get all soapboxy about this, I just feel passionately that we are all part of the same spectrum regardless of where we lie upon it. For me, I won’t transition because I’ve spent my whole life figuring out that BOTH female and male aspects of me are integral to the whole and I’m happiest when I can freely express both. For me, it’s not about the clothes themselves but about the outside matching the inside.
Hi Nikki,
Good distinction I don’t feel a lot of dysphoria. When I am in guy mode I enjoy being a guy and I’m not into underdressing. I do spend a lot of time thinking about dressing up and letting Michelle take over though. If I had more opportunities maybe that would subside. I don’t know.
Hugs,
Michelle
Hi, Michelle. I believe that it is not just the clothes, but it is the way I want to be and feel. I would love to have a little bit more uptop. Right now am between an A cup and a B cup or maybe a C. All of us have gone through the same thoughts as you have at one time or another and we just slowly worked out what works for us. We are here for you. Hugs, Allysa
Hi Allysa and Michelle
I think the clothes are just a part of the big picture to enhance who we are both mentally and physically. I am 73 years old and I am in pretty good shape and not overweight but I do have a pretty good set of giggly man boobs which fit nicely into my 38 C cup bra and since starting to wear my bra and panties daily I feel uncomfortable not wearing them both especially under my man clothes when I go out.
I also have another little enhancement that hides my bits and creates the illusion of a vagina and once I got used to it is quite comfortable and again just another thing making me feel more female.
I don’t consider myself a transgender and quite happy with myself being a very feminine crossdresser. I am 6’2 and broad shouldered big boned man and no pills hormones or surgeries at this point in my life are going to change that. BUT this site and the numerous shopping sites to help in the progression of my female feelings is awesome. Took a long time from when my mom and sister dressed me up in that pretty powder blue dress for Halloween when I was 12 years old but here I am.
SaraHi Sara,
I’m jealous. I don’t underdress but to have a need to wear a bra to support my breasts sounds heavenly.
Hugs,
Michelle
I accepted your friend request
You want to know something Michelle?
I was embarrassed so many times on the beach or just about anywhere I was when I was topless in the summertime. I had numerous comments made about my man breasts saying they were nicer than a lot of women’s and that I should maybe be wearing a bra; I just laughed and carried on and now here we are and I guess maybe those XY genes are and have been there all along.
You have a great weekend and hope we can converse and be good friends here.
Sara
Michelle,
I know how you feel. Often when I’m wearing a bra an forms, I wish my breasts were real. I’ve even dabbled in over the counter hormones with no results. I think if I was totally alone with no relatives, I would get them. I’m glad you have opportunities to dress.
Hi Michelle,Its Michelle here.Michelle,in my quiet time while dressed,I have often thought as you do.I have only a high school education,but I have come to the conclusion for myself that a great feminine attitude helps and so does your presentation and above all else,SMILE,.I am 74{Marty s age,Michelle admits to 48},LOL,so if I want to be dressed for an extended period of time,I dont let it bother me or concern me.I hope that does not sound concieted,forgive me if it does.My neighbors have all seen me as Michelle and we will often stop to exchange a bit of conversation.Michelle,have fun with everything,please dont worry about it because we crossdressers are very special people because we see both sides simeotaneously.Enjoy your femininety, Hugs,Michelle.
Michelle,
Skimmed thru some of the responses but didn’t read the entire thread. TLDR. I’ll focus on your original post.
It took a few decades of denial to get where I’m at.
Understatement of the day: Dealing with this s**t ain’t easy. Be kind to yourself.
I have girl brain. Wired that way from birth….as best I can tell.
Clothes don’t define who I am. Clothes are an extension of who I am. Wearing women’s clothes better represents who I am. But I’m still a girl inside whether I’m wearing guy clothes or wearing nothing at all.
Fortunately the closest I come to presenting male these days is androgynous. I get gendered female often with virtually no effort.
A few years ago I found a good trans therapist. That’s how I figured out I’m transgender and have been my entire life. Living full time for a short while made it obvious. The inner conflict….the dysphoria….dissipated. Her. My authentic self. Shedding my clothes revealed a truth that was eminently feminine….
So yeah I’m trans. And I’m transitioning. Hormones work. Mental clutter is gone. Confidence is thru the roof. Best decision I ever made.
….and I have boobs!
Disclaimer – this is my path. If there’s a parallel you’ll have to figure it out on your own. YMMV.
Rainbow trails girls!
/EA
“I just feel passionately that we are all part of the same spectrum regardless of where we lie upon it.” Nikki Just Nikki nailed it.
Like Sara I’m able to fill a bra pretty well on my own but I’m certain I’d give forms a try if such weren’t the case.
I know this because I’m pretty impressed with how I look with the extra padding my swimsuits afford me (if I do say so myself).
Great topic, Michelle!
Hugs & kisses,
W.Ok Ladies, listen to Eileen:
“The way I understand this is that a Transwoman feels like a woman all the time, no matter what she is wearing.”
Exactly, for me, all those years of having to wear drab, uncomfortable and ugly male clothing was, for me, cross dressing. I was wearing a boy costume.
I have always felt like a woman! Even when I was married and raising my two kids I always knew in the back of my mind and deep down in my heart, that I was really a woman. I have always exhibited feminine mannerisms and paid a price for doing so through the years by being bullied, teased and harassed.
Whenever I had the opportunity to wear “my clothes” being feminine was natural, I just knew how to sit, stand, walk, hand gestures, facial expressions and I practiced all of that when dressed as Lauren.
Early on I knew I had a soft high voice and I learned how to speak like a girl, so today all of this is just so natural to me that I don’t even have to think about it.That has, for me, been my experience as a trans woman. Transitioning, to my way of thinking, simply means you’ve moved from living your life as a male to living your life as a female. I have been living as a woman for just under a year now and the thought of going back is… Ughh. I can’t even imagine the thought, Lauren is living her new life and is here to stay! It even says so on my drivers license. LOL
Love you all, big hugs ladies,
Ms. Lauren M
I definitely have those same thoughts Michelle. Part of me wishes I had female parts, both for myself and also so I’d be more female for my boyfriend. That said, I have no desire to go through everything I would need to in order to transition and as long as I have my clothes I’m okay with that. Nice to hear you’re also a lingerie lover like I am!
I’m older now and have small breasts and want them to expand along with my nipples! But I’m a male and going to stay that way! As A kid when I first discovered breasts on women I have always wanted a pair of my own. I can bet a lot of men want them too!
As for you, How far you want to go is in your head! Only You know if you are a woman trapped in a male body! If you are in doubt then speak to a therapist about it! It doesn’t hurt to talk to the pro’s! Good luck with your dressing? Does your wife know?
I’m in the “both sides camp” ie I live a happy male life, but when I can thoroughly enjoy my Caty time. Which these days(or that should be nights), I sleep femme all year round. What I wear depends of course on the seaons, but my favorite ir warmish spring.autumn nights when I can wear a bra and forms, and then silk “everything else” Cami, french knickers, and nightie or pj’s. I sleep alone up the other end of the house from my loving SO. (Or should that read “DADT SO”)
I own two sets of self adhesive forms and yes whilst the feel of natural breasts would be amazing, I am lucky enough to experience almost the same thing. Especially in the mornings when I do my lingerie change for the day. Having “my breasts” hang loose as I change is a wonderful feeling. Somebody must have changed the formula in my breast form washing liquid as they never used to “stick” as well. But hey…. whatever made this happen…. I know not and care not.
As posted many times and with many photos on this great site , charity overnight trips are when the “full Caty” emerges. Most times just in private, but others in public doing things like personalized bra fittings. Love those to bits too as it really expresses the “inner me”
Summer is just around the corner here in Oz, so no Caty time in public until autumn. I “glow: far tooeasily under all the femme gear for it to be otherwise…
Caty.
PS Summer?? end of November here in Melbourne, usually north of 20’c, top today 14’c and we’ve had hailstones…
Hi Caty,
I am a big fan of the self adhesive forms myself and bought based on your recommendation. However, I’ve given up on using the self adhesive feature since every time I thought I had a little time to myself and attached them my wife would call out for help. Extremely frustrating so now I use pocket bras and long for some uninterrupted time alone. Not as great as feeling the forms attached to my chest but still awesome.
Hugs Michelle
I am a life long crossdresser with zero plans or desire to transition.
to me it’s about the clothes but also so much more. I just love how I feel wearing women’s clothing and lingerie.
I believe being a CD and embracing the feminine side of me has made me a better more tolerant person.
I purchased my first breast forms because I felt it would make the women’s clothes I wore more realistic and fit better. What I soon discovered was how much more feminine I felt wearing them. Of course I can wear a bra without forms and do most of the time but wearing one with forms is just so wonderful and it does make my outfits look and feel so much better.I agree with you Natalie 100%. To be when I dress I feel different and I can better connect with my emotional side that I can for whatever reason cannot in my male clothing. Not to mention how great I feel and look when I am dressed. 🙂
Michelle,
I understand and can sympathsize with how you feel. I also have no desire to transisition, and am proud of the man that I am. I also know that I generally prefer to wear feminine attire while presenting as the man that I am. I also deeply feel that while I am a man, I want and should have breasts of my own. To complicate these feelings, I have naturally developed a small B cup, and generally wear a bra daily for both comfort and support, especially during physical activity. I will also wear my forms daily to fill out my bra to a solid B or C cup.
That being said, I believe that your feelings are genuine, and I encourage you to explore them fully. I understand the fear in doing so. I too faced that fear, but this January will mark 4 years since I started wearing a bra fulltime. In retrospect, I am glad that I made the decision, adn have learned alot about myself.
MacKenzie Alexandra.
For me as I have gotten older and have an accepting and limited participating wife, I haev greatly expanded my wardrobe from just lingerie to a closet full of clothes. I love the feeling of the clothes and the escape for the “male” world. But have no desire to transition. Would I love to flip a switch for a day to experience what it woudl be like to be a real lady…no doubt. It can still be a challenge to accept my dressing, but I know it will never go away and it greatly turns me on and helps relive my stress after a long day of work.
Thank you for this post Michelle! It’s always helpful for me to read a post from someone who is experiencing the same feelings/questions that I do. For me, going back and forth from my masculine and feminine personas was easy until I bought my first pair of forms. The first few times I wore them I felt so wonderfully femme I actually got emotional when it was time to take them off. It scared me a bit and I actually stopped dressing for a while but then I realzed that it’s really just a beautiful aspect of me learning to love myself as Lola. I see the raw emotion as me allowing myself to be fully emersed in Lola and all she can me for me. I also love that I can be both. I am happy in my masculine life too and would not want my crossdressing to change that. But when I’m Lola, even though I can never be physically femme, the clothes and accessories help me to be more mentally and emotionally connected to my feminine side.
💖Lola
What an interesting discussion! Thanks for initiating it.
I do not dress often but, in my head and heart, I identify fully as a crossdresser. When I do dress, I enjoy it very much. Sometimes I feel disappointed when the time comes to return to male mode for public reasons.
At the end of the day, however, I prefer dressing as a part-time hobby, not a 24/7 lifestyle. As much as I love the boobs, for example, I am happy that they are removable, not permanent. I feel comfortable in both male and female modes, so balancing them based on my moods and time availabilities works ideally for me.
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