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Hello Ladies,
In the last two days two very relevant conversations have been started one that spun into a discussion on crossdressing and religion, the other on where the transgender world is viewed or heading in the realm of American politics. These are important topics that need to be discussed. They need to be thoughtfully brought to the table and without fear of backlash have peoples opinions voiced.
But not here, Crossdresser Heaven is a support site. We have seen to many time in the past were a harmless comment on what we call the BIG 3: Religion, Politics or Sex get turned into a combative firestorms. That is why we have banned those topics here.
And before anyone thinks the site or myself are being short sited on this I will let you know I extremely involved in my church community, I am an American History major with a heavy interest in US Politics and I am Married with three teens so the topic of sex comes up from time to time. I would LOVE to have an intelligent rational discussion on any of these topics. But time after time what starts out either completely harmless or in some cases ranting at full voice these issues continue to just be counter productive to the community and eventually upsetting or insulting someone just for the view they hold.
I love the passion you all hold and that you want to share, but this is not the forum to to it in. I would hope that you all will understand and accept this, it is a firm rule that will be enforced. But I would rather not have to do that, so please, know that I am with you on these issue as being important, but they have no place being discussed on Crossdresser Heaven.
Sincerely,
Codille Benton
Managing Ambassador
CrossdresserHeaven.com
Yes, I agree, it is probably for the best. The big three are a slippery slope. What starts as an innocent and philosophical discussion can very quickly descend into something quite hurtful and non-productive. Despite the fact we have CDing in common, I’m positive we represent the full spectrum of religious and political views. I love talking about these issues, but I would hate for any differences to ruin the love and support we have for each other. Besides, I’d much rather talk about the panties and bras I just ordered, or about all of the beautiful dresses I would love to wear! I come here to enjoy the company of my fellow ladies.
Jennifer
Definitely, too many places to get sidetracked by “the big three”…not enough places to talk about bra’s, panties and all things femme…thanks for reminding us what a wonderful place CDH is!
Kim
Codille,
As one of the girls posting on the original thread, I want to apologize for putting you into a position where you had to reel us back. While I don’t think anyone went into the topic with ill intentions, we all came to CDH to embrace the wide world of cross dressing, where we can share our experiences from the thrill of shopping through the agony of the purge. Thanks for reminding me of the boundaries!
Kim 😊
I am going to respectfully and lovingly disagree. The politics of the world affect us all and are therefore relevant.
I didn’t think that the string was at all disrespectful or mean spirited. It was political discussion at it best, each of us expressing a view was listened to and in turn gave others an opportunity to be heard. If we never listen to each other or give others a chance to state their case, how will we ever heal the divide we now face?
I realize that it is easier to avoid discussing difficult topics. No feelings are hurt by the silence, right? Isn’t that what we all do, every day? Hide what we feel so as avoid condemnation? Just a thought.
<p style=”text-align: right;”>I love my time here at CDH, have no wish to lose it or to cause strife and discord. I will, of course, abide by the rules.</p>
<p style=”text-align: right;”>Thank you Codille for taking the time and effort to moderate the site and give us all a safe place to be ourselves.</p>
<p style=”text-align: left;”>Jillian</p>Jillian,
Politics, Wow where to start. I am a history major, by the very nature that leads to very few jobs and into a lot of fights. Alright, roughly 80 years ago a man in a wheelchair with Polio was President of the United States, in fact most say one of the greatest we ever had and the only one ever elected three times to office, Franklin Deleno Roosevelt. If he were alive today with the way TV and Social Media is and how much appearance matters, he would be lucky to be elect mayor somewhere, that is how over stimulated and shallow America has become.
America right now is in a very fractured state. There are to many people out for there own agenda not the agenda the people that put them in office thought they were getting that things have been on the floor of the house the worst forms of respect and decorum in history. I don’t care what side party it is, no one is trying to work together to fix the issues that matter to Americans. Us, the little guys, the ones that put them there.
That bring me to Part two of the Big 3 discussion I guess. Why, with everything that is going on in the LGBTQ community can’t we talk about it on Crossdresser Heaven. Why, because it NEVER stays on topic, ever. In the almost two years I have been here I have never seen a political conversation stay civil. It’s is not that we don’t have smart people here, quite the contrary, we have very intelligent people here. But 99% of us have a flaw in us, if you want to call it flaw, it is called passion or conviction, and if you run into that coming the wrong direction the world ignites! Every time. Without fail. We have lost some great members over political fights, I have lost friends that I could not reel back in after they got wrapped up in them.
98% of the politics I would always keep out of here. So do I want a great open discussion about how we can fight against the reverse direction the law is about to take against the LGBTQ community, damn straight I do. To be able to talk about laws and issues about CD/TG rights and how far we have come how how to take the next step, wow what I wouldn’t do to have safe real heart to heart discussion on those things. Do I want to talk about how we can try to work with other groups and stand up for our rights, YES!!!! YES I DO!!!!
But as soon as that conversation starts, something will somehow go sideways and BOOM!!!! Karma sucks sometimes, so does human nature. SO like I just said in my last response to Jaimelynne, as long as Vanessa agrees with me and I am in charge the Big 3 rule stands and stands VERY firm.
Codille Benton
Managing Ambassador
Codille
You are so right. It is not just here. Something about the anonymity of the Interned seems to bring out the worst in people. Well, probably not most people, but enough so that almost any comments section on any website seems to deteriorate in no time to the worst kind of name calling and disrespect. That’s why despite my own deep interest in politics and history, I fully support the ban on politics, religion, and sex here.
It is hard enough to find positive support anywhere for who we are, and it’s important, I think, that we do what we can to protect one another.
Codille
You are so right. It is not just here. Something about the anonymity of the Internet seems to bring out the worst in people. Well, probably not most people, but enough so that almost any comments section on any website seems to deteriorate in no time to the worst kind of name calling and disrespect. That’s why despite my own deep interest in politics and history, I fully support the ban on politics, religion, and sex here.
It is hard enough to find positive support anywhere for who we are, and it’s important, I think, that we do what we can to protect one another.
Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel…except at CDH.
Some folks may need to get their profiles tweeked if that is the case…still thankful Christ died for sinners and that includes me as a cross dresser.
If there is no room for your faith at CDH may need to re-think your faith, can’t be worth much…at least as far as God is concerned…if there is a God.
If you can’t be a friend of God at CDH…might have the wrong kind of friends…What a friend we have in Jesus…etc…is a hymn best kept to your self, etc…
If Jesus Christ is not welcome in parts of your life…might be best to part company with those for whom he is not welcome.
Feel free to ban me from CDH if you still find it necessary…not a problem for me either way.
I don’t discuss politics with those I care about and remind them that in heaven (if there is a heaven) there are no liberals, conservatives, democrats, republicans, socialists, communists, etc…only…sinners in need of a Saviour, who have received Jesus Christ as their own personal Saviour.
I don’t discuss religion with those I care about and remind them that in heaven (if there is a heaven) there are no Baptists, Catholics, Muslims, Jews, Protestants, Methodists, Mormons, Jehovah Witnesses, etc…only…sinners in need of a Saviour, who have received Jesus Christ as their own personal Saviour.
I don’t discuss sex with those I care about and remind them that in heaven (if there is a heaven)…where they neither marry, nor are given in marriage, but are as the angels of God in heaven…and in Christ…neither male nor female…there are only…sinners in need of a Saviour, who have received Jesus Christ as their own personal Saviour.
I have read the King James Bible from cover to cover 51 times to date and working on 52 now…hope to have read it as many times thru as I am old when I leave planet earth.
When I stumbled into CDH I started searching thru all the articles in the archives…oldest to newest. I was amazed how any times Vanessa had many articles discussing her faith, and religious friends who felt they had a mission from God in contributing how their faith in God and his word inspired and kept them going. Guessing at the end of the train they were riding (for many…probably not all) God had to get kicked off the train as well as Significant Others that had helped them along the way to achieving their their end goal…and they had to part company with their SOs and God…interesting how progress progresses for some.
I have no intention of leaving my Lord and Saviour behind and if he is not welcome at CDH please free to remove from CDH as a member…not a problem really…would just affirm I have no business being here at CDH even though it has helped me tremendously, and helped me accept myself for who I am.
Be well all…all is well…there is no hell.
Just a thought from the peanut gallery.
Jaimelynn
Jaimelynn,
I am in deep respect of your faith and would never want to try to snuff if out in any way, quite the contrary I would want to see it grow. As I have stated here to many before I am a very devoted Christian. I am an Ordained Lay Minister (a Deacon -Non-Seminary) and have acted as the Senior Warden of my current congregation for 3+ years. I didn’t think I did a good enough job at the age of 14 understanding confirmation, so when my sons went through the confirmation process, so did I and Re-affirmed my vows to God. My wife and I have spearheaded and lead our churches outreach programs. I was raise from a young age by my Grandparents to understand what reverence is and that Christ’s ultimate sacrifice himself, has saved my soul for eternity. I hope that give you a better picture of the person that heads this site now.
That doesn’t mean here in open forum at Crossdresser Heaven, yes the irony of the name is not lost on me by the way as I have to do what God wants us to do, ‘Love Thy Neighbor, As Thy Self”. Running a website of now 10000 Registered members, I have to keep the peace, and unfortunately when it comes to the topic of religion, time and time again in the past, now years after Vanessa’s wonderful blogs, a simple conversation explodes into a massive argument and no one wins. The no Big 3 rule is set for open discussion areas, places (the Chat room of open Forums) where one wrong statement or opinion will blow up into a firestorm, it does not apply to group (though it is monitored so not does blow) or private discussion. As a Christian, I have reached out to thousands of my sisters and welcomed them to a safe haven away from the chaos, and I have heard so many thanks for bringing them in from the storm, but as you and I know, It is just what God calls us to do. So as long as Vanessa agrees with me and I am in charge the Big 3 rule stands and stands VERY firm.
But I offer you a suggestion, an olive branch… There once was a group here on the site called “Christian Crossdressers”, it died due to like of interest sadly. Jaimelynn, your passion tells me you could rekindle a group if you wanted. I would support this effort strongly. Let me know if you are interested.
Codille Benton
Managing Ambassador
<p style=”text-align: left;”>Hi Codille, Thank you for taking the time and effort to reply. I do appreciate it.</p>
I get it, I do and I understand that joining a group such as this means following the rules of the group, so of course, I will. I have no wish to cause pain for anyone here. I humbly and respectfully acknowledge your experience and and accept your guidance . (Okay, that’s a little overboard but you get my drift.😃)Love, Jillian
As a history major / political science emphasis type as well – kudos!! Like you, I wish conversations could be civil – but with the decisiveness, bitterness and frayed feelings – it’s hard if not impossible to rise up to have that kind of intellectual conversation.
Still – if there is a safe, viable outlet for such conversations – I’m all in. I’m intrigued by all the sides and angles – and this last election cycle was no exception.
Thanks for holding the line – and for ensuring a safe place for all of us and our complicated views!
*hugs*
BelleSeveral years ago I came to the realization that I was completely disinterested in the political views of other people. During an election I make up my own mind who to vote for and don’t pay attention to anything after that. This last election cycle I made up my mind how I was voting (not who for but how) before the primary season started. After that I didn’t watch a single second of coverage, debates, etc… I just went and voted on election day. I don’t share my political views with others and I don’t care about other’s political views. Politicians and news organizations try to keep everyone worked up about politics before during and after elections for ratings, money and votes. So I do participate in the political process but on my own terms.
Codile,
You sound a lot like me, and you’re right, there is no place here for that. I came here to express myself not get on a soapbox.
Thank you,
Hannah
It’s time to revisit this post. Some members have either not read it or have forgotten what they read.
Supporting each other is about preserving civility and respect. Discussions on ‘the big three’ have a tendency to undermine those concepts, hence why they are not permitted.
I’ve noticed some interesting threads in the Christian Crossdresser category. Is this category closed now, or would I be able to add to the discussion? I’m pretty new here, so I don’t want to start breaking the rules straight away ! https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/category/more/christian-crossdresser/
Lucy,
Great Question! That is an Archived article from 2009 first off and was not a forum topic. There was even at one point a Group for Christian Crossdressers. Things have changed quite a bit since when this site was a blog to what it is now as a support site with over 10000 members. Stick with was the current rules are and you will be fine. Thanks for asking first!
Codille Benton
Managing Ambassador
I just want to make sure I don’t get off on a bad foot here.
One of the (big) things I’m trying to figure out as part of my recent awakening is how it will impact my romantic life with my wife. Not from a “will she accept it way”, as she has; but more from the perspective that we’ve had a certain bedroom dynamic for 20 years based on a typical masculine/feminine interaction. I had hoped to get some insight into what a femme/femme dynamic might mean. I’ll be honest, I’m as nervous as a virgin about it (which i guess is both good and bad). Is this wandering too close to prohibited subjects?
Thanks.
Hi Bree,
What we are seeking to do is prevent posts that become offensive or pornographic.
Conversations that explore sexuality or those “bedroom dynamics” you mention are okay as long as they don’t stray into graphic detail. Discussion in general terms is fine. For example you could say you want to assume a female role and that’d be fine. Discussing just what that entailed would not be. It should be remembered that family members and partners are welcome here, we have many such members, and they need to be able to feel comfortable with conversations as much as anyone else.
Conversations in private groups, because membership is restricted, can be a little bit more detailed but, again, may not veer into pornography or graphic descriptions of sexual activities.
I hope that helps to explain where we stand.
In my previous marriage, my wife would on rare occasion, let me assume the feminine aspect of who I am, but mostly I was still the male. That is what she wanted in bed most of the time. It’s who she married, and I loved her enough to be “all male” in the bedroom when she wanted it. I suggest you talk to your spouse about it when you feel it’s time. Don’t force the conversation. Hugs,
Hey girl—just was reading your thought and wondered if you ever got an answer? I also run along side your thinking on this, as I’ve found the fem/fem relationship is totally more exhilarating, longer lasting and satisfying to both of us ( me and wife )…….all my dressing is related to a ‘date-nite’ with another beautiful woman, and drinking, light touching, very light kissing, and a sexy conversation, always leads us to the bedroom, and in there the acting can last several hours……..of course both of us are completely turned into two women………that’s what it is for me, and the positions, poses, teases, etc are just part of the infatuation we have with each other. There’s a lot here that want to talk only about dressing, but for me, it’s about completely divesting the man, and becoming as realistic as a woman, as I can and this is inclusive of all woman on women activities. I am totally cis—so is wife—-but we try to to share both nature’s—-to the best we can………..and it is so gratifying !!! I don’t know why other people don’t talk about this more —–anyway, thanks for your message—good to know someone else thinks of this.
Mikki
Religion is an abomination, politics and politicians are evil, but sex is just part of life. So, good that you’ve made this policy.
I guess I must be getting old…..all 3 topics do not hold any interest for me. Never really was into any of the big 3 as they are called. At this stage of my life, all I want to do is be happy and be a girl who loves the outdoors and all things femme.
Thank you Codille for reminding us all again. Perhaps if we had to check 3 boxes that we have read and understand the 3 no no’s, once a year….????? I am just an old soldier and Knight Templar who has seen the evil done by all 3 subjects, to be involved in them again.
LONG LIVE CDH!
Lady Veronica
Exactly, Lady Veronica! Actually, I love to philosophize and discuss any of the big three … it’s a fun intellectual exercise, but it’s a slippery slope. I view CDH the way I view the NFL, leave the politics out and it’s more fun. The great part about CDH is that it is a really great place to explore our femininity, whether we’re crossdressers, transitioning, drag queens … it doesn’t matter. We all have this similar thing that binds us. Let’s focus on what we have in common. This place has been a life saver for me. Let’s just keep it girly and help each other out. 🙂
It is too bad, but I totally get the ban. I am as interested in politics and involved in my faith as you. It is appalling how quickly the comments on social media in these subject areas degenerate into obscenities.
Beautifully said! Thank you.
So nice to have a place where that isn’t allowed. I love the support on here! There are sites that have the religious, political et al discussions, and they can have them! Hugs all!
Religion – my number one love.
Politics – my number two.
Sex – whats that lol.
For the first two, guess I’m going to have to control myself but can’t promise I won’t at some time slip – just that if somebody responds in a negative way, I’m adapt at not biting back and I’m not to big to admit error and appologise.
Third – I’m here to give and recieve support. I identify as T and A of LGBTQIA+
Hope this is O.K. with y’all.
Take care girls.
Peace and love.
Anne-Marie.
- Politics – wake me up when you’re finished
- Religion – Each to their own.
- Sex – see number one.
Thank you Codille and the team for making this such a safe site it’s appreciated.
Hugs
Diana
Ohhh, Codille…
Even as a man I knew there were three things never discussed at the pub… Religion, Politics and Sex (strangely enough!).
Easy to put one’s foot firmly in one’s mouth!
I gratefully heed your restrictions and sage councils on these topics! This is the best reason why CDH is the safest site!
Particular Polly
Codille.
Agree 100 %…..
We have enough other subjects to discuss….
Thank you for what you do…
Grace xx
This is an old post, but been revived, so I must comment.
CDH is my place of serenity, Where I can come for advice, support, and learn to be better.
I learned very young not to discuss the big 3, as I am very passionate on the subject of the first 2, and the third only should be discussed behind closed doors.
I thank all our mods and managers, for the peace and tranquility this home brings to me, you do a wonderful job.
Hugs, Regi👩💕Truth.
I Politics: I’d love an intellectual debate on politics, but I have never seen one not eventually get ugly.
Religion: Personally I love the diversity it brings and potentially enlightening discussions, but it too gets ugly too often. Your religion isn’t any if my business, I respect that.
Sex: My sex isn’t any of your business…. ‘Nuff said.
Great topics if you want to start a fight tho. And we don’t want that here, do we? 🙂
Stevie ❤
Stevie….
” Perfect”. xxx
I’ve no idea how many, but there are quite a few girls on CDH who face personal issues with our families because of a religious-based bias against Dressing. While it is of no interest to those not affected, being able to discuss it among ourselves would be quite helpful in a “private” forum similar to that for wives and SOs.
Bettylou
I’ve mentioned before that i belong to several affinity groups – groups where we came together because we all have something in common , something we can share, and give support and share successes, provide encouragement and commiseration when needed. And thinking back if any of us had let those big 3 get loose it could have easily destroyed the group.
Some of these groups include friends I’ve had since childhood as well as cousins i grew up with, and even though we’ve all gone our separate ways since then which includes belinging to diverse religions and having even more diverse political views , by focusing on what we still share in common and avoiding what we dont weve managed to stay considerate and remain on good terms.
And i personally have greatly appreciated that …as i do being here with all of you and having a wonderful staff keeping this a safe place where we can share.
I didn’t see the posts, nor did I participate…but the thank you honey!💋
Well what can i say, i gave up on religion when i left school and started working, the only time i go to church is for weddings and funerals,
Sex I’m getting a bit to old for that now i have to rely on the little blue pill for that now x lol x
As for politics blah blah blah blah zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz i think i will leave that to the politicians,
Now for the good stuff let’s talk about all the cute girls on here, i sometimes wish i could look as good as some of you xxxxx
Hugs Rozalyne x
I’m surprised this column is even still up and people are still making comments on it. One of the the first orders in rules of CDH is that there is no discussion of of politics, sex or religion allowed in the first place. As an ambassador and full pledged member I have recently seen allot of the boundaries being ignored and rules being broken. I question this! I commented on on this early on and it just seems to keep going on and on with no regard for the outlined principles and safety rules every individual reads and agrees to in the very beginning when signing up to become a member of this community. I myself before becoming a ambassador was somewhat reprimanded in my beginning of this community and told to tone it down in which I did immediately. These are issues that will destroy friendships, communities, relations and much more. I know this has been said earlier in this discussion and maybe I’m over looking the fact that myself and others of rank have already emphasized the danger of discussing these types of issues here. However, I feel that it is still being ignored in several ways because for one the column remains to be open for discussion and two that people are still commenting on it. The solution is simple, take it down and no one can comment or discuss it anymore and everybody walks away from it and stays here with it in mind that nothing else of it’s similarity be posted again. Enough said…..
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