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My name is Bobbie–or call me lonely, confused and conflicted.
I started wearing women’s clothes early in puberty. Loved to put on my mother’s panties, bras, nylons and garter belts. I always thought that I’d like to be a girl because of all the sexy and nice things they wore. Men, we’re stuck with cotton or 50/50 pants and shirts. This went on for several years until I discovered girls.Then I found that I LOVED getting into their panties and bras more than wearing them myself. So, my desire for the feminine side abated for several years.
I got married (and still am) to a great girl who I could hardly keep up with sexually. But after a few years, I started putting on the sexy things I had bought her—and the old urges started again.
I travelled on my job and began buying my own lingerie. I’d wear them under my suit on sales calls and in my hotel rooms. Eventually I talked to my wife, started out slow, and told her I wanted to wear panties. She was hesitant, didn’t like it, but said OK. Well, it was OK until we went to bed—then it was no,no,no—and no sex with them on. So, again I was only wearing lingerie on the road.
Our 3 kids got older, married, and are out of the house now. I started buying bodysuits, satin robes, and bodycon dresses. I wear them every day and just love the look and feel of them. I talked to Gina again about my propensity for nylon, satin, and lace, and the subsequent proclivity. Didn’t go over well, she got aggravated, but said I could wear them in the house. But the first time I did, she didn’t talk to me for 2 days.
So, I’m back to wearing my dresses under my “regular clothes”. She knows, because I can see her look at the top of the dress or bodysuit that shows under my shirt. She has also made a comment about why I have so many items, and when can I possibly where all of them. I have over 40 dresses and 35 bodysuits.
Thus, i have several quandaries:
—We are in our mid-60’s now. I don’t want to transition because I’d lose my wife, kids, and family. Besides, I’m too old now. Also, as much as I love my feminine side, I still love my masculine side.
—Have I joined the wrong group? Most of you seem to have already transitioned, or are working on it.
—How do I find others to just dress up with and show off my nice clothes to? I don’t have wigs, nylons or heels and I’m not into the makeup thing.
—Is there anyplace I can go to meet other men who love their feminine side without wanting to transition?
I really hope you can help this lonely and confused (guy, girl ?).
You come to the right site the girls 👧 here are at different stages I am full time and transgender. But everyone is accepted and we are glad to have you welcome to the site
Hi Bobbie welcome to CDH it’s nice to meet you, we are like one big happy family on here so don’t be shy come on in and join the family, Bobbie you can be yourself on here we don’t judge or comment on anyone this is a safe place for everyone, I’m sure you will find lots of friends on here, I’m sorry i can’t meet up with you for a coffee ☕, I’m on the other side of the pond in the UK, I’m sure you will find lots of girls near to where you live who will be happy to meet up with you for a coffee and a chat, I’ve been dressing most of my life since i was about 8 or 9 years old, I’m still in the closet to my wife and family I’m not sure what their reaction would be if i came out to them, I’m 70 next year and i don’t think i will come out to them,
Hugs Rozalyn X 💋
Many here understand your situation and have had similar experiences we have all had our own unique journeys to get here we are not all the same yet we are all similar. I think as you look at forum topics and read different biographies and polls you will find members of this family are all over the place. You will find that a wide range of levels of some still progressing some have found that happy medium or balance it is different for each one of us. So over the spectrum say a 1 to maybe wearing an article of clothing panties couple times a year maybe more to for example to 100 feeling born or trapped in the wrong body and completely changing to who they are with top and bottom surgery and other surgeries hormones and permanent hair removal 100% change to embrace their inner self and find their happiness. Then there are a ton who fit somewhere between 1-100 some live as women however don’t have all the surgeries, some just dress or underdress daily or as often as they can. Some just do some form of crossdressing in their own home private or alone others with wife or significant other present or knowing some the wife will participate others find they wont. Some will also go out a few times a year presenting as a woman in everyday life some at big trans/cd events some will go out quietly with their spouse of significant other and blend in none is the wiser. Some share with a few people some with no one they keep it a secret. The point is you need to accept yourself and understand you are ok you are not a freak or a bad person by how you dress. Bad people do bad things to other people. We can all still hurt other people loved ones or strangers willfully or unknowingly we need to be good and respectful of others those we love and strangers, however I believe for many here and the rough road of many a path that usually begins with getting rid of shame and disgust and acceptance of your complete self the feminine parts and the male part. Dose not necessarily mean that everyone has to shout from the rooftops who they are find your self and what works for you and yes it is always easier to find others to confide in or talk with who are similar to yourself, but we can also learn from those who may be different or have walked a different path and ended up maybe in place that does not work for ourselves. There are people here both male and female who are in many places on the scale or spectrum as who they are including their sexuality I believe you will find those here who you may align yourself with and feel more comfortable with. And my experience here is they are here for all of us whoever one may be as an individual.
Welcome and take the time to explore and see message me anytime.
Hugs April
Hi Bobbie,
I have not really fit in my whole life but my dressing journey did not start till 2017 and since the it has went from nail polish to dressing daily. I am 69 years old and my wife is 71 she deals with it as well as can be expected. When I came to this site I too only saw the differences between myself and the other members, this is an incorrect perception, one should see that we are just at different points on our journeys. Another thing I have learned is to “Never say Never” as 10 years ago had someone said I would be dressed in public as I currently do I would have said “Never”.
Zenn
Hi Bobbie,
Welcome to CDH. And please, let me allay your fears. For me anyway, and from what I have read that has been shared here, you are in the right place. I considered transitioning at one time in my past, but like what you’ve related, I am way past that point for a lot of the same reasons you’ve mentioned.
I have met in person a cross-dresser in my past, tho neither of us were dressed, and we chatted in a public area for maybe an hour or so. But mostly I’ve been on this site and a previous site and shared my experiences, tried to provide support to others, and engaged in online textings.
I have been out dressed, but that was at the last place where we lived, in the country and I could easily slip into my car and be miles away with hardly any only somewhat nearby neighbors even noticing the car, much less who might be driving. Now, I live in a very active neighborhood, with people out and about all the time…did I say all? Plus, many in the extended community (city, etc) appear to have rather rigid expectations regarding presentations of what is and isn’t acceptable. So I keep it all rather private.
I do believe though depending on where you live, such as near a large metropolitan area which has a very diverse population, that you’ll find any number of groups that are more accepting and willing to share experiences on a more public level.
Anyway, welcome to CDH and please stay around to see all that is offered.
Hugs, ChloëC
Hi Bobbi
Welcome to CDH you are definitely in the right place I am a closet crossdresser for over 50 years now, I have no interest in transitioning like you. My wife doesn’t like crossdresser’s drag queens or men in dresses as she puts it so no point in ever coming out, I don’t know about you but the hardest thing for me is finding Sarah time. If you ever want to chat message me.
Sarah xx
Hi Bobbie, and welcome from another Illinois girl now living in Arizona. First you have NOT joined the wrong group. From my observations, very few of us have transitioned or intend to! However, CDH has a sister site dedicated to those who wish to do so and I understand it a very good forum for those wanting to explore or are in the process of transitioning. It appears to me most of us just enjoy exploring our feminine side, and incidentally many of us are older. On a related matter, our little local group met this morning for breakfast (in drab) and one subjects that came up echoed what you said. The selection of clothes for men is extremely limited, but there is such a wide variety of colors and styles of women’s clothing it is an adventure just to explore that facet of our passion. I encourage you to get on the CDH member’s directory and try to find some like-minded folks near you. Our little group is just forming but it is already becoming a wonderful place to share and learn. I look forward to hearing more about your adventures. Hugs, Paulette
Bobbie:
First a bit about numbers…
As of a few years ago, there were something like 1.4 million trans adults and about 600,000 young people. The US membership of our sister site, Transgender Heaven, is something over 11,300 members, which is a very tiny subset of the population. While it may seem that a number here are more transgender than crossdresser, it would be entirely anecdotal. Clearly, there are crossdressers who eventually realize that they are transgender (and I count myself among them), but it is Very difficult to turn anecdotal information into statistical relevance.
In general, I think the thing to realize that this is a discovery process. As we peel the onion, we learn things about ourselves. What makes this difficult to that we haven’t had any experience in trying to sort these issues out. We are in completely uncharted waters. It is also difficult because we don’t know where things will end. It is a complete question mark.
Anyway, best wishes for the days ahead, where ever they may lead…
Hi Bobbie, and welcome!
First, let me state that you’re NOT in the wrong place, and, second, NOT everyone here has transitioned, is transitioning, or has plans to transition. In other words, we’re all over the place. What brings us here (IMHO, at least) is the fact that this is a safe place and people will accept you and not judge you.
Also, your story and the questions you have are very familiar to lots of us, myself included. While we’re all somewhere on the transgender spectrum, each and every one of us is unique and have our own specific situation to deal with. Some of us are further down the path than others, some are in the closet, some are out, some have accepting spouses, some don’t, and so on. The only thing we all have in common is that we are trans in one way or another.
Beyond that, we share stories, we ask questions, we support each other. In short, we’re a family that is bound by crossdressing and transgender issues, but we’re literally scattered all around the world. The miracle of modern technology and the internet is what makes all this possible.
So…, what I’d suggest is to get comfortable here first, read posts, articles, polls, responses, etc. and see how everyone here really is helpful and supportive. Then you can figure out next steps, or at least the ones for you. There’s no roadmap and there’s not the same path, because it’s different for every one of us.
But I’m pretty sure you may make some new friends and find some help and support, wherever your path takes you.
Hugs,
Holly
Hey Bobbie, welcome! I can’t add a whole lot more than what these beautiful ladies have already said. This is a very broad church – all ages and all stages on the trans spectrum- and we celebrate that diversity, you are without doubt in the right place! I’m sure you will find the support you are after, I know a lot of girls here have formed genuine friendships and found the acceptance they can’t get elsewhere, just remember you are never alone!
Any thing you need please feel free to reach out. 🙂
x
Hello Bobbi,
As you can probably tell by now from all the encouraging comments, you’re in the right place. Like you, I just like to dress in womenswear without being transgender. I really enjoy my guy side too and could never give that up. My wife makes me happy and is very supportive of my dressing, God bless her. If you give this site a little time, I believe you’ll be happy you joined, because in a short time you’ll realize that you’re far from alone here regardless of whether or not a girl here is transgender or not. I hope you find the camaraderie and enjoyment that so many of us have found here.
Hugs, Jill
Hi there and let me say welcome. I’m 39. I started like you when I was young but did basically the same thing and pushed it to the back of the brain. Skip to 2010 when I got married to my beautiful and amazing wife and we had a family. We were working alot and really stressed out and I found that getting into my feminine side was a huge help for my anxiety and depression and it just felt good in general so I had a talk with my wife about it and she was immediately supportive but with our daughter getting older and us having to move to my inlaws for a little while I pushed it back again and completely stopped for 10 years. As of about 6 months ago life started getting almost impossible to deal with both financially and emotionally (as it has been with lots of us for a while I’m sure) so I started really fantasizing about it again. 2 or so weeks ago I joined this group because I just needed other people like me to talk to and the support here is amazing. These ladies will show you support no matter what
I’m very happy being a man and have always had an attraction to women only but I have learned both from here and from my wife that people like us should absolutely be able to appreciate and embrace our femininity
Welcome to the community with open arms and hearts and feel free to add me as a friend if you would like
Shelby
Hi Bobbie nice to meet you aaand happy you found and joined us girls here so get settled in relax and enjoy yourself here .. As a new sister and family member you are welcomed with open arms into our home as well as yours now also.. With so many wonderful ladies stating with there welcome i cant add to them except to say again nice meeting you and hope to see you around for a chat sometime ..
Stephanie bass
Welcome Bobbie. As others have already said you are in the right place, we are ALL OVER the place from the closeted CD to those are getting the surgeries. if you would go back 4 years I would say those that crossdressed were weird. Today I am dresses in fem almost 24/7 inside my home, have come out to family, to some at work, and even to some at my Church. I just turn 68 myself and had my nails done for my birthday –I LOVE my long red nails. You find where you are comfortable. Everyone is so helpful and understanding here. the forums are great you can learn so much and don’t hesitate to ask questions.
. Cassie
Welcome Bobbie!
Like you I am strictly heterosexual. I have no intention of transitioning. As far as being in the right place, it seems this place is highly recommended! I’ve dabbled for a long time here but just recently have gotten more involved. So, I’m having some navigational issues. It’s such a huge site!! Other than that, I’m enjoying my time here and hope to find lots of friends in Central Florida. I’m in Orlando and looking forward to my retirement soon. Currently I’m 67, born and raised in central Ohio.
Chat anytime
Have a good evening
Dear Bobbie
Welcome to the site, I too am new here and full of trepidation. I have only ever come out to my wife and so this is also my first venture out into the big wide world, albeit virtually. I am not transitioned or near to transitioning. I have dressed since infancy and as I am now also in my 60s I have had a lot of years coming to terms with being a crossdresser. And I am happy and proud of it now.I think you are just as confused as so many other girls. But in just the first two days of joining the CDH community I feel welcomed and not judged. I think you will find this too. Embrass your cross dressing, be the woman you want to be, but take it easy with you loved ones. We are all here to help each other. Good luck with your journey, we are all walking in the unknown, but can hold hands in support each other.
Hugs and kisses to you.
ChristineHi, Bobbie. Welcome to CDH. Take your time and explore the site, while you go down the path of self-discovery. Let me say this, though, in response to your inquiries:
-Have I joined the wrong group? Most of you seem to have already transitioned, or are working on it. As many have said below, those of us who visit the site regularly and contribute frequently are all over the spectrum.
—How do I find others to just dress up with and show off my nice clothes to? I don’t have wigs, nylons or heels and I’m not into the makeup thing. You can share photos here of your outfits. No wigs or shoes are necessary. But unless someone in your area knows of a LGBTQIA support group (groups that are strictly for crossdresser support are rarer than hen’s teeth), or you befriend a member who lives nearby, this is not the place to arrange one-on-ones.
—Is there anyplace I can go to meet other men who love their feminine side without wanting to transition? See above. As far as I know, there are no secret sites where respectable crossdressers meet.I’m not implying any thing with my answers to your second and third questions. Just saying that, stick around and make friends through interaction on the site and maybe you’ll meet a local girl that you can share a cup of coffee with, or shop for dresses with. I will say, though, that this will probably take some time. We are a weary bunch, and won’t meet up after just a PM or two.
It’s very nice to meet you, Bobbie.
Much love,
RaquelAs you have already noticed, there are plenty of people here very much like you. I too am in my sixties, had some desires to dress when very younger and then nothing for many years. My dressing started slowly with just panties, then bras and eventually fully en femme when the mood strikes. My wife is accepting and reasonably supportive, but most just indifferent.
I hope you and your wife find the right balance. She my never fully accept you dressed, but her tolerance of it is a good thing and many here wish that could achieve that level, so be thankful for at least that.
Hi Bobbie,
I guess you can see from the responses that this is a good place to be. We are on so many different paths!
Welcome to CDH!
💕Lara
Hi Lara,
It looks like we are about in the same stage–finally letting our feminine side out a little bit instead of always fighting to hold it inside.
I’m older also. I wish I would have told my wife earlier, while we were in our “great sex” stage. Maybe I could have approached it as role playing, or just another fun thing to try. But as you saw, she isn’t taking it well.
I just love to dress up, and I walk around the house in my dress or bodysuit whenever she is gone for awhile. She’ll be gone for 4 days soon, and I’ll just eat, drink, sleep, work, etc., in my “Bobbie” clothes and my satin robes.
Do you know any other CD’s? Have you met any?
Bobbie hasn’t, and that makes us lonely–but also cautious and afraid to REALLY come out more. I’d love to show off my dresses and bodysuits.
I’ll send you a friend request also–hopefully you can help me.
Dear Bobbie
I am in a situation where I dress most days all day (except when I need to go out – and then I underdress with lacy lingerie and stockings). My wife is supportive of my need to dress and helps me buy clothes, shoes and make up. I truly value this in our relationship and am acutely aware that this type of support and understanding is very rare.
But other than that, I do not have any gurlfriends to go out with or even to met up with. I am new to CDH and am finding it quite rewarding to message and chat with the other ladies on the site.
I am thinking of posting photos soon – never done that before, so that will be a big step for me.
But I wish you all the luck to finding some gurlfriends to have fun will. Let me know how it goes.
Hugs and kisses
Christine
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