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Every closet crossdresser knows the feeling. A couple weeks ago I felt the urge to purge despite promising myself I wouldn’t ever again. I resisted those feelings and here I sit in my recliner wearing my mini skirt , cute little button up blouse and high heels 😂. My reasons to purge this time were not rooted in shame but of disinterest in dressing. I go through periods in my life where I just have no desire or interest to dress. I’ll be feeling much more masculine and/or be consumed with my other hobbies and work. I have lots of interests other than crossdressing.. so why don’t I throw away all my books when I don’t feel like reading ? Or why don’t I feel the urge to get rid of my snowboard and skis when winter fades away ? Well I think it’s because of the inherent risk of being caught as a closet crossdresser. I have a big duffel bag of clothes that I shuffle between my vehicle , home and work.. dressing in secret can be tiresome. When I’m feeling feminine and want to dress, these inconveniences feel like a small price to pay. However when I don’t feel like dressing, keeping track of my clothes and worrying about who might find them feels like a whole lot of stress for nothing and the urge to purge will come on. I’ll think to myself “I think this whole crossdressing phase is over, why not just donate all these clothes and be done with it?” Of course all of you dressers know this is most usually never the case. Slowly by slowly the urge to dress will come back.. that’s what happened this week and I thank myself for not purging
My last purge came from a desire to date again. I had met a nice woman and decided I would give it one hundred percent effort. I dumped everything. It was hard, but I was making myself commit. Unfortunately not all things work out the way we want them too. So I’ve decided I will never again purge for any reason other than ‘spring cleaning’. It takes a considerable amount of time and money to recover. And let’s face it, ladies. After every purge, for whatever the reason, 95% of us will be back in panties eventually. So why fight it.
I, too, have had these cycles of “purging” – driven alternately by shame, disgust or plain loss of interest.
The urge to revel in Femininity, however, invariably returns and will generate enormous regret over items of clothing or makeup, etc. that are no longer available in your closet (or whatever secret hiding place).
Over the years, I have come to recognize this and have since learnt to hold on to my Woman’s Wardrobe and Dressing Table – in spite of momentary lapses in interest as I now know that the Inner Woman will unfailingly come back!I must say, though, that since my wife passed over 5 years ago, Katherine has remained (although I mostly have to be a man in the public sphere).
Love,
KatherineWhen I finally got to the point of saying !#!#$@# it, I’m wearing what I want to wear, I also hit the point of diminishing the urge to purge.
If I feel that thought creeping in I think of all the beautiful things I’ve given up in the past, not to mention the $$ I’ve spent getting what I have. That generally brings me back to center.
It does become a task at time to keep this going (like last night when for one time I was grateful my wife is a workaholic, and I was able to do “my” laundry”).
But I love it and it’s becoming a much more normal part of my life.
Love and hugs,
Becka!Based on my limited experience, I would have to agree with Celeste. As a person who started actively quite late in life (age 69) I seemed to have escaped the guilt/shame/disgust cycle that seems to plague so many throughout their lives. The only person that matters to me if they know is my wife, and she is OK with it all. With these two factors in my background, I have never entertained the notion of purging, and try to counsel persons out of it if it comes up in an online or in-person discussion. From what I have seen also the desire to purge seems to diminish with the lessening of guilt/shame and caring if you get caught – which seems to coincide with age and experience.
I purged 6 or 7 months ago. (My 2nd real purge). Maybe it wasn’t a real purge as I could not get rid of everything but abruptly stopped and repressed the urges. (It was after a “discussion” with my spouse. She doesn’t approve basically). I just couldn’t bring myself the get rid of my boobs mainly. Anyway…
It went away until recently. I started playing in my wife’s makeup a bit and got a few of my things out. Fast forward a few weeks and here I am. I have secretly been dressing some. I still had a stash and currently have the time and opportunity to dress regularly. Slipping back into the fog has been wonderful. What I get out of dressing and this site is so natural. I don’t want it to go away or push it to the back of my mind. Can’t wait to buy some outfits.
So I think I purged out of pressure and shame. More outside influences. It doesn’t come from within. Maybe having done it before I kept stuff because inside somewhere I knew I would wander back. So I am here again. Loving it and also with a better understanding/perspective of myself and the wonderful need to be a woman. I know we all have stories and reasons. They may be same or different. But being able to share feelings with the women here is priceless Thanks for letting me breathe
xoxo
Ann
To be honest, in 17 years, which is essentially from the beginning, I have never purged. Too cheap, perhaps. However, I’ve always thought that the main reason that folks purge is the idea of “Out of Sight, Out of Mind”. It is an attempt at removing the temptation, only it doesn’t work. From everything that I’ve seen, the tendency is that when people try not to dress for a time, the feeling comes back stronger than before…
I dressed up once in my 30’s saw myself in the mirror and couldn’t cope with what I saw and rejected it. I wanted to cross dress but need fell apart (for a short time …).
Shame, disgust, rejection, non-acceptance, loss of interest all in the mix. If I look back on my purges I can see if a subtle thread connecting some of them – personal identity challenge.
If the dressing goes too far, for your current sense of identity – it threatens its stability – causing rejection and other emotions. Acceptance for me has brought an end to purging, but in the process my personal identity has altered over time as I’ve become more ‘femininely me’. (and the process of change is subtle and ongoing 🙂 )
Comments from my hubby:
Never purge, ever. Store things away if you must but never toss them away. The desire to purge is from guilt or shame in not accepting yourself. The desire to dress feminine is part of you and will never go away. Nor is it harmful or immoral.
A couple of times over the years, then after a while i started again my inside girl insist 😍😍😍
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I think I’m finally done with purging. It’s been years and I feel like I come to terms. Even though I don’t really have a large wardrobe, I just stash everything away when the fog lifts. And you are right, when I’m really into it…it’s almost like “this is who I am…if I get caught, so be it”. But… there is another side of the coin. When things wane though, “I don’t want to be exposed…that’s not even me anymore”.
cody❤️-
See… you aren’t alone, I get it 😉
Yes Ginger has purged. But the desire came back extremely strong. I’m going through a disinterested funk right now. Our Golden retriever had eye surgery, now wearing cone of shame. Wife very upset for dog, and not very happy. We’re both down in dumps mood. Dressing has been on hold, just not into it lately. Want to go for first makeover as Ginger, but struggling.
Lovs Hugs GingerI’ve never went as far as being fully dressed as a woman. I was always a lingerie CD and always in the privacy of my own home. So, the times I did purge (which were many) I guess I could say I didn’t have as much invested in it as someone who dressed completely in feminine attire. So, in that aspect purging was never as devastating as some. The reasons I did purge were very similar though and at this point because I have a wife that accepts (somewhat) I don’t think I’ll be “purging” anytime soon.
I have never really purged. I did get rid of some outer wear once when I first started to wear it and thought I had my fun and would just stick with my love and desire for lingerie. My desire to wear outerwear grew slowly and I have since accumulated a small wardrobe and doubt I will ever purge it.
I think there are two major reasons to purge, one is to get rid of the “evidence” if we are closet dressers, and the other is a sense of shame or guilt from being different then “normal”. My wife is aware of my dressing, so no need for the first reason, and like many I have come to just accept that this is part of me, I have accepted that, as has my wife, so no need for the second reason.
Sadly, yes. Over the decades I’ve purged too many times and lost too many wonderful clothes to think about. And if I do think about it, it really makes me sad to realize how many wonderful, beautiful feminine dresses, heels, lingerie, jewelry, wigs, etc. I’ve literally thrown away that can never be replaced. The only saving grace is that a few of those times I didn’t just toss my lovely items in the trash, I gave them to Goodwill, so hopefully at least someone got some use out of them!
So now my advice is, don’t purge! If you’re feeling that way, pack your things away, take them to a storage location and put them there. Out of sight and out of mind really does help when you have those feelings that you want to purge, but you won’t lose everything once you realize that those feelings will always be with you, so you won’t have to start over all again!
Hugs,
Holly
Ever since joining CDH it has been a better place for me to know that there is so many that feel the way I do. I have purged many times over the years, when I was younger it was not a big deal, I didn’t have many things and the feeling always came back. I had a bit more when I got married and like others I tried to put all my energy into my marriage, I thought I would not want to dress any more but after a few years it came back and I hide clothes in my workshop and would dress while doing my woodworking. I started delivering papers in the morning and would dress while delivering papers, almost got caught a few times. After my divorce I started dressing more, and then I met someone and purged again, that one was bad as I had some really nice things. My last time was a few years ago and I gave a lot of things to Salvation Army and boy did I really regret that one. Today I’m still a closet dresser but NO MORE purging, I have a full dresser of clothes and more then half my closet is my FUN clothes. And if by chance I meet someone again it will go into storage, nothing will get thrown out, I do have some clothes I don’t wear I should try and get busy on E Bay and try and sell so I can buy more………. LOL
For me, much of it has been guilt. Something happens or times get tough and I feel like God is punishing me, so out went girl things. Consciously, I know better, but, feelings are still there. My ex played on guilt which has not helped even though we are long divorced and I’ve since remarried. My wife and I went through some hard financial times and I felt guilt about the expense. So purging is a means of dealing with guilt feelings for me.
I’m in the two major adult purges, no more (I think) camp. There are definitely real risks and consequences in being outed. In just a few days here I’ve read more than one tale of a longtime SO estranged over finding out. So I respectfully disagree that it’s always because of shame. As per my bio I put it aside when I acquired my family. I still think that was the right thing to do and the freedom I have now, the support and encouragement I get from Dream Girl, lead me to think this was the right timing. My plan is for my kids and grandkids to find out when they find the dress I’ve picked out for my funeral but if it happens before then, so be it.
Hugs and kisses,
W.I am currently struggling with the urge to purge again. I am still in the closet and getting up there in age. I know the urge will never go away completely, but I am struggling with the shame and stress of keeping things hidden.
Looking for input from others, any words of wisdom.
Hi Jill I feel the same at times as I am getting older too. I really don’t have a good answer. I don’t know how you feel but I feel the shame and stress of it too as well as the urge to put on those silky feminine things. Being torn at times not wanting to leave the secret to be found. I keep thinking is it time to try and let go and again I have purged before like many have and then found myself back in the intimate apparel dept. at the mall.
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My advice would be to pack things up and put “her” away for a while. If you’re like me, she will be back…she always comes back. I’ve found that when I purge completely, it only makes things worse. When the feeling returns, if I indulge a little, it keeps things in check and prevents me from obsessing.
I have also purged very sad later as the things I purge was some of the nicest clothes I’ve had and you just can’t get them back. I purge because I was moving from one part of the state to the other as starting new life. Thought I’d look at it as that magnetic pole of the woman within you keep drawing you back in, you just need to be the woman you are.
Thank you so much Natalie and all who replied. I just started dressing in 2020 at the age of 55 after a lifetime of curiosity and fell in love with my new feminine side. But like many of you I’ve struggled at times both with guilt/shame and just not being able to find time to dress being mostly in the closet. I say mostly because my wife knows and is reasonably supportive. I came very close to purging for the first time when my wife and I had COVID at the same time. She ended up in the hospital and I almost ended up there. I was extremely ill but ended up taking all my stuff into the attic and burying it in the insulation so our daughters would not find it if…well…we didn’t survive. I probably would have purged then if I could have left the house. The next time was just recently. I started feeling bad about dressing and started to repress it again as I have most of my life. It was also a very busy time for me so repressing seemed easy since I didn’t have time for it anyway. I told my wife I was going to donate everything but she stopped me and pointed out that I will probably want to bring Lola back some day and I would regret it especially with all the money and time I had invested in clothes, wigs, makeup, prosthetics, the list goes on. She was right. I find myself back on these forums with you wonderful ladies, with all my stuff scattered around the room and a half dozen new Amazon orders on the way. Still haven’t put any of the clothes on but I will. Just going through my wardrobe feels like welcoming an old friend back. I’ve learned that these desires might come and go but Lola will always be a part of me and I will only be happy if I accept her/me.
Love to you all,
💖Lola
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Over the years I’ve purged too many times to count and it was only when I grew older that I accepted my feminine side and finally admitted to myself that this was a part of me and it would never go away. Believe me, I tried hard to be a straight male but Michelle always came back no matter how hard I pushed her away. After my revelation of acceptance, I became more relaxed and comfortable with myself and the world in general. The wife even noticed.
A stripe of moleskin from a pharmacy store will reduce chafe. In the foot care section.
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