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I’m pretty open nowadays about myself with most people but it took a while to be this comfortable. I’ve only been dressing for about 6 years and like most felt insecure and questioned myself over and over about things. It took me about 2 yrs to get up the nerve to tell my best friend, him not knowing made me apprehensive about visiting or spending to much time because I thought I might slip and say or do something to let the cat out of the bag. Its not that I feared his reaction, I sincerely believed we were pretty solid and that he would easily accept this part of me. When we had the discussion I explained how I felt and that I had missed and felt bad about not spending as much time. We had known each other for quite some time and had had numerous very personal conversations, I held our privacy and he respected my core values. I hadn’t opened up to him because of his wife, we were polite to each other, nuff said. I knew he discussed almost everything with her(as it should be honestly) and I didn’t trust her not to tell others which at the time I wasn’t ready for.
Looking back things were always a bit lopsided, although we enjoy talking and doing things together it has normally been me who initiated our contact by dropping in, texting or calling.
Since telling him which has now been a couple years now, contact has been even less, always started be me and shorter in duration. This has lead me to believe that what I thought was and would be easy acceptance by him appears to in fact be only tolerance. While I will and do accept mere tolerance from strangers and simple acquaintances, they don’t really know me and I don’t know how they were raised or their beliefs. When it comes to my friends and family I expect and deserve better from them. I discussed it with my daughter the other day during a visit and she agreed. I’ve decided to just leave it be, if he decides that contact is something he wants and makes the first move, we’ll see how things go.
I’ve had more than enough people, both new and from my past show continuing support, one being his daughter, that it will in no way affect me putting myself forward to others. My plus side far outweighs my minus.
It just shows that we never really know for sure how Anybody will respond; positive, negative or neutral until we try, and we can’t let the few that might not be understanding hold us back. Their reluctance to accept good people in their lives says far more about them than us.
Olivia
hi sweetie, really sorry about your friend, but that is the nature of human being, incomprehensible and fearful of the unconventional, of the different, even if that is only from his opinion, because we are the same as everyone else, with feelings, values and everything that makes us human beings, but you are right, his rejection says more than he, what you really are, a beautiful lady and human being, hugs felicity
I often go down the list of friends and family who would break contact with me when I come out. Just predictions in my mind. Sometimes people surprise us and act differently than we predict. This could also apply to different life style and things like religion. I had a friend who decided to take the route of being born again. He expressed that he wanted to keep all his friendships, but I created some distance for fear of him preaching and trying to recruit me to his church. I think the hardest for me will be my kids. Not sure how they will all react, and I have some small grand children who I would like to remain in their lives. I think the gender subject still brings up ideas from past times. Things like deviant, pervert and freaky. Plus I wonder how many people are really comfortable with themselves, their gender and sexuality. They can end up projecting those feelings onto others like us. I have my own little theory that people who accept us are healthier in self esteem than the others. They feel better about themselves and accept themselves.
Hi Kay
I am comfortable with who I am, that feeling has expanded as I hide less from people that I’m in contact with. I too have adult children, and yes the conversation was difficult but good, and young grandchildren. I don’t preach my lifestyle and don’t overdue things around the kids, I’m routinely dressed in what would be seen as feminine clothes with a bra. My one grandaughter notices and mentions my painted toes, when she mentioned my flowered top I asked her if some of her clothes made her feel pretty? She said yes, and I said me too.
I’ve been thinking the same as Kay; ‘how about so and so? Or those people? Or my sister? 🤔’
But like Samantha says, and my counsellor/therapist keeps reinforcing, you will make plenty of new friends on the journey, nothing in life is rigid and immovable, everything is constantly in flux (yeah, I know what to do with flux…. open up that big gas flame and melt some shxx 🔥😀)
xx
Hi Olivia,
I understand your disappointment.
I’ve come out to two people. I chose each because if there was a worst case such as “I never want to talk to you again” I could live with that.
My cousin, who is more of a sister, was fine initially, but I could sense she was uncomfortable talking with Amanda. My best woman friend was great. I heard acceptance, support, and even encouragement.
Wife? I don’t think that would have an acceptable outcome.
Amanda
Hi Oliva I am not sure if we will ever be really accepted into general society. Society has rules and these rules not only have to be learned but they have to be taught to the next generation. What is being taught is tolerance not acceptance and support. Lets face it we are different and we represent such a small part of society in general. Most people still think we are a little weird and will never understand how we feel about our gender ID How could they? Most of people’s body and brain are in alignment. Most of us have been fighting this misalignment our entire lives. Our acceptance comes only when we decide our mind and how we feel is right not what society has told us is right. We should never take the friendships we make here or in our community for granted. We all understand each others feelings. If any one of us saw each other from a distance or walked by each other when dressed or noticed just a little eye liner and touch of make up or something simple a cute pair of sandals we would immediately know and understand each other. We would understand what each others lives have been like in so many ways. That in itself is a great foundation for any friendship. Some times i just get tired of trying to be accepted in the general population. Our reality is we never will be accepted we will be just tolerated and there are laws now in place that will protect us. Some times i just forget about all the real life stories we all hear about or maybe just do not want to think about. The suicide. depression, prostitution, drug addiction even murder is very much apart of our community. We here are survivors and we should work on creating friendships so we can support each other and help each other deal with this misalignment. Sorry for rambling ladies. Sometimes i just get tired of trying to be accepted by those who i considered my friends. May be we are the problem we have not been honest with our selves and how could we be honest with are good friends. Luv Stephanie
I think we all fear rejection and telling my family about Anita will never happen because of the abuse I would get and it would be the same with my wife’s family . When you just listen to family or friends and their opinions for me it tells me everything I need to know only my wife will ever know about Anita. Our children would be ok their partners would be a different story and I would like to see our grandchildren. If you tell someone about crossdressing and they ask why you do it they with never understand.
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