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Hello, so about a year ago I came out to my parents as a crossdresser. I have come to realize that I love wearing women’s clothes, I want to do so more, and I feel I want to experiment. When I told my mom about this initially she was supportive, helped me buy some clothes and told me if I ever wanted to take this further, to let her know.
Well today I texted my mom telling her I wanted to talk to her about my crossdressing/gender fluidity and I was immediately shot down with “I’m not talking to you while dressed that way and I refuse to talk about this topic,” That really hurt. I have felt happier when dressed up and I wanted to take it further but my parents clearly didn’t want to deal with me. I feel sad, angry, and hurt. I don’t even want to be around my mom right now. I understand why she isn’t supportive but she was so incredibly nasty about it and its the nastiness that hurts the most. How do I navigate my unsupportive parents? Thanks for any help.
Hi Holly,
I’m so sorry you are going through such difficult times. It’s hard to say why people including those who we know love us react in certain ways. I believe that most negative reactions are environmental. Your mom was supportive in the beginning but now a 360 degree shift. All to often outside influence comes in from society, friends, family and personal insecurities. This negativity comes from fear and not having enough knowledge. You need to be you if it truly makes you happy and hope for the best with your loved ones. You are an amazing and beautiful woman. I hope they can see that someday and accept you.
Dana❤️💋
hi girl, i am really sorry to hear that from you, i really don´t know what to say, except be strong, be yourself but not trying to dare them, after all they are your parent and you own respect to them, even if they react the way they did, be much better that them, show them that you are a very confident person, not crazy girl, but a person who know who you are, be patient, the fear and prejudices are big enemies to defeat and you will do it not by force but intelligence, patience, love and wisdom, just be the person they don´t have anything to reproach, pray to God it always help, at least for me, the best for you sweetie felicity
Oh, darling – let me say well done for telling them.
You’re on the hard road now – but the easy one is far from pain free.
It’s really horrible to be in a family that doesn’t approve, and you happen to be one of the parents.
I thought I’d taken the easy road by not saying anything to anyone, but in reality, I’d saved the pain for later – and earned interest.
If I’d known then what I know now…
There ARE people who will accept and live you the way you are. I’m lucky enough to have met quite a few people who love cross dressers – you may need to travel to meet them, but the internet is the perfect place to find them.
One of the first things most girls need to do after coming out is to find themselves.
A bit of a hackneyed phrase, but it’s so true.
This site is just the place to do that – it’ll take s bit of time, so please, be patient and look at the long game!
Good luck to you, sweetie.
Love Laura
Hi, Holly.
I realize that this is very hard for you. Perhaps one consolation is that you are far from alone and many others have suffered this pain and similar circumstances.
Apart from the regular (although quite true) platitudes I would want to remind you that hate, avoidance and rather cruel responses are based on ignorance and fear. I would suggest, as well as other words of wisdom you may receive here, is to try to find compassion in your heart. What does your family fear? What is it that they do not understand? Essentially you have to arm yourself with knowledge and understanding to meet the conflicts that lie before you.
You may have hear phrases such as, “Resistance is futile!”, or, “Resistance is useless!”. Some people think they may mean the same thing, but they do not. Resistance may be futile in that you may have no hope of ‘winning’ but it is never useless when ignorance, hate and viciousness must always be opposed and those who cling to their ignorance and hate must realize that they always be opposed and their deliberate failures will not be tolerated.
Such conflicts have existed since History was first recorded and, indeed, often form the basis of History. Each victory for kindness, humanity, freedom, and all good things is temporary. Each contest must be entered into again and again. Sometimes it seems so futile such that one is motivated to surrender (and silence is surrendering) but striving for what is kindness, joyful, beneficial, etc. is never useless.
I realize that this is hardly comforting to I hope that the certainty that you are on the ‘right’ side will at least give you some courage and support you in future trials.
Araminta.
Hi Holly. I’m sorry you’re hurting right now. {hug}
First, it’s OK to not want to be around your Mom right now. You’re not being selfish or mean or anything like that. It sounds like it’s what you need to do right now to take care of yourself.
Looking back, was her change of heart out of the blue or were there signs, no matter how subtle, that this might happen? The answer to that will help determine what you do next.
For right now just know that we’re here for you and you can talk about this any time and as much as you want. Feel free to message me if you want. I’m always willing to listen.
Stay strong and don’t lose hope that things will work out well.
Hey Holly. I know you’ve got to be hurting right now, and feeling angry, but don’t lose your drive. All bad things must come to an end too. You have hit that ( big ) bump in the road we all dread hitting. Remember that on the other side of that bump lies a smoother road ahead. We are all here for you, so use us!
I noticed from your story your mom did not say she didn’t want to talk to YOU, specifically. Over the past year she may have dismissed your original talk as a fling of sorts and put it aside. She may or may not come around, I don’t know her, but I’m sure she may be confused and feeling abandoned by her ” son “. I think your mom will eventually see you are the person she has always known and loved. It’s hard for you though, having to wait while others deal with there feelings.
Don’t give up though, okay? This is your happiness we are talking about, so hang in there!
Hugs
Hi Holly,
i join all the other caring girls in solidarity with you. No point in underscoring the difficulties already wisely stated. I agree with Amber in that finding out why the 180 turn is important. As hard as it is just keep being loving to your family. When we give love unconditionally and patiently it comes back to us eventually and if it does not you will still be glad that you shared your love.
hugs,
kristen rebecca
I understand a bit. When I came out to my parents my mom understood and said what ever makes me happy but my dad said a statement regarding me not on a straight path. He doesn’t want me going out into public for fear of getting hurt. I was real mad hearing that cause of the past issues he had that hurt my family so I saw it as hypocritical. He doesn’t want to see me dressed up anywhere besides my apartment. It hurt because I would love to find girlfriends to go out to dinner one day.
Sorry to hear of your situation, Holly There could be many reasons for your mother’s change of heart. It could be she has had time to think this out and decided that CD is disgusting or she is just confused and doesn’t want to deal with it. I to have had others say they were at least willing to help me shop for clothes and makeup only to turn around a few days later and call me weird and telling me to get lost. It might be others have talked to your mother and turned her against you. She is obviously confused and quit possibly misinformed about CD. I would suggest loving her, going slow, and pick a time (quiet time ?) to question her why the change of heart. You can only hope your love and understanding and desire not to hurt her feelings and showing how much peace and happiness CD gives you changes her mind . All I can say is go slow , listen to her and don’t push to hard. Best of luck to you.
Sandy
I am so sorry. When you open up and honest with your feelings, you are taking a risk on how others react. I so wish that this world was more loving, supporting and accepting of everyone!
Kay
Hi Holly I do understand how you feel right now . My heart goes out to you. Maybe your mom is just having a bad day. She said she does not want to talk with you when you are dressed that way. So just do not talk with her dressed the way she does not like. Our issue with openly wanting to express how we feel is not just about the clothes we all enjoy. Its about how we feel as a person and how we want to express it. Most parents do not want any harm to come to their children. They do not want their children to feel any pain at all. You must understand that. I am so happy that you felt comfortable enough to tell your mom that you wanted to to express your self as a girl that is huge. She now knows that and is trying to figure it out for her self. Give her a little space. She also knows you would like to talk to her about your desire to express your self openly. That is huge also. Your secret is no longer a secret it out in the open. She will come around. Do not push her. In the mean time you have so many other people in your life now that do understand and will support how you feel is right. My mom used shame and guilt to try and stop me from wanting to express myself as a girl. I am sure now that it was not to hurt me but to protect me from society with their rules on how a boy or a girl should act and dress. Shame and guilt did not really stop me but it sent me into hiding. That is one place you do not want to go. Holly, good for you stay in the open those who love you will come around and will help you out of love.
Luv Stephanie
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