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Hi girls hope you are all ok,
So I have suddenly made the decision that I would late to sit my wife down tonight and open up to her about Samantha and to let her know that she will always be the girl for me, I am very nervous as I know she won’t understand and she may decide sge doesnt want tp hear it, do any of you girls have any useful tips I can use to help me out :), I would also like to five it ago and open up to all of my family at some point too! Baby steps thought first I will talk to my wife 🙂
Samantha x
Hi Samantha. True truth is always harder to tell than a lie. But the release of truth is very liberating. I thought back on my actions, and realized I had been dropping clues, all along. My advice is to tell her how much you admirer her which and love her, And let it out. Because by releasing this side you will be able to enjoy a fuller life. Ta Ta Jerrica
Hi Samantha, I had a similar talk with my wife 6 years ago and it went as well as can he expected. She had limits to how far I could dress and I had lived with that for 6 years until couple weeks ago. I had another talk about the future of Danielle and that I was needing to expand how I could dress.
The first thing I did was to locate articles by psychiatrists and more experienced Crossdressers explaining that what we feel and experience is not by choice but rather it is part of who we are at the genetic level. I then explained to her how much I love her and wanted to grow old with her, that I am not gay and I am not looking for anyone else, ever! I do not want to transition or become a woman and I enjoy being married to her and only her. I asked her if she had any questions which she did and I answered them as best as I could. I asked her if she read the articles yet and she had not. She got very upset and scared that she had lost me. I assured her that she hadn’t and let her think about our talk plus I encouraged her to read the articles. Over the next few days she read the articles and we did our normal routine, this is key to do be as normal and patient as possible. After a few days she asked more questions and I answered them and things got better. Then the next week she was looking at bras for me, we went to DSW and I bought an amazing pair of shoes, ankle strap open toe 4” heel shoes! There is more I wish to do and we will get there together.
My best advice is patience, answer questions honestly and let her read up on the subject. I pray everything goes well for you sister. TTFN
Danielle
Wow, Danielle Foley: You are so lucky to have a wife or SO who would engage your feminine side so readily (at least it looks that way). To have my wife become my partner in my capacity as Melissa is a dream I’ve had for oh so long. Good luck, Danielle! Hugs, Melissa
Hi Melissa, it wan’t that easy for her to accept. After the first chat it was panties, hose, and shoes….then it was panties and hose, she changed the rules a bit and I did not push back because something is better than nothing. That was the standard that I lived to for the next six years. One day I just had to see if we could go a bit further with our rules. That was not easy either, lots of crying, sleeping on the couch – me, silent evenings at home after work. But one day she started asking questions and we talked about Danielle. As I stated she took me to DSW and I bought my first pair of shoes in 6 ! I ordered 2 bras,a on panties online, new hose and a garter belt…..this is now the extent which I can dress to but she hasn’t been negative as she was before the latest talk. There is hope I may be able to go farther and we will see. I am so very lucky because Danielle has entered the bedroom too…..a fantasy come true. I wish and pray for all of us to be free to dress as we wish some day and may your fantasies come true. TTFN
Danielle
Hi Samantha: About 3 years ago I decided, after a couple of glasses of wine, to go ahead and open up to my wife of 30+ years about my crossdressing. She was really shocked, but then said she had known all along (she found a stash of pretty things). The months after were difficult. She immediately began sleeping in the guest bedroom, and pretty much cried herself to sleep every night. Meanwhile, I had bought some cute nighties and pjs and slept comfortably by myself in my newly-disclosed femme persona. As time went on, things gradually — VERY gradually — evolved, to the point where she advocated my joining a trans support group and eventually a cd and trans social group. If I can share anything meaningful with you, it would be to be completely sensitive to her feelings and to try not to push too hard or too far. If your wife is anything like mine, she will come to terms for herself, in her own time. Unless you have a really cool wife, don’t expect her ever to be completely fine with you as a woman (or cd). Don’t push her to be intimate with you when you’re dressed (although that’s still a fantasy of mine). Assure her that you love her and that hasn’t changed, and the person she loved is still there, inside you, even though your female alter ego is now present in the relationship. Good luck, and if you ever want to chat, message me. XXOO Melissa
Assure her that you want to be her girlfriend, as friends, that she doesn’t have to feel any pressure to incorporate it into the bedroom. That’ll likely come in time. Suggest a few drinks together to see if she enjoys it, and say you won’t let on that you’re husband and wife while you’re out, just friends. If you start to feel yourself feed of her speech and mannerisms and you start to feel more feminine, you’ll know that, whatever she said, she likes it. If you want to try it, let her presume you’re gay. Don’t argue too much when she brings it up. Say, “I really prefer women. That’s why I’m with you. This isn’t a lead-in to a change in our relationship. We’re husband and wife. I just want this to be a part of being husband and wife.”
Just my two cents.
Samantha I believe this to be the right decision to do. It’s going to be probably one of the most hardest things for you to do. She needs to know and expect the shock that’s going to become her. Questions are to be asked and total honestly is most important. Answer her questions, give her your all the information that is asked for but importantly don’t offer more than being asked. Too much talk especially rambling doesn’t help. Give her control in the conversation so she can understand what’s happening . As you have had the time to better understand your feelings remember your wife is about to just start this discovery so it’s going to hit her hard. Anger, confusions and where your gender lies, big questions so be prepared. The ladies here helped me as others mentioned this . She a game changer especially in a relationship that going to definitely take on a new journey. Hope the best to the both of you and remember were here to support you. 🌹
Be truthful.
It was different for me because pretty much laid it out before my wife and I got married.
She tells me that its good for me and she can really see my stress level just dissipate.
My wife is a huge supporter. We do alot together and we both look forward to girls nights on the weekends!
I hope it goes well for you. Remember be truthful, dont push, let her adjust, and really be understanding to her concerns.
Who knows, she maybe already knows and just waiting for you to open up about it.
Good Luck!
Hi Samantha, I began dressing again after many years and as it kept becoming more and more to the front, I knew I needed to tell my wife, I was terrified but found the courage. Like many on here, I got the usual questions of why, and do I want to transition, and more importantly, how come you never told me before. I answered each honestly and agreed to take it slow. I know how hard it can be to be patient and give her room to work it out and like many have said before give her time. As to my wife, now she is helping me with makeup and shopping so I got lucky. Even told me that she thinks I move more like a woman. Please feel free to message me if you have any questions. I would be happy to chat.
Update: so I did have a little talk to my wife m, it went ok she turned around and said to give her time and she may try to see if she can except that I crossdress :).
Samantha x
Im glad you opened up to your wife and was truthful about it. The next step is give her some space to think and to adjust.
(I was the poster who said be truthful youll see it as anonymous now. )
I was wondering how it went for you. Congrats!
I didn’t originally reply because no one should influence what you do or say. If she accepts it that is fantastic. I think at the beginning you should show her that your the person she married and take her shopping and buy her something. In time though. I admire your courage as I know it’s a difficult thing to do. I wish you the best
❤️
P
Samantha…..I am happy for you…..just take it one day at a time. I don’t know if you saw my little letter a couple of days ago ……..was a story from a wife on the quora site. She posted 6 reasons why a cross dressing husband make a better spouse….try to read it if you can….it has good points for your wife to know. Good luck.
Dame Veronica
I am glad to hear that it is going well, like others I held out for years and finally told my wife. She asked why all of sudden am I telling her, what changed. All I could say was, it felt like I was lying to her all the time, she appreciated that. She is good with me underdressing and has had no issues. My issue is though, I can’t seem to dress in front of her or let her see me dressed. I get dressed and undressed out of view, like in closet so she can’t see me. She does the laundry, so she is aware of it. Personal issue at this point I guess, just don’t know how to get over my hurdle now
Hello again Samantha,
I am so happy for you that your talk with your wife had a positive result. Forward progress is very good. My wife and I still have an occasional bump in the road. When she is doubtful about Danielle I leave her alone for awhile. When she is ready she will initiate the discussion. We had such a day this past week when we were visiting my daughter in South Dakota. We worked through the anxiety she was having. Her description was that she is bouncing between open acceptance and revulsion. I believe that is normal and she will work through it on her own. I am always open to her questions and she knows that. Good luck and I pray that she will be accepting and eventually become the wife and girlfriend you wish her to be. TTFN
Danielle
I think most of us have all gone thru the same thing as you are going through. My wife and I were laying in bed watching TV when I told her. After the initial 500 questions all which came about in less than 15 minutes, she finally calmed down. After that, I got up and went to the living room to watch TV and give her a little space. A few minutes later, she came out of the bedroom and handed me 3 pair of panties and told me starting in the morning, I am to wear them to see if it is what I want to do. I took going forward from that point very slowly. I wouldn’t push anything and always asked for her advice. Also, I always tell her how much I love her and I thank her everyday for letting me be the girl I am. Long story short, by being honest with her and not forcing anything on her and giving her the time to adjust to any new development, everything eventually turned out exactly how I had hoped. Almost everyday we discuss fashions, beauty, go to the spa together, go shopping together and she even talked me into getting my own Dress Barn and Victoria’s Secret credit card. Life Is Good
[quote quote=108235]I am glad to hear that it is going well, like others I held out for years and finally told my wife. She asked why all of sudden am I telling her, what changed. All I could say was, it felt like I was lying to her all the time, she appreciated that. She is good with me underdressing and has had no issues. My issue is though, I can’t seem to dress in front of her or let her see me dressed. I get dressed and undressed out of view, like in closet so she can’t see me. She does the laundry, so she is aware of it. Personal issue at this point I guess, just don’t know how to get over my hurdle now
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Hi Jennifer,Is it a case of embarrassment to let your wife see you dressed? I had the same problem at first with my current wife. I had explained before we were married that I crossdress and she was ok with that. I started with panties and letting her see them on me. She even bought panties for me after that. Then on to panties with stockings and she was ok with that. The next step was panties, stockings, and shoes 👠. This progression took a few weeks but I had to get used to her seeing me in my cute femme under things and shoes. Now, 6 years later, I am trying to go beyond those items and have added a bra and garter belt. Baby steps for you both and you never know where it all will end up. If she has any difficulty you should stop and talk it through. Have courage and start small. TTFN
Danielle
Time and patience is key.
Danielle
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