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  • #696259
    Debbie Briant
    Participant
    Registered On: October 27, 2022
    Topics: 2
    Replies: 19
    Has thanked: 30 times
    Been thanked: 89 times

    Hi lovely people,

    Don’t know if this is the right place to say this but since I joined this wonderful community 3 weeks ago, I have had further discussions with my wife and she is now helping me discover what ‘this crossdressing thing is all about’.

    I purchased a load of sexy lingerie, skirts a dress etc… from Shein and Amazon. Some of it is a bit crappy but some is also quite arousing. Trouble is that I got so aroused first time of trying stuff on and then we messed around to take care of that but then my interest had gone for the rest of the day. That night I wore a crotch-less lace onesie -very sexy – to bed and slept in it. On waking, I just felt a bit weird.

    We are currently on holiday and I am using the opportunity to wear all the stuff I bought and I’m finding it a bit weird. There’s definitely an arousal on putting stuff on but if I allow that feeling to pass then I just feel a bit daft!

    I discussed this with my wife and said I thought it was because I just feel like an old man in sexy womens’ clothes and so it doesn’t feel right. I added that maybe if I had a wig and boob forms the it would feel more real. Her response was (bless her, I love her to bits): ‘So buy them and find out’.

    I’m badly in need of advice, ladies, girls, anyone. Will trying breast forms, make up, shoes and a wig make a difference to the overall experience? Should I go for less sexy, more comfortable clothes to just sit around in? Am I just a sex crossdresser? I really wanted to use this holiday as a way forward and to better understand my compulsion, but I seem to be even more confused than ever.

    Any thoughts are welcome. Thank you so much in advance.

    Mixed up Debbie

Viewing 8 reply threads
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    Replies
    • #696463
      Suzanne Martin
      Hostess
      Registered On: January 8, 2020
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 324
      Has thanked: 1574 times
      Been thanked: 1310 times

      Debbie –

      Welcome to CDH.

      Our journey’s are personal and each is different, there is no map to follow or destination to reach except for what you are comfortable with.  As others have said there is a sexual component to dressing and I think that has been experienced by many.  I have experienced the feeling you describe at times and it can be confusing.  I think part of that is the guilt and shame I had from growing up hiding this part of myself.

      I have been doing therapy since shortly coming out to my wife about my dressing.  She suggested it and I think it has helped me tremendously.  Personally I think in person therapy is best when first starting as it is hard to “hide” when you are right in front to the person you are talking to.  The most important part of therapy, in my opinion, is to be honest with yourself,  if you aren’t then you are wasting your time and money.  It takes a lot to be ablet o do that but it is so freeing beiung able to admit who you are and to be able to accept that part of yourself.

      Best of luck to you on your journey. I hope to meet you in chat.

      XOXO
      Suzanne

      • #696529
        Debbie Briant
        Lady
        Registered On: October 27, 2022
        Topics: 2
        Replies: 19
        Has thanked: 30 times
        Been thanked: 89 times

        Thanks Suzanne,

        I am at high risk of Covid so my wife and I don’t do anything face-to-face that we don’t have to. Hopefully that will change in time. While I definitely do not want to tell family members of my leanings, should I discuss this with a therapist online (definitely Skype or Zoom or Discord so there is a visual link also) then I would be determined not to hide. Seems little point having made such progress so much later in life than all this started for me.

        Do you know of any online therapists that I could contact?

        Many thanks again for your helpful thoughts.

        Debbie

        2 users thanked author for this post.
        • #696689
          Suzanne Martin
          Hostess
          Registered On: January 8, 2020
          Topics: 3
          Replies: 324
          Has thanked: 1574 times
          Been thanked: 1310 times

          Unfortunately I don’t, bst of luck in finding one.

          XOXO
          Suzanne

          1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #696436
      Stephanie Green
      Lady
      Registered On: November 20, 2022
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 18
      Has thanked: 13 times
      Been thanked: 52 times

      Only you will be able to answer your questions, Debbie.  You are going to have to experiment and find out what works best for you.

      When I started crossdressing, the sexual component of it was very significant.  That is not always the case for me now.  I can get dressed up and enjoy my feminine side without it being a sexual experience.  I started just wearing various types of lingerie.  Over time, I added dresses, shoes, wigs, breast forms and hip pads, jewelry, makeup, etc.  The more of that stuff I wore, the more I focused on doing various everyday things as a woman.  Today, I can enjoy many aspects of femininty at the appropriate times and places.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
      • #696451
        Debbie Briant
        Lady
        Registered On: October 27, 2022
        Topics: 2
        Replies: 19
        Has thanked: 30 times
        Been thanked: 89 times

        Thank you, Stephanie.

        I can’t say for sure but I think my males side is more significant than my female side but when ‘she’ arrives, it is a powerful force indeed. Do you go out dressed at all? Not sure I could see myself doing that. Perhaps I might enjoy doing everyday things (indoors) as a woman over time like you have. It is a puzzling time for me but I am keen to keep experimenting. I am currently indoors in track suit bottoms and t-shirt having played half an hour of tennis in the freezing cold with my wife. Earlier I woke up in a pink chemise/nightie and panties. This is an eclectic activities holiday for sure!

        Thank you again,

        Debbie

         

        2 users thanked author for this post.
        • #696662
          Stephanie Green
          Lady
          Registered On: November 20, 2022
          Topics: 0
          Replies: 18
          Has thanked: 13 times
          Been thanked: 52 times

          You’re welcome, Debbie.  Yes, I do go out en femme.  I haven’t done it in a while, but would like to get out again sometime.  I have gone out shopping and also got a makeover.  I was a nervous wreck my first time out.  A salesgirl complimented me on my appearance and gave my confidence a big boost.  Since then, I haven’t looked back.  I do the best I can with my clothes, hair, makeup, mannerisms and voice, and try to not draw too much attention to myself.

          1 user thanked author for this post.
          • #696687
            Debbie Briant
            Lady
            Registered On: October 27, 2022
            Topics: 2
            Replies: 19
            Has thanked: 30 times
            Been thanked: 89 times

            I do think that maybe a dressing/makeover appointment might give me more clues as to my preferences, however not happy about me being at high risk of Covid so that would have to wait. I don’t blame you for being nervous and I think you are very brave.

            Thanks again for your help,

            Debbie

            1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #696397
      Wanda Ovahear
      Registered On: October 19, 2022
      Topics: 6
      Replies: 245
      Has thanked: 1075 times
      Been thanked: 838 times

      Debbie,

      My own experience and that of others I’ve read here indicate that the sexual aspect burns quite hot at first. It stays the focus for some of us but often the aspects of enjoying the clothes and expressing femininity come to the fore.

      You’ve gotten a lot of good advice in this thread. I hope you’re encouraged by it and feel less alone in what your experiencing.

      Hugs & kisses,
      W.

      • #696426
        Debbie Briant
        Lady
        Registered On: October 27, 2022
        Topics: 2
        Replies: 19
        Has thanked: 30 times
        Been thanked: 89 times

        Thanks Wanda,

        I’m writing this having just woken up in a pink camisole and panties. It has felt comfortable and not unpleasant, just not as empowering and girlie as I’d hoped for. I thought that it would just feel ‘right’ although what that means I’m not to sure. With my wife’s support and the encouragement from the wonderful ladies on this site, I will continue to explore my femininity  until I better understand it.

        Thanks again,

        Debbie

        3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #696388
      Michelle Trott
      Duchess
      Registered On: April 7, 2021
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 570
      Has thanked: 2031 times
      Been thanked: 2544 times

      Only you can decide what is right for you. The sexual thing in my case is no longer a factor in my dressing but it was.  For myself I want to look at a woman in the mirror and I need all of the accessories for that. Do whatever fits you

      4 users thanked author for this post.
      • #696427
        Debbie Briant
        Lady
        Registered On: October 27, 2022
        Topics: 2
        Replies: 19
        Has thanked: 30 times
        Been thanked: 89 times

        Thanks Michelle,

        Having looked at myself in the mirror after dressing, I have to say it just made me feel a bit awkward. I’m no spring chicken and seeing myself in lingerie/skirt, stockings etc, as much as it feels amazing against my skin, didn’t make me feel like a woman. I guess that’s why I wondered if adding a wig, makeup and shoes might help. Not giving up and thanks again for your thoughts.

        Debbie

        2 users thanked author for this post.
        • #696489
          Michelle Trott
          Duchess
          Registered On: April 7, 2021
          Topics: 1
          Replies: 570
          Has thanked: 2031 times
          Been thanked: 2544 times

          I think it definately will. It did for me.

          2 users thanked author for this post.
          • #696527
            Debbie Briant
            Lady
            Registered On: October 27, 2022
            Topics: 2
            Replies: 19
            Has thanked: 30 times
            Been thanked: 89 times

            Thanks Michelle, may well give it a try. In for a penny as they say.

             

            1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #696386
      Stephanie Bass
      Hostess
      Registered On: November 30, 2019
      Topics: 27
      Replies: 4180
      Has thanked: 59959 times
      Been thanked: 14958 times

      Hi Debbie as these wonderful ladies have said in your heart is what you need as a CD and no one can chang that  .. Its so wonderful that your  wife is supporting you in your Debbie life style  you have so many directions you can choose to follow  the sexual side theres nothing wrong there as many start there and change there girly directions to just enjoy life as the girl they feel in there heart  good luck girlfriend  just have fun and be you and enjoy your wifes help ..

      Stephanie Bass

      3 users thanked author for this post.
      • #696429
        Debbie Briant
        Lady
        Registered On: October 27, 2022
        Topics: 2
        Replies: 19
        Has thanked: 30 times
        Been thanked: 89 times

        Thanks Stephanie,

        I am indeed a very lucky person. My wife is so supportive and having read a number of threads on the forum, I can see that is not always the case. I will forge ahead and see where this adventure takes me. I guess waking up in a chemise and panties takes some getting used to.

        Thanks again,

        Debbie

        1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #696380
      Emily Alt
      Hostess
      Registered On: August 24, 2019
      Topics: 22
      Replies: 1048
      Has thanked: 1055 times
      Been thanked: 5154 times

      As the other girls said, we each have to find our own way.  There aren’t any manuals for being a CD.  And our experience often changes with time.  If you’d like to try something different, buy some more mainstream clothes and see how you feel.  Best of luck.  Have fun!

      /EA

      • #696432
        Debbie Briant
        Lady
        Registered On: October 27, 2022
        Topics: 2
        Replies: 19
        Has thanked: 30 times
        Been thanked: 89 times

        Thanks Emily,

        I have spent a few hours over the last 3 weeks reading the forums on here. I think reading those gave me the idea that wearing female attire outside of the bedroom would be more relaxing. I think I am just being over eager and need to allow more time for my feelings to adapt. I, like many others, have purchased clothing over the years, only to purge it when the shame kicked in. I think now that I’m sharing the journey with my wife, the shame will take a back seat. I have to say that when I’ve been shopping – only online so far – ‘mainstream clothes’ aren’t the ones that catch my eye. I am captivated by the pretty and the sexy. Maybe this will change. Thank you again for your thoughts.

        Debbie

         

        1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #696376
      Karen McMilian
      Lady
      Registered On: July 28, 2022
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 3
      Has thanked: 43 times
      Been thanked: 10 times

      Thanks for you honesty. I cant add anything more than what was said previously. For me it became more real with a stuffed bra and wig. That was fun, but when I went out, it became something much more exciting. I gained confidence and was soon shopping fully dressed. I bought a little purse, wore it over my shoulder and some low heels. I found perfume I really loved. For the first time in my life, i felt amazingly sexy. I had never exerienced anything like it. We all have to find our own level.

      • #696433
        Debbie Briant
        Lady
        Registered On: October 27, 2022
        Topics: 2
        Replies: 19
        Has thanked: 30 times
        Been thanked: 89 times

        Thanks Karen,

        Right now the thought of going out scares the hell out of me. I don’t imagine that I will ever get beyond dressing at home, but I am just happy that I can do this with my wife’s blessing. I nearly purchased breast forms yesterday but chickened out at the last moment. An empty bra, teddy, body etc. is a bit deflating – pun intended.  It sounds like you have really found your ‘groove’ and I am very happy for you. I think I’m trying to run before I can walk and perhaps I should slow down a bit. I think that the moment my wife gave me her blessing, I just got caught up in the excitement and then let down by the lack of instant fulfilment.

        Thanks again,

        Debbie

        1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #696370
      Michelle McQueen
      Lady
      Registered On: June 14, 2021
      Topics: 29
      Replies: 1646
      Has thanked: 11214 times
      Been thanked: 8208 times

      Hi Debbie.

      Sounds like you’re into the sexual aspect of dressing and we all know the drop that happens afterward so no surprise there. You should wear what makes you happy and not worry about what someone says you should wear. Its up to you because everyone is a bit different. Take it slow, explore, and don’t worry about it, just be you. There are no instructions on how to be a CD so all of us have to find our own way.

      • #696434
        Debbie Briant
        Lady
        Registered On: October 27, 2022
        Topics: 2
        Replies: 19
        Has thanked: 30 times
        Been thanked: 89 times

        Thanks Michelle,

        Sage advice indeed. I think being on a week’s holiday away from the daily stresses of life has shifted me into overdrive. I will endeavour to slow down and try to relax into the journey. Thank you again.

        Debbie

        2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #696345
      Fiona Black
      Lady
      Registered On: November 23, 2019
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 275
      Has thanked: 147 times
      Been thanked: 1135 times

      Debbie,

      The subject of cross dressing can be very confusing and complex. There are an untold number of variations on how people enjoy their CD’ing and for some it is nothing more than a sexual fetish. For others it is something completely different. Maybe some sessions with a good gender therapist can help you figure out who you are and what you really want.

      All the best,

      Fiona

      • #696435
        Debbie Briant
        Lady
        Registered On: October 27, 2022
        Topics: 2
        Replies: 19
        Has thanked: 30 times
        Been thanked: 89 times

        Thanks Fiona,

        Confusing? I’ll say! That is an excellent suggestion. I had considered talking to a therapist but since dismissed it. Do you – or anyone else – know of a good online therapist? I would only feel comfortable talking to a female practitioner about this.

        Thanks again,

        Debbie

        1 user thanked author for this post.
        • #696643
          Fiona Black
          Lady
          Registered On: November 23, 2019
          Topics: 0
          Replies: 275
          Has thanked: 147 times
          Been thanked: 1135 times

          Sorry, I do not.

          2 users thanked author for this post.
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