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Hi all,
Very open ended question here. I recently came out to my wife about my cross dressing. She’s open minded to the point that I can dress as long as she knows about it. Of course, she doesn’t want to know any details about my dressing.
My cross dressing is triggered by stress. And no matter how much I work out (I am an Ironman triathlete), I can’t relieve it. Currently, My parents aren’t in good health at the moment and that is triggering my stress.
My wife asked if I needed a day to myself. I said yes, but at the very same time, I felt ashamed and guilty and I could see that she was angry about the whole thing.
I should be happy that she’s giving me the space but in my heart now it doesn’t feel good. I am overcome with lots of guilt. I bought a few things to wear but now I am thinking off returning them and not dress at all.
I know that this will take a lot of time. But curious to hear from others about how you have navigated this situation.
Thanks!
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Guilt and shame are poison to CD’s and the cause of many purges and lost dollars. When you can learn to accept yourself then it will begin to ease and go away.
Your wife reluctantly agreed to letting you dress in private so you should take advantage of that and while not dressing in front of her, you should let her see how relaxing it makes you feel.
It takes a lot of time for SO’s to adjust to our lifestyle and its scary when first coming out but don’t let this opportunity pass. If you give up then you may not get a second chance. If you’re too nervous then only dress for a short session then put your stuff away and try to calm down. The cat is out of the bag and that was the hard part. It gets easier for the both of you as time goes on and she sees you’re the same man she married, difference is, now you need a little private time to relieve stress and it sounds like you need it. Good luck.
Thank you! You are right that I haven’t accepted my female part and this has caused a lot of stress over my entire life.
My self-confidence as a person is at all time low. And I am working really hard to get it back.
Hi Saleena as Michelle has mentioned please dont purge if need just put away and save again as this feeling you have as a girl most likely will never go away .. And yes for many girls here its a stress relief so take a little time and relax by your self trying to get wife involved works some time like will you please help zip this not to much at a time but once in a while starts the girly ball rolling he he good luck girl just relax and take a few minutes and enjoy being Saleena she needs time to breath also ..
Stephanie Bass
Hi Saleena,
When my wife found out she did not want to see, but dis not want me hiding anuthing form her.
When i would buy myself something i would hide the purchase. To try and not have her see, that was wrong.
When i would get dresses i would wait until she was out of the room to put on my panties every day. That made it look like and feel like i was hiding.
She did not want to tell me no i could not dress, or tell me what i could or could not wear. So thay left me with get up get dressed the way i want and be proud of my self.
If she sees me it is ok. Because knowing about and not seeing it is very hard. Her mind went to worst case sinario. The reality was I get dressed to feel comfortable doing what i am about to do, and then jusy be myself.
Some times it means jeans and a top, other it means a skirt or dress. Either way I just be me doing what i need to do.
I hope you find your confidance, it will give your SO condinance in you.
Paula
Saleena, hang on to everything. As several have mentioned, whether you know it or not, you are in a good place.
Take some time to get to know your feminine side. Reflect on how it makes you feel and how it hurts no one. I hope your wife comes around.
Remember, you are beautiful. No one can take that away
Much love,
RaquelThank you, Raquel. Losing my self-confidence has really hit me hard. I am trying to find a therapist but everyone is booked up. Have to keep talking to myself.
Everyone’s support here on this forum has been amazing. I do feel a bit better.
Saleena
Saleena, Sorry to hear about your parents. As for finding a therapist, go to Psychology Today, they will have a link to find one in your area.I could not find one, but then I did then psychology today site and had quite a few reply that normally weren’t taking any new clients.. I chose one and meet with her once a week via zoom. I really like her. As for the rest of your post, take what your wife is giving you. She may be angry, but she knows you need this. Don’t push anything on her as far as talking about it, etc. Just let her ask questions, let her bring her issues with it to you. She has already come a long ways with your dressing. Don’t feel guilty because of what she has offered. Keep the clothes, take the day, and treat her like a queen. Be thankful and be at ease with yourself. Once you do that, life becomes beautiful. Take care, hugs!
Sorry you’re in a rough spot. Guilt and shame seem to come with the territory. But it will pass. Stress relief is definitely a big reason a lot of dress, myself included.
What helped me with my SO was giving her some control over my cross dressing. She was accepting early on. But giving her the ability to say “no not tonight” helped her to fully come around. Everyone is a little different. For us I think it was a matter of working up our trust with each other. Her trusting me that I’d listen to her feelings, and me trusting her that she wouldn’t redlight my dressing entirely.
Xoxo,
Dani
Saleena –
As others have already said, stress reduction is part of the reason many of us dress. It took awhile but my wife finally came to the realization that my dressing helps me with stress reduction. There have been a few times where she has asked me if I need some private time as she can tell I’m feeling stressed or depressed. I take what opportunity I have to be able to dress even if it is only for an hour or two. I’d probably be locked up somewhere if anyone were to see me at some of those times as I talk to myself about how pretty I feel and that it feels good and right to be who I am. My wife also gets angry and upset at times about my dressing but we talk about it and work it out. One of her concerns is taht she is losing the man she married, I tell her I am still the same person and love her as I always have. Her feelings are understandable but I do my best to reassure her. I have a great therapist who helps me navigate thru my feelings and concerns. I understand it being difficult trying to find a thereapist, as someone suggested go to Psychology Today to get help finding someone.
You are in the right place to get the support and advice to help you on your journey.
XOXO
SuzanneHi saleena. I have been where you are, and have learned that purging isn’t going to work to be the “cure”. Their is no off switch for this interest. Even if you can stop dressing it’s only going to make life more stressful. I found I became very irritable when I’ve gone long stretches without dressing and unfortunately rather stressed. My wife has known about my dressing for 5 years and has no interest in seeing me but she loves me and understands I need this outlet for my own well being. Relationships take communication and I suggest you talk with her about it and can come to an agreement about boundaries because as I said their is no off switch.
Thank you, Melanie for the kind words. My wife and are setting the boundaries. As you wrote, it will take time. She wants the man and the husband and is worried that this woman will take over. I reassured her that she will always get the man and that with the right boundaries, we can find a way.
The next week is the first time I will dress as Saleena with her knowing.
I don’t specifically tell her I’m going to but she knows. If I have had the house to myself and I’ve shaved she pretty much knows what I’ve been up to. She has found wig hairs among other things. Saleena I have also found that having things in the open has reduced the guilt about dressing I felt for so many years. I’m in a far better place mentally since I have owned this side of myself.
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